CoDependents
by Becks7
Summary: Wheeler helps Linka as she confronts the consequences of her cousin's actions as she struggles to deal with her own addiction...Set just after the episode "Mind Pollution."
1. Chapter 1: Day 1

_**Co-Dependents**_

Summary: Wheeler helps Linka as she confronts the consequences of her cousin's actions as she struggles to deal with her own addiction...Set just after the episode "Mind Pollution."

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and I'm not profiting from them in anyway.

Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by a conversation between LouiseX and I about how we were surprised there weren't more fics out there that took place after Mind Pollution, dealing with Linka's struggle with addiction and withdrawal and a certain Yankee helping her through it. That then turned into a "You should write it," "No, you should write it" challenge, which then led to a "You write Linka really well," "You write Wheeler really well" conversation and then a "Wouldn't it be cool if you wrote one side and I wrote the other" "Yes, that'd be fun!" conversation. And it has been fun! It's been almost a year since we started! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it!

* * *

**Co-Dependents: **

**_2. Relationship of mutual need: a situation in which a person such as the partner of an alcoholic or a drug-addict needs to feel needed by the other person_**

* * *

**Chapter 1 - Day 1**

I am sitting next to Linka, who is lying in her makeshift hospital bed in front of the Capital Building. I've been holding her hand this whole time and she is not objecting. That's how I know that she isn't herself, allowing me to be affectionate and care for her. She's fallen asleep, so I take the opportunity to stroke her hair to try and soothe her…to let her know that I'm still here. I guess it's kinda for my own reasons too. I think that if she feels my presence, maybe it'll keep away the demons that are surely going to haunt her. She needs her rest. If I can keep her calm, if I can keep away the nightmares, she'll get that much needed peaceful sleep.

The doctor comes over to us and begins talking about admitting her to a rehabilitation program. No! I can't be away from her. Not now. Not when she needs me…umm, _us_…the most. We can't just abandon her with a bunch of strangers! She needs her friends with her to help her though…people she trusts. She has a hard enough time opening up and trusting people. She's not going to feel comfortable being taken care of by strangers. And there are hundreds of kids here. How can we be sure that she's getting the proper attention?

Wait, I'm being self-centered. Am I really thinking about what's best for her or am I just being selfish…not wanting to be away from her. I'm too emotionally involved. I need to step back and look at this from a different perspective. This has got to be about her, not me. Maybe this program can help her in ways I…we can't. After all, they are professionals and have the proper training. I should really start paying attention to what the doctor is saying.

"It could take several weeks depending on her levels of…"

"Nyet!" she says firmly, sitting up despite our efforts to keep her calm and lay back down, but she is persistent, "I am going home."

The doctor tries to explain to her that the drug is still in her system; that she's still in shock over the loss of her cousin. I can tell he's wasting his breath.

I feel her grip on my hand tighten as if she is holding on for dear life…as if she feels that as long as she is holding onto me, they cannot take her away. As much as I want to side with her, as much as I want her to come home with us, I know that what the doctor is saying is what's best for her.

But I also know that Linka is stubborn. Unfortunately for me, I know that better than anyone else. She's insisting that she's going to deal with this her own way. Is no one else going to tell her that she's wrong? Is no one else going to tell her that what the doctor is suggesting is what's best for her? And why are they all looking at me? Oh, I get it. They're afraid. I am too. But I guess since I'm the one that is always getting yelled at by Linka, I should be used to facing her rage. I spread my fingers within her grasp to try and loosen her grip. She eases up a little, just enough to allow me to lace my fingers with hers. I get her to look at me and I can see that she trusts me. She's silently pleading with me to side with her.

"Babe, I know you wanna go home, but listen to the doctor. He knows what he's saying. You're not ready to deal with this by yourself. You need professional help."

She yanks her hand out of mine, and I'm afraid that she's going to use it to hit me. The anger in her eyes is like nothing I've ever seen from her before. But underneath the anger, I see something more. I see the hurt. And I know deep within my heart that I'm the reason for that hurt. She needed my support, and I've betrayed her…or so she thinks.

"I will be fine. I will deal with this in my own way," she says defiantly.

This isn't going to be easy for any of us.

* * *

To Be Continued...

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 1 of LouiseX's Codependence! Let us know what you think!


	2. Chapter 2: Days 2 to 4

**Chapter Two – Days Two-Four**

Well, she's persuasive, I'll give her that. She convinced the doctor to let her go home. He finally relented because he knew that we would be there keeping an eye on her. We'd be there to comfort her. What he didn't know was that Linka never had any intentions of letting us help her.

I don't know what to do. I want to help Linka, but she's pushing me away. I know this has to be tough for her…losing Boris and going through withdrawal, I just wish she'd let me help. I know I can. She's determined to do this on her own though. She insisted on leaving the detox camp that they had set up in DC on the condition that we would be there to get her though this…but as soon as we got back to Hope Island, she's even more of a zombie off the Bliss than she was on it.

The only time she comes out of her room is to eat, and even then, we have to force her to join us. Then she just picks at her food. She's lost a lot of weight too. She says it's because she's nauseous. That's the withdrawal. She won't come outside because she says it's too cold…another symptom of the withdrawal. Is crying a symptom? Not officially, but it happens…usually though, it's the person going through the withdrawal that cries…I'm talking about me. I just sit in my room and cry. I feel so helpless, like I used to when I was a kid and my dad was wailing on my Ma and me.

I wish she'd stop being so selfish…no, that's harsh. She doesn't know that she's not the only one suffering. I'm going through this with her…we all are. It just hurts me more, for reasons I don't wanna talk about…but at the same time, I do. The problem is, the only person I feel comfortable enough to talk to about it with is Linka…and she's currently refusing visitors. I don't wanna force her to let me help her. She's feeling helpless. We need to let her feel like she's in control, not that we are controlling her. Although I'm sure she's noticed that all medications have been removed from the medicine cabinets. On one hand, I didn't want to do that because I knew she would take the implications the wrong way, that we didn't trust her. But on the other hand, I know it needed to be done. All temptations needed to be removed…even the minor things like allergy pills and headache/muscle ache medication. I know that sometimes that stuff can make me feel pretty spacey…and while most of us don't like feeling like we're not in control of our motor functions, to an addict, that's a good feeling…so they'll take more…just for the little 'buzz' that they get. But eventually, it won't be enough, so they take more…and too much of anything, even an over the counter drug, isn't good. Do I sound like a pamphlet? I should…I have them all memorized.

Bliss is…_**was**_ controlling her. In a way, it probably will for the rest of her life. She'll never truly be free of it. She'll always crave it…crave the feeling it gave her. From what I understand, the kids that were on it were pretty damn happy…they didn't look it, they looked miserable, but it took away their pain, whatever was bothering them, it made them forget…or not care. And now Linka is in a bad place. She's hurting over Boris' death, she's embarrassed about how she acted when she was on Bliss, and angry at herself for allowing herself to get hooked. Bliss would make her feel better. She's gotta be thinking about that.

She also blames herself for Boris' death. She needs something to take her mind off things…something to replace her need for Bliss. Why can't that be me? Why won't she let me in? She needs a friend. She needs all of her friends, but I _KNOW_ I can get her through this…if she'd just listen to me. I can't stand seeing her this way.

I've made up my mind! I'm going to make her talk to me. I need to know what she's thinking…what's going on in her head. But I guess it's kinda late and hopefully she's sleeping, so this will have to wait until tomorrow. Besides, I'm hungry and I can't sleep on an empty stomach so I head for the kitchen to make myself a midnight snack.

* * *

I get to the kitchen and see that the light is on. Someone else also had the munchies apparently. Good. I could use some company. Then I see who it is and I freeze in the doorway. It's Linka. She's sitting on the floor in front of the oven, hugging her legs to her body, the oven door slightly ajar. I assume she's cooking something and watching it so she doesn't need to set the timer and risk waking anyone. So this is when she comes out? When she thinks the rest of us are asleep.

Well, I guess if that's what works for her, if that's when she feels comfortable enough to come out and eat, then that's better than nothing. At least now I know that she's eating. I wonder what she's making? I wasn't planning on cooking anything, just grabbing a bowl of cereal or some crackers. But as long as she's cooking, I hope she's making enough for two! I don't wanna scare her away though. I have to laugh…it's kinda like sneaking up on an animal in the wild. You wanna watch it, admire it, see how close you can get to it before it notices you…but you don't want to scare it because you know it'll run away and then you won't be able to watch it at all.

So I stand there in the shadows and watch her. She's wearing one of my old basketball hoodies. It's from my high school, back when I played on the junior varsity team. It's blue with white writing, my name and number on the back, the school's logo and "Lion's Pride" written on the front. I'd forgotten that I'd loaned it to her months ago, when the weather had been unseasonably cold on Hope Island. Part of me is happy to see her wearing it. No, I take that back, ALL of me is happy to see her wearing it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything to her…maybe she put it on without a second thought, but for me, I'm holding onto the hope that maybe she's finding comfort in it. That a part if me is with her, even if she won't let me be close to her physically.

Did she just sob? Oh my God, has she been crying this whole time? I thought her head was buried in her arms because she was tired. God I'm so stupid! She reaches up and turns one of the knobs, increasing the temperature. And then she does the unthinkable…she opens the door all the way, and moves to sit closer in front of it. Is she suicidal?!

"LINKA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" I can't help yelling.

* * *

To Be Continued...

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE** **TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 2 of LouiseX's Co-dependence! Let us know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3: Day 4 Late Evening

**Chapter Three: Day Four, Late Evening**

"LINKA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" I can't help yelling.

I see by the way she jumps that I've startled her.

"Bozhe Moy Wheeler! You scared me!"

I run over to the oven, lift her up to her feet and move her to the side, then slam the door shut, and turn the oven off.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" As soon as I say the words, I regret them.

"NYET! I AM COLD! IT IS FREEZING ON THIS DAMN '_TROPICAL_' ISLAND!"

Whoa. Linka never swears…not in English anyways…even a minor word like 'damn' is out of character for her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled, and I shouldn't have called you crazy."

"Do not treat me like a baby! I am not some fragile trinket that you are afraid is going to break!"

"Babe…you gotta understand where I'm coming from…do you have any idea what that looked like?"

"Like someone trying to get warm?!"

"No. Like someone with a death wish!"

"I DO NOT HAVE A DEATH WISH!!!"

Don't they have natural gas in the Soviet Union?! Leaving gas stoves on produces carbon monoxide. I thought she was smarter than that. I guess she's just not thinking clearly.

"Then why were you sitting in front of a gas oven? If you weren't overcome by fumes, you could've blown yourself…and anyone else within range…to pieces!"

"I…" she sighs, all the fight is gone from her. "I guess I was not thinking."

"I guess not," I also sigh. I don't wanna fight with her. I just wanna pull her into my arms and hold her. But I don't think she's ready for that.

"If you were cold, you could've just asked for another sweatshirt. I have others that might be a little thicker."

She looks down at the shirt and blushes.

"I am sorry. I did not mean to keep it for so long…and then I was cold and it was there and…"

"Linka, it's ok. I don't mind."

"I will make sure to wash it and give it back to you…"

"You can have it."

"Nyet, I cannot take your shirt from you…"

"You're not. I'm giving it to you. It's from a few years ago, so it doesn't fit me so good anymore. Besides, back home, when a girl wears a guy's shirt…it makes him feel…well, it's nice to see."

"So how many times have you given a girl your shirt?" She asks cynically.

"Just once," I say honestly.

She looks me in the eyes, searching for the truth. When she finds it, all she can say is, "Oh" when she realizes I was referring to her.

I didn't come here to argue with her. I came here for something to eat, but it seems that she's still got some fight left in her.

"What are you doing here anyways Wheeler? Were you watching me, keeping an eye on me?"

"No, I was hungry and was just gonna get something to eat."

Once again, all she can say is,

"Oh."

"Yeah, '_oh_.' I don't wanna fight with you Linka."

"Because it is not good for me?!"

"No, because I just don't want to."

"You were never one to back down from a fight before."

"Those were different. Those were stupid little quarrels…what you're doing now…you're just trying to push me away…further away."

She doesn't say anything. She doesn't try to deny it. I'm not gonna let her shut me out.

"If you're cold, I can make you some tea," I offer.

"I can make my own tea."

"I know you can…but I'm already gonna be in the kitchen making something for myself, so I'm offering to make it for you."

"Nyet, I can…"

"LINKA WILL YOU JUST LET ME MAKE YOU A FREAKIN' CUP OF TEA! Jesus…"

"OK FINE! If it will make you feel better to boil my water, then go ahead! God forbid, I do it myself. I might get the urge to dump the kettle on myself. Is that what you think?"

"I was more concerned with you getting the urge to dump it on me."

She chuckles and gives in, letting me prepare her tea.

She's sitting on the couch in the common area, flipping through the TV channels, when I hand her the cup of tea.

"Spasiba."

"No problem," I say as I set my bowl of cereal on the table.

I pull a blanket off the back of the side chair and wrap it around her. I'm waiting for her to bite my head off. Instead she smiles slightly at me as I take a seat next to her.

"I know why you're mad at me."

"I am n-"

"Bull. You think I sold you out; that I didn't back you up when the doctor was going to admit you into the rehab program. I thought it was best for you Babe. I didn't want you to stay. I didn't want to leave you there. I was arguing with myself over what I wanted, and what was probably in your best interest. I didn't want to abandon you. But I didn't think that we could give you the help you needed."

"I do not need help. I am fine. And I am not mad at you…not anymore. I was at first. But I know you are trying…just…do not try so hard. Let me decide for myself what is best for me...please Wheeler?"

"Ok," I say, even though I don't believe her for a second. But at least she's letting me in…even if it is just a little.

She takes a sip of her tea.

"A little bit of milk and a teaspoon of honey, right?"

"Da. This is perfect. Thank you again."

"You're welcome."

"And for the shirt."

"Sure. And like I said, I have other hoodies if you need more. Thicker ones. Bigger ones so you can wear them over other clothes."

"You will not need them? Are you not cold?"

"I have plenty," I say, avoiding her question. If she doesn't want to admit _why_ she's cold, I'm not going to make her. I happen to think the weather lately has been comfortable…if not unseasonably warm.

We sit there for a while in silence as I finish eating and she sips her tea.

"This is not normal is it?" She finally asks.

"What?"

"Being so cold all the time. No matter what I do, I have the chills."

I take a chance and put my arm around her, pulling her against my side and rubbing my hand up and down her arm to try and rid her of her chills.

"No Babe…that's just it…it's completely normal…for someone who…"

"Do not say it."

"…is going through withdrawal," I finish, completely ignoring her request.

"What would you know about it anyway?!"

"Unfortunately, more than I'd like to."

"You have been reading too many of those stupid pamphlets the doctor gave you. I read them all too. None of it applies to me. Why can you all not see that?!"

"Linka…there's something I need to tell you. Something I've been wanting to share with you…I was gonna wait, but now seems like as good a time as any."

I feel her tense up and hold her breath. Geez, it's like she's in front of a firing squad, awaiting her execution. What brought that on? I haven't even said anything yet. Ooooh, wait a minute…what does she think I'm about to say? Does she think I'm gonna tell her how I feel about her? I remove my arm from around her and lay it across the back of the couch. If she hates the thought of me having feelings for her, holding her like this must be making her really uncomfortable.

"Don't worry Babe, I'm not about to confess my undying love for you, so you can wipe that 'Dead man walking' look off your face and start breathing again," I say.

I have to admit, I am a little hurt by her reaction. Would it really have been that bad if I told her how much I care about her? Apparently, Linka thinks it would be. What's the difference anyways? I've never tried to hide my feelings for her. She already knows, and has given me no reason to believe that she feels the same way. Well, that's not completely true. Sometimes she says or does things to give me a shred of hope. A thread to hang onto. But just as soon as she gives it, she takes it away…or I do something to make her take it away…Although I never seem to know exactly _what_ it is that I did.

"So what did you want to tell me?" She asks as she reaches behind her and pulls my arm off the back of the couch and replaces it around her as she leans into my side for warmth.

"I wanted to tell you about my cousin, James. He was about five years older than me and was like a big brother. I kinda had this fascination with him…I thought everything he did was so cool. Whatever kinda clothes he wore, I wanted my mom to buy me the same style…ripped jeans, baggy t-shirts, flannel shirts to wear over the big, baggy t-shirts. And he always had the coolest things. They say that when guys get older, their toys get more expensive…it was so true with James. He had a Harley Davidson motorcycle, and then when he got bored with that, he bought a '69 Mustang that he fixed up and took to drag races. I loved that car. I was only 13 at the time, but he'd take me cruising with him and that car was such a chick magnet! Of course they didn't want anything to do with me cuz I was just a kid, but he could have had his pick of any girl. And even though he knew he could have had any girl that he wanted, he stuck with the same girlfriend he'd had for years. They'd known each other since they were kids, and while she was nothin' special to look at…compared to the other girls that were throwing themselves at him…he was so in love with her, it was like no other girls existed."

"That is…sweet."

I wanna tell her that that's how I feel about her…except for the part about being 'nothing special to look at.' Linka's the most beautiful girl I've ever met…I meant the part about no other girls existing, but now is not the time. I know she's lost and has no idea where I'm going with this story so I continue.

"So James married Beth when they were just 18. They had one son within the first year of their marriage and another son soon after. He had it all. A wife, cute kids, soooo popular. Everyone knew who James Wheeler was, and if you didn't know him, you wanted to know him after hearing all the stories people told about him. Every family gathering we had, it seemed like every story started with 'remember the time James…' and then they'd talk about something he did years ago, or yesterday. Didn't matter, if James was involved, it was a fond memory and most likely left the listeners laughing along with the storyteller."

"Why have you never mentioned him before?" She asks.

"For a very good reason. The problem with having so many friends is not all of them are good people…but James was such a nice guy, he'd try to see past that. I don't know why, but he started hanging out with those 'wilder' friends more often…going out to bars and partying all night while Beth stayed home with the two young boys. Maybe he felt trapped, like he settled down too young and wasn't ready to give up his good times. He was also caught smoking pot. Once my parents found out about that, I was forbidden to be around him since it was so obvious how easily I was influenced by him."

"By now, I was 15 and while my parents and other family members never talked about him when I was around, I still heard the bits and pieces of conversations. I'd learned to be really quiet when approaching a room full of my aunts, mom, and Gram. If they didn't know I was there, I could pick up some interesting bits of information, such as; there were nights when James didn't come home. Some of his buddies were arrested for drug possession. And one time, he went out to dinner with Beth and her parents, and her dad confronted him about how glassy his eyes were and told him he needed to get help, James said he didn't want help. He was going to do what was best for Beth and the boys, and leave her. I loved my cousin, but at that moment, all illusions I had of him were shattered. How could leaving Beth and his sons be what's best for them? What was best for them was for them to have their husband and father at home being responsible, not out acting like a reckless teenager."

"So did you tell him that?"

"I wish I had. I spent the summers at my grandparents' house…it was their way of politely getting me away from my dad, who drank a lot. One night, I woke up when the phone rang. I heard my grandpa and grandma talking in frantic, yet hushed tones. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I knew something was wrong. The only thing I heard for sure was my Gram say 'Be careful. He's not himself when he gets like this.' I thought they were talking about my dad. Then I started to worry, wondering if he'd done something to my mom, or if he'd gotten into a fight at the bar and needed Pap to come bail him out of jail, or maybe the bartender called my grandparents to come pick him up at the bar. The owner of my dad's favorite watering hole was an old Army buddy of my Pap's. I was so worried, I couldn't get back to sleep…so I laid there and waited for Pap to come home. When he finally did, I was surprised to hear James' voice, 'I'm fine Pap. I just have a headache. I have something for it, if you'll just let me…" and then I heard a slap and my grandmother yelling at him to put the pills down. They were killing him and destroying his family. He said that Beth and the boys were fine. He never took any pills around them. And Gram said 'not just them. Jason is here right now. He's spending the summer. Do you want him to see you like this? He admires you so much; he wants to be like you…do you want him to be like you? Do you want him to be an addict?' He said no. I heard the door open and I pretended to be asleep. Then I heard Gram tell him to sleep on the other bed…after he emptied out all his pockets. I heard the rattle of pills in a bottle as he handed them over and as Gram closed the door to the bedroom, I heard her crying."

"I am sure it was hard for her seeing her grandson like that."

"Yeah…it's hard watching someone you love go through that," I say pointedly. "He fell asleep…I could tell by his snoring and I soon feel asleep too. I woke up the next morning to the sound of someone puking their guts out. I walked into the bathroom and saw James rummaging through the medicine cabinets and said 'they don't keep anything in the guest room's bathroom other than toothpaste and toilet paper. For some reason, they don't trust me around medicine.' I wanted to add 'Maybe because they think I'll try to act like you' but I didn't. He turned around to look at me and I was scared…not of him, but of how he looked. He was sweating and had dark circles under his eyes. It was like something out of a horror movie. He was a complete zombie. He said to me 'Hey Jason. Long time no see buddy. How ya been?' I said 'Dude, you look like shit' and he yelled at me for swearing! He said 'Whoa! When did you start swearing? Watch your mouth. As for me, I'm just feeling a little sick. Think I had some bad wings last night at the bar. Do me a favor will ya? I got a buddy who has some medicine for me…but Gram and Pap won't let me leave the house because they don't want me driving while I'm sick…don't want me passin' out or something. Can you go down the block and meet him? There's a 20 in it for ya!'"

"He wanted you to go and get drugs for him?!" She asks, shocked at the thought.

"Yeah."

"Did you?"

"I thought about it…but I didn't. I told my Pap what James wanted me to do, and he called the cops. They wanted me to go through with it so they could bust the dealer. I went to meet this guy and a bunch of undercover cops came out of no where and arrested him. James was pissed at me. He said they call people like me 'narks.' He didn't get his drugs…and now that I _officially_ knew about his problem, the whole family was more open about talking about it in front of me…no more hiding. We still had to keep it from my younger cousins. James hated me…or at least I felt like he did."

"He did not hate you Jason. Drugs make people do and say things they do not mean. Look what it did to Boris…he drugged me in order to feed his own addiction."

"Yeah, I know. But back then, that was the most horrible feeling I've ever felt in my life…up until now."

"Why now?" She asks as she picks up her head to look at me.

"Because now I feel like you hate me," I reply as I look into her eyes.

"I do not hate you."

"Then why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I do not need help!"

She's starting to get angry again…and so am I…but I'm more frustrated than angry.

"That's exactly what James said. He said he was going to get clean and do it on his own. Just let the drug work its way out of his system, and he'd be fine. You wanna know what happened? Two days after he told us that, Beth found him passed out on their couch, an empty bottle of pills on the floor."

"Did she find him soon enough? Were they able to save him?"

"He wasn't passed out Linka, he was already dead. Overdosed on Oxycontin. So we've both lost a cousin to drugs."

She doesn't say anything for a while until she whispers,

"I am sorry about your cousin. When did he…?"

"A few months before I joined the Planeteers."

"You barely had time to grieve."

"I know. That's kinda how I dealt with it. This new experience, new people, being away from home…finding different things to focus my attention on," I say to her as I give her a meaningful squeeze.

"It has just recently been a year since you lost James then."

"Yep."

"Are you doing ok?"

"No."

"Is there anything I can do for you?" She asks as she slides her arms around me and rests her head on my chest.

I press my lips to the top of her head and close my eyes as I rest my head on hers, putting my arms more tightly around her. I like this. Why can't it always be this way?

"Don't make me go through that again. Don't make me watch someone I care about go through withdrawal alone. It can't be done. You need help. Please. Let me help you," I practically beg.

She hesitates.

"I… you should not feel responsible for me. I can manage on my own."

No Linka, don't do this!

"Weren't you listening to a word I said?" I'm more hurt than I am angry, but I cannot hide that tone in my voice.

"Da I was listening, but I am not your cousin, or mine. Do not make me into something I am not, I do not have any bad friends, or bad habits to escape from, or were **you** not listening to **me**? The Bliss is gone, there is no more and there is nothing else to take, you made sure of that! All I have to do is ride out the illness, just like any other. I do not need help to do that."

"You're wrong." I say quietly. I can't give up on her. I can't give up on us. She's my friend, first and foremost. Why won't she just give in and let me help? Things would be so much easier for both of us.

"There is nothing for you to do Wheeler," she says as she pulls out of my arms and stands up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. "If you want to be a friend, treat me like there is nothing wrong instead of acting like I might suddenly grow a new head, and if you cannot do that, just leave me alone!"

She then runs from the room, leaving me to sit there alone; shocked, hurt, and on the verge of tears.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE** **TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 3 of LouiseX's Co-dependence!


	4. Chapter 4: Day 5

**Chapter 4: Day 5**

Thank God she left the room when she did. I don't want her to see that her words have made me cry; her accusations, thinking that we are treating her unfairly, telling me that if I want to be a friend, to just leave her alone…what kind of friend turns his back on someone when they _KNOW _she needs help. She may not know that she needs help, but I know. We all know.

I'm hurt by what she said, but mostly my tears are out of frustration and fear. I'm worried. Just like with James, I'll never know if the next time I see Linka will be the last. And I'm scared. We think we got all of the drugs away from her, but what if we didn't? What if she still has some stashed? What if she's found a way to get some? What if Skumm has one of his cronies sneak onto the island and keeps her hooked?

Yeah, I know…I'm paranoid, and I wish I could trust her, but she's a typical addict…using every excuse in the book 'I don't have any bad friends, I don't have any bad habits.' She's convinced she can just ride out the withdrawal alone and that that she doesn't need help. And now I'm questioning where this leaves our friendship…can it survive this? And where does this leave the team? Can a team of five function when one of them does not trust the others, or if the others do not trust one? I wipe my tears away before leaving the common room…I don't want anyone to see me crying, especially not Linka.

I go back to my cabin to sleep, knowing that I'm going to have a restless night. All I can think about is Linka…how much I want to help her…what more can I do to convince her to let me…Or am I just wasting my time?

I must've gotten a few hours of sleep, but here I am at…6 in the morning, geez!…feeling wide awake. My brain is still working in overdrive and replaying the night before. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Not at Skumm, not at Boris, but at Linka. She really hurt me.

I can't believe she turned me down. After all that, after opening up to her like that…I thought for sure she'd understand why I _NEEDED_ to help her. Helping her would also be helping myself…I couldn't help my cousin, but I could help her. But she won't let me. And like an idiot, I start crying again. If she doesn't think that she's worth my help, then why should I?!

Who am I kidding? I love her…and not in the "I want to spend the rest of my life with her, can't live without her" sort of way…maybe someday, but I'm too young for that now…I love her as a friend, as someone I'll always care about, and yeah, there's an attraction there and feelings that I've never felt for anyone else…but is that "in love?" Can I be in love with someone who doesn't take my feelings into consideration? After opening up and telling her about James, revealing to her something I've never told anyone else here…and she tells me to leave her alone?

Fine. If she thinks the best way for me to be a friend to her is to leave her alone, then I'll ignore her. When she needs something from me, I won't be there. Then we'll see if she changes her tune.

I punch my pillow in frustration, and then bury my face in it, allowing it to absorb my tears.

"Planeteers, to the Crystal Chamber."

Great.

I get dressed and head for the Crystal Chamber…not surprisingly, the always eager, Kwame, Ma-Ti, and Gi have beaten me there. Linka usually beats me too, but understandably, she's not here. I stand next to them in front of the Planet-vision when I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around to look and my inattention is noticed by the others, who then turn to see that Linka is standing behind us.

"Oh, sorry Linka…I should have been more specific. You don't need to be here, go back to sleep and get your rest," Gaia says.

"What is wrong? I want to help," she says.

"It is nothing major. We can handle it without you," Ma-Ti says,

I'm sure he didn't mean for it to sound mean, but that's how she took it. She acts as if he never even said it though as she defiantly asks,

"What is the emergency Gaia?"

Gaia tells Linka that we are not all needed for this mission and that she had something that Linka could help her with on the island. Linka's too smart for that though. She knew exactly what Gaia was doing.

"Stop it!!" She yells. "I do not need to be babied!"

I listen as Kwame takes a stand, like a true leader, and admonishes her for her behavior. She still keeps insisting that she's all better.

"You need more time Linka. There's no need to risk your recovery for something as simple as this. We won't need to call Captain Planet so you should take advantage of the chance to rest," Gi says.

Linka replies, "I can do this," and I wonder who she's trying to convince…us or herself?

"Yes they are right. We just need to go to this town and convince them that Sly Sludge is conning them and not to buy his latest 'invention,'" Ma-Ti adds.

"Then if it is so simple, let me go! Let me get off this island and set my mind on other things! I can help! Wheeler, please…tell them I am fine."

She looks at me with the sweetest look; a look that would have normally melted my heart and left a smile on my face for days. And then I think back to the night before. Finding her sitting in front of the oven, pouring my heart out to her and getting no reaction, I remember how she hurt me…and now she wants my help? I guess drugs aren't the only thing she's using…now she's using me. She only needs me when it benefits her? I've never been more hurt before in my life…and this is coming from a kid whose father used to smack him around for no good reason. I cover my hurt with anger, just like I did when I was a kid.

"WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! JUST STAY HERE!" I yell.

"STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD! I DO NOT NEED YOUR PROTECTION!"

"WELL IF YOU DON'T NEED US, WE DON'T NEED YOU!" I know I'm being harsh. But something inside me wants to hurt her. I want her to know how it feels. I know what I'm doing is wrong, she can't help the way she's acting, but I can. I attempt to apologize.

"Linka, I'm…"

"DO NOT TALK TO ME. All this time, you have said you want to help me, and now you have the chance. All I wanted was to be treated normal and when the time comes for me to get back to normal activities, you turn your back on me…**again**! All of you! You think I am a burden to the team! Useless! The truth comes out…this is how you really feel."

"No, I…" I try to explain, but Kwame interrupts me.

"Linka, perhaps it is best if you just sit this one out. Maybe next time…" Kwame says.

"Just say what you all are thinking! You want me out. You want to replace me with a more 'trustworthy' team mate, someone who is not a drug addict!"

"We didn't say that Linka!" Gi says.

"You did not have to," she says as she storms out of the room.

"Linka wait!" I say as I attempt to go after her, but Gaia stops me.

"Let her be Wheeler. She knows you are right, but she doesn't want to admit it. She'll be fine once she cools off and once she is better, she will have forgotten all about this."

We finish being briefed on the mission and go back to our cabins to get ready. I am heading for the Geo Cruiser when I pause outside of Linka's door. I need to apologize before I go.

"Linka," I say as I knock. "Babe, I need to talk to you."

"Do not call me that!"

"Ok…but can you please open the door?"

"I have nothing to say to you."

"But I have a lot I need to say to you…and I'd like to say it face to face."

There's no answer and the door remains closed. I resign myself to the fact that I have to speak to her through the door.

"Fine. I don't want to leave it like this…I'm sorry. I was a jerk to you back in the Crystal Chamber, and that's because I was taking my frustration out on you…I shouldn't have done that, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to leave the Planeteers. I want you to be here when we get back, and I want you to be able to come on the next mission. I want you to get better. I understand that you don't want to see me now…but when we get back…do you think maybe we can talk…face to face?"

Still no answer. A list of scenarios is running through my head about what could be going on in there...the worst of which is that she's packing her bags and ready to leave.

"Linka, please!"

"Whatever! Just go on your mission."

I contemplate staying behind. If we don't need Linka on the mission, am I really needed? If we're already short handed by one member, what's another one? No, I can't do that. Sly Sludge may not be the most dangerous of the Eco Villains, but he can be tricky. Besides, how long can it take? We'll be back by tonight, tomorrow at the latest.

I lean my head against her door, listening for movement, hoping that she'll open it to say goodbye.

"Ok. I just wanted you to know that I was sorry. I know I was a jerk, and I hope you can forgive me. Goodbye…Babe."

* * *

As we leave the island, I know I am going to have a hard time concentrating on this mission. I shouldn't have left things the way I did with Linka. I should have stayed behind and forced her to speak to me; to let me apologize; to make things right between us. She said she'd still be there when I got back…I want to believe her, but there's this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that there's a good chance she won't be. What then? It should be easy to find her. The only place she has to go is back home to Russia…and surely Gaia could tell us exactly how to get there…unless…no…Linka wouldn't do that. I shake the thought out of my head. There's no way Linka would seek out Skumm to get more Bliss. Right? I have to trust her, and I want to. I really, really want to.

Why is it suddenly so stuffy in the Geo Cruiser? My mouth is dry, my chest is tight. I can't breathe. I feel the sweat trickling down my back, it's a cold sweat. I'm hot, but I'm cold, and I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of abandoning Linka, leaving her there alone. Who leaves a recovering addict alone?! We've been keeping a close eye on her all this time, and now we leave? It would've been better if she were here. At least we could watch her _AND_ she could feel useful. We screwed up big time. **_I_** screwed up big time. I don't know what it feels like to have anxiety or a panic attack, but I think this is very close to being one. Even though the Geo Cruiser has one less occupant than usual, it seems smaller…and getting smaller by the second. And this jacket is so freakin' tight! I stand up and take my jacket off, throwing it forcefully into the empty seat across the aisle from me…Linka's seat.

I've now drawn the attention of my teammates.

"Is everything ok, my friend?" Ma-Ti asks.

"Yeah, just hot all of a sudden. Stuffy in here huh? Can we crack a window?" I try to joke because that's what I do when I'm stressed.

However, had I known that my comment would lead to a five minute lecture from Kwame about how opening a window is not an option because of the cabin pressure…yada yada yada…, I wouldn't have made the joke. He must think I'm a total idiot if he thought I was serious.

Thankfully, Gi is not in as preachy of a mood and notices something is up with me.

"You look pale Wheeler. Are you getting sick?"

"I'm not gonna hurl if that's if you're worried about, but yeah, I don't feel so great right now." I'm not even going to bother explaining to them that I'm worried about Linka…they'll probably just think that I'm obsessing over her because they know how I feel about her, or at least they _THINK _they know.

I lean my head against the window, the glass offering me a little bit of coolness. This will all be over soon. We just gotta take care of Sludge and get back to Hope Island…the sooner, the better.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 4 of LouiseX's Co-dependence!


	5. Chapter 5: Day 6

A/N: Happy Easter everyone! Instead of chocolate bunnies, I'll just give you a new chapter. Hope that's ok!

* * *

**Chapter 5: Day 6**

Just as I thought, this mission was a piece of cake. We were done and ready to go home by the early the next morning. Sly Sludge is the stupidest of the Eco Villains…and therefore, the easiest to outsmart. We shut down his latest endeavor in record time. I didn't need to be here. I could've stayed home, where I belonged…with Linka.

The next day, we returned to Hope Island and the first thing I did was go to Linka's cabin. When I walk past her window, I peek inside to make sure she's in there. She is, but she's sleeping. I don't want to bother her and this is probably a good thing. We worked straight through the night…mostly because I insisted on ending this mission as soon as possible so I…**_we_** could get back to Linka. No one seemed to have a problem with that. I even flew us back so everyone else could sleep. I was too wired to sleep…and I knew that if I was the one flying, I could control how fast we got home.

That rush has worn off and now I am dead tired. Seeing Linka napping, knowing that she is still here on the island and hasn't left…that gives me the peace of mind that I need to relax. I'll take a nap too and I'll talk to her later. I'll fix everything later.

* * *

I wake up in a cold sweat. It's the weirdest thing…I don't remember dreaming, but I know I heard Linka screaming my name. She was in trouble. She was in danger. She was…

"WHEELEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!"

…in her cabin….and I wasn't dreaming. I bolt out of bed, jump into a pair of pants, stumbling as I struggle to pull them up and run at the same time. I get to her window and take a quick look inside to see what's going on. Make sure she's not being attacked. I wouldn't put it past any of the Eco Villains to try and attack us on Hope Island.

She's still screaming...this ear piercing screech...it brings the others running out of their cabins or from the beach, but once they see that I am already here, they hold back. I wave them away once I determine that Linka's not in any immediate danger, just having a really bad nightmare, I hurry towards her door. But it's locked. She really is trying her hardest to keep us out. So I take a step back, and barge forward, leading the way with my shoulder. Almost, but not quite. So I try it again, this time, bursting through the door and falling onto the floor. I quickly recover and rush to her bedside, where she is still thrashing around, moaning and whimpering. I put my hands on her shoulders to hold her still. I need to wake her, but I don't want to frighten her.

"Please…do not hurt him…"

"Linka, wake up Babe."

"Nyet. Leave him alone…do not take him from me."

"No one's going anywhere. You're dreaming. Linka? Linka…open your eyes," I say as I move my hands to hold her face.

"NYET!"

Her eyes fly open and she grabs my wrists defensively and pulls them away from her. The terror in her eyes is quickly replaced by relief as she recognizes me. She gasps, releases my wrists, and touches my face, as if she's trying to determine whether or not I'm real.

"You got away from them!" she gasps, and then throws her arms around my neck, pulling herself up and hanging on for dear life.

"Away from who, Baby?" Then I shake my head. "Doesn't matter, you're safe now, it was just a bad dream."

She's holding onto me as if I'm the only thing keeping her from falling. I wrap my arms around her, holding her as tightly as she's holding me, to let her know that I won't let her fall into whatever abyss she feels she's being sucked into.

"Sssh, it's ok. I got you Babe….hey, isn't that a song? Maybe this year we should be Sonny and Cher for Halloween?"

She manages a chuckle between sobs, but still keeps her face buried in the crook of my neck as she tightens her grip and buries her fingers in my hair.

I soothingly rub her back, trying to comfort her, hoping that she'll concentrate on feeling my fingers along her spine and forget about her nightmare. And I try to forget how I can feel her bones protruding from her skin. She's lost so much weight.

"You're ok. You're safe…nothing's gonna get you. Whatever it was…whoever it was…it's gone."

"Skumm," she whispers.

"He's not here. It was a bad dream. Do you wanna talk about it? What happened? Was it about Boris? Skumm was hurting him?"

"Nyet...he was...it was...you. He was hurting you."

I don't know what to say. The way she's looking at me…like she has something that she wants to tell me. She really really wants to tell me.

"Wheeler I…"

_Yeah? Please. Tell me_ I try to plead with her through my eyes which are still locked with hers.

"I need to be sick!" She says as she sprints for the bathroom.

What just happened? Do I follow her? She wouldn't want me to, but she needs me to…and I need to be with her. I can hear her throwing up, not just once, but continually. She shouldn't be going through this alone. I don't care if she hates me for not listening to her. I'm going to be there for her. I care for her too much to let her stubbornness keep me from being a good friend.

Soon I am standing behind her, pulling her long hair back, away from where it has fallen forward toward her face, and hold it there with one hand, while caressing her back with my other hand. She's crying and she's heaving. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing, I just continue to rub her back soothingly until she calms down.

Once the sobs stop and the vomiting subsides, I gently urge her to sit on the edge of the bathtub, and then I clean up the sink. Just a few minutes ago, she was looking me in the eye so deeply, I thought she could see right through me…but now she's too ashamed to look at anything but the floor. I'll let it go…for now. I move to the cupboard to get a wash cloth. After I wet it, I place my finger under her chin, tip it up, and begin wiping her face. For some strange reason, I think of what it might be like to be a father, taking care of my frightened little girl who is sick, because that's how I feel. I'm being protective of her, just as a father would be of his little girl. For the first time since I've met her, my feelings towards her have nothing to do with being attracted to her, and everything to do with protecting her. First, I let the cold wash cloth cool her red cheeks, wipe away her tears, the sweat that has formed around her brow, and then around her mouth.

She's being surprisingly cooperative. She's not fighting me, not refusing my help, but instead, she just watches me. I fill a glass with water and hand it to her. She takes it, but looks at me as if she's waiting for further instructions. I smile and say,

"To rinse your mouth out, I'm figuring it's gotta taste pretty bad right now."

She nods, takes a sip, swishes it around her mouth, and then spits it into the sink. She's shivering again. I kneel down in front of her and rub her arms, hoping that it'll warm her. I look at her face and feel like I'm looking at a stranger. She looks awful, but at the same time, she's so beautiful. I guess I'm able to see her as she was…as she is…despite her sunken in eyes with the black circles and her pale skin, she's still Linka. My friend. She's in there somewhere. She's trying her hardest to come back. And I'm going to help her, whether she wants me to or not.

I reach up and lovingly stroke her hair away from her face.

"See? I can help you! Just because you **can** do this alone, it doesn't mean you **have **to," I say, trying not to sound like I'm saying 'I told you so' but keeping my voice at a tone that says, 'I'm here because I care.'

I can see that her eyes are filling up with tears again. _Come on Linka, I'm not giving up on you!_ She's hesitating…could she be considering giving in? Maybe there's hope…so I continue,

"I can't fix everything, but I can help make it easier…please?"

After just a few more seconds of silence, she finally speaks, her voice soft with a hint of fear.

"Promise you will not send me away…I cannot go back there."

I frown, not knowing what is so upsetting about the clinic, but hoping that she'll tell me.

"Why are you so afraid of the clinic?"

"Promise me!" She pleads.

Is this about doing things her way? I've done everything she's asked of me so far, including backing off when I knew she needed help getting through this. What do I have to do to prove to her she can trust me? Easy. I have to trust her. There's a very good reason she doesn't want to go back there. She'll tell me when she's ready.

"I promise," I finally say, looking into her eyes and hoping she can see the truth. "I won't send you away. I get it, you're better off here…with me."

And then, right before my very eyes, that tough "I don't need help" act that she had previously been putting on crumbles. She falls into my arms and begins crying.

* * *

To Be Continued...

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 5 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	6. Chapter 6: Day 6 Continued

**Chapter 6: Day 6 Continued**

I'll hold her for as long as she needs me to. She must be exhausted from putting up such a front all this time. I hold her as tightly, but as gently as I can. I don't want to hurt her or make her uncomfortable, but at the same time, I never want to let her go. I want her to feel safe in my arms, to know that I'm here for her…that I'll ALWAYS be here for her…so I tell her.

"It's ok Babe, nothing's gonna ever hurt you again. Let it out. You've been holding it in too long."

I can feel her tears falling from her cheeks and landing on my skin. For a brief second, I wish I'd taken the time to put on a shirt. This might be weird for her. I mean, I want to comfort her, not tempt her…wait, that didn't come out right. Wow, how conceited am I? I'm the LAST thing she's thinking about right now…and she's certainly not thinking of me like **_that_**. But I still wish I'd put on a shirt…it would be doing a much better job of absorbing her tears.

The major sobs have stopped. Now she's just down to sniffling. She's wiping her eyes with the back of her hand so I reach over and pull off a few sheets of toilet paper for her to use instead. I hand it to her and she looks up at me with a grateful smile before she dabs the rest of the tears away. She blows her nose and throws the tissue into the garbage can and it appears as though she's done crying…which is why her next actions surprise me. Even though she seems to have composed herself, even though she no longer needs to be comforted, she resumes her previous position in front of me, and wraps her arms around me, once again resting her cheek against my chest. She lets out a sigh and relaxes into me. I put my arms around her once again and without thinking, just a natural, comforting instinct, I press my lips to the side of her head.

"You're not in this alone anymore. I'll always be here for you. We're gonna get through this…together," I say as I rub her back and continue to place comforting kisses along her hairline.

When she pulls away, I'm afraid that maybe it was too much…maybe I'm smothering her, or maybe she's feeling pressured into responding, which is not what I wanted. I really am just trying to be a good friend, not take advantage of her vulnerability.

"I am sorry I pushed you away before. I realize now that I cannot do this by myself…I…I want you to help me through this."

I hadn't realized it, but I had also been crying. She reaches up with both hands and places them on my cheeks, using her thumbs to brush away my tears. I can't believe this. I'm supposed to be the strong one. I'm supposed to be supporting her, and here I am, crying. I can't look her in the eye, but when I look down, she moves her head down to catch my gaze and once our eyes meet, I can't look away.

"Thank you," she says. "Before, I _thought_ I could do this alone...but now, I _know_ I can do this, as long as you are with me."

I move my hands to hold her face, just as she is still holding mine.

"I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

I lean in to kiss her cheek, but when I pull away, I still linger, closer than I should, I know, but I can't seem to bring myself away. The tips of our noses are practically touching, and I don't remember moving, but somehow, my lips have just barely touched hers.

"LINKA?! ARE YOU OK?!"

Once she hears Kwame's voice, she pulls away, completely out of my reach, and backs up into the corner. She looks at me as if I've betrayed her…like I knew he was out there…which I didn't. I thought I made it clear to everyone that I had this under control. That's kinda what I meant when I held up my hands to stop them from descending on Linka's cabin when she was having her nightmare. I need to get rid of him. I need Linka to know that he's not here because of me.

"Just stay here, I'll get rid of him," I promise her.

I exit the bathroom, shutting the door halfway behind me…it'll give her some privacy, but also allow her to hear what we are saying…so she doesn't think that we are plotting against her.

"Kwame, I thought I made it clear for you guys to back off, that I had this."

"We all heard her screaming…and you had been in here a long time. I just wanted to make sure everything was ok…and what happened to the door…and why are you bleeding?"

"I had to break it down. It was locked." Then I look down at my arm and shoulder, noticing the blood for the first time. I knew that I'd gotten a few scrapes and cuts when I broke down her door, but I was so focused on her, I didn't notice how much I was bleeding.

"She locked it? Why? What was she hiding from…or would the better question be, what is she hiding from us?"

Oh great. I really hope she didn't hear his accusations…but she probably did…which means I'm going to have to let her know that Kwame's feelings are his own…I don't think those things about her.

"Nothing. She's not hiding anything. She's scared. And we can't go around policing her every move…that's why she stays away from us…it's why she's shut us out. Would you want to come have dinner with us if you knew we were watching every bite? Making sure enough was eaten? Would you like it if everyone kept piling food on your plate saying 'here, eat this. You're too skinny. This will be good for you.' We have to trust her…it's the only way we can get her to trust us. She's not the enemy. She's still Linka. Don't treat her any differently than you did a few weeks ago. It's ok to be concerned for her, and sure, there are some things that she's not ready to do yet like go on missions, but she really wants to…her determination is gonna get her through this."

"Ma-Ti and I will be by later to fix this door," Kwame says.

"I'll do it."

"There is no need to be so…"

"I'll do it. I broke it, I'll fix it. Besides, she probably wouldn't be comfortable with all this commotion going on and…you."

"Me?!"

"Not, just you…you and Ma-Ti, and Gi would probably end up coming over and it would be too overwhelming. I've made huge progress with her today…in just a few short minutes. I don't want to risk going backwards when she's just taken the biggest step forward."

"I am glad you have so much faith in her. She needs that…and since she obviously does not want anyone else to…"

I interrupt him, I have to.

"Well can you blame her?! Listen to yourself man…You're talking about her like she doesn't want to get better. She does. She thought she could do it alone…you know Linka…she's strong, she's independent…she'd never ask for help…and yeah, it was frustrating watching her go through this and not being able to help, but we kinda have been treating her wrong. Being pushy is what made her push us away. So if I'm the only one that she's willing to talk to right now, let me be there for her."

"Wheeler, this is not the right time to try and get closer to Linka…you should not take advantage of the situation."

I'm so angry at the suggestion, I want to hit him. I pray that Linka did not hear that. The last thing I need is for her to think I'm doing what Kwame suggested.

"Is that what you think of me Kwame? That I'm that shallow that I would put my own feelings ahead of hers? I'm sorry that you feel that way, but you're wrong. My concern, my _ONLY_ concern is for Linka's health and well being. I would never take advantage of the situation."

"Wheeler, I am sorry, I…"

"Just leave."

Kwame lowers his head in shame as he walks out the doorway. I head back towards the bathroom and push the door open. She's sitting on the edge of the tub, her hands folded in her lap and staring down at them.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that," I say.

"I am not," she replies, still not making eye contact.

"Kwame was out of line…nothing he said was true. Not about you, and not about me. I'm not…I'd NEVER take advantage of you."

"I know," she whispers.

"I'm here ONLY for you."

"I know."

I want to go to her. I want to hold her again like I had been before, but I can't help but feel that what Kwame said has gotten to her.

"You broke my door?"

"Uh, yeah," I say, surprised at the change of subject.

She chuckles slightly.

"How did I miss that?!"

She looks up at me with a smile and then suddenly, horror.

"Bozhe moy Wheeler! You are bleeding! Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. I guess with the adrenaline rush, I didn't even notice that I got all cut up when I broke through the door."

As soon as I said it, I realized my mistake. Then I pictured it; Boris, hopped up on Bliss, crashing through the glass, his wounds bleeding.

"I'm sorry!"

I go to the sink and begin splashing water on my wounds, washing the blood from my skin. I grab a handful of tissues and apply pressure.

"STOP!" she yells as she turns away.

Oh damn, what was I thinking? I shouldn't be doing this here in her room!

"I'm sorry," I say again. "I should go."

I don't want to upset her, so I hurry out the door, to tend to my wounds alone, away from her, shielding her from the painful memories.

* * *

Now I'm in my own bathroom cleaning out my wounds. Linka scares the crap out of me when I hear her come up behind me and ask "What was that all about?" as she's going through the first aid kit that she brought. She makes a joke about not being that obsessed about keeping her room clean. I know what she's doing; I do it all the time…making a joke to hide the pain or awkwardness of a situation.

"You don't have to do this Babe," I say cautiously.

"Do not be silly Wheeler, I am not going to hurt you…Sit down."

I put the lid of the toilet down and do as she says. I still let her look at my arm, although reluctantly. "Honestly Babe, you don't have to do this."

She stops what she's doing and looks down into my eyes and I see…hurt? Of course she's hurt. She's remembering Boris.

"You told Kwame that I can be trusted, if you did not mean it, say so now and I will go."

Wha-? Where'd that come from?

"Of course I trust you! You're great at this stuff! I'd trust you to do it in your sleep... I just thought you shouldn't have to right now."

"Why not now?" She asks.

I shrug. Is she really gonna make me say it out loud? I don't want to be the one that says it.

"Wheeler, if you are serious about helping me you have to... It needs to work both ways! I cannot just sit by and let you hurt and then be okay with you looking after me... I am not like that!" She says, her voice rising. That's the Linka that I'm used to…always yelling at me for something!

"Okay... If you're sure **you** are okay with it?" I finally say.

She's working on cleaning out the scratches on my arm, being as gentle as possible. There's no need to, I'm fine…besides, I'm the one that's supposed to be taking care of her…but I will admit, I like the attention. I like being nurtured by her. I like that she cares enough to take care of me.

"Why would I not be okay with it?" She asks.

At my hesitation, her trademark temper flares.

"**Wheeler!**"

"Okay, okay." I sigh in resignation. "I didn't want to bring back bad memories that's all. **Owww!**"

She's removing the splinters from my arm. I didn't realize I had any.

"I am sorry Wheeler, I am being as gentle as I can."

"Yeah I know, but it still hurts!" I whine.

"Baby!" She teases me and all I can do is grin up at her beautiful face.

I have the perfect response to that dig though…as I always do!

"Well if I'm a baby, how about you play mom and kiss it better?"

She rolls her eyes and then I mentally kick myself. I can't be **_that _**Wheeler with her anymore…not yet. I need to be strong and put my feelings aside…or else I'll just be proving Kwame's point.

"I didn't mean to... that is, I was just joking you know?"

"It is okay," she says quietly, as she intently concentrates all of her attention on cleaning my cuts.

"No it's not." I reply firmly.

I let my mind wander. I wish it was ok. I wish I could go back to the way things used to be between us…but at the same time, I like where we're at now. We're closer, but farther apart…if that makes sense. She's let me in, but it's up to me to not cross the line. That same line that I've been trying to cross for the last year…the line that I kept tripping over and getting tangled up in…now it seems like her defenses are being lowered, but I can't do anything about it.

"What bad memories?"

"Huh?"

I'm confused.

She sighs in frustration.

"Treating your wounds?"

"Oh!" Duh. I guess this isn't gonna go away. I might as well be honest with her. As uncomfortable as it is, she deserves honesty. "…because your cousin cut his arms up trying to get into the vice president's office."

She stops what she's doing and her face pales. I can barely hear her whispered reply.

"I do not remember."

I can't keep the pained expression from my face…but I am able to find a so called "bright side." I put my hands on her hips, pulling her down to sit on my leg. "Maybe that's not such a bad thing."

"Da, maybe," she sadly replies.

But I know how she thinks…and if it were me, I'd want to know all the details. And that's what she's struggling with right now. My mouth is dry and all I can say is,

"Sorry Babe."

"Stop saying that! You are not responsible for any of this."

She lays her head on my shoulder and I hold her tightly. It isn't long before she's trying to get up, but I won't let her go. She's forced to finish her nurse Linka duties from her present location.

"There, all done."

"Thanks Babe... Sorr... Er... I didn't mean to make things awkward between us," I say.

She surprises me by leaning over and kissing me on the cheek.

"You did not."

I look at her and she looks at me. And for some strange reason, we both start laughing. All the tension of the last few days is gone. We're gonna be just fine.

* * *

To Be Continued...

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 6 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	7. Chapter 7: Day 6 Afternoon

**Chapter 7: Day 6 Afternoon**

Now that I'm all bandaged up, I go into the jungle in search of fallen trees to use in rebuilding Linka's door. Linka, being typical Linka, was telling me how I was doing everything wrong…well, she was making suggestions as to how she would do it, but what she really meant was "Do it this way Yankee!" I sent her away so she'd stop bossing me around. But it was nice to get that glimpse of how we used to be with each other.

After a few hours, I had a new door rebuilt, and mounted back into the frame. I test it out to make sure it closes securely and evenly.

"Good as new!" I declare to no one in particular, but very proud of my handy work.

Now the tough part, getting Linka's approval. I just need to find her. After I sent her away, I assumed she went to the commons area since the others were all down at the beach swimming. Sure enough I was right. I watch her for a while, just sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels on TV. She's not even keeping anything on long enough to see if she finds something she likes!

"Miss me Babe?" I ask.

She tilts her head back to look at me and has the most beautiful smile on her face. Was she thinking of something before she turned around that made her smile, or was that smile meant for me? Does it even matter after the fight we had yesterday followed by the rough afternoon she's had today with the nightmare and getting sick? At least she's smiling. I smile back.

"Wanna see how badly I screwed up your door?"

"I have been dreading it for the last few hours!"

"You have no faith in me?!"

* * *

We get to her cabin and she tests the door. Opens, and then closes. Opens, and then closes. She's looking for flaws. Looking for a spot where the door rubs against the frame. Good luck finding it! This door is perfect!

"Well?" I ask.

"I am impressed! You do good work Yankee. My suggestions must have helped!" She says with a roguish grin.

"Yeah, whatever! You just keep telling yourself that!"

"Thank you," she opens her arms and steps closer to hug me.

I know I'm sweaty and gross and as much as it kills me to do it, I hold my hands up to stop her,

"I don't think that's such a good idea Babe. I worked up a pretty good sweat and am dirty and gross. I'll take a rain check on that hug though…after I shower?"

"Ok."

I give her a smile and a wink before exiting her cabin. As soon as I close the door, I open it, admiring my work once more and giving her a "thumbs up" sign. My little show causes her to laugh out loud and shake her head.

It's good to hear her laugh and see her smile.

"Meet me in my room in fifteen minutes, ok?" I ask.

"Sure."

* * *

I exit the bathroom to find her sitting on my bed looking through an old photo album that I'd pulled out.

"You're early."

"Oh, sorry," she says when she turns to see me watching her from the doorway of the bathroom.

"You're lucky I got dressed in there and didn't just come walking in here completely naked!" I joke as I nod towards the bathroom.

"Or unlucky," she replies with that mischievous smile that she's been giving me a lot lately, then chuckles.

I chuckle too, unsure of what else to do. After all, she was just joking…right?

Then she turns her attention back to the photo album.

"I am sorry, I do not mean to be nosey, I came in here like you wanted and saw this sitting here. I figured it would be safer looking through this than looking through your magazine collection."

I blush at the implication. Fortunately THOSE magazines are safely stashed away under my bed. It's not a hobby of mine to collect such things…it was just something I did when I turned 18, just because now I was legally able to purchase them…I even went out and bought a lottery ticket and a cigar, not because I wanted to smoke it, just because I could…I still have it. I have no desire to smoke it. As for the magazines, what would she think if she saw that all the models bore a striking resemblance to her with their blonde hair and blue eyes? Yeah, it's definitely a good thing those are hidden. She'd freak. I need to stop thinking about it and get back to the subject we were talking about.

"No need to apologize. I pulled it out because I wanted to show it to you…sort of introduce you to my family. That way, if I ever get to talkin' about them again, you can put a face to the name…or not. If you don't care…"

"Of course I care."

"It's kinda a stupid idea. I mean, it's not like you need to know…"

"I _want_ to know."

I wonder why…I know nothing about her family…other than Boris and her uncle. She never speaks of her parents. Then again, I never really have either until I told her about James. Maybe now she will. Maybe this will lead to more opening up. I mean, it'll give us something to talk about other than Planeteer stuff.

So we sat there for a while, just flipping through the pages and I'd tell her who each person was and she'd ask me what events we were celebrating.

"I have lost both my parents, my grandmother brought me up," she confides out of the blue. "You are lucky."

I shrug. Lucky? Is that what you call someone with an alcoholic dad? "It didn't always feel lucky."

She rests her head on my shoulder and leans against me, rubbing my arm soothingly.

I put my hand over hers, holding it in place and ask,

"It must have been tough for you though, being alone?"

"I do not even remember my mother now, I was too young… just a vague feeling of being loved by someone warm and caring. Sometimes I wonder if my father went away then too, he always kept his feelings to himself, though I know he loved me and da, it was hard when I lost him. But Grandmuska had always been there for us and Uncle Dimitri would come by to cheer us up."

She shrugs and I can tell she's thinking about her Uncle and how he was there for her. I'm sure she wishes she could be there for him too. I look at her out of the corner of my eye. I can see her eyes getting glassy as she tries to keep her tears from falling. She turns the page. This picture needs no explanation. I didn't need to tell her who the red headed baby with the cake all over his face was, or what we were celebrating. She smiles widely as she looks up at me and exclaims,

"Oh Wheeler! You were so cute…! What happened?!" She teases.

I stick my tongue out at her and bump my shoulder against hers as she turns the page. I'm glad she's smiling and laughing again, even if it is as my expense!

"That's James holding me when I was a baby. He was 5…and here's me when I'm 5, holding my cousin Joey after he was born," I say as I point to the picture on the opposite page.

"I can see the resemblance, except for the red hair; you look just like he did at that age."

Hopefully the resemblence between me and James ends with our looks. I went from wanting to be just like him, to praying I'd never be as stupid as him. That I would appreciate and cherish all the good things I had and not throw them away. This opportunity that I have gotten with the Planeteers was exactly what I needed...and it brought me to Linka.

We continue to flip through the pages and I tell her more stories. I get to the last pages. The last picture I have of James…a family picture. He's sitting on the floor with his wife, two kids, and two dogs. It's Christmas. This is something we did every Christmas, the families would each pose and have their pictures taken after we were done opening presents. I briefly wonder what it would be like to take Linka home to _really _introduce her to the family and have our picture taken like this. What a stupid thought. I dismiss it just as quickly as I think of it.

On the opposite page is a prayer card from his funeral and a pressed flower from one of the many floral arrangements that were there. She runs her hand over the page before closing the photo album.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," she says as she wipes away a tear.

"Sure. Thanks for letting me share it. I'm sorry if it upset you though."

"What did I tell you about apologizing?!"

"Right. I keep forgetting."

I look over at her, hoping that the expression on my face can convey how really grateful I am that she's here. "Oh, speaking of sharing. I picked these out for you," I say as I stand up and pull a stack of folded hoodies out of my dresser drawers. I also threw in a few sweatpants for her to wear as well. They'll be way too long for her, but with the elastic leg holes, they should be fine. "These oughta keep you warm."

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. I'm not using them at the moment." I'm tempted to remind her of what I said before. How seeing her wearing my clothes makes me feel…but after the day we've had and with Kwame's words still ringing fresh in my head, I decide against it.

She leaves to take the clothes back to her room. When she returns, I ask,

"Wanna go for a walk?" I stand up and hold my hand out to her.

"After you give me that hug that you promised."

Oh right! How could I forget! I'm surprised that she was the one to remind me. Could she have been looking forward to it? I can only hope! I open my arms and she steps into them. I wrap my arms around her as we squeeze each other. I kiss the top of her head and then pull back to look her in the eye when I say,

"Come on, I wanna show you something."

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 7 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	8. Chapter 8: Day 6 Late AfternoonEvening

**Chapter 8: Day 6 Late Afternoon/Evening**

I take her hand and lead her to a spot I had cleared on the beach. I dug a hole in the sand and filled it with fallen branches, dried leaves, coconut husks, and piled it high. I had laid a blanket down next to the hole and had a bag filled with crackers, cheese, and fruit.

"What is this?"

"Dinner…sort of. I figured you might be hungry, but not quite ready for a huge meal. I got stuff that would be light."

"And that?" She asks as she points towards my pile of wood.

"That's to help keep you warm," I point my ring hand at the pile and say "Fire!"

Once the wood has ignited, I walk over to the blanket and sit down, tugging on her hand and getting her to sit down next to me. She does and then holds her hands out in front of her, rubbing them together to warm them by the fire.

"Is the nausea gone?"

"It comes and goes…I am hungry, but also afraid that if I eat…" she trails off.

"It's ok. You don't have to be embarrassed if you get sick. It's just me. I also packed some Ginger Ale. It's supposed to ease nausea. Do you wanna can of it?"

"Sure."

I open the can for her and hand it to her. She pulls down the sleeves of one of the hoodies that I've given her and covers her hands against the cold of the can.

"Oh here, I almost forgot…" I dig further into the bag to pull out a can cozy. It's supposed to keep the beverage cooler, but it also keeps her from having to hold a cold can. I take the can back from her and put it in the cozy. "There ya go."

"Thank you. Yankee you have thought of everything! Do you have a hat stand in there too?"

I wink at her lame attempt at humor and she chuckles.

"Do you want some fruit? An apple maybe?"

"I will try a few pieces."

She takes the apple from me.

"Want me to peel it for you Babe? My Mom used to do that for me when I was sick... it makes it easier to eat you know?"

I cut her apple for her and add some cheese and crackers to the plate.

"Spasiba... I do not mean to be ungrateful Wheeler."

"I know."

She does her best to amuse me and eats some.

"You don't need to force yourself on my account. If you're not hungry, you're not hungry."

"You are not going to be the 'food police' tonight?" She asks.

"No. Not tonight…not ever again. I trust you to make the right decisions as far as your health goes. I know you wanted to do this alone…do it your way…and I'm gonna let you continue to do it your way…but not alone. You're not gonna do this alone. You don't have to."

"I know. I am glad you are here."

I put my arm around her and pull her against my side. She leans into me and rests her head on my shoulder.

"I'm glad I'm here too."

We stay like that for a while, watching the gulls circle around us, hoping for some free food so we toss them some crackers. We see pelicans skimming the surface of the ocean, in search of fish. Linka would tell me a little bit about the birds; where they were nesting, when they last had babies…I guess these pelicans have been around the island for a while, and she'd been watching them. I don't know how she knew they were the same ones, but that's Linka…birds and music are her passion and if she's focused on them, it'll take her mind off how bad she's feeling. Speaking of which…I reach into the bag behind me and pull out her keyboard.

"Think they'd like this?" I ask as I hand her the keyboard.

"How did you…?"

"When I was fixing your door, I snagged it to bring it along with us tonight. I haven't heard you play in a while."

"You want me to play?"

"Only if you feel like it. I just thought it'd be fun."

"Fun to listen to me?"

"Not just listen, but play along," and with that, I lift a blanket to reveal a guitar case.

"I did not know you played an instrument!"

"I don't have much free time, and when I do, I'm doing other things so I don't get many opportunities…which is why I'm not as good as I used to be…so you gotta be patient with me."

"Ok. You start and I will join in."

So we spent an hour just messing around, making up songs with no words, or sometimes I'd add words to make a stupid little song, which would make her laugh…and that sound was better than any music. As she laughs, I can only laugh along and smile at her. I can't stop smiling and I find myself staring. I can see the old Linka. She's in there. I've almost got her. I just hope the old Linka does not shut me out like she used to. I like how things are going now. This is how I'd always hoped it would be.

The sun was starting to set and the fire was getting lower so I got up to throw some more wood onto it. When I came back to the blanket, I saw her shiver and wrap her arms around herself. I grabbed the blanket that had previously been covering the guitar case, sat behind her, wrapped it around her, and held her tightly. I can't help but notice how tense she is. I wonder if I'm making her uncomfortable.

"Is this ok?"

"Da."

"Ok, just making sure cuz you seem a little tense."

"I am fine. Just…" she sighs before continuing. "I cannot seem to relax. My muscles are so tight."

"That's part of the withdrawal. It's because your body is missing something. It wants something it can't have."

"But I do not want it."

"I know you don't. But your body is feeling dependant on it…that's normal. You know better, but the feelings are still there."

She lets out a humorless laugh.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing."

But I have a feeling I know what the laugh was about. I could have been talking about "us."

I let it go and move my hands to her shoulders and begin kneading at her muscles, moving down her back, then back up to her neck, back to her shoulders and down her arms as we watch the sun dip below the horizon and disappear.

"Better?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Lay down on your stomach."

She turns her head to look at me, but I can't tell what she's thinking. Then she decides to do as I say.

I sit astride her hips and start rubbing her lower back. I once again move up her back, repeating the path over and over until my hands are sore and I'm sure that she is feeling less tense.

I sit back on the blanket and she sits up, resuming her previous position between my legs. She shivers once again and I wrap my arms around her.

"That was nice."

"Glad I could help. Are you tired? Maybe we should head back to our rooms."

"Nyet! I…I am not tired."

"Ok. Just let me know when you're ready," I say as I rest my chin on her shoulder.

"I do not think I will ever be ready. I…I am afraid to sleep."

"Because of the nightmare?"

"Da."

"That's understandable," I whisper, turning my head and brushing my lips against her ear. She shivers again, so I pull her closer, crossing my arms across hers and rubbing them up and down for warmth. "I'll stay out here with you as long as you'd like."

"Spasiba."

"Anything for you Babe."

Then I remembered what Kwame said, did it seem like I was taking advantage? Was the massage too much? Did I go too far? Should I not be holding her like this? Should I stop nuzzling my nose in her hair or kissing her temple? I'm not trying to make a move…it just feels natural…for comfort…Hers as well as mine.

We stay like that until I notice that her breathing has slowed and her body has gone limp. She's asleep. Good. She needs to sleep. I continue to hold her as long as possible, letting her get as much sleep as she needs. Unfortunately, I also start to get drowsy. I contemplate waking her up and going to bed, but I can't bring myself to disturb her. Instead, I gently lay her down and curl up behind her. I make sure that the blanket is securely around her before falling asleep.

* * *

I wake up hours later when I take a deep breath and am met with the sweet smell that is distinctly Linka. I'll always associate that vanilla scent with her. I open my eyes to see that she is nestled up against my chest, facing me, one arm draped over me, her head buried in my shoulder, and my leg thrown over hers, holding her to me. I wonder if she's been sleeping this whole time, or if she woke up in the middle of the night to notice our position. I know that this is not the position she was in when I feel asleep. I briefly think that she's waking up when she snuggles closer to me, but then I realize that she's just trying to get warmer. I'm also feeling a bit chilled so I look over at the fire pit to see that the fire has gone out.

"Damn."

I point my ring at the embers and whisper, "Fire" but nothing catches. There's no wood left to ignite, so I smoothly disentangle from her embrace, and scoop her up into my arms. She stirs briefly and murmurs something, but I didn't quite understand her…I think it was Russian. She rests her head on my shoulder and I carry her back to her cabin.

I lay her down in her bed, remove her shoes, and pull the covers up over her. I make sure that they are tucked tightly around her to keep her warm, and just to be safe, I grab another blanket from her closet to lie over top of her. I lean down to kiss her cheek and whisper,

"Sweet dreams Babe."

I start to leave but then hesitate…maybe I should stay. She's sleeping peacefully now, but what if she has another nightmare? It would be best if I was close by. The sooner I can wake her from the nightmare, the less she has to suffer through it. I'll just sleep in this chair. I lean my head back and it's rather uncomfortable. If I sleep like this, I'll definitely have a sore neck in the morning. So I take my sweatshirt off and roll it up into a ball, using it as a pillow…but now that I'm shirtless, I'm cold. I go back to her closet and get another blanket. This one looks like someone knitted it, perhaps this is hand made by her grandmother? I hope Linka doesn't mind me using it, but it's the only other blanket I see. I sit back down in the chair and settle in for the night. It's not long before I fall asleep.

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 8 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	9. Chapter 9: Day 7

**Chapter 9: Day 7**

In the back of my mind, I hear a noise, it's enough to wake me, but not startle me. I can tell from my position that I'm not in my room. I open one eye to check out my surroundings…Linka's room. I see her laying in bed grinning at me. Then I put two and two together. The sound I heard was her laughing…it's a great sound to wake up to. I open my other eye and sit up. I return her smile as I stretch and say, "Good morning Beautiful. Sleep well?"

"Da. The best night's sleep I have had since I got home."

I can tell she's not just saying that. She really means it. Good. I'm glad she had a good night's sleep. I wish I could say the same. I slept well, but just as I suspected, my neck is killing me. I try to work out the kinks by stretching and rubbing it…it's nothing a hot shower won't fix, I guess.

"Come over here," I hear her command.

"Yes Ma'am," I reply as I get up and sit beside her on her bed. "What can I do for you?"

"Sit straight and face ahead of you," she says and the next thing I know, she's kneeling behind me, her delicate hands melting away all the soreness and stiffness…in my neck, that is.

This feels so good. I can't help it, I'm humming my approval. She moves to my shoulders…maybe I should've put my shirt back on. Her hands on my skin feel electric. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever get the chance to give Linka a massage, let alone have her give me one in return. And now she's leaning over my shoulder, her face next to mine.

"Better?"

I turn my head slightly causing our foreheads to touch. I was expecting her to pull away, but she doesn't.

"Yep. We should make a habit of this; it could come in handy after long missions."

"Good idea," she agrees.

I'm still waiting for her to pull away like she always does…but she doesn't. This would be the perfect opportunity to kiss her. All I have to do is tilt my head upwards…just a bit…_Don't make me be the one to make the first move Babe. It's gotta be your decision._

Neither one of us is making a move; I don't want to leave her feeling awkward so I change the subject. Pointing to the blanket that I slept with, I say,

"I hope you don't mind my using that blanket… you brought it from home?"

She pulls back and looks over at where I'm pointing and I sense a hint of disappointment in her voice…or maybe I'm just imagining it.

"Da, my grandmother made it and you can borrow anything; you do not have to ask."

What?! I can't hide my shocked expression. Linka is an organizational freak. If something is moved or removed from its proper place without her knowing, she gets pretty mad. I was surprised that she didn't bite my head off for taking her keyboard out of her room and bringing it to the beach last night. Then she shocks me even more by joking,

"Anything except my clothes, I do not think I could deal with that right now."

I laugh, not expecting such humor from her, but I like where this is going. I like that we can joke and be so comfortable with each other.

"Don't worry Babe, that's really not my thing." Then I reach out to pull at the shirt she is wearing. "Though I do have a thing for you wearing some of mine."

Was that too much? I pull away so that she doesn't think that I'm trying anything. I need a distraction. Then it dawns on me…

"You wanna come for a run with me?"

She nods her head and says, "I thought I was supposed to rest though."

"Actually, light exercise is good for you… don't worry we'll keep it gentle… if you want to that is," and immediately, I regret my word choice…it was kinda suggestive, unintentionally of course…Maybe before I would've, but not now. Hopefully she doesn't even notice. Uh oh, she's rolling her eyes…busted.

"Wheeler, stop worrying so much! If I do not want to do something I **will** tell you."

_Yeah, I know! Believe me, I know all too well_.But at least now I know that she rolled her eyes because she thought I was being over protective again, not because she thought I was being flirty.

* * *

This wasn't a good idea. We're hardly working, I haven't broken a sweat, and she's struggling to keep up. She's trying so hard though. She just can't do it and it's gonna kill her confidence. And as if on cue, as soon as I think that, she stumbles and falls. Did she just trip, or did she black out? I rush to her side as quickly as I can.

"Are you ok Babe? What happened? Did you trip over something? Are you hurt? This was a stupid idea, I'm so so so sorry!" I resist the urge to take her into my arms, hold her, and kiss away her tears. Good thing I don't though because I would've been in the way when she slams her fist to the ground and huffs,

"It is not fair!"

She's crying and my heart is breaking as she continues,

"I have always kept myself in shape! What if this is permanent, I will be a liability, maybe the others are right after all and I should just give up."

"No, don't talk like that. This will get better. You just need more time. We need to work up to it though…your body is still recovering. Maybe we should have started with a walk around the island instead of a run, or other strengthening exercises that are more stationary…something to help your muscles get stronger before you use them so strenuously. A stationary bike, or a stair machine. You're not a liability...don't ever think that. I'm gonna help you get better. I'll get you through this…I swear," I feel like I'm wasting my breath. It doesn't even seem like she's listening to me.

"What has Boris done to me, Wheeler? I do not know who I am anymore."

I can barely understand her through her sobs, but I can see the pain in her eyes. I've never seen her as sad and helpless as she is now and all I can do is brush the hair away from her face. The loose strands are clinging to her cheek where they have fallen into the tracks of her tears. She's so angry, I'm expecting her to pull away and refuse my attempt at comforting her. When she doesn't, I give into my initial urge to hold her. I pull her into my arms and hold her tightly as I press my lips to the side of her head and whisper,

"I know who you are. You're the strongest, most determined, most stubborn, person I know …and I'm gonna help you remember that. You're beautiful, inside and out. That hasn't changed. What happened to you wasn't fair…but don't you dare think you're anything less than you were before. You're gonna get through this and you're gonna be a better person because of it…you've already made me a better person because of it."

She doesn't say anything in response, but she tightens her grip on me and nods her head…in agreement or thanks? I keep holding her until she's calmed down. I hope that what I've said has sunk in. I hope she knows that I mean it. It's hard to gauge whether or not she knows I'm being sincere because for the first year that I've known her, I've always been a joker. The only thing I haven't been joking about was liking her…and even when I did try to express it, I guess it came across as not being serious. I sigh heavily, thinking of all my regrets and missed opportunities…and now there's this…the closest we've ever been…so many opportunities to be alone with her, to tell her all the things I wanna say, but never did…and once again, something stops me. I can't do it. She's scared and confused enough as it is. I don't need to be adding any other feelings into the mix.

She looks up at me and has an apologetic look on her face. She starts to apologize…for what? For being human? For having emotions? For having a well deserved cry and questioning 'why?' In my opinion, it's long over due.

"Ssssh, you have nothing to be sorry for Baby," I say as I place a kiss gently on her forehead. It's the second time in as many days that I've called her "Baby," instead of my usual "Babe." I know it's a little more intimate than any of my other pet names for her…but it feels ok…it feels right…and so far, she hasn't seemed to mind…if she's even noticed.

As much as I hate to end this, it's time to move on.

"We'd better pick up our instruments; I had to leave them on the beach last night… I covered them up before you say anything," I make sure to add that last part before she has a chance to rip me a new one! But she just laughs instead. Another crisis averted…in more ways than one.

* * *

When we get back from the run, we go our separate ways to shower. Not surprisingly, I don't take nearly as long as she does, so she told me that she'd meet me in the kitchen when she was done. In the meantime, I make her some toast. I have no idea what type of spread she likes. I can't believe, all the things I notice about her, I've never paid attention to my second favorite thing in the world, food! Second only to Linka.

So I cut up the toast in small bite sized pieces and put a variety of spreads on it and make up some excuse about it "being more fun." She seems to buy that excuse…or if she doesn't, she at least humors me!

"Kwame and Ma-Ti picked up the mail," I inform her as I nod towards hers. I used to separate the letters into piles according to who they were addressed to, but then I started to feel bad because Linka and I had the biggest pile and everyone else had only a few. So now, I take the majority of our mail out, then take hers to her cabin for her and I do the same with mine…that way, it looks like we're all getting the same amount. What the others don't know won't hurt them!

I go back to fixing myself some breakfast while Linka goes through her mail. My back is to her, but after a while, I sense that something isn't right. In the back of my mind, I'd been aware of all her movements, even her breathing…which has stopped. I turn quickly to look at her. She's white as a ghost, and staring at me. How long has she been waiting for me to notice her distress. I remove the frying pan from the stove and throw it into the sink, my scrambled eggs completely forgotten, then rush to her side.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I look down at the letter which she is clutching in her trembling hand. I can't read it, partly because of the way she's holding it, but mostly because it's in Russian. I put my arm around her and pull her against my side, letting her know that it's ok to cry. I'm here now. And while she stiffly leans into me, she's still not crying, even though I can tell she wants to. Ok fine, if she doesn't want to talk, I'll do all the talking and guessing until I get a clue…some indication that I'm getting closer to finding the answer.

"That's from home. Linka…is everything ok? I mean, obviously, it's not or you wouldn't be so upset….just tell me…I'll do what I can to make it better Babe, you know that by now right?" I say as I kiss the top of her head.

Now she breaks down and starts to cry, burying her face in my chest.

"Nyet, you cannot make this better. Not this time. This is where my world completely starts to fall apart."

"Then I'll be there to help you put it back together," I reply as I move to kiss the side of her head.

"You will?"

"Of course. I'm not just here to get you part way through this. I'm here to get you through all of it. I'm in this for the duration…and even afterwards…if you still want me to be."

That was a pledge _and_ an offer….and a question. I don't know if I'll get an answer. I don't even know if it's fair of me to be expecting one. I just want her to know that I'll always be here for her. In good times and in bad because the bad times have been rough, but we've gotten through it together and in between the bad times, there've been some really good times…no, some really _great_ times.

I pull back and take her face in my hands, brushing away the tears.

"Do you still want me?" I ask as I look into her eyes.

"Da."

I smile and pull her into my arms again, holding her tightly as she buries her face in between my neck and shoulder.

"Good…now, can you tell me what all this is about? What's got you so upset and what can I do to fix it?" I whisper against her ear.

She looks into my eyes and says,

"It is Bor... I mean my Grand... that is, my Uncle."

She's struggling to compose her thoughts. She bites her lip as she gathers her thoughts and I can't help but think how cute it makes her look. I rub my hands up and down her arms to sooth her and let her know that I'm here for her. She continues,

"My Grandmother wrote to tell me that Boris's funeral is in a couple of days."

She's still having trouble saying the words. All I can do is keep physical contact with her and let her continue at her own pace. She's forcing out the words.

"She says my Uncle is very distraught and other than bringing Boris' b... Body home and booking the ceremony, is leaving the arrangements to her but he will not tell her what happened, other than that I was there..."

Her eyes are filling up with tears and she's trying to keep composed, but she's losing that battle.

"What can I tell her Wheeler? How do I explain to my Grandmuska that I watched Boris die?! That I was too Blissed Out to save him... that now too I am an..."

I don't need her to say it. I don't' wanna hear it. I pull her tightly against me and kiss her temple again. I'm so angry that she's gotta go through this…and I'm so sad for her. I can't stand seeing her this way. I know for her sake, I can't express how much I hate this whole thing…how I hate her cousin. She has to be able to feel how tense I am through the way our bodies are pressed together. My anger and tension eases a bit when she puts her arms around me and returns my embrace. I know she doesn't need me to say anything, but I feel like I need to say _SOMETHING_.

"It wasn't your fault. She'll understand, you'll see."

After a few minutes of staying like that, I can feel her start to relax as she more or less leans into me instead of holding on for dear life.

"You don't have to go you know?" I know this is a dangerous suggestion, but I think it's for the best. "You could just write back to your grandma and say you're too sick."

She shakes her head, but our positioning causes it to be more like she's nuzzling my neck. Not that I mind. I like being able to hold her like this.

"I do not want to go, but I **need** to go."

Then she pulls back to look up at me, her eyes practically begging me to understand.

"I loved my cousin, Wheeler. I cannot forget the boy I grew up with. No matter what he did, I need to mourn him, I ca..."

She hesitates, so I kiss her forehead to encourage her to continue and whisper, "Go on Babe."

"I cannot bear hating him!" She cries, forcing the words out as she begins sobbing again. "I want to forgive him, I need to forgive him! I just do not know how!"

Once again, her little body is shaken with sobs as she hides her face in my chest.

If she can't forgive him, how am I expected to? I know Boris is just as much a victim of Skumm as Linka is…but he did this to her! And now she has to face her family…with none of them knowing what happened to Boris. How he's responsible for his own death…and how he could have been responsible for Linka's too. Maybe I'm to blame. I'm a Planeteer. I should have saved him. Then Linka would not have to be going to his funeral, or facing her family. Boris would be getting the help he needs, and I'd be helping Linka…and it'd be much easier to help her if she wasn't dealing with the pain and undeserving guilt that she's feeling from his death. But this isn't about me and how I feel. I have to get Linka over this obstacle. Then I can deal with my own feelings of guilt.

"Hush," I say softly, rubbing her back and rocking her gently. "Babe, it's natural, you have nothing to feel bad about."

"Da I do," she exclaims. "Skumm used Boris to get to me, because I am a Planeteer and he used him to try to get rid of us. If Boris had not been my cousin he would still be alive, fighting to recover from Bliss, but alive! I know that but I still resent him! Why? Why do I hate my own cousin when he is the one that paid the price for it?"

I can't take it anymore. She can't blame herself for this, especially when if she's to blame, then I'm just as much to blame. She was under the influence…I was completely sober and I still couldn't save him. She needs to stop blaming herself. It's not healthy.

"BECAUSE HE SOLD YOU OUT!" I yell. My anger isn't directed at her, but still, she pulls away from me. "Damn it Linka, what does it take? He betrayed you, that doesn't make Skumm any better but you're entitled to be angry with Boris!"

Even though she's stepped away from me, I won't let her go. My hands have slid down her arms and I'm now holding her hands. My tone softens as I try to get through to her.

"You love him, the way I loved James, so you'll forgive him for screwing up, eventually."

I know I'm lying. I've never fully forgiven James for what he did to our family. The pain he's caused his wife and kids. The sadness it brought to my grandparents and my aunt and uncle…losing a child…I know what Linka's Uncle Dmitri is feeling because I saw James' parents go through it. But she needs to think she can forgive him…maybe one day she'll be able to. She's a better person than I am.

"Give yourself time Babe," I say tenderly as I tug at her hands, indicating that I want her to come back to me…back into my arms where I can keep her safe. She obeys my wishes and leans her cheek against my chest as she puts her arms around me.

"Don't go to the funeral. Please? Don't put yourself through that. When you're all better we can go visit his grave and..."

"Nyet," she says firmly. It's the most defiance I've heard from her in a long time. "I must go, for myself and for my family."

No, this is not the answer I wanted from her. How can I make her see? There's nothing I can say to change her mind…I know that. I tighten my grip on her, trying to muster up the strength to say what I'm about to say.

"I know you're probably gonna be mad at me but I have to say it... you're not ready for this."

For a second, after seeing a brief flash of anger in her eyes, I see comprehension. I think she's considering what I've said.

"I know," she whispers. "I cannot go alone." She pulls back and looks into my eyes. "Go with me? Please?"

Was she serious? She was asking, practically _begging _me to go with the way she was looking at me. I look down at her, staring right through her.

"Of course I'm going with you! You don't even have to ask! There was never a question of whether I would or wouldn't." I put my hand behind her head and pull her against me, bending down slightly so that her chin is resting on my shoulder. I turn my head to speak softly into her ear, "The only way you're going is if I go with you! I don't agree with your decision, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna let you go through this alone!"

I know my words sound overbearing. I know she doesn't need my _permission_ to go anywhere, and I know she doesn't need a babysitter.

"I'm sorry, that sounded…"

"Nyet," she says as she pulls back and presses two fingers to my lips. "I needed to hear that. I needed to hear that you will not make me do this alone…that even if I wanted to, I cannot get rid of you!"

She says that last part with a sly, almost flirtatious smile. It's a welcomed sight considering all the crying she's just been doing. Not knowing what else to do with my hands, I rest them on her hips.

I nod and when she removes her fingers, I say,

"Haven't you figured it out yet? You _CAN'T_ get rid of me. You've been trying to for the past year, but I'm still here!" I say with a smile.

She grasps my face in her hands and pulls my head down towards her, placing a lingering kiss on my forehead, and says,

"And for that, I am forever grateful." We smile at each other and stand there in silence until she says,

"I better start packing."

Already? We've still got time before we have to leave for the funeral…but Linka is pretty anal and always has to be prepared ahead of time…or maybe she's just looking for an excuse to get away from me after her uncharacteristic show of affection.

"Yeah, me too."

She steps back, running her hands down my arms, and takes my hands in hers. She begins walking away, holding onto my hands as long as she can, until our fingertips slide out of each other's grasps.

"And I was not trying to get rid of you…I was trying to resist you," she says as she walks out the door.

All I can do is smile and quietly, but triumphantly, say out loud to no one but myself, "I knew it!"

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 9 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	10. Chapter 10: Day 8 MidDay

**Chapter 10: Day 8, mid day**

Well, this is my first trip to the Soviet Union…what would my father and grandfather say if they knew I was in "enemy" territory. It's weird to think that way. The way the older generation thinks…and then there's me and Linka…The fact that she's a Soviet doesn't bother me at all…and I don't think the fact that I'm an American changes the way she thinks of me. Sure, we joke and tease each other, but it's nothing malicious…for the first time since I agreed to come with her, the thought of how will I be received by her family crosses my mind…will they be accepting of me? Or will they view me as the "enemy?" An evil American. Judging by her grandmother's initial reaction, I don't think I'll have that problem with her:

There's a large crowd of people in Linka's modest home, everyone is there helping to prepare things for Boris' wake. Linka's grandmother rushes to welcome us. She hugs Linka tightly and I can see the concern in her Grandma's eyes when she looks at her. It's obvious to her that her granddaughter is not well. I know that Linka sees the look her grandmother gives her and it's upsetting her. She goes to retreat but I put my hand out, placing it on the small of her back to stop her. It's as if she's noticing me there for the first time and is grateful for the distraction.

She says something in Russian to the older lady. Whatever it is, it must be good.

Grandma smiles at me and says something else to me in Russian. I'm totally lost. I look at Linka for a little help with the translation.

"I am sorry Yankee! Grandmuska, he does not speak Russian."

Grandma laughs and says to me "Welcome Wheeler. It is so nice of you to accompany Linka here during this difficult time."

I return her smile, tell her it's nice to meet her and that I'm glad that I can be here for Linka because I know that she would do the same for me. I'm not telling her grandmother anything that she doesn't already know. She is obviously very proud of Linka and the woman she has become.

She instructs me to put my things in another room. When I return, I see Linka talking to some of the people. I catch her gaze briefly and am about to go to her when I am stopped by a curious stranger. Once he discovers that we do not speak the same language, he moves on, straight to Grandma to get an explanation. She waves at me and I wave back at her and the stranger. When I turn back to Linka, she's gone, but the stranger has pretty much made his way around the room telling everyone about "Linka's Yankee." Or at least that's what I'm assuming he was telling them I am because the ones that could speak English kept coming up to me saying "So, you're Linka's Yankee?"

"Uh, yeah…I guess that's me." But I made sure to add "But we're just friends. I just wanted to be here for her in her time of mourning." I hoped that little tid bit also made its way around the room. I don't want these people to get the wrong impression…as much as I like the implications…I'm not sure Linka would.

Finally, I'm able to get away from the crowd and retreat back to my room. When I put my stuff away earlier, I noticed that the room across from mine had to be Linka's. There was a keyboard in the corner, an empty birdcage hanging from the ceiling, and a poster of some dead composer on the wall. The door to that room was now closed. I knock on the door. I hear Linka say something in Russian. I can only assume it's "come in" or "go away," so I take my chances that it's "come in." I hope it wasn't "hold on, I'm naked" or else we're both in for a big surprise!

She smiles and seems to relax when she sees it's me. I guess that's a good thing. I take that as a sign that it's ok to come in, so I close the door behind me and join her on the bed.

"I was getting worried. You okay?" I ask as I brush a stray piece of hair out of her eyes.

However, before she has a chance to answer, her door flies open, no knocking or anything. It's an older guy and he seems pissed. He starts yelling,

"So! Is this what you were doing while my boy was dying? Canoodling with your American boyfriend, learning all his city ways and corrupted habits?"

Huh? We've never canoodled! I'm not her boyfriend, I don't have any corrupted habits, and what's wrong with my city ways? So this is Boris' dad…Dmitri was it?

Linka's too shocked to speak. Her body is shaking, like she wants to say something, but can't find the words…Fortunately, I'm not having that problem.

"WHERE THE HELL DO YOU GET OFF TALKING TO HER LIKE THAT?" I yell. Linka tries to say something, but can't find the words other than a shocked gasp. I know she doesn't need to see this, but I'm not gonna let him upset her. If he wants to be mad at someone, he can be mad at me…if he wants to attack someone, attack me! Obviously Dmitri wasn't expecting me to say anything at all, so I continue,

"Do you have any idea what your son did to her? This is HIS fault, not hers! He did this to himself and he nearly killed Linka in the process!"

The old man's face pales,

"Are you saying that he committed suicide?" He asks in dismay.

Linka gets up and stands between us.

"Nyet, that is not what he means. Boris did not mean to kill himself Uncle…he was out of control…"

"That's not the point…" I try saying, but Linka stops me, places her hand on my chest to gently urge me to step back, putting more distance between myself and Dmitri, and says quietly so that only I can hear her,

"Nyet Wheeler, if someone suicides, they cannot have a church funeral. My Uncle must not think that."

Wow. Really? I guess this is just one of the many differences I'm going to come across in this whole funeral thing. In my religion, suicide is a bad thing…against the rules or whatever. A sin against your body…a sin that you aren't able to repent for…but that wouldn't keep someone from getting a proper funeral. If anything, that person would need more prayers and hopefully they'd be granted forgiveness based on the prayers of their loved ones. I always wondered about James' death…did he know what he was doing when he took all those pills? Or was he just as stupid as Boris and too high to realize he'd taken too much?

"I want the truth!" Dmitri says, glaring at me. "Did my son kill himself?"

Linka is holding my hand and squeezing it. Despite my anger, I obey her wishes. I'll do this for her. "Not deliberately, no. He didn't have a clue how much Bliss he'd taken…it was an accident."

A crowd has gathered at the door to see what all the commotion is. Dmitri nods in understanding. Grandma is chasing people away and closes the door behind her. Dmitri is about to say something else, but I'm not finished saying my piece.

"I won't let you blame Linka for this. She feels bad enough already and it wasn't her fault. Boris took the drugs and he snuck them in Linka's food. This is all his fault, but now she's the one that has to live with it."

"I left her looking after him!" Dmitri says, defeated.

"There was nothing she could do. I was there, we tried to save them both, but it just wasn't possible," I say, having calmed down a bit.

"But you managed to save your girlfriend," Dmitri says as he retreats from the room.

That's it, I've had enough! I'm gonna throttle this guy. I don't care if he is grieving. He's got no right to take it out on us. He's got no right to shame Linka or imply that we valued her life over Boris'…well, obviously I do, but that doesn't mean the Planeteers didn't try our hardest to save EVERYONE that Skumm polluted with Bliss.

I take a step forward, but stop when I feel Linka's grip tighten on my hand. When I look down at her to make sure she doesn't want me to do anything, I forget about everything else once I look into her eyes. All she needs for me to do is be strong for her. I don't have to prove anything to Dmitri. Neither one of us do. And I don't have to be afraid of showing that I care for her. That's why I came here. I let go of my anger and pull her into my arms.

"Look after her Wheeler," her grandmother says as she goes after Dmitri, not at all shocked by our current position.

We don't say anything. I have no idea what to say. I don't really think anything needs to be said. I just hold her. Soon Grandma returns, but Linka remains where she is, her head buried in my shoulder.

"I am sorry about all that. I am afraid Dmitri is not himself. I did not know that Linka had taken that dreadful drug too…" her voice cracks as she starts to cry. Now I know why Linka won't look at her. She can't face her grandmother if Grandma thinks that Linka is a drug addict. I can feel Linka's arms tighten around me, pressing her face more firmly into me as she tries to stifle her sobs.

"Let me just make one thing clear…Linka _DID NOT _take Bliss. Boris slipped it into her food. One of our enemies used Boris to get to Linka. He promised him more drugs if he got Linka Blissed out. As long as her mind was polluted, we couldn't call Captain Planet and the Eco-Villains would have been free to destroy the world."

"I cannot believe Boris would do that to her. He loves…loved his older cousin so much. He looked up to her. I do not believe he could hurt her."

I feel Linka tremble more, her tears soaking through my shirt. I rub my hand up and down her back.

"The drug made Boris do what he did. Of course he would have never hurt Linka if it weren't for that. And if Linka hadn't been tricked into taking it, we would have gotten there much sooner to help…then who knows how things would have turned out…maybe we could have gotten to Boris before it was too late."

Maybe those weren't the right words to say. Maybe it would just add to all the "what ifs" going through Linka's mind. But Linka and her grandmother need to know the truth…this is Boris' fault. Whatever happened to him is his own doing. I hate to speak badly about the dead, but I'm just being honest.

"Is she…"

I adjust my hold on her, getting her to relax against me as I hold her protectively.

"She'll be okay. I'll make sure she is…she doesn't need that though," I say, nodding towards the door in reference to her uncle's outburst.

"He will not say anything more. The ceremony will not begin for a little while. Stay here and compose yourselves."

Her demeanor has changed. Did I cross a line? Should I not have been so harsh on Dmitri and Boris? It is her family after all. I'm just a stranger. Maybe she's just sad for Linka. Maybe me being the one that's comforting Linka is making her uncomfortable. She's probably always been the one to be there to comfort Linka when she was growing up…and now she's all grown up and she has me…as a friend…but these people don't know that. They've all jumped to the same conclusion. I'm Linka's Yankee. Of course I'm her Yankee. It's all I've ever wanted to be.

Once her grandma leaves and we are alone again, I begin stroking her hair.

"I'm sorry Babe. I didn't mean to make things worse…I know you didn't want them to know…I just saw red…"

"I know," she swallows hard, trying to suppress her sobs. "I did not expect my Uncle to…I am glad you are here."

I can't hide the relieved look on my face, and then I lead her over to the bed, sitting down and pulling her down to sit beside me. I put my arm around her and she leans into me. She's a little tense. Is it from this whole situation or am I making her uncomfortable? Is this too "cozy" with her family being right outside and who knows when one of them will just walk right in.

"I have made you soggy again," she says, rubbing her hand over the wet spot left by her tears.

I kiss her forehead to let her know it's not a big deal. "S'okay, Beautiful, that's what I'm here for."

She wraps her arms around my waist and we stay like that until her Grandma calls for us to come to the ceremony. Thankfully her tears have dried, both on her face and on my shirt. I stand up, taking her hands in mine to pull her up with me. Once she's standing in front of me, I cradle her face in my hands and kiss her forehead.

"You can do this."

Then I pull her into my arms, as if a simple hug can transfer strength from one person to another.

"We'll get through this together," I whisper reassuringly against her ear.

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 10 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	11. Chapter 11: Day 8 Evening

**Chapter 11: Day 8, Evening**

Linka tries to explain to me what's about to happen. Something called the Trisagion. It kinda sounds like it might be similar to our vigils, or wakes. Except they're doing it in a home, whereas I've only ever been to a wake in a funeral home. This is definitely going to be interesting, seeing the differences, and possibly some similarities. She says that they pray to Jesus to take the soul of the deceased. We kinda do that too. During the wake, people come up and pray before the casket, comfort the deceased's loved ones, and pray the Rosary, except we say the Eternal Rest prayer at the end of every decade instead of the Fatima Prayer. Usually, it's just the immediate family that stays for the whole vigil. Friends and those that wish to express sympathy usually just come long enough to show their support for the family. This looks like just close friends and family have come. I remember James' wake. People were lined up out the door to come pay their respects. Some people waited in line for two hours.

I sort of feel out of place, not knowing what to do or how to react, but I'm just gonna go with the flow. Everything's gonna be in Russian anyways. It's not like anyone is going to expect me to know what to say.

Everyone is taking their place in front of the casket. They're all lighting a candle from the one that Dmitri is holding. Kinda similar I guess. We have a candle set up on each side of the casket, one of them being the deceased's Baptismal candle, if possible. Some of the vigils I've been to have been candle light vigils. The mourners kneel before the casket while the priest leads them in prayer.

Linka and I get in line, making our way towards Dmitri. I really hope he doesn't make a scene. This is not the time or the place, but God help me, if he does something to upset Linka, I will cause a scene that they'll be talking about for years!

Linka's holding my hand pretty tightly…okay, REALLY tightly. I know she's just as concerned as I am, if not more, about what Dmitri will do. It doesn't hurt. I'm more worried about her hand. Her muscles ought to be pretty sore from the continuous tight grip. I rub my thumb over her hand. She loosens her grip slightly, as I was hoping that she would, so that I can lace our fingers together. This has always seemed like a more…intimate way of holding hands…a more then friends sort of way. I hope this is ok…if it weren't I'm sure Linka would let me know.

Surprisingly, Dmitri is civil. He thanks us…how 'bout that! I understood something! One of the few Russian words that I know is "thank you." He could have at least looked at us when he said it though. He's probably too ashamed from his earlier behavior. Good. He should be. I can tell that his lack of eye contact is bothering Linka. I get the impression that she's always been close to her uncle and cousin. Judging by how excited she was to go visit them. And when her dad died, her uncle probably became like a surrogate father. I hate it for her that there is a distance between them. He probably needs her to help him through this just as much as she needs him. Why can't he see that?

I'm keeping a close eye on her, partly so I know what to do, but mostly to make sure she's okay. She catches me watching her as we take our places and gives me a small smile. She's okay…for now.

The priest takes his place next to the casket. He's performing some sort of ritual with incense, waving it over the body and the casket. We do this too, but not at the funeral home…we do this during the service at the church…before leaving for the cemetery. He's also saying stuff, in Russian of course, so I have no idea what's being said.

Everyone has their heads bowed, so I do as well. Now they are joining the priest. I add my own silent prayers, I'm assuming that if it's similar to the Catholic services that I'm used to, now would be a good time to silently recite the Eternal Prayer, so I do.

_"Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord; and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen."_

I feel a little guilty for not really meaning what I say. I'm still so angry with Boris, it's very hard for me not to say "May he rot in hell for what he did to Linka."

I glance out of the corner of my eye to check on her and I just missed catching her gaze as she was looking over at me. Looks like we're both checking on each other. I wonder how she's really feeling. If she's handling this as well as she thought she could. The lack of blood flow to my fingers tells me that she's not. If she were okay, she wouldn't have a death grip on my hand. If she's scared I'll let go, she doesn't have to worry. I'll hold her hand from now until the time we leave if that's what she wants…what she needs.

It appears as though the ceremony is coming to a close. Something is seriously buggin' Linka. Is it something that the priest is saying? Or is it something that she's thinking? Now her grip is starting to get uncomfortable…nothing unbearable…I guess I should be a little thankful that she's not up to 100 percent health. Just imagine if she had all her strength! My bones would be crushed to dust!

* * *

The service has concluded and Linka is looking very pale. I give her a thorough once over and I don't like what I see. Between the long flight over here, the stress brought on by her uncle and having to be strong in front of all the other mourners, she has to be physically and emotionally spent. I know I am and I'm not the one going through withdrawal. I'm also hungry. She has to be too, although I'm sure her stomach is in knots and she doesn't feel like eating.

I lead her to the kitchen and begin rummaging around for stuff to make bread and jelly. I'm sure she's getting sick of this particular food…but it's simple, easy on the stomach, and something that **_I_** can make. Julia Child would be so proud!

I give her the snack and she thanks me. I move to stand behind her as she eats it, rubbing her shoulders and lower neck, trying to ease the tension. God forbid Dmitri should walk in and see this. He'd jump to conclusions again. But to hell with him! She needs this…plus it gives me a chance to stretch out my hand which has just spent the last hour in her vice-like grip!

"Is she all right?" I look up to see one of the mourners who has come to help clean up. I briefly stopped my ministrations, but this lady seemed harmless enough; she wasn't judging, she seemed genuinely concerned. Before I have a chance to answer though, Linka speaks up, rather coldly I might add, and snaps,

"I am fine."

The look on this woman's face is NOT GOOD. Obviously, Linka has offended her. I wanna say something…explain to the woman that Linka is not herself, that she's not feeling well, but I don't get a chance. This woman is REAMING Linka. And I have no idea what she's saying because she's stopped being polite by speaking English, and now she's just spewing a string of Russian…angry Russian. Although for some reason, all Russian manages to sound mean! I didn't think it was possible, but Linka is getting even more pale than she was before.

"Uh, excuse me…sorry. Uh…if you'd just…can I…Ma'am? Please…stop. Linka's not…well, you see…she's not herself right now…this is a very difficult time for her…she didn't mean to…"

Linka's just sitting there eating her bread like an obedient child who knows she can't leave the table until her meal is done. Once she finishes, however, she stands up and heads for the door, the woman still ripping her a new one and ignoring me. Linka is unable to walk a straight line. I need to get to her. As she makes her way to the hallway, she's met by her priest in the doorway. He's speaking softly to her…I can only assume that he's asking how she is, trying to console her, offering to help her. The woman is still going off behind Linka, and now she's getting it from all over. A crowd has started to gather, hearing the commotion from the loud neighbor.

I see Linka reaching out for the door frame, looking for something to steady herself, her head lulling back and forth. I need to get to her, but all these people…it's a small space and many of them are older. I don't want to hurt anyone so I try to make my way through the crowd.

"SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU, JUST SHUT UP!" she yells.

Her grandmother is now making her way towards the front of the crowd. By now, I'm using more force to get to her, not bothering to excuse myself or apologize when I jostle someone. Linka is holding her head, looking around…for me?

NO!

I get to her just as her knees buckle and she beings to crumple to the ground. I'm able to catch her just in time.

"LINKA? BABY?"

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 11 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	12. Chapter 12: Day 8, Late Evening

**Chapter 12: Day 8, Late Evening**

I cradle her in my arms as I kneel down and gently lay her down, supporting her head in my lap as I sit on the floor, brushing her hair out of her face, and stroking her cheek. I take her chin in my hand and gently shake her head back and forth. Instead of backing away, everyone has crowded closer.

"Give her some space!" I instruct. "She needs air!"

"It is the drugs!" Dmitri says. "She has brought them here with her and taken too many! The guilt she feels over not saving Boris is too much! She dies as he did!"

THAT SON OF A….I lay Linka down and jump up to confront Dmitri. Those that didn't know about Linka's "situation" before certainly do now! The ones that speak English anyway…and the ones that don't are undoubtedly getting everything explained to them right now.

I'm not gonna punch him, but I use my forearm to push him against the wall, holding him there.

"SHE'S NOT ON DRUGS! SHE DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING! I'VE BEEN WITH HER THE WHOLE TIME!"

"LIAR! LOOK AT HER! You were with her the whole time you say? So what? It only means you gave them to her! How does she repay you for the drugs that you provide?" He sneers.

I can't believe what he's implying! Now I'm actually grateful that Linka has passed out and didn't hear this. She would be mortified. Me, on the other hand…I'm just plain pissed off, and Dmitri will be reunited with his beloved son sooner than he thinks! I pull my arm back to punch him, but someone beats me to the punch…or should I say "slap."

Linka's grandmother has cracked her son across the face.

"DMITRI!" Grandma yells, as she places her hand on my arm and gets me to release Dmitri. I immediately go back to holding Linka as her grandma continues, "I will not have you speak about my granddaughter in that way! You are spreading lies! What would your brother think if he knew how you were treating his daughter? Your own flesh and blood?"

"She is dead to me…as dead as Boris."

"You do not mean that. Out. All of you. Thank you for coming. We will see you tomorrow." And then she continues on in Russian, repeating what she just said, I guess, because the crowd starts to leave.

Once we have space, I scoop Linka up into my arms and carry her down the hallway. I push the door open, then kick it closed behind me, and lay her down on the bed, picking up a pillow and fanning her with it.

When that doesn't appear to be working, I kneel down next to her and take her hand in mine.

"Linka, wake up Baby," I say as I stroke her cheek. I kiss her forehead, then her temple, back over her eyes, and gently on her lips. "Come on Babe," I whisper against them. "Open those beautiful eyes for me."

There's a knock on her door. I reluctantly get up and leave her side, keeping a watchful eye on her for any sign of her regaining consciousness. I open the door, just a crack, intent on keeping everyone out. I see her Grandmother standing there.

"Is she ok? Should I call a doctor?"

"No. She wouldn't want that. She's been refusing medical help."

"What? Why? She should not be going through this alone," her Grandma says.

"She's not," I say, perhaps a little harsher than I should. This is not her grandmother's fault. We should have never come here in the first place.

"Nyet, of course she is not. What I mean is, without a doctor."

"Yeah, well…Linka's a little stubborn and thinks she knows it all and can handle anything herself."

"Da, I know. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Umm, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I think it's best if you didn't."

At her shocked expression, I explain further.

"Ya see, I don't think she's comfortable around you. She's afraid of what you think of her."

"What? That is crazy! I love her. I do not think badly of her."

"I know that…but Dmitri's words…they're really getting to her…and now all her friends and family know…I didn't want her to come here. I knew it was too soon. But she wanted to be here…I don't think she realized how hard it would be to face everyone…especially you. She doesn't want to disappoint you."

"She could never."

"I know. And deep down, she knows it too. But for now, all she wants is to be alone. She doesn't want anyone to see her like this. It's all she does on Hope Island too. It took me a few days to get her to let me help. It's been just the two of us for the last few days and she's gotten used to that. She's not ashamed around me…not anymore anyways."

"Why is that?" she asks with a curious, playful tone.

"Umm, I have a history in dealing with this sort of thing."

Grandma gets a weird look on her face and I realize what she's thinking.

"Oh no! Not me. I've never…it was my cousin. He had a drug problem…and he died because of it. So I know the pain she's feeling, and I've had to deal with watching someone I love going through withdrawal before…so I kinda know what to expect and what can be done to help."

"Someone you love?"

Uh-oh…busted. Should I even bother trying to cover?

"Uh, yeah…my cousin."

"And Linka? What are your reasons for helping her? Are you that great of a friend?"

"I hope so. I'd like to think that I'd be a great friend to any of my friends that are going through this." I have this sudden urge to tell her everything. How I really feel…maybe it'll get back to Linka. That way, she'd know without me telling her, and if she likes what she hears, she'll come to me…and if she doesn't, she'll do nothing and I'll know where I stand. "But I admit…I'm doing more for Linka than I probably would anyone else. She's…special to me."

"She mentions you often in letters and in phone conversations."

"She does?"

"Da. So you must be special to her too."

God, I hope so!

"But she is a quiet, private girl and does not tell her grandmuska the details of her love life."

Love life?

"So, is there anything I should know?" She asks.

"I don't know…maybe you can tell me!" I say, hoping that Grandma can enlighten me. Give me a hint. Give me some hope.

"You are her boyfriend, da?"

"Uh…no!" I stammer. "Um, unless she's said something to you otherwise…we've never…I mean…we're not…I care about her…very much…but I didn't think she…"

"Linka does not show her feelings as freely as most…but she cares. She does not reveal what is in her heart…but you are definitely there…I just do not know how deeply. But now I see that you do not know either."

"I'll take any little bit I can get," I admit.

"Be patient with her. In time, she will let you know."

"That's not why I'm here…just so you know. I don't have any ulterior motives. I just want her to be okay."

"I know. I can see that. And I trust you. So if you think that it is best that I keep my distance for now, I will. You have been doing a good job of taking care of her so far. You should be the one that continues to be there for her…but if there is anything you need, anything I can do to help…please let me know."

"I will. And thank you for trusting me with your granddaughter. I want you to know that I'd do anything for her…I'd trade places with her in a second if I could."

"I know."

"Can you do me one favor?"

"Of course."

"I don't wanna leave her…incase she wakes up…I don't want her to wake up alone…can you bring me a glass of water for her? And in the Geo Cruiser, there is a first aid kit…can you bring that to me?"

"Da, it will at least make me feel useful."

She leaves and returns a few minutes later with two glasses of water, one for me and one for Linka, and a plate of food for me, along with the first aid kit that I requested.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome. Thank you Wheeler, for taking such good care of my granddaughter."

"It's my pleasure."

Her grandmother smiles at me before leaving.

I'm starving, but don't wanna eat yet…I think I'll wake Linka up so she can explain to me what it is!

I open the first aid kit and find what I'm looking for…smelling salts. I sit on the bed next to her, placing my arm behind her neck to cradle her as I wave the smelling salts under her nose. She jerks back, gets a foul look on her face, and says something I've never heard before.

"Ahueyet!"

Whatever it is, she seems angry. In a few more seconds, her eyes open slowly.

"Wha-? Where…?"

"Sssh, just relax and breathe," I say as I toss the smelling salts to the side and brush my hand down her cheek.

"Wheeler?" She whispers. "What happened?"

"You fainted Babe."

"That woman…the priest…everything was crushing me. I could not breathe. I could not find you."

"I was there. I was trying to get to you, but the crowd…I got to you just before you passed out. I caught you though."

"Of course you did."

"Here," I say as I hold the glass of water her grandmother brought her up to her lips.

"Spasiba."

"You're welcome…speaking of Russian phrases, what did you say when you woke up?"

She thinks for a moment, and then remembers.

"Nothing."

"Come on…tell me!"

"Nyet, it is bad!"

"I like bad," I whisper as I lean my head against hers.

"I know you do…you are bad at video games, sports, paying attention…"

"Hey!" I protest as I poke my fingers into her side, causing her to squeal and laugh.

Once she stops laughing, she takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as she pinches the bridge of her nose.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Da, just got dizzy. It is passing."

"Sorry."

I should have known better. I was putting my own need to flirt and have an excuse to touch her ahead of her well being. She's in no condition for silly games and over exerting herself.

"For making me laugh? Da, how dare you!" She says sarcastically.

"You know what I mean."

"And I told you…STOP. APOLOGIZING!"

"I know, I know. I can't help it. It's habit."

She smiles, pauses, and then says,

"I smell…Pelmeni!"

"Yeah, is that what that is? Your Gram brought it for me to eat…I was waiting for you to wake up though."

"Oh nyet, I could not possibly eat that."

"No, I was waiting for you to tell me what it is! It didn't feel right asking her!"

"I told you, it is Pelmeni."

"Yeah, okay…but what **_is_** it?" I ask.

"Try it," she urges.

"Not until I know what's in it!"

"My grandmother is not going to serve you anything that is not edible! And besides, you have never been picky about what you eat before!"

"Sure I have! I always know _WHAT_ I'm eating! It kinda looks like ravioli…minus the sauce."

"I guess it sort of is. It is a traditional Russian dish usually made with minced meat filling, wrapped in thin dough, made out of flour and eggs, sometimes with milk or water added. For the filling, Grandmuska usually mixes together pork, lamb, and beef. Various spices, such as pepper, onions, and garlic are mixed into the filling."

"It smells good."

"And it tastes good! I wish I had the stomach for it…but I do not think I can handle it now."

"Do you want a bite? Just eat half of one? You know…to prove to me that it is actually safe!" I tease.

"Fork it over, as you would say!"

I cut one of the stuffed dumplings in half…it doesn't look that bad, stab it with the fork, and move it towards her mouth for her to take a bite. She doesn't notice when a drop of the broth falls onto her chin. I set the fork down and look for a napkin…it seems Grandma forgot about that, so I just take my thumb and wipe it off. She looks up at me and blushes before wiping at her chin.

"Don't worry, I got it all."

"Sorry," she says shyly.

"Don't be…I was the one that dripped on you!"

After a few moments of awkward silence, I ask her,

"Are you feeling any better?"

"I am exhausted."

"I should let you rest," I say.

"Nyet, I am fine. You do not need to leave."

"But you just said…"

"That does not mean I was trying to send you away," she says as she looks up at me from where I'm still cradling her.

"Okay then…I'll stay."

"Unless you are tired and want to go…"

"Nope…I don't wanna go anywhere," I can honestly say that. There's no other place in this world where I rather would be.

"Good, I am comfortable…as long as you are? I am not too heavy am I?"

"No way! Haven't you seen these pythons I call arms?" I joke as I flex.

"I **_may_** have noticed once or twice," she says as she snuggles into my arms.

From where I'm sitting behind her, she can't see me as I smile sadly and think, _don't tease me like that Linka…don't make me believe that you notice me_.

We stay like that for a while as I eat the Pelmeni with one hand, while continuing to cradle her in my other arm. She asks me about what I thought of the vigil. I told her how in some ways, it is similar to how we'd do a wake, and I pointed out the differences. She explained to me what was going on and the words that were being said. Once again, it was the same general idea of what I'm used to seeing.

"What are you?" She asks.

"Huh? I'm a guy, a Planeteer, an American, a red head…"

"Nyet, I mean…I was thinking earlier…I do not know what religion you are. We have never really discussed it. We have never had a reason too. You do not need to answer if you do not want to, if it is too personal."

"No, I don't mind. You're right, it's never come up before now. And it's not personal at all. Not to me anyways. I'm not a religious person. I've got my beliefs and that's all I need. I don't need someone telling me what to do, or how to do it, so I don't really practice anything anymore, but I was raised a Catholic. I used to go to church every Sunday when I was younger. Then when I got older, my dad stopped going…too hung over from being out Saturday night. My mom kept going and would take me with her, but once I got older, I'd sleep in late and she'd get tired of having to fight to get me out of bed. So I just stopped going, except on Christmas, Easter, weddings, and funerals."

"It will be interesting to see what you think of our church, how it compares to what you are used to."

"Yeah. So, what are you, if you don't mind my asking? Besides, blonde, beautiful, and Soviet?"

"Russian Orthodox."

"That's what I figured. My neighborhood in Brooklyn, Bensonhurst, is a big time Italian area. The majority of the residents are Italian, speak Italian, and are basically very stereotypical Italian. Organized crime and such."

"Like the Godfather?"

HA! I laugh at her pop culture reference. So she really does like the movies I pick out! I'll remember this!

"Not quite! The Godfather type would live in Dyker Heights…Bensonhurst is more like the ones who work for the Godfather."

"The Goodfellas?"

I laugh again and she looks up at me, wondering if she's said something wrong.

"Yeah, I guess so. I've never really thought of it that way, but that's a good way to explain it. Anyway, the churches are pretty elaborate. And the thing about America, in the older parts of it, many of the people who settled there brought parts of their culture with them. The designs of the older churches are very 'European.'"

"Really?"

"Yeah, so I'm really interested to see what your church looks like…unless you've changed your mind and don't want to go…" I say, hoping that it's not too late to make her change her mind.

"Wheeler, I am too exhausted to have this argument with you. I know you mean well, and I know you are probably right, especially after today…but I _HAVE_ to go to Boris' funeral. I have to be there for my family. I need to continue to try to mend the relationship between my uncle and me."

WHY? I want to yell and tell her what a scum bag her uncle is. He's a selfish jerk. But the best thing for me to do is just change the subject…and I have to use the restroom. And it would probably be nice if I took my plate out the kitchen to be washed. Besides, it'll give me an excuse to drop the whole 'Dmitri' subject.

"Hey Babe," I say softly. "I gotta get up. I need to take this dish out to the kitchen to clean it off."

"I can get it tomorrow."

For a brief moment, I consider it. I'd rather stay here…and it sounds like she doesn't want me to leave either…or maybe I'm imagining it…I'm probably imagining it.

"Thanks, but I don't want your grandma to think I'm a pig."

"Since when have you cared about cleaning up dishes? When we are running low on plates on Hope Island, we know to go check your room because they are probably all piled up and dirty there! If you want to leave…just say so."

NO! No way! That's not what I wanted her to think!

"I don't wanna leave…Erm, I, uh,…I'll stay if you want. I just…I gotta pee. Just didn't think…that is…I mean…too much information?"

"Oh…sorry!"

It seems we're both always apologizing. Then she continues.

"I did not mean to hold you up. Go! Sorry," she stammers as she sits up just enough to let me up.

"It's ok," I chuckle as I gather the plate up and head towards the door.

"Wheeler?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you coming back? Or are you going to bed?"

"We should both get some sleep," I say. Then I see the scared look on her face, so I hurry to reassure her. "I'll be back though. I'll stay with you until you fall asleep."

I take my plate out to the kitchen where I see her Grandma finishing cleaning up. I clear my throat so I don't startle her. She turns around and says,

"Oh Wheeler, how did you like the Pelmeni?"

"I liked it very much. Thank you. I just wanted to bring the plate out and wash it so that it didn't sit in Linka's room overnight."

She takes the plate from me before I have a chance to offer to do it myself.

"Sorry, I feel like I should be doing more to help you. You had all these people in your house and were left with this huge mess to clean up by yourself."

"It is ok. You are helping me in a more important way. Making sure Linka is taken care of and knowing that she is being cared for is a great burden lifted off my shoulders…how is she doing?"

"She's awake. She had a few bites of the Pelmeni."

"Good. It was always a favorite of hers. Did you tell her what happened?"

"You mean about what Dmitri said? No. And I don't plan on it. She doesn't need that stress," I say.

"But how is she? Does she need anything? Is she feeling well?"

"She's tired, but other than that, she's hanging in there. I should probably get back to her. I told her I'd stay with her."

When her grandmother raises her eyebrows at me, I clarify,

"Umm, until she falls asleep."

She nods in understanding.

"I should go."

I hastily retreat from the kitchen, not wanting my face to get redder than it already is.

When I get back to Linka's room, she's already asleep. I think about just leaving, but something pulls me in. A need to make sure she's really asleep, and comfortable. I see that she's changed her clothes and into something more comfortable to sleep in; one of my hoodies and a pair of sweatpants. They are huge on her, so much so that the legs cover her feet…which is good I guess. It'll help keep her feet warm.

I grab a blanket from the foot of her bed and drape it over her. Then I kneel down next to her, brushing the hair from her face. She looks peaceful. Her hand is sticking out from the blanket so I take it to move it back underneath the covers and notice how cold it is. I take her hand in both of mine.

I grab an extra pillow and place it on the floor to sit on, making myself more comfortable. I'm going to be here a little while longer. I can't leave her like this.

"How much longer are you gonna have to go through this Babe?" I ask as I lay my head down on the bed and look at her. Big mistake. I didn't realize how tired I was until I put my head down. I'll just shut my eyes for a minute. It won't take long for me to warm her hands up.

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 12 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	13. Chapter 13: Day 9, Morning

**A/N: I'm posting a little early because I won't be around tomorrow. Don't worry, LouiseX's part will be posted tomorrow. **

* * *

**Chapter 13: Day 9, Morning**

The next time I open my eyes, I see her baby blues looking back at me. She's beautiful…like she always has been, but even more so. Gone are the dark circles under her eyes and the sunken in features. She smiles at me and I smile back.

"Good morning," she says.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?"

"I feel great."

"You look…great."

There really has been a huge improvement. It's amazing how it happened overnight.

"Thanks to you. You got me through this. I owe you my life," she says, her hand stroking my cheek. They are much warmer now than they were last night.

"You don't owe me anything."

"Sssh, let me show you my appreciation."

She's buried her fingers into my hair and I can feel her pulling me towards her…what the…? She presses her lips to mine and I'm frozen…but I don't want her to think that it means I want her to stop, so I move closer, making the contact between us more firm, brushing my lips over hers. She maintains her grip on the back of my head and rolls onto her back, pulling me with her.

"Wheeler," I hear her whisper, but continue kissing her, struggling with whether or not to open my eyes and watch her, or keep them closed to keep things from being awkward.

She continues to brush her fingers through my hair and once again, she speaks,

"Oh Yankee."

I open my eyes and…I'm back to my original position of sitting on the floor, resting my head on the bed. A dream. I sigh in disappointment.

"You have done it again. Fallen asleep in an uncomfortable position for my sake. I did not mean for you to have to stay here all night. Just until I fell asleep, and I ended up falling asleep before you returned anyway," she says as she continues stroking my hair.

"I know…but I was gonna stay with you a little longer. Then I noticed your hands were cold…so I tried to warm them up. I guess I fell asleep."

"How is your neck?" She asks as she slides her hand from my head, down to rest on the back of my neck.

"Uh…it's fine."

Part of me wishes that she'll insist on giving me a massage like she did last time, but it's really not necessary. I feel fine.

"I am sorry I had to wake you, but it is getting late and we need to get ready for the funeral."

"Yeah. How long have you been up?"

"Not long. I was just giving you as much time as possible to sleep. I know this has been a long, tough trip for you," she says.

My heart leaps at the thought of her laying there, watching me sleep.

"Tough for me? What about you? I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I say as I stand up, hating the fact that I have to break the contact between us.

She stands up as well, staying in front of me.

"I do worry about you though…burdening you with my troubles and problems."

"Hey hey hey…I don't wanna hear that. You're not burdening me. You're my friend and your problems are my problems," I say as I put my hands on her shoulders.

She looks down, but I tilt her chin up so that she'll look at me.

"Got it?"

"Da."

"Good," I say.

I lean down, touching my forehead to hers. I contemplate kissing her. Maybe the dream was trying to tell me something…that it'd be ok. I search her eyes and I see…her pleading…but for what? To do it, or to not? Would it be just what she needed…or too much for her to take in?

I've made up my mind. I take her face in my hands and place a chaste kiss on her forehead. It's better than nothing right? It's sort of become our 'thing.'

"I better go get ready. Come get me when you're finished."

"Okay," she says sadly.

She must be thinking of Boris and the funeral. I wish there was something I could do or say that would cheer her up. I'll think about it while I get ready, but I doubt I'll ever find the right words to say.

* * *

I spent the majority of my time in the shower thinking about what more I could say to Linka to make her feel better. I knew I couldn't really come up with anything that would work, but at least I could try and cheer her up, even if it is just for a moment.

I just stepped out of the shower when I hear voices. I pay closer attention and I hear Grandma giving it to someone…in Russian, so I don't know what she's saying, but her voice is raised and has that distinct "I'm not happy with you" tone. I hope it's the neighbor that gave Linka a hard time yesterday! I imagine the nosey neighbor's face as Grandma puts her in her place. I wrap the towel around my waist and listen. It's pointless since I can't understand, but I'm still curious. Then my heart stops as I hear Linka yell "**Nyet**!"

I run out of the bathroom and straight to her, thinking about nothing but her as I pull her into my arms and ask "What's wrong? What's happened Babe?"

She grabs my arm, but continues to address her grandmother, still speaking in Russian. Whatever they're talking about, it's not meant for me to hear. All I can do is hold her tightly, running my hand up and down her arm.

I listen to their conversation, trying to pick up something _anything_ that I might recognize. I'm getting nothing though. Other than the change in tone of their voices, I can pick nothing up. She's on an emotional rollercoaster from what I can gather. At first, she seemed angry…defensive. And she continued to be on the defense, as if she were explaining herself…what did she do? At one point, she looked at me as if she were referring to me and then went back to talking to her grandma. Was this about me? Did I do something wrong? I'm so confused. I thought Grandma and I had an understanding. I thought she was okay with me.

Linka is still clinging to me, not at all deterred by my current state of undress. She says something, softly, sadly, as if she's ashamed. Like she could just crawl underneath something and hide from the world…there's always my towel! NO NO NO, focus Wheeler! Your friend needs you to be there for her, get your mind out of the gutter.

Linka's next words bring me back. Gone was her soft, sad voice. Whatever she just said, it was said with certainty and confidence…and from the way Grandma is looking at me, I'd guess it was about me.

I look between the two of them and continue to wonder what's going on. If it were anyone else upsetting Linka, I'd step in and put a stop to it, but I don't want to get in the middle of something I don't understand when it's a family matter. I'm still protectively gripping Linka when Grandma says something, her expression changing, softening, and now she's holding her arms out to Linka. She looks up at me and smiles,

"It is okay Yankee. It was just a misunderstanding. I am fine."

I search her eyes for the truth. I find it. She's fine and wants to go to her grandmother. I release her and watch the two as they hug.

"Go and finish your wash Wheeler," she says with a smile. "It is just girls stuff."

Girls stuff? I raise my eyebrow at her in question. Now's not the time. I'll ask her what this was all about later.

"I won't be long," I say as I head back towards the bathroom, stopping one last time to make absolutely sure that she's okay.

* * *

I get back to the bathroom and examine myself in the mirror. I can't believe I ran out into the hallway like this! Held Linka against me with nothing more than terrycloth separating us. What did that look like to her grandmother? Could that have been part of their conversation? Doesn't matter now. Like I said, I'll ask Linka about it later. For now, I've got more important things to focus on…how should I do my hair?

I slick it back…too formal looking. I mess it up…not dressy enough. I squeeze some hair gel into my hand and try one more thing…smoothing out the sides and back, but letting the top fall naturally after running my hands through my hair casually. Perfect!

I let Linka know that I'm done in the bathroom and that it's available for her to use now as I head into my room to finish getting ready.

* * *

I get dressed, the only thing left is putting on my tie. I try and I try, but I can't seem to get it. I'm getting frustrated…do I really even need to wear this dumb thing? Then there is a knock on my door.

"Come in," I say as I turn around to see Linka. "Hey Babe…you look nice."

She's done her make up and hair. Even her clothing looks like it fits her better.

"Thank you. So do you."

"Thanks. And your timing is perfect. I hope you know how to tie a neck tie cuz my Ma usually did that for me and I haven't had to wear a suit since…" I pause to think. Oh yeah, that's right…"James' funeral."

"Oh," she says sadly. "I am sorry."

I didn't mean to make her sad, or feel bad for me.

"It's okay…Wanna hear somethin' funny?"

She raises her eyebrows indicating I should continue.

"I wore the same suit to James' wedding as I did his funeral! **_THAT'S_** how often I actually wear a suit!"

She gives me a sad smile.

"So…can you help me out with my tie or not?" I say, trying to lighten the mood.

"Da. I can do your tie for you."

"Thanks."

"It is the least I can do."

She takes the tie from my hands, our fingers brushing briefly during the exchange. She proceeds to lift up my collar, reach behind me to pull the tie around my neck, and then begins the process of making the knot. I should be paying attention to how she's doing the knot, but all I can do is look at her. The concentration on her face. The way her brow creases as she tries to remember the next step, and then how the corners of her mouth turn up in a slightly satisfied smile when she remembers. Once she finishes, she steps closer to me to fold my collar back down, looking up at me as she does so. Our faces are just inches apart. She looks down and smoothes the tie out, running her hand down my chest, and says,

"All done."

I turn to look in the mirror to check out her work. I can see her looking at me through the reflection, watching my reaction, making sure I approve.

"Thanks Babe," I say as I raise my arm up and loop it around her shoulders, pulling her against my side. She puts her arm around my waist and we stay like that for a while.

We look at each other in the mirror. We look good, all dressed up. For a brief second, I imagine that we're NOT going to a funeral…that we're going somewhere different. A friend or family member's wedding, a fancy dinner party, a date…my thoughts are interrupted when Linka asks,

"Why is it that women know how to tie neckties, but they do not wear them, and yet men do not know how to tie them, although they are the ones that wear them?"

I consider her words for a moment while trying to decide how to respond.

"Easy," I say as I hold my hand up, and then take her hand, placing our palms against each other. "Your hands are smaller therefore your fingers are more nimble and can maneuver the material of the tie around better."

"Oooooh, is that it?"

"Yep," I confirm as I lace our fingers together. "Well, that and the fact that women are smarter than men."

She lets out a surprised laugh. Betcha she never thought she'd ever hear those words coming out of my mouth!

"So you FINALLY admit it?"

"Only to you Babe," I say as I squeeze her hand. As much as I hate to have to do it, we should probably get moving so we are not late. "Ready to go?"

"Ready as I will ever be," she sighs. I continue to hold her hand as I lead her to the door.

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 13 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	14. Chapter 14: Day 9, Morning, Continued

**A/N: I'm posting early again because I'm going on vacation and don't know if I'll have access to the internet. I know most hotels have wi-fi, but I'm staying at a friend's condo. Louise's chapter will be up sometime this weekend.**

* * *

Chapter 14: Day 9, Morning continued

I'm still holding Linka's hand as we walk towards the church. We're walking in silence, and I'm listening to the sound of the funeral bells. It's as if they're leading us to the church, telling everyone what's going on. The silence is broken when Linka mentions wondering where Dmitri is and how she was encouraged by the fact that he seemed fine after the ceremony. I quickly change the subject to my eagerness to see the church.

Her grandmother hasn't said a word this whole time. I feel bad for her…she's lost a grandchild, her son is being a jerk, and she is having to deal with the knowledge that she could have lost another grandchild to Bliss…and the turmoil that this whole situation is causing her family. I make a mental note to let her know somehow that she's not alone…I'll also be here for her…since Linka can't, even though I know she wants to…she just can't.

I wonder if Linka can read my mind because at that very moment, she squeezes my hand. I squeeze hers in return as I look over at her and smile. I wish she could read my mind…or that I can read hers…things would be so much easier.

I know this isn't easy for her…I knew it wouldn't be…but now's not the time for "I told you so." Besides, the look on her face says it all. She thinks this is a mistake. She's chewing on her bottom lip like she always does when she's thinking…thinking too much undoubtedly. I can't stop thinking about what she said earlier…about burdening me with her troubles. Have I done anything in these past few days to make her think that I felt that way? I hope not, because I definitely don't. If anything, this has been helping me. At first it was a painful reminder of my cousin…but now, it's like therapy. This has helped me to be more understanding of what James was going through…and seeing Linka deal with her pain and her anger with Boris…it's exactly how I felt, and I always felt so guilty for being mad at James for dying. But now I see that it's normal. Linka has helped me to see that it's normal. And being at the funeral doesn't necessarily mean that she'll forgive Boris…it didn't help me forgive James.

I let go of her hand, put my arm around her waist, and pull her against my side as I whisper,

"You don't have to do this."

"I do but... **you** do not. It was selfish of me to ask you, I know it is bringing back bad memories."

I knew it. What can I say to make her realize that she doesn't need to worry about me? This isn't bothering me. The only thing that's bothering me is that she thinks I don't want to be here. Doesn't she know by now that I'm doing this for her? I try to tell her that with my eyes. Unless…maybe she doesn't want me here. Maybe I've been too persistent. Maybe she's worried what everyone is thinking about her…or more specifically, about me being here with her. I have to know…and it'll give her a chance to send me away if my being here really does make her uncomfortable.

"But you still **want** me with you right?" I ask, not knowing what I'll do or say if she says no.

"Always..."

My heart is so full of hope; it feels like it might burst. I try to restrain myself from picking her up and swinging her around. It's like she's answered every question I've ever had about 'us' with one simple word.

"I mean, why would I not want you with me? We are good friends Da?"

Oh. Good friends.

"Da," I say as I give her a squeeze. "Don't worry about me Babe, I'm fine and I'm not going anywhere."

So maybe my hopes are a little dashed…but at least I know that she wants me here…and I meant what I said, I'm not going anywhere.

Linka's grandmother laughs quietly. I look over at her with a wink and a smile. She nods at me and returns my smile. I hope it's a sign that she approves. I check out the exterior of the church. It's pretty amazing. I told Linka that many of the churches in the older US cities had a lot of European influence, but I'd never seen a church like this. There's a big dome that kinda resembles…an onion. Yeah, leave it to me to use food to describe something! But that's what it looks like. It's like all the pictures that I've seen of that famous cathedral in Moscow…you know the one…it's the building that you think of when you think of the Soviet Union. Of course this church isn't as elaborate as Saint Basil's Cathedral…way less domes and not as colorful. There is only one dome and it is gold. I wonder if the color means anything.

"Hey Babe, does the number of domes and color of the dome mean anything?"

"Da. Very observant of you Yankee!"

"I told you, I couldn't wait to see the difference…so what's it mean?"

"For example, on this church, one dome symbolizes Jesus...as does the gold color. Some churches, you will see three domes which symbolize the Holy Trinity…green domes also signify the Holy Trinity. Blue domes mean the Spirit of God and you will see black domes in monasteries."

"Cool. Thanks."

"You are welcome…just wait until you see the inside!"

We enter the church and she whispers,

"We must buy a candle and place it in the stands in memory of Boris."

I purchase my candle, not wanting to offend the grieving family, or do anything that would go against their practices. I look around the inside of the church and instantly notice that there are no pews! There are murals of religious icons all over the place, saints and such. Lots of gold accents. It sort of gives all the paintings and sculptures dimension. There's an icon screen that reaches all the way up into the dome. Even the ceiling inside the dome has an image of Jesus painted on it. There are no lights. All of the light coming from inside the church is generated by candlelight.

Boris' body is laid out, his casket in the middle of the church. People have already arrived, but they stand aside to make room for Linka and her grandmother. I see the way they look at her. I stand behind her, partly because I don't think it's my place to be up front, but mostly because I'm blocking her from their view.

Dmitri is there too, standing next to the casket and crying for his only child. Linka takes a step towards him, but I stop her and shake my head. She gives me a questioning look, unsure of whether or not to argue with me or listen to me. Thankfully her grandmother sees what's going on and says to her,

"Listen to him, your uncle is not yet ready to forgive."

That's putting it mildly!

Linka nods, giving in, but I can see the pain and sadness in her eyes. I place my hand on the small of her back, once again trying to transfer strength to her just with a simple gesture. I don't know if it works, but it's gotta provide some sort of comfort. And remembering what I said to myself earlier, I place my hand on Grandma's shoulder and give it a squeeze, letting her know that I'm here for her as well as we wait for the ceremony to begin.

The service begins. I'm pretty much lost. There's music and readings. I wish I knew what they said, but it's probably pretty much the same as what I'm used to seeing. The Bible is the Bible right? The language may change, but it's still the same stories. Unfortunately, I just don't know which ones they're telling! Even though I can't understand, I can still feel the power of the readings though…weird. I always get this feeling when I go to church. It's a good feeling, but a weird feeling. No matter what's going on, I always feel better. Kinda makes me wonder why I don't go more often. Would I get the feeling every time? Or would it go away? Maybe it's God telling me "Hey, I got my eye on you buddy!" Wow…now that's a scary thought! People do a lot of bad things when they think no one is looking. I look over at Linka and smile. I do a lot of bad things involving Linka when I think no one's looking! I squeeze my eyes shut and grimace. CHURCH, WHEELER! CHURCH! Focus. I take a deep breath and let it out. Hopefully people are more focused on Boris and the service than they are me. I know that's not true though. I know many of these people are curious as to what exactly I'm doing here. What I am to Linka…good question. And I'm sure Dmitri has told them all sorts of stories about the both of us. Many of these people probably think I don't belong here. They probably think Linka doesn't belong here either. I look at her again, and if they see what I see, they'll know that's not true. She's crying, and she's not even attempting to stop her tears or hide her emotions.

The priest is waving the incense over Boris' body as the crowd sings. That's something that's familiar to me. When I was younger, I was an alter boy for a few years. They paid us to do the funerals. I'd always accept those offers. To this day, the smell of incense makes me feel like I'm 10 again. Sometimes, I wish I was. The innocence of it all. Not having to deal with death unless it was to make a few bucks as an alter boy. It was no one I knew, so it didn't affect me. Of course, then there was my dad…I wouldn't want to go back to that. And then there's Linka. I wouldn't want to give what we have up…not that we have anything…just…I wouldn't want to give up knowing her…being friends.

Now the priest is doing something with holy water, and saying what I can only guess is another prayer. And now there are more readings. I wonder how much more Linka is going to be able to take. This is really starting to drain me; I can only imagine how she feels.

My question is answered when I feel her reach back and take my hand, pulling it around her as she leans back into me for support. Something's different…Oh. Now I know why she looked so good in her funeral dress. She's got layers of clothes on underneath it. That's why it fit her so well. That's why she looked…healthier. _Oh Babe. I wish there was more I can do_. I hold her against me, hoping that it's enough to help her, and also wishing that this would all be over soon.

"Boris was a good and kind young man," I hear the priest say, shocking me back to attention when I recognize the words. Why all of a sudden the switch to English? "He loved God and he loved his family and those of us who are left behind will miss him dearly."

The priest continues telling stories about Boris' childhood. Sounds like a great kid…too bad he turned into such a jerk. Where are those stories? Where are the stories about how he nearly got his cousin killed to satisfy his own drug habit? Is this fantastic guy the same one who sacrificed his cousin for some pills? Made her an addict by sneaking the drugs into her food? Put her through the pain she's going through now, not just the withdrawal, but the guilt that she's carrying? Where are those stories? Since we're doing this service in English now, perhaps they'd like me to tell these stories? Nah, I won't. For Linka's sake, I'll keep quiet.

But don't think for a second that I don't know why all of a sudden we're speaking my language. This is Dmitri's way of making a point; trying to make me feel guilty for not saving his son. I don't know what he thinks I could have done. He wasn't there. How about that? Where was he when his son was Blissed out? Anyone care to ask him that question? I'd love to. And what kind of man uses his son's funeral to make a point…to get back at me? I look at him, willing him to look at me. I want him to see my face, to read the look in my eyes, but instead, he's staring down Linka. I glance down at her to see her feelings are clearly written on her face. She's suspicious of the sudden switch to English too.

The priest is praying again. Is this over yet? I want to bend down and ask Linka. I don't even care if it seems heartless. I'm not feeling very compassionate at the moment. But before I get a chance to ask her, she's leaving me to go stand at the side of the casket.

The next thing I know, she's leaning down and placing a kiss on his cheek. So I move forward with her not wanting to be too far away, partly incase she faints, but mostly because I like having her close. I like that she wants me to put my arm around her; that she makes the first move and leans into me. I reach out, letting her know that I've followed her, that I'm still close if she needs me. Once she straightens up, I move my hand up from it's resting place on the small of her back, to gently squeeze her shoulder and rub my thumb soothingly between her shoulder blades. I can feel the tension and make a mental note to do something about it later. I can feel everyone's eyes on her...And on me, observing my actions. Is it inappropriate? I don't think so. It's not like I'm doing anything improper.

She smiles at me. I guess I'm doing ok. I slide my hand down her back and take her hand, lacing my fingers with hers. She steps away, which puts me in front of the casket. They're still looking at me. There's no way in hell I'm kissing him. Yeah, we do this back home. Kissing a deceased loved one to say goodbye isn't uncommon...but he's no 'loved one' of mine...and he's a dude. I don't kiss guys. Even if this is some sort of Ruskie tradition, it's not my culture. They don't honestly expect me to kiss him too…do they? Plus, these people already hate me for no reason. It's not like I need to try to make a good impression on them. But for Linka's sake, I guess I should act like I care. I make the sign of the cross and bow my head, pretending to say a prayer for Boris. Instead, I'm praying for myself.

"_God, please forgive me for hating this kid...even at his funeral, I can't forgive him for what he's done. I think he got what he deserved...I know You'd want me to forgive him, but I can't. So I need You to forgive me for having so much hate for him. And I also need You to help Linka get through this. Losing her cousin, the situation with her uncle, but more importantly, get her through this withdrawal. She needs strength, and I'm trying to give her all of mine, but it's not enough. She needs Your strength too...oh, and I'm sorry I don't go to church more...Amen."_

I finish my prayer and stand aside, making room for Grandma to say goodbye to her grandson. I give her a sad smile before turning to Linka who squeezes my hand. She's looking pale and weak, so I release her hand and put my arm around her, pulling her against my side as she leans into me for support. She's crying, letting the tears fall and making no attempt to stop them. I take my other hand and gently brush my fingers over her cheek, but all I manage to do is smear the tear, not dry it. Since this is my wedding and funeral suit, I know for a fact that I have a handkerchief in my pocket. I pull it out and use it instead, and when I'm done drying her tears, I hand her the handkerchief to hold. It'll give her something to do with her hands.

Everyone has made their way up to Boris to give their final goodbye. I guess things must be wrapping up here. The casket has been closed. Good. It's getting stuffy in here, I'm sweating my ass off, and I can't wait to get out to the cool, fresh air.

* * *

To Be Continued…

Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 14 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	15. Chapter 15: Day 9, continued

Chapter 15: Day 9, continued

We get more candles to take with us outside as we light them and stand around the graveside. More praying and some singing. I can't understand the words to the song, but I can guarantee that it's most likely a typical funeral hymn. The melody of the music is enough to give it away.

I've got one arm around Linka, and my other arm is linked with Grandma's. I'm glad I can offer her some support…and in a way, I guess she's showing her support of me. I don't care what the rest of these people think. As long as Linka's grandma likes me, I'm good.

Linka leans over and says,

"They are singing 'Be open, o earth, and receive the body that has been created in the image of God.'"

I nod, not knowing what else to do.

**_FINALLY_** they lower the casket into the ground. Good riddance Boris. Hopefully, we can go home soon…and by home, I don't mean Linka's house. I mean Hope Island.

All these people keep coming up to us, offering their condolences I guess. They hug and kiss Grandma, take her hand and squeeze it. Some of them even address Linka. I'm not sure if she even gets what they are saying. She is silent the whole time, nodding when the time seems right and trying to force a smile. Those that don't know her as well as I do might believe she's fine. I know better.

Linka's grandma says something to her in Russian and Linka nods. Her grandma walks over to another headstone a few yards away from Boris'.

"My grandfather's grave," Linka explains.

"Oh."

"Is it ok if we stay here a little longer while she visits? She does not get to come here to visit as much as she would like to."

"Of course it's fine," I confirm. I hesitate to ask my next question because it might be too personal. "Are…your parents here?"

"Da, over here," she says as she leads me by my hand towards the graves, located right next to her grandfather.

I can't read anything since it's in Russian; no names, no dates. I'd like to know more about them, but don't want to ask. There's no reason I need to know other than my own curiosity. Linka has spoken of her father before, but doesn't mention her mother much, but I know that her mom died when Linka was really young. The sound of Linka's voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Mamma, Papa, this is Jason," she says as she kneels down to brush away some dead leaves from the head stone.

I kneel down next to her and help her clear the leaves.

"Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Orlov."

Then she turns to look over at me.

"I know it is silly to talk to them. I know they are not here."

I put my arm around her.

"Nah, it's not silly at all. And they are here. They are always with you everywhere you go."

"I hope not…they would be so ashamed of me."

"No way," I say to her. I then place my hand on the headstone and address her parents. "Your little girl has grown into a beautiful, kind, compassionate, intelligent woman. You'd be proud of her and all her accomplishments. She's a hero."

I say those last words to her as I press my lips to her temple.

She wipes her eyes and stands up, pulling me with her.

"Thank you," she says as she leans into my side, linking her arm with mine and taking my hand.

I smile at her and joke,

"Did your parents speak English or should you translate?"

I was hoping to get her to repeat the words to herself, so she'd believe it.

"I think they will get it," she blushes.

I stand behind her and cross my arms in front of her to keep her warm, nuzzling my nose against the side of her head and letting my lips brush against her ear. In a way, it's giving her a moment alone with her parents, but at the same time, it's my way of showing them that their daughter is in good hands. She's safe, I'll make sure of that.

Linka's grandma comes up to us and let's us know that she is ready when we are and the three of us begin our walk back to her house.

Linka holds onto my hand tightly as we walk back to her house in total silence. Her hand is freezing. I try to engulf it in mine as much as possible to keep it warm, rubbing my thumb over her cold skin. I take off my jacket and hold it out for her as she puts her arms through. And even though I know she's perfectly capable of doing it herself, I stand in front of her and button the jacket. She's so tiny, almost childlike, especially as she looks up at me with a shy smile. After I'm done, I return to her side. She's got her hands shoved in the pockets of the jacket. I'm a little disappointed that I can't hold her hand anymore. That look must be written all over my face because Linka leans into my side and my arm automatically goes around her. This is just as nice. I turn my head and press my lips to the side of her head and linger there for a while. I take back my previous statement…this is better. We continue on to her house like this.

Once we get back to her home, she once again takes my hand and leads me down the hallway, towards our bedrooms. She's still in a daze. I try not to take it personally when it seems as if she's forgotten I'm even here. She releases my hand then heads for her room and I go to mine. I change my clothes and go to the kitchen to prepare her a cup of tea. If anything, it'll warm her hands up and make me feel useful.

I enter her room, not even bothering to knock. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I figured that we've gotten so close, she wouldn't even care. Or that she'd be done undressing by now and I wouldn't be walking in on anything.

Worrying about catching her undressing was unnecessary; she didn't even start. She's sitting on her bed with blankets wrapped around her, shivering.

"Tea, just how you like it," I say, sitting next to her, as closely as I can as I hand her the hot drink. Once she takes it, I put my arms around her, hugging her to me to help keep her warm.

"Spasiba."

"No problem. And I told Grandma we aren't staying for the dinner."

I know she's gonna be mad that I'm making decisions on her behalf, and I'm fully prepared for the argument that's to come, but surprisingly, there is none.

"Is she annoyed?"

"No Babe. Of course not, she understands," I say quickly, kissing her temple. "She did say something about Father Koslov giving us black bread before we leave though. It seemed pretty important to her so I figure I'll take our stuff out to the 'cruiser and then we won't have to walk through with it when the priest is here?"

She nods and drinks her tea, and then she snuggles into my side. I don't want to leave her just yet. I can't. I turn slightly to get comfortable, and to get a better grip on her.

"So what is this about the black bread?" I ask, needing her to talk, trying to let her know I'm interested, and not at all sorry that I came here with her. It really has been an eye opening experience. I start rubbing her arm without even realizing it. Once I do realize though, she doesn't seem to mind, so I'm not gonna stop.

"Kolliva. The bread is blessed and then my uncle will offer it to everyone. The ingredients symbolize death and resurrection as, in the making of the bread; they end one life and become something new and greater."

"Cool."

Lame response, I know, but I didn't really know what else to say. I guess it's good enough because she's smiling.

She finishes her tea and suggests that we start getting our things together and then she'll help her Grandma until Father Koslov comes to bless the bread. I do as she says without protest, although I do regret having to let her go. The sooner we get our stuff together, the sooner we can get out of here, so I'm not gonna argue with that! I just wanna get her back to Hope Island and undo any damage that this trip may have done to her mentally. She's holding up, but being strong and ignoring what's going on around us is wearing on me…I know her well enough to see that she's struggling as well. And I hope she knows me well enough to know how important she is to me and that I'd do anything for her, to make her happy and to keep her happy…including listening to her when she's ordering me around!

Things are pretty quiet at first during the flight home. I can't see her face because she's facing the window, but I'm hoping that she's taking a nap. She could probably use the rest. I'm feeling pretty relieved as I look down at the ocean below, putting as much distance between ourselves and the Soviet Union as I can. Cold War indeed! The icy stares we were getting from Dmitri were giving me chills. Now I know how Linka feels when she can't shake the feeling of being cold.

Before we left, Dmitri led the family though yet another ceremony. When he handed the bread to Linka and me, he didn't even look at us. It was obvious he didn't want us there. Poor grandma. Dealing with the loss of her grandson, having to play peacekeeper and keep her "_adult_" son in line. We couldn't get out of there soon enough in my opinion!

I see that Linka is awake, but deep in thought. That could be dangerous. I should keep her talking.

"What did Grandma mean about coming for the dinner 'next time' Babe? Is she expecting someone else to...I mean it's a bit of a funny thing to say given the circumstances, you know?"

She laughs a little and then turns to face me. "She did not mean another funeral Yankee. We usually have three memorial dinners." She sighs and sadly continues, "Boris should have been buried on the third day after he died, but with the police enquiry and everything it was not possible, that is why it had to be today."

Interesting. We don't have any timelines. It's just a matter of when the body is released from the hospital and when the family finds a funeral home to hold the viewing and a church to do the service. It's all pretty straight forward…I guess. I'm just giving my observations from the sidelines. Hopefully it'll be a long time before I'm actively involved in planning a funeral.

I'm still a little confused as to why he had to be buried today. I think she's a little frustrated at my denseness as she pauses, probably to figure out how to "dumb down" her explanation for me.

"We believe the soul leaves the body on the ninth day, we would normally have had the second memorial today so we combined them." She stops for a few moments before quietly repeating, "It had to be today."

I know what today is; her 17th birthday. I didn't know if I should say anything about it earlier. I want to let her know that I didn't forget, but what do you say? '_Happy_' birthday just doesn't seem like an appropriate thing to say to someone when they're getting ready for a family member's funeral. I'm glad no one else mentioned it either. I didn't want it to seem like I only remembered because someone reminded me.

Truthfully, I'd been planning something for her for a few days…before this whole funeral thing came up. Selfishly, I was mad when I thought it would interfere with my plans, but now that we're headed back to Hope Island, I can still do something for her. Hopefully once we are home, she can put everything that happened with her uncle and the funeral behind her. I just want her to have a nice birthday. It's not fair that the burial _HAD_ to be on her birthday. If it weren't for her explanation, I would have thought that Dmitri planned Boris' burial to be held on Linka's birthday on purpose. I just can't believe no one acknowledged her.

But I remembered. And later, I'll make this day a little happier for her, or at least, I'll try to. I glance over at her and see her looking blankly ahead with a forlorn expression on her face. I reach over and take her hand. Her fingers are so cold. I link mine with hers and ask,

"You okay Babe? You were staring off into space."

"Sorry, I am just tired." She half lies. I'm sure she's tired, but I know that she was thinking of something. If I were her, I'd be thinking about how sucky it is that no one remembered my birthday. I guess it'll make the fact that I did something for her all the more special…not that I'm lookin' to score any bonus points. But who knows…is it too much to hope for a kiss on the cheek?

"The next dinner is on the fortieth day, when the soul moves on to the next world."

Now I'm the one who's staring straight ahead. Hopefully, it just looks like I'm concentrating on flying!

"You wanna go?" I ask, looking over at her.

She shrugs. "I am not sure it is a good idea, I will see how things go."

All I can do is nod. Maybe she'll be better a month from now. I hope. Almost as much as I hope that if she does decide to come back, that she'll want me to accompany her again. I give her hand a squeeze and then release it as I begin piloting our descent to Hope Island.

Home. What a relief. I feel a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders…a sense of freedom. After coming here, I didn't think I'd ever have to go back to New York. This was my 'safe haven' from the hell I left behind. These are my friends. My family. I never want to go back.

Hope Island is all I have.

* * *

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 15 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	16. Chapter 16: Day 9, Evening

**Sorry for the delay. Summer time and we're attempting to have lives! ;) Besides, it seems like people read more during the week than on Sundays...sneaking online at work, eh? Don't worry, I won't tell your boss!**

* * *

**Chapter 16: Day 9, Evening**

Going to Boris' funeral was rough. I felt for his family and friends, I really did, but at the same time, I hated him. I didn't know the "good" Boris that everyone was mourning. I knew the Boris that was out to kill me and my friends just so he could get a fix. The Boris I knew tricked his cousin into getting addicted to a dangerous, deadly substance. And the whole time I was at his funeral, I was thanking God that it was his funeral and not Linka's. I know, I'm a horrible person, right? But he chose this. She didn't. And now I have to watch her suffer through it; Suffer through the pain of addiction and withdrawal, suffer through her cousin's funeral. And it also brings back my own painful memories of James' funeral…and for that, I hate Boris. But I'd never tell Linka that. When she asked me to attend the funeral with her, I didn't even think twice. Linka doesn't ask for favors often, so the fact that she did says a lot about how vulnerable she's feeling. That she felt like she needed me there…that she needed someone to help her through this. I'm glad she's not still trying to do this alone…I'm even happier that she's letting **_me_** be the one to help her.

As if this day wasn't bad enough, it's also her birthday. So for the rest of her life, she gets to associate her birthday with the day they buried her cousin. What did she ever do to deserve this? Nothing. And while I know she's probably not in the mood to celebrate, it's just not right to miss out on celebrating a birthday. It's the perfect excuse to celebrate life instead of mourning death. Besides, I already got her a present and I **_have _**to give it to her on a special occasion, not "just because."

I grab my guitar and sling it around my back, and then head to her cabin with her presents. It's not much, but it's the best I could do since I had to work around the funeral. Besides, I'll be the first to admit that I don't know my way around a kitchen. So it probably is for the best if all I could do for her cake is a two pack of those chocolate cupcakes with the cream in the middle that she likes, but hardly ever allows herself to eat. It's a special occasion I think she'll make an exception. I stick a candle on top of the cupcake intended for her and knock on the door.

"Come in Wheeler."

I enter and say,

"Wow, how'd you know it was me? Did your 'handsome guy radar' start going off?"

"Nyet. By now, I know your knock….and I looked out the window and saw you coming."

"Oh."

After a short pause, she adds,

"_AND_ my 'handsome guy radar' started going off."

I smile at her. Then I pull the cupcake out from behind my back.

"Happy Birthday Babe."

"I do not believe you remembered!"

"Why wouldn't I? Any excuse to have a party right?" I joke before adding in a more serious tone, "and I always remember important things. I didn't want to bring it up at an inappropriate time…but now that we're home…maybe we can pretend that this day has started all over."

"I like that idea."

I point my ring at the candle and use my power to light it…I think out of all the powers, I get the most use out of mine when we're not on missions!

I pull the guitar from around my back and sing happy birthday to her, which makes her smile.

"Now blow out the candle and make a wish."

She closes her eyes and acts like she's thinking about what to wish for, then blows out the candle.

"So, what'd you wish for?" I ask.

"I cannot tell you; otherwise it will not come true."

"Yeah, but if you tell me, I can do my best to MAKE IT come true."

Her only response is to smile sadly at me. Crap…what if her wish was that Boris was still here? Or God forbid, that it had been her instead of him. I need a diversion.

I pull the candle out of her cupcake and offer it to her so she can lick off the excess cream, then take the cupcake out of the plastic container and hand it to her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," I say as I take a bite out of my cupcake. "You still love these things right?"

"Da. I am just not sure if I can keep it down. I am feeling sicker than usual today."

"That's understandable. You don't have to eat it if you don't want to."

"Oh, I want to!"

She's eyeing up the pastry before deciding to take a bite. She smiles when she does. I guess she's happy that she made the right decision.

"I got you a present too," I say as I pull the small box out of my pocket.

"You did not have to get me anything. You have done enough for me these last few days. Your kindness is more than enough."

"Yeah, but you can't unwrap kindness," I say. "Unless you wanna take off my clothes! Then in that case…" Damn it! Wheeler, you idiot! "Uhh, just kidding. I didn't mean to…uh…here," I say as I shut up and hand her the box.

She rolls her eyes and sighs…most likely at my impeccable ability to be an immature ass. Then she gives me a half smile as she starts to unwrap the box and holds up the gift to look at it.

"Oh Wheeler…it is beautiful," she says as she examines the small trinkets of the charm bracelet.

"Yeah, that's what made it remind me of you," I say, trying a more gentlemanly approach to my flirtations. "I know it's not something that you can wear all the time, especially during a mission, but I still thought it'd be nice to have."

"I have never had one before. And since I will not be going on any missions any time soon if our teammates have their way, I can wear it all the time. Will you put it on for me?" She asks as she holds out her wrist and the bracelet.

"Sure," I reply as I take it from her and put it on. "Are you sure you like it? I know it's not practical, given our line of work, but…"

"Da, I love it."

"Good. I already got you started with a few charms of things that I know you like," I say referring to the bird and musical note charm. "I figured the more we get to know each other over the years, I can buy you a new one for every birthday or Christmas. It kinda sucks because you'll always know that you're getting a charm, but you just won't know what it will be."

"That is a sweet idea. You thought of that yourself?"

"Yeah! I'm not a total caveman!" I say, trying not to be offended, but knowing that she didn't mean it that way at all. I was just teasing her.

"I did not mean it like that! I mean, you took the time to really put some thought into the gift, and that in itself is a great present. Thank you again," she says as she admires the bracelet around her wrist and then hugs me.

"You're welcome…and Happy Birthday Babe."

I wrap my arms around her to return her hug and rest my chin atop her head. She fits me perfectly. Perfect height; the way my arms encircle her comfortably…is there any doubt that we weren't made for each other? I don't think so. I want to hold her like this all the time; whether it is for a hug on a special occasion like a birthday, to comfort her, or for no reason at all. I'd love for it to be that way…to be able to just wrap my arms around her anytime I felt like it, and have her accept it.

"It will be one that I always remember, that is for sure. At least now, thanks to you, I have some good memories to add to the date."

"Good. Glad I could help," I say as I pull back to look at her. "Now, put on your suit and meet me at the beach."

"I do not feel like swimming…especially if the others are going to be there, and I have a slight headache."

"I can take care of that headache, the others won't be there, and I didn't say anything about swimming."

"Then why would I need…"

"It's a surprise."

"Ok…but do I really need a swimming suit? It is too cold to go into the water."

"Not where we are going!" I say.

She gives me a questioning look.

"Will you just stop asking questions and trust me?" I say with a grin.

"Not with a sly smile like that! I know that look Yankee…you are up to no good!"

"Don't say that until you see what I have planned…'no good' just might be the best thing you've ever experienced."

She quirks her eyebrow at me…probably not sure how to respond.

"Just hurry! The more questions you ask, the longer it's gonna take you to find out!" I give her a wink and a pat on the shoulder as I walk past her and exit her cabin.

* * *

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 16 of LouiseX's Codependence


	17. Chapter 17: Day 9 Evening, Continued

**Happy Indepedence Day to all my fellow Yankees! Have fun, enjoy your picnics, be careful with the fireworks (can't type without fingers!), and drink responsibly (Don't set it down and let someone else run off with it!).**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Day 9, Evening continued**

A pat on the shoulder? What was that? Like she's an old buddy? That was probably the lamest excuse EVER to make physical contact with her! I shouldn't have even done anything at all if the best I could come up with was a pat on the shoulder! I might as well have punched her in the arm like she was "one of the guys." Lame lame lame!

While I'm busy mentally beating myself up, kicking at the sand, I don't even hear her come up behind me until I feel her hand brush down my arm. And then I make a fool of myself by jumping out of my skin. I turn around, clutching my chest, feigning a heart attack.

"Damn, we need to put a bell around your neck!"

"Sorry," she says shyly.

"It's cool. I was just lost in thought and didn't think you'd be ready so soon."

I take the opportunity to look her over. She still hasn't put on the weight she's lost, and seeing her in a swimming suit is even worse than seeing her in regular clothes. I try to keep the look on my face neutral, but I don't think I succeeded. Linka takes her towel and wraps it around her shoulders.

"Maybe this is not a good idea…I am not feeling like being out. It has been a long day."

"I know…which is why you need to relax, wind down, and take your mind off things…let me do this for you."

"Ok."

I take her hand and lead her towards the jungle.

"I was thinking later, we can watch a movie…if you're not too tired. I'll even let you pick!"

"Really?"

"Yep."

"You are only saying that because you think I will fall asleep and then you will switch it to something you like!"

"I would never!" I say, feigning shock.

"Riiiiiight."

"Seriously though…ladies choice…if you're feeling up to it."

"Da…but I hope you will not hold it against me if I fall asleep during."

"Nah, I won't hold it against you…however, I will hold _you_ against _me_…uhhh, to keep you warm, I mean."

"Of course…" she says. Did she sound almost a bit disappointed? I'm probably just imagining it. "But if I do fall asleep, you cannot change the movie. You have to keep watching it…and if I wake up to find that you switched movies, I get to pick the movie for the next ten movie nights!"

"TEN? How about five?" I counter offer.

"Seven."

"Fine. Just remember, I'd never pick anything that I didn't think you wouldn't also enjoy."

"You think I enjoy watching scary movies?" She asks.

"Well don't you? Isn't it the perfect opportunity for you to hold onto my arm and pretend you're scared, but really, you just wanted an excuse to feel my muscles!" I joke.

"Wheeler, you are the one that always ends up being scared! You go back to your cabin and sleep with the light on! Which, by the way, is very un-Planeteer-ish," she teases.

_WHAT?_ Me? Scared? No way! I can't believe she'd think that! I mean, yeah, sometimes there's weird, unexplainable noises made by the wind, or animals on the island, or the creaking of trees or the shutters on my cabin…but I grew up in New York! Now THAT'S scary…just because I'm not used to the sounds made in nature and…ok, maybe after watching a scary movie, my imagination is a little over active, and yeah, sometimes sleeping with the light on keeps away the shadows…but sleeping with the light on is not something that is new to me. I used to do it all the time when I was a kid…when my old man came home drunk and started wailing on Ma and me. When the light was on, I could see everything. No sneak attacks in the dark. No dark figures creeping through the shadows. When he came after me, at least I saw it coming. But these thoughts are too dark to share with Linka, especially after today. She's had enough darkness. Now is time for her birthday celebration.

I maintain the light mood by vehemently denying that I keep the lights on because I'm scared, and instead use the excuse that I just fall asleep with the light on because I'm so exhausted from staying up all night. I can tell by the look that she's giving me that she doesn't believe me for a second! I'm about to make a joke about being touched that she cares enough to look over at my cabin to check up on me. I want to ask if maybe she's hoping that I'll come over and keep her company, or maybe she was considering coming over to my cabin so I could continue to protect her from the spooks in the movie, but it's too late because we've arrived at our destination.

"The hot springs?" She asks.

"Sound nice?"

"I cannot believe I did not think of this sooner. It sounds wonderful."

I go in first and completely submerge myself. This feels great after a stressful few days.

"You comin' in or what?" I call out to her.

She drops the towel from around her shoulders and quickly gets in, not wanting to expose her thin figure any longer than necessary.

"How is it? Feel better?"

"Da. A little."

"Just a little?" I ask, disappointed.

"Well, it is warm, but I still have a headache…and I am not allowed to have any medicine," she says pointedly.

I swim to the edge and take a seat on a rock.

"C'mere," I say as I motion for her to take a seat as well.

She sits between my legs and I place my hands on her shoulders, and begin squeezing as I rub my thumbs in circles along the base of her neck and between her shoulder blades, applying pressure to the tense muscles there. Her hands are resting on my legs and whether she realizes it or not, she's running them up and down my calves.

I can see her shoulders relaxing with every rub. I move my hands to her neck and use my thumbs to massage the base of her skull. She leans her head forward, stretching out the taunt muscles. After focusing on that spot for a while, I move my fingers to rest on her temples and being making slow circles there. Now she's leaning her head back, resting on my shoulder as I continue to try and rid her of her headache. And now because of her new position, her hands have moved up to my thighs. She's so close. And I'm 18 and in my prime; I can't control the thoughts that I'm having. If I just turn my head, my lips would be against her neck. My nose is already just fractions of an inch away, breathing in her sweet scent. I can feel my own breath glancing off her skin. I know that if I kissed her there one of two things would happen. She would melt even further into me and we'd both completely lose control. Or I'd completely freak her out, misread all signals and ruin not only our friendship, but seriously hamper her recovery. She'd be back to going through this alone because she wouldn't want to be anywhere near me. And as much as I think she wants me to, I can't take the chance that I'm reading the signals wrong. I sigh heavily, take one last deep breath, and brush my nose against her neck as I lean my head back, away from her body. She continues to lean back into me, so I move my hands up and down her back, gently getting her to lean forward, away from my "preying lips" which are about to develop a mind of their own, so I can knead the muscles along her spine and lower back. Never thought I'd be the one pushing Linka away.

I can feel a difference in the muscle tightness compared to when I first started. I finish by going back to massaging her temples, applying just the right amount of pressure to relieve her headache.

"Better?"

"Da…that was…nice."

Yeah, it was nice for me too.

"Good. And it worked? You're not just saying that?"

"Nyet, I am not just saying that. It definitely worked. My headache is gone and I do not feel as tense."

"Well, a big part of your headache problems is probably coming from the muscle tension in your neck. Anytime you get a headache, just let me know. We'll take care of it before it gets too bad, ok?"

"Ok."

"I mean it. As soon as you start to feel one coming on, come find me if I'm not already with you. The sooner we can get a hold of it, the better."

"Da, ok."

She sounds…I don't know…like someone who's not happy that they just had a great massage. Her short, clipped answers make her seem distant. Did I do something wrong? Did I make her uncomfortable? She moves off the rock that we are sitting on and just as I am about to get off the rock as well, she stops in front of me, her back to me.

"Wheeler…why…"

It seems like she wants to say something more, but she either can't, or she won't.

"'Why' what Babe?"

She turns to face me and from where I am sitting and she is standing, we are at eye level. She takes a step closer so that she's standing between my legs, bracing her hands on the rock on either side of my hips.

"Why won't you…" she leans in, but stops. Is she waiting for me? Why won't I what? Kiss her? Take her into my arms and never let her go? Make her forget that Bliss is the name of a drug and remind her that it's also a feeling of pleasure, ecstasy, delight and happiness. I hate Skumm for ruining that word. For taking something so beautiful and ruining it…sort of like he did to Linka. Except she's not ruined. She's a little broken, but she's healing. I'll do anything for her. Anything she needs me to do. I guess the only way to find out what she wants, is to ask. So I swallow the lump in my throat.

"Why won't I what?" I ask as I also lean in, waiting for her to close the final distance and anticipating the moment that our lips touch.

"Wheeler?" I hear Ma-Ti's voice in my head and pull away suddenly.

Linka looks at me, her mouth hanging open in shock and confusion. She didn't hear him? He was just talking to me. I hold my ring up to my head, not because I need to, but just because it'll get the message across that I've got company.

"Yeah Ma-Ti?" I ask, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"Have you seen Linka? No one has seen her around and she is not in her cabin."

"Yeah I've seen her. She's with me."

"Where are you?"

I fight the urge to say "none of your business!" But instead, I answer truthfully. "We're at one of the hot springs, just relaxing and unwinding after the funeral."

"How was it?"

What a dumb question! It was a funeral!

"It was a lovely service."

"That is good. Dinner is ready. Should we be expecting you?" He asks.

"Umm, I don't know. I guess we probably should be heading back." Since things are undoubtedly going to be very awkward here after yet **_another_** near miss.

Once the connection is closed with Ma-Ti, I turn to Linka who has ventured further away from me to the other side of the hot spring. She has submerged herself to the shoulders, probably to keep warm.

"Umm, that was Ma-Ti."

"Da, I figured that out," she says sarcastically.

"Right. Sorry. Uh, dinner is ready if you…"

"I am not really hungry…but I suppose if I do not go, I will be force fed."

Great. She's in a bad mood again…how do I fix this? Just support her and agree with her I guess.

"You can go back to your room if you want. I'll tell them you were tired from the trip, which is completely understandable, and I'll bring you dinner. You can eat what you want and you know I won't be scrutinizing it like they will."

I see her sigh in resignation. She doesn't want to admit that I just had a good idea. She's mad at me and I have no idea why. For almost kissing her…again? Or for **_not_** kissing her sooner.

"We can stay here if you want…or if you want to be alone, I can leave…"

"Nyet, we can go. You are probably hungry."

"I'm fine. We can stay if you'd like." I'm starving. I haven't eaten since this morning and I don't normally go very long without eating.

She gives me a look like a mother would give a child who was just caught in a lie. She knows my eating habits too well.

"Or maybe we should go…it's been a long day and it's getting late," I say.

"Fine."

I climb out of the hot spring then offer her my hand to help her out. She ignores it and climbs out on her own. I pick up her towel and hold it up for her to step into, she tries to take it from me, but I pull it out of her reach, wrap it around her, and then use it to pull her towards me.

"Don't do this," I say as I pull her against my body and wrap my arms around her to keep her warm.

"What am I doing?"

"Pushing me away."

"I could not push you away if I wanted to. You have me tangled up in this towel."

"You know what I mean."

"What do you want me to say Wheeler?"

"I don't know."

"Neither do I," she says as she pulls away by pushing off against me and begins walking back towards the beach.

I pick up my pace to catch up to her.

"Ok then…what do **_you_** want **_me_** to say?"

"I…I do not want to tell you what to say. I did not think I had to…you always have an answer for everything."

"Not this."

"What has changed? Am I not the same person? If I was not dealing with this withdrawal and we were just out here for a swim…"

"But you _ARE_ dealing with the withdrawal…and be honest…do you think we would even be spending this much time alone together if you didn't need me? No. Things would be like they've always been…and I would give anything for things to be like that again."

"You would?"

She sounds shocked when she asks. I guess I need to explain.

"Yeah, cuz it would mean that this whole thing never happened to you."

She gives me a weak smile, but it's hard to tell what she's thinking.

I wanna tell her so badly how I feel. But she's dealing with enough right now. I don't want to put any pressure on her, or make her feel like I'm expecting anything in return…like the other night on the beach when I gave her a massage, then the next morning, she gave me one. Was it because she wanted to, or because she felt like she **_had_** to because I spent the night sleeping uncomfortably in her chair? I may never know.

"We should go so we don't keep the others waiting to eat dinner."

"You will still tell them that I went to my room and then bring it to me?" She asks.

"If that's what you wanna do."

"Da."

"Ok. Let's go."

I wanted to take her hand, but she's using both of them to hold the towel around her shoulders, so instead I rest my hand on the small of her back and walk her home. I guess we won't be watching any movies tonight.

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 16 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	18. Chapter 18: Day 10, Early Morning

**Chapter 18: Day 10, Early Morning**

I should be exhausted. Technically, I'm still on "Soviet Union time." It's probably about 8 in the morning there, which means I've been up for over 24 hours. I can't sleep though. I know it's because of what happened at the hot springs earlier.

Dinner was okay I guess. I did as we planned and brought Linka's dinner to her room for her. I was unsure of what to do when I got there…did she want me to stay and eat with her? Or should I drop off her food and leave? So my plan was to just bring Linka her food, and then see where things when from there. If she wanted me to stay, I'd say that I had to go get my food from the kitchen because I couldn't carry both her meal and mine…and if she doesn't want me to stay, then I'll have a excuse to leave, "gonna go eat my dinner now."

When I got there, the first thing I noticed was that she had put my present to her back on. I was a little disappointed when I saw that she took it off. Maybe she just didn't want to risk losing it, which I guess means that she likes it. That makes me happy. When I bought that charm bracelet, I knew that I'd be buying her a new charm for it for every birthday and Christmas, just like I told her I would. What I failed to mention was how long I planned on doing it…when I was looking through the charms, I saw initials and birthstones. I imagined that years from now, I'd be picking out charms like that…for our kids. _God Wheeler! Snap out of it! You're such a freakin' girl!_ I needed to stop being so emotional and get my mind back on track so I started making small talk. Cracking lame jokes because as I've said before, that's how I deal with things when I'm nervous.

She asked if I had already eaten or if I'd be joining her. I guess that answered my question. She wanted me to stay. I told her I would be eating with her and went back and got my plate. Linka ate more than I thought she would. Maybe the nausea is starting to ease up. That'd be nice. Of course, I don't know if she was able to keep it down because she chased me away. Well, not really…I'm sure she really was tired, so it was a legitimate excuse. She asked for a rain check on our movie night. In a way, I was relieved. We were okay, civil towards each other, but something still hung in the air between us. I really wanted to continue our conversation…to get things out in the open…maybe, I don't know…get back to where we almost were before Ma-Ti interrupted. Or maybe we needed movie night to have an excuse to be close again…to sit close, to put my arm around her, to wrap ourselves in a shared blanket and cuddle…to keep her warm of course…and maybe see where things went from there…if she was willing. She seemed like she wanted to at the hot springs. But does she really want to? Maybe it's like that thing where people who are held captive start to have feelings for their captors…Oslo? Helsinki? Ah-ha! Stockholm Syndrome! Maybe it's something like that, only I'm not her captor. I'm more like her…protector? Caretaker? I guess that's a good way to describe it. So anything that she may _think_ that she's feeling for me are just simply feelings of gratitude. And it just doesn't seem right to take advantage of that…it's not fair to her, or me. I'm already in trouble. Things are changing between us. For the good…for now. I just can't shake the feeling that once she's better, things will go back to the way they were between us. Which I can live with, I guess…as long she's better…I keep telling myself that…eventually maybe I'll start to believe it.

I've been pacing this whole time. I just now noticed that Linka's light is on. Did it just turn on? Has it been on a while? Is she okay? Should I go check? Does she need anything? No, I'm over reacting. She doesn't want me there. I asked her if she wanted me to stay, but she insisted I leave; go sleep in my own room and get a good night's sleep. Yeah, that's soooooooo not happening. All I've been doing is thinking of her…worrying. At least if I were there, I'd know she was close by, that I'd be close to her if she needed me…well, not _me_ but something I could do to…umm, FOR her.

AAAHH! I can't even think straight. Maybe she can't sleep either. Maybe she's sick.

Maybe I could just sneak out and peek into her window…just to make sure everything is okay. No! That'd be so wrong! If she caught me, she'd be freaked out and probably never want me anywhere near her again! Maybe I already did freak her out. I sort of tucked her in. I was attempting to get her to reconsider sending me away. Once she got in bed, I pulled the covers up over her shoulders, making sure to keep the warmth in and then, something in me, a want, a need, a dormant fatherly instinct coming to life…whatever it was that made me do it, I leaned down and kissed her goodnight on the forehead. The whole time, I was thinking to myself "Let me stay Babe, let me stay" as if the words could travel from my brain through my lips and to her brain, then somehow she'd change her mind. But even though I linger a little longer, she doesn't ask me to stay.

I even take my time leaving her room, and she still doesn't ask me to stay. I guess this is it. Time to go. She doesn't want me, or need me…message received…I guess it's a good thing though. If she doesn't need me, she must be feeling better. We're back on the road to normalcy. The way things were. Just friends. Always just friends.

Her light has been on for a half hour now. I haven't seen any movement coming from inside her room. Maybe she's just lying in bed reading a book…but what if she fell asleep? She'd probably feel bad knowing that she left the light on all night. Maybe I should go over and shut it off…then if she's still awake and questions me about it, I could just say that I was just trying to be a good Planeteer. I wouldn't be checking up on her, not obviously anyway, just doing my job.

NO! Stop hovering! I'm just gonna go back to my bed, lie down, and force myself to go to sleep. I'm gonna shut my eyes and not open them until tomorrow. I must be more tired than I thought. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I am out.

* * *

The knock on my door woke me up. At first I thought I dreamt it when I didn't hear anything more. Then the door slowly swung open and I saw Linka poke her head in.

Seeing her sends a rush of adrenaline through me and I raise myself up on my elbow, concerned at what could have brought her here.

"What is it? Is something wrong? Are you ok?"

She nods then comes inside, closing the door behind her.

"I am sorry for disturbing you."

"It's fine Babe, I told you to call me if you needed me," I say, trying to remain cool and not let her know how excited I am that she's here. "So what can I do for you? Has your headache come back? Do you need another massage?"

_Please say yes, please say yes!_ _Tell me you changed your mind and want me to come back to your room. Tell me you need me._

"Nyet."

No? I have to stop to think what question she was answering. The ones I was asking in my head. No, she doesn't want me to come back to her room? No, she doesn't need me? Oh, right, I asked if she needed a massage. Damn. I really wanted a reason to touch her. I don't know what to say. She still hasn't told me why she's here.

"I do not want to be alone. Can I sleep with you?"

_WHOA!_

"In bed?" I ask.

What a stupid question. I'm just so surprised. She didn't just ask if she could stay with me, she asked if she could **_sleep_** **_with_** me.

"That is usually where people sleep," she says, looking at me like I'm an idiot.

Great. I better clarify what I meant so she doesn't think I'm totally brain dead.

"No I mean…do you just want me close by? You can have the bed of course…I'll grab a sleeping bag…" I start to get out of bed, but then remember that I'm only wearing boxers.

"Nyet…I do not want you to have to be uncomfortable on the floor. I just did not want to be alone…I can sleep on the floor, just tell me where your sleeping bag is…"

"I'm not gonna make you sleep on the floor. It's drafty down there. I'll take the floor."

"Nyet, I cannot let you do that. I should not have come here. I am sorry for waking you," she says as she turns to leave.

Before she gets to the door though, I call out to her.

"Linka…wait."

She stops and turns to look at me. I slide over to make room for her on the bed and pull the covers back, a silent invitation to join me.

"…if this is alright with you."

She looks at the bed, then at me and she blushes. Crap! Once again, I forgot I'm only wearing boxers and they're riding pretty low around my hips.

"Um, da."

"Oh, uh…I…I can put on a pair of pants or something."

"Nyet…it is fine. If this is how you sleep and are comfortable, I do not want to make you hot or uncomfortable."

Uh, too late. And I know I really should get up and put on a pair of track pants or something, but it's so damn hot! A little rain shower rolled through a while ago and now it's very humid. Linka can't possibly be cold tonight.

She slides under the covers with me, and we both look at each other, sharing an awkward smile and chuckle uncomfortably. She lays down flat on her back, her hands folded over her stomach as she stares up at the ceiling. I don't know what to do, so I do the same as her. Never mind feeling awkward…now I'm just plain uncomfortable. I can't sleep on my back. Never could. So I turn onto my side, my back to Linka…but that just seems rude…although, I'm not quite sure what the proper etiquette is for sleeping with the girl that you've had a crush on for the last year…a serious crush…not just "wow, this girl is hot," but more like "wow, this girl is hot and I want to spend every second of my free time with her and make her the happiest girl in the world." So here I am. In bed with my best friend, who just so happens to be the object of my affections…and I can't do anything _EXCEPT_ sleep. Besides, I can't sleep on this side. My _OTHER_ side is the side that I sleep on. So I turn over to face Linka, who is still lying on her back, seemingly fascinated by my ceiling. So much so, that it forces me to look up to make sure there actually wasn't anything interesting up there. She looks over at me, smiles, and stops staring at the ceiling. I attempt to break the tension with a joke.

"You know, after discovering my carpentry skills, I was thinking about putting a skylight up there. What'dya think?"

"Uh, da…that would be nice…pretty view."

"Not as pretty as this view," I say sincerely, not even thinking clearly when I reach over to brush her bangs away from her eyes.

Uh oh…I did it again. I crossed a line between "helpful friend" and "over the top flirting."

"Sorry," I apologize, and then change the subject. "And I was just kidding about the skylight…I'm not nearly good enough to do that! Every time it rained, I'd get leaked on for sure!"

"You could do it…if you tried. I know you can do it."

"Thanks."

"And you did not need to apologize…but you also did not need to lie either," she says sadly.

"Lie? About what?" Not really putting in a skylight? It was just a joke.

"About the 'pretty view.'"

Oh.

"I wasn't lying. I shouldn't have said it because it was inappropriate, but that doesn't mean it's not true."

"You do not need to say that. I have seen what Bliss has done to me, to my body. I know what the lack of sleep and pain has done…left me with dark circles under my eyes and a sunken in ashen look."

"Did you ever think that maybe I can see past that?"

"You can?" She asks.

"Yeah. I know what's on the inside. And I admit, when we first met, I liked what I saw…I never tried to hide that fact."

"Nyet, you did not," she smiles, perhaps recalling our first meeting, just as I am doing.

"But the more I got to know you, I knew there was more to you than just a pretty face."

"Like your cousin did with his wife?"

"Yeah, like that." We lay there in silence for a while. "You know, you're one of the best friends I've ever had…"

"And you are mine."

"So then…this shouldn't be so weird right?"

"Da."

"I mean, we fell asleep on the beach with no problem."

"Da."

"So maybe we should…uh, try that?"

"Going to the beach?" She asks.

"No. Um, unless you want to. But I meant more like…this…" I say as I roll closer to her, slide my arm under her head, and drape my arm over her midsection, pulling her onto her side and towards me, recreating our positions from a few days ago on the beach.

"Is this alright?" I ask.

"Mmm hmm."

"You're comfortable? I mean, sleeping on your side? That's good for you?"

"Da, this is…good," she says as she lays her hand on top of mine.

"K…Good night Babe."

"Good night Yankee…thank you for letting me stay with you."

"You're welcome. Thank you for trusting me enough to come to me."

"There is no one else that I trust more."

The only response I have is to smile…I know she can't see me, so I hug her a little more closely to me. I know she's still suffering from chills so hopefully this will also help take care of that problem for her. I place my leg overtop hers, running my foot up and down to generate warmth. She moves her feet so that they come in contact with my bare skin. They are ice cold, so I cover her feet with mine in an attempt to keep them warm. I hope it's not too forward, but she doesn't seem to mind. I'll hold her for as long as I have to, for as long as she wants me too. I'm just glad she's here, drifting off to sleep in my arms.

"Linka?" I whisper, unsure if she's still awake.

"Da?"

"Happy Birthday Babe."

"Da…it was," she says as she places one of her hands in mine and laces our fingers together, while the other runs softly up and down the forearm which is snuggly tucked around her midsection. "Goodnight Yankee."

"G'night Princess," I say as I give her a little squeeze.

* * *

When she asked to stay with me, I thought I was hearing things. She wanted to stay with me. And now here I am. With her. In my bed. Me…With her…did I mention that yet? I wonder if she can feel my heart pounding? It's practically beating out of my chest. She has to feel it, because her back is against my chest. I'm in bed…with Linka. One arm around her midsection, holding onto her, and her arm is draped over mine, holding it in place. My other arm is under her head and she's holding my hand, her fingers intertwined with mine. I'm spooning with Linka. And I think I'm about to have a panic attack. I've never been this nervous around a girl before…and it's not like I've not had girlfriends…maybe it's different because Linka's **not** my girlfriend. She's my best friend. I don't wanna ruin this. But at the same time, I want nothing more than to turn her over so that she's facing me and kiss her until I pass out from lack of oxygen.

I wet my lips and swallow hard at the thought, then take a deep breath…big mistake. Damn, she smells good. I know she's sleeping so I allow myself to nuzzle my nose in her hair…this would be creepy if it were anyone else. Speaking of addictions…I could very easily find myself addicted to her. If we kissed, I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd wanna kiss her every day, as much as possible. I'd never wanna let her out of my sight or out of my arms…kinda like now. I don't wanna fall asleep. I wanna remember this; savor it as long as possible. So I try to think of things that'll keep me awake.

My first thought is of a time shortly after we joined the Planeteers. It was when we almost had our first kiss…a jungle in Thailand. I close my eyes and picture her face. It was so easy. She was concerned about splitting up in groups and not sticking together. All I said was that I like the idea because it was the first chance we had to be alone. She didn't blow me off; she didn't ignore me, or roll her eyes and dismiss my advances. And when I stepped closer to her, she didn't move away, she moved closer, she looked up at me and smiled, then she leaned forward, a little last second hesitation, some shyness, but she wanted it to happen just as badly as I did, and we were gonna kiss…and that would've changed our lives. We would've been together and maybe I would've went with her to DC to visit her uncle. Then Boris wouldn't have gotten her addicted to Bliss because I would've been there to protect her. I pull her closer. I'm holding her as close as I can, and it's still not close enough.

It's been over a year since that first "almost kiss." After that, I was hopeful. I thought, "Ok, it didn't happen then, but it almost did, so it's gonna happen soon." The closest we ever got since then was a few days ago when she had her nightmare…and then Kwame interrupted. There's no one here now. No mechanical dragons, no well meaning, but bad timing teammates. What if I kissed her cheek? Would the movement be enough to wake her up? And after she wakes up and I look into her eyes, I'll brush my fingers across her cheek and lean down to kiss her. Gently at first, our lips gliding over each other's, and then more intensely, covering her mouth completely with mine. What if…?

But I can't. She's not ready. She needs me to be here for comfort, and I can't let my own selfish feelings get in the way of that. I don't want to scare her away. I don't want her to think that she owes me anything. When we finally do kiss for the first time, I want it to be because she wants to, not because she feels she has to because she thinks it's the only way I'll stay. How can I tell her that I'll always be here without making it seem that I'm pressuring her for more? I'm here unconditionally.

I snuggle closer to her as I start to get tired, pressing my lips to the back of her neck. Just once…ok, twice…ok, for real, this is the last time, I swear. I didn't think her skin would be so soft. Thank God she's asleep. She'd kick my ass if she knew what I just did.

"Goodnight Babe," I whisper against her skin. I said it once already tonight, but I wanted to say it again. I like the way it feels. I wanna say it every night. I close my eyes and think about how much my feelings for her have changed in the past few days. Not long ago, I said that I loved her, but it wasn't the "I can't live without her" sort of love…that I didn't know if I was **_in_** love…I didn't know if I'd ever been in love. Now I know the answer to that question; Yes I am, and no I haven't been…until now. This isn't just nice, holding her like this…it's something I could get used to…and if I get too used to it, it's gonna be something that I'm gonna wanna do every night for the rest of my life…I think I'm already there. I nuzzle in closer to her, pressing my lips one last time to the spot where her neck curves to meet her shoulder, and smile against her skin. I'm on the verge of sleep so I take a deep breath and as I exhale, I let out the faintest confession that no one will ever know about except me…"I love you."

* * *

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 18 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	19. Chapter 19:Day 10, Early Morning, Cont'd

**Chapter 19: Day 10, Early Morning, continued**

I wake up to find that my arms are empty. I reach for Linka and find nothing but empty space, and upon opening my eyes, I see that I'm alone. I knew it was too good to be true. Another dream. But it was a nice dream to have, and I sure did sleep better than I've ever slept before. I close my eyes to try and go back to sleep, with the unrealistic hope that I can re-capture that dream, and have Linka back in my arms. Then I hear a noise coming from somewhere in my room. I open my eyes again and look around. There's a light on in the bathroom…and that's where the noise is coming from. It wasn't a dream? Was Linka really here? She just got up to use to restroom?

I wait a while to give her a chance to do her thing and return to bed where I will welcome her into my arms and go back to that peaceful, relaxing sleep that I was having before. Except she never comes; I keep hearing more noises coming from the bathroom…like…drawers and cabinets opening and closing?

I sit up to get out of bed and notice that my nightstand drawers are open, as well as my desk and dresser drawers. What's going on? Is she looking for something? I go to the bathroom door, which wasn't closed all the way and slowly open the door as I peek my head in. That's when my heart is broken. She's looking through my medicine cabinet, turning all of the pill bottles around to read the labels.

"They're empty," I say.

She jumps and turns to face me.

"Bozhe moy Wheeler! Do you not know how to knock?"

"Didn't think I had to knock in my own room."

"I could have been using the toilet!"

"Yeah, I thought that's what you were doing in here when I first woke up and heard you in here…but then I waited and you never came out. Then I noticed that all my drawers have been gone through. You're not gonna find what you're looking for."

"How do you know what I am looking for?"

"Damn it Linka! Don't treat me like I'm an idiot! I come in here and find you scopin' out the pill bottles…what the hell else am I supposed to assume you're looking for? Is that why you wanted to sleep here?" I bark.

"Nyet, I needed…"

"You needed a fix. You came in here pretending to need me, but all you were doing was waiting for me to fall asleep so that you could look for drugs."

"Nyet, I have a headache…all I needed was an aspirin. That is all! I am not looking for anything stronger. Just something to ease this headache," she explains.

"I told you before…if you ever got a bad headache, I'd give you another massage."

"You were sleeping…I did not want to wake you…"

"I don't care! You should've woken me up! I told you I'd be here for you no matter what. Even if I was sleeping! So you can't use that as an excuse. You used me!" I accuse.

I'm so angry. How couldn't I see this? I was so blinded by my feelings for her that I couldn't see…or didn't want to see when I was being used.

"Nyet Wheeler! Please! I would never…!"

"You know what? Whatever. And for future reference, if you try to pull this with any of the others, you won't find anything in their rooms either. We got rid of ALL the medicine on the island."

"Please Wheeler, do not do this! I am sorry you think I used you, but it is not like that at all! I just…it hurts so much…I did not think that a massage would make it go away."

"It worked before didn't it?"

"Da…but it came back."

"They're gonna keep coming back Linka! It's the withdrawal!" I yell. Then I sigh, resigned to the fact that yelling at her isn't going to help either of us. "Come back to bed. I'll do what I can to get rid of that headache."

She storms past me and out the door.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"Back to my room. I do not want you to think that you have to stay up the rest of the night and guard me from going through your things. I will sleep there, if I can get over the pain that I am feeling right now."

She's not the only one that's in pain right now. Linka's hurt my feelings before. She's said things in the past that have made me question whether or not I was wasting my time flirting with her…but deep down, her actions spoke louder than her words. The hugs, the smiles… She talked a tough talk, but I knew there was something there. She'd never do anything to hurt me…at least I didn't think she would. Now I'm not so sure. Now it's her actions that have hurt me the most. I feel betrayed. How can I ever trust her again?

* * *

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 19 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	20. Chapter 20: Day 10, Afternoon

**A/N: Thanks everyone for all the reviews. Sorry the last chapter was so upsetting, but it can't alway be puppies and rainbows right? Gotta have some conflict! But the good thing about conflict is that there's usually resolution...or does it just get worse? Hmm, hard to tell with Wheeler and Linka! Ok, I'll stop teasing and let you get to reading!**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Day 10, Afternoon**

I don't know how I fell asleep that night. Probably just the exhaustion from the day catching up with me. I ended up sleeping for 12 hours. And then I spent an additional hour in the shower; just standing there, letting the water beat down on me, turning up the heat as much as I could handle. I wanted it to hurt. I wanted something else to hurt more than the pain I was feeling over Linka's betrayal. I thought I could smell her. Just from holding her for that short amount of time, her scent was there. On my arms, on my chest…I scrubbed. But no matter how much, I couldn't escape it. When I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, she was still there…still a part of me. Maybe I did wash away her scent physically, but my brain had committed that smell to memory. It'll always be there. No matter how much I scrubbed, she wasn't going away. And I couldn't make her go away. What she did last night was wrong. She should have woken me up. I would have taken care of her headache. She doesn't need drugs when she has me! Why can't she see that? Maybe I haven't done a good enough job of making her see that.

I get out of the shower, intent on seeing her and making everything clear to her. She's not leaving my sight. I'm not letting go of her. Whether she wants me to or not, I'm going to be there. I'll be like her shadow. I'll have to treat her like a child and ask her every five minutes if she's ok, does she need anything, force her to eat right. It's exactly what she doesn't want…but it's what she deserves. I tried letting her have some freedom, obviously that didn't work. Now I'm forced to treat her like an addict. It's what we should've done with James. I'm not gonna lose her like I lost him. She'll probably end up hating me, but at least she'll still be alive.

I throw on a pair of pants, not bothering with a shirt and throw open my door.

"MOTHER F-!"

I tripped over something! Who would put a bag of garbage outside my door! I stand up and kick the bag…only, it's not garbage. It's my hoodies and sweatpants that I gave to Linka. Great. She's shutting me out. She doesn't want anything to do with me, not even wearing my clothes.

This is ridiculous. She can be mad at me all she wants, but if she needs these to keep warm, she should have them! I pick up the bag and head for her cabin. I'll give them back to her and tell her how things are going to be from now on. If she can't listen to reason, she's gonna have to be forced; even if it means sending her back to that facility in DC where all the other addicts are getting treated. I know I promised that I wouldn't send her back there…but she also promised me that wouldn't take anything…that included aspirin. She broke her promise; I'm free to break mine.

I storm over to her cabin and pound on the door.

"LINKA OPEN UP!"

No answer. More pounding.

"DAMN IT LINKA! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"

Still nothing.

"I BROKE IT DOWN BEFORE, I'LL DO IT AGAIN!"

I decide to look through the window, just to make sure she's really just sitting in there, avoiding opening the door. I don't see her anywhere though. I go back to the door and turn the knob…it opens right up. Hmm. Good thing I didn't break it down! It wasn't even locked!

"Linka?"

I walk around the room, checking in the bathroom as well. She's not here. Maybe she's in the kitchen or commons area. I check the kitchen first, dumb idea because I doubt she's eating, but it was the closest. I found Kwame instead.

"Hey! Where's Linka?"

"Well good morning to you too Wheeler. Or should I say good afternoon?"

"Not now man! Where's Linka?"

"How should I know? I thought you were her keeper."

"She's not on her room, and she took all of my clothes that were in her room and left them outside of my room."

"You were keeping your clothes in her room? Do you not think you are moving a little fast?" Kwame says condescendingly.

"It's not like that! I gave her some of my old hoodies and sweat pants to keep her warm. She gave them all back."

"Maybe she does not need them anymore…a sign that she is getting better perhaps?"

"No…she's not. We had a fight last night. I woke up and she wasn't there. I found her looking through my drawers. She stormed out of my room and…"

"Your room? You woke up and she was not there? You two have been sleeping together?"

"Yeah…no…well, kinda…I've been staying in the same room as her. Last night was the first time we were in the same bed."

"THE SAME BED? Wheeler!"

"Nothing happened, Kwame! She just didn't want to be alone."

"So you've got her relying on you, thinking that she needs you…you've replaced the Bliss. Congratulations. Now she's dependent on you…just what you've always wanted."

"What the hell man?"

I don't know where this is all coming from. It's almost like he's jealous.

"Nothing. I just think your behavior is inappropriate. We are supposed to be role models and one of our team members is a drug addict and two of our teammates are sleeping together."

"GI AND MA-TI ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER?"

I knew Kwame was referring to me and Linka, but since it wasn't at all like he was suggesting, I thought I'd make him feel like an idiot.

"No! Not Gi and Ma-Ti! You and Linka."

"How many times do I have to tell you? Nothing happened last night. Nothing has ever happened between us. And will you stop calling her a drug addict? She needs our help."

For as mad as I was with Linka, no one else had the right to speak badly about her. She hasn't hurt them…she hurt me. He can't be mad at her…I'm the only one with that right.

"Forget you Kwame!" I say angrily; "forget" being a substitute for another word I'd like to use. I head for the commons area, looking for Linka, Gi, or Ma-Ti. Maybe he'd be more helpful than Kwame.

None of them were there.

I try the beach, even though I know there's no way Linka would be in a swimming suit around the others. She was still too self conscious. No one is at the beach either…maybe she went to the hot springs. While I'm running there, I find Ma-Ti. He and Suchi were gathering fruit in the jungle.

"Ma-Ti! Thank God I found you!"

"What is it Wheeler? Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, I can't find Linka!"

"Oh. She is with Gi. They went to the mainland, to go shopping."

"What?"

"Yes, is that not great news? Linka seems to be getting back to normal, and it is all because of you," he says.

"No! That's not great. She's not ok. We had a fight last night. She ran off. She's not in a good frame of mind right now."

"She seemed fine."

"You talked to her then?"

"Briefly. She asked me to deliver your shirts and sweats back to you. She said she would not be needing them anymore. That is good right? The chills are gone?"

"No. She's still going through withdrawal. She gave me my shirts back because she's done with me. We had a fight. I…I caught her looking for pills last night."

"Oh."

"Yeah…so she's not better…she could very easily relapse. She needs to get off the mainland and back here right away. Can you contact Gi and tell her that?"

"I will try."

Ma-Ti closes his eyes and concentrates.

"Gi, you and Linka must return."

I can only hear Ma-Ti's side of the conversation.

"No, it is not an Eco Emergency. Wheeler is concerned about Linka."

Concerned is putting it mildly.

"I really think you should listen. He has spent more time with her recently, he knows…"

She's arguing with him? Come on Gi! Now is not the time to be stubborn!

"Gi…Gi, just listen. Last night…"

Ma-Ti stops and sighs.

"No, that is not what happened. Yes, she was in his room, but nothing happened…well not what you are thinking. Wheeler woke up and Linka…Gi…Gi, just listen. Gi! Are you there?"

Ma-Ti opens his eyes and looks sadly at me.

"She broke the connection."

"Well get it back! And what does she think happened with Linka and me?"

"I tried! She has blocked me out! And she thinks that Linka is upset with you because…_something_…happened. Because you tried…and Linka didn't…well, uhh…she said that Kwame was right. That Linka is vulnerable and…"

"THAT'S ENOUGH! Is that what my _friends_ think of me? I'd never take advantage of the situation, and I'd never do anything to hurt her! You guys…never mind. You don't know what this means to me, so you wouldn't understand," I say in defeat.

"I believe you Wheeler. I do not need my ring to sense that there is more to this than what you are sharing. I will try to contact Linka."

"Thanks little buddy."

I resist the urge to hug him, but having his support and knowing that he believes me means so much to me. The others…it hurts…but I'm used to people I care about hurting me. So when it happens, I'm not surprised…doesn't make it hurt any less though.

"Linka? Linka, can you hear me?"

Ma-Ti shakes his head.

"I am sorry Wheeler. I cannot reach her clearly. It is as if her body and mind are still polluted."

"No, no…it can't be. It's been almost two weeks since she's had anything," I insist.

"Are you sure?"

"OF COURSE I'M SURE!" I yell as I angrily turn to leave and head back to my room.

I'm not mad at Ma-Ti. I'll be sure to tell him that later…I'm mad at myself. It should have never come to this. I should have never let her leave my room last night. I should have followed her.

There's nothing left for me to do now but wait for her to get back. I go back to my room and try to compose my thoughts. I know we're going to argue…that's a given. And normally, she's a better arguer than me. But I'm going to be prepared. I'm going to win this fight. She's going back to DC, and she's getting treatment. I can't do it by myself. I tried. This is bigger than me. It's not about healing myself or making up for what happened to James. I see that now. This is Linka. Not James. Two completely different circumstances. James didn't want to get better. Linka does…or at least, she did…

* * *

To Be Continued…Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you HAVE TO read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 20 of LouiseX's Codependence.


	21. Chapter 21: Day 10, Evening

**Chapter 21: Day 10, Evening**

I flop down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I'd just gotten back from Linka's room, doing a very unpleasant task…packing a bag for her to take to DC with her…back to the rehab facility where all the other Bliss addicts were being treated. I tried. I really **_really_** tried to help her. I thought I could do it, but I was wrong. And perhaps my own misguided sense of self importance was what got us here…just because my cousin was an addict doesn't make me an expert on curing them. Sure, after he died, I went over and over in my head all the things that I could have, should have done differently to try and save him…but there's no guarantee that that would have worked…and obviously it wouldn't have…all my brilliant ideas haven't worked with Linka.

I get up out of bed…I can't just sit around and do nothing…I can't just dwell on my failures as a friend. I need to do something. I start pacing my room…what to do? What to do? I keep replaying the events of last night in my head…the things we said to each other. The look on her face…

I must really be upset…I'm cleaning my room. I straighten up the drawers that Linka rummaged though the night before…not that they were very neat to begin with. I look around my room...to others, it might appear to be a mess, but to me, it's organized chaos. I know exactly where everything is. Including the sandwich bag full of pills which are safely tucked underneath a lose floorboard in my closet…which is also where I keep that stash of magazines that Linka alluded to a few days ago…was it just a few days ago? It seems like weeks.

Looking around at my messy room, I'm kinda embarrassed about what a pig pen she must think I live in. Even if we hadn't fought, she'd probably never want to stay in my room again. Linka has a healthy sort of OCD when it comes to cleanliness and order. I remember overhearing Gi say before we left to drop Linka off in DC that if you looked up perfectionist in the dictionary, Linka's picture would be there! It's true. It's also under the words "beautiful, gorgeous, stunning, wonderful, amazing, breathtaking, and brilliant." And the root word of perfectionist is, 'perfect' so of course that word is…uh, **_was_** fitting for her. I need to stop thinking like this…I'm having a really hard time being mad at her.

I pick up the picture that Commander Clash took of all of us. We all got a copy…I framed mine so that I can look at it all the time. We had to squish together to fit in the shot, so of course I used that as the perfect excuse to put my arm around Linka. She didn't push me away. She didn't even make a sarcastic comment. I put the picture down next to the photo album I had shown her. I open it up to a random page. Of course it would have to be the one with James and his family. I wonder what that's like? Loving someone so much you can't live without them, so you marry them. Then you have children and that love comes together and creates something that will forever bond the two people together. I wonder if I'll ever have that. I close my eyes and can still see James' family picture…only it's not James in it…it's me. And Beth has been replaced by Linka. Even after I open my eyes, I can still see it. The mind is a cruel thing. It knows that Linka will never be the woman in that photo…and because of that, I'll never have my own "family" photo. I'll just be me and my parents every year…maybe I'll get a dog…or two. That'll be my family. Linka and I will never happen. Not now…and for some reason, it's all I can think about.

I close the album and go back to my task of cleaning up. She must have really been desperate to have gone through my underwear drawer. She was really digging. My "special occasion" boxers are no longer buried at the bottom. I was hoping that maybe someday, we'd…she'd…oh, forget it Wheeler! I put them back at the bottom because I don't think I'll be wearing them any time soon.

* * *

I was so engrossed in my cleaning that I didn't even notice the Geo Cruiser landing. It wasn't until I heard a soft knock at my door that I realized Gi and Linka were home. I was shocked when I heard it. I never thought she'd be the one that came to me. Maybe this will be easier than I thought. I open the door, fully expecting to see Linka, but instead it's Gi.

"Oh…hi Gi, I wasn't expecting you."

"Oh really? Who were you expecting then?" She asks.

"Linka…duh." I couldn't hold back my childish retort…Wasn't it obvious who I'd been expecting?

"Why would she come to see you after what happened last night?" Gi asks angrily.

Why is she so mad about it?

"She told you?" I'm shocked.

"Yeah, of course she did. I'm her best friend."

No, _I'm_ her best friend. She told me so last night when I told her she was mine.

"Well, that's good I guess. At least she's admitting she was wrong," I say.

"**_SHE_** WAS WRONG? WHEELER! You think she did something wrong for not responding to your advances?"

"Well, yeah…WAIT! WHAT? **_Advances_**? What the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't act all innocent with me! Kwame was right! You were just trying to get closer to Linka! She needed you! She trusted you! She thought you were her friend!"

"I **_AM_** her friend! And what do you mean 'Kwame was right'? He thought I was taking advantage of the situation, but I wasn't! You can't possibly think the same thing!"

"Linka told me what you did! How she came to you last night for comfort and company…and you tried to make a move on her!"

"WHAT? No, I…" _Oh no! What if she was awake when I was kissing her neck and nuzzling against her?_ "She told you that's what happened?"

"Yeah, so there's no use trying to deny it."

"I…I didn't know she was awake…and earlier, at the hot springs, I thought she wanted to…she was mad when we didn't…"

"Wait…you took advantage of her while you thought she was sleeping?"

"I…I guess…if that's how she sees it. But I honestly wasn't trying to force myself on her. I guess I was just enjoying her company too much. That's probably why she didn't wake me up when she had her headache…why she was looking through my drawers for medicine…she didn't want me touching her."

"Touching her?"

"Her headaches…they're from the withdrawal. She's got all this tension in her muscles. I'd give her massages to ease the tension and rub her temples to get rid of the headache."

"Why not just give her a pain killer? All she wanted was a simple aspirin."

"I know Gi! But you were one of the ones that were so adamant about getting rid of ALL the medications on the island. I was just abiding by the rules set by you and the _all knowing_ Kwame! When I woke up and caught her going through the cabinets, I yelled at her. I accused her of using me, of wanting to sleep in my room, just so she could look for drugs."

"You yelled at her?"

"Yeah. I was pissed. Still am. Regardless of what I did, she still used **_me_**. She came to my room saying she didn't want to be alone. What was I supposed to think Gi? And I behaved myself. I didn't pressure her…I thought she was asleep. If I'd known she was awake, I would have never done that. She came to me. And the fact that she was awake the whole time…it just proves that she was WAITING for me to fall asleep so she could go through my things."

"I don't know what to believe," Gi says.

"Believe me! Linka's not herself. She lied to me last night, and she lied to you today. I'm curious…what exactly did she tell you that I did to her?"

"Well, it took her a while to come out with it, and she started off by blaming herself, saying it was her fault. She had a really hard time saying it…like she was trying to protect you. Then she went on to say how you'd had an argument. That she was cold and lonely, all she wanted was company but you got the wrong idea."

"Ok, it was pretty much accurate until that last part. She did come to me, but I never once thought that it was going to lead to something more. I EVEN OFFERED TO TAKE THE FLOOR! She insisted that I stayed in my own bed and was ready to leave…but I could tell that she didn't want to be alone. So I offered for her to get into the bed with me, but ONLY to sleep. She crawled in, we lay there awkwardly, NOT TOUCHING I might add. We'd fallen asleep on the beach a few days ago. She was having a hard time getting warm, so I built a fire on the beach and I gave her some of my hoodies to keep her warm. We had a light dinner and sat there by the fire. She was still cold though, so I held her to keep her warm. She fell asleep in my arms. I didn't want to risk waking her, so I just lay down on the blanket. That's how we slept until I woke up after the fire had gone out and it was cold. So I carried her back to her room and put her into her bed. We were comfortable together on the beach, so I figured, what's the difference now? So I suggested that I hold her like that again…I ASKED HER IF IT WAS OK! She didn't object and she didn't hesitate. If she would've seemed uncomfortable for even a half a second, I would have just gotten up out of bed and let her have the whole thing to herself. I'd still be close by so she wouldn't be alone, but we wouldn't be weirded out by sharing a bed. So that's how we slept. Spooning…and yeah, I dropped a few kisses on her neck, but I didn't get carried away or throw myself on top of her and ravish her if that's what you're thinking!"

"She said that you must've gotten the wrong idea when she said that she wanted company and thought that it was the way that she said it, but when she stopped you, you accused her of using you. That she had been leading you on all this time, but she insisted that she would never use you, and thought that you were trying to help her out of friendship. She thinks that you must've thought it would turn into something more after she had gotten better."

"I've always wanted there to be something more between us. Everyone knows that…but I also hoped that everyone knew me well enough to know that I genuinely care about her. Why in the world would I risk having her hate me by taking advantage of her or pushing her to do things she wasn't ready for? I'd rather have her in my life as a friend than as nothing at all. What she's saying doesn't even make sense!"

"I guess so. I didn't really think about it from your point of view…I was just so angry and defensive when she told me…but if what you're saying is true…she lied to me. Why would she do that? If all she wanted was sympathy, she already had it. She didn't need to make up lies."

"I guess she wanted to get to you before I did. She wanted you on her side and to be angry with me before I had the chance to tell you what she did…that **_she_** was the one that used **_me_**."

"So now what? Do I keep acting like I believe her?" Gi asks.

"No. We can't play into her illusions. She needs to get professional help. She needs to go back to DC. I thought she could rehab here…I thought I could help her…but I can't…it's too much. If she's going to get better, she needs professionals. She's pitting us against each other, don't you see? She's been shutting you all out as long as she had me…and after last night…after I caught her, now she's looking for your support and sympathy. She shunned it before. She didn't want it…you gotta ask yourself… 'Why the sudden change?' Because she's looking for an ally, someone to take her side; that's why."

"I was kind of shocked when she wanted to go shopping," Gi admits. "She's hardly said two words to me since the whole ordeal in DC…and then today when she wanted to go shopping…I guess I was just happy that she came to me…I wanted things to go back to how they used to be."

"Me too Gi," I say sadly. "There's only one way that can ever be though…and she's gonna hate me for it…but it has to be done. Tough love right?"

"Do you want me to come with you? I could get the others too," she offers.

"No. She can't feel like we're ganging up on her…I just need to know that you guys are going to support me on this and not let her trick you again."

"I can't believe she'd do that to me…that's not the Linka I know."

"That's not the Linka any of us know. The real Linka is still in there…I've seen glimpses of her…more often than not. We can get her back."

"Do whatever you have to Wheeler. You have my support."

"Thanks."

* * *

I did my best to keep my cool while Gi was there. I'm actually pretty impressed with how well I did. But as soon as Gi left my room, I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. My ears were getting hot. I was fuming. How dare she? First she used me to look for drugs, then she made up lies about me…lies that Gi, and probably the others were very quick to believe. That hurts more than her using me last night…that she would ruin my reputation when I'd been nothing but a perfect gentleman to her. How many times could I have acted on my feelings and kissed her in the last few days? Several times, multiple times a day. There've been so many chances, so many opportunities…and I was getting the impression that she wouldn't have resisted. Judging from how mad she got at the hot springs when I didn't kiss her…I KNOW she wouldn't have resisted…but I did. I fought with every emotion inside me, all the feelings I've developed for her over the past year, and I controlled myself. Well I'm done. I've lost control.

I storm out of my room, slamming the door behind me. I'm stomping my feet so hard, they are getting stuck deep in the sand, making it hard for me to walk. By the time I get to Linka's cabin, I'm out of breath and furious. I don't even bother knocking. I angrily push the door open, slamming it off the wall so hard, I have to stop it from flying back at me. Linka looks up at me in shock, but the look on her face can't compare to the look on mine. I can't believe what I'm seeing. The rage inside me can't be contained. I'm blinded by it.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" I yell.

Before I know it, I've got my hands wrapped around her wrists, violently yanking her up off her bed so that she's standing in front of me. She gasps, whether it's out of shock or in pain, I don't know and I don't care. I continue to grip her wrists and hold her closely to me, even as she struggles to get free. As she tries to pull away, I lean down and press my forehead to hers, locking eyes and forcing her to look at me.

"ANSWER ME DAMN IT!" I seethe through clenched teeth.

She tries to turn away, but I just hold her tighter and move my head with hers every time she turns away. I wish I had another set of hands so I could hold her hands and the drugs in them and hold her face steady so I can force her to look at me. I back her up against the wall, using all of my weight to hold her into place. She can't escape. She's not getting away. And if I can't use an extra set of hands to hold her still, I'll use something else. I'm not letting her go until I have answers.

"LET GO OF ME WHEELER!" She finally says as she tries to push off of the wall and back me off of her.

"NOT UNTIL YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE DOING?"

"WHAT DID IT LOOK LIKE? I AM NOT GOING TO BOTHER DENYING IT!" She screams back at me.

"WHY NOT? YOU'VE GOTTEN PRETTY GOOD AT LYING…YOU HAD GI PRETTY CONVINCED!"

"I HAD TO DO IT!" She's not even bothering to deny it and she's not backing down from arguing. Well, neither am I.

"NO YOU DIDN'T!" I yell, pressing my head more firmly against hers and yanking at her wrists.

Oh my God…am I turning into my father? How far will I go to prove a point?

"WHEELER, YOU ARE HURTING ME!"

Her words get to me; snap me out of my rage. I never wanted a woman I love to fear me like my mother feared my father. I promised myself I'd never be like that. I loosen my grip just a little,

"YOU HURT ME!" I reply. I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. When did I start crying? I can't let her see me like this…give her the satisfaction of seeing what she's done to me.

I drop her hands with a throwing motion, and press my weight against her one last time before angrily pushing off and turning away.

"Go ahead," I say, defeated. "Take them. Take them all."

"You do not even know what they are! It is not what you think!" She pleads.

"Does it matter what they are? They sure as hell ain't aspirin! And where did you get them?"

"Stop treating me like a child! I do not need to explain myself to you!"

I wasn't going to back down until she answered me.

"Where. Did. You. Get. Them?"

"When we were out…"

She's lying again. I whip around and grab the hand holding the pill bottle and shake it in front of her face.

"Don't freakin' lie to me! These are prescription! Gi would have never taken you to the doctor to get you drugs! And this bottle doesn't have a label with the doctor or pharmacy name on it. So if you didn't get them from a doctor or pharmacist, you must've gotten them off the streets!"

"Nyet, I did not!"

"Well you sure as hell didn't get them legally!" I say as I take the bottle from her hand and throw them across the room.

"CHYORT VOZ MI WHEELER! THEY ARE ONLY ANTI-DEPRESSANTS!"

"_ONLY_? **_ONLY_**? THEY'RE NOT AN OVER THE COUNTER MEDICATION LINKA! YOU NEED A DOCTOR TO WRITE A PRESCRIPTION FOR THEM. Taking those is worse than taking headache medicine!"

"BUT IT IS NOT BLISS! IT IS NOT A BAD DRUG MADE BY SKUMM!" She slumps her shoulders, defeated. "These were made to help people."

"Do you even want help Linka?"

"Da! Of course I do!"

"I tried to help you, but I can't do it anymore. And you can't do this alone. You need more help than what any of us can give you on Hope Island."

"What are you saying?"

"You need to go into rehab to get treatment."

"Nyet…"

"YES! You're going to DC…to the clinic with the rest of the Bliss addicts. I've packed a bag for you."

"NYET!"

I continue on as if she hadn't said a word.

"And when you get there, if there's anything that I forgot, or that you'd like to have, just call. We'll get it to you."

"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT! YOU CANNOT RUN MY LIFE AND MAKE DECISIONS FOR ME!" She yells.

"SOMEONE NEEDS TO TAKE CONTROL! If you're not going to do what it takes to get better, it's time we forced you."

"You lied to me! You promised!"

Lies? She wants to talk about lies? I begin the rant of a lifetime:

"You wanna talk about lying? Fine Linka, LET'S TALK ABOUT LYING! When did I misunderstand what you meant about wanting company last night? When did I get the wrong idea and make unwanted advances? When did I accuse you of leading me on? I must've missed that. Refresh my memory! Was it when I stood by your side at your cousin's funeral? Was it when I stood up to your uncle when he made up lies about you? Was it when I massaged your tense muscles to ease your pain? Was it when you came to me for comfort? Was it when I held you in my arms to keep you warm? Tell me please! Because I never thought I did anything that you didn't want me to do! I thought I was being a friend. I tried my hardest to _JUST_ be a friend when all I wanted to do was hold you and never let go, tell you how beautiful you are when you sleep, kiss you until all you could think about was not needing Bliss, but needing me instead! Everything I did was to show you how much I cared!"

I'm no longer yelling, I'm still arguing, talking loudly and passionately. Now I just wait for her answer. I'm not expecting what comes next. She starts yelling.

"You never cared about me; all you wanted was to make yourself feel better because you failed to save James. Well guess what Wheeler, you failed again! And this time it is worse because you made me trust you, you made yourself the center of my world, the only thing holding me together… and then you turned on me."

I turned on her? What the hell is she talking about?

She points at the bottle of pills lying on the floor.

"The Bliss did not do that to me, Boris did not do that to me. You did it. You turned me into an addict by treating me like one, I never lied to you, it was you that broke the trust, not me."

Tears are spilling down her cheeks but she's not shouting anymore, in fact her voice is barely above a whisper. She's telling me how I've betrayed her by sending her away and how she won't be coming back. How she won't survive…how she never wants to see me again…that hurts more than anything I've ever felt before. How can she say that? Doesn't she see that I'm only trying to help her?

She slides down the wall, curling up and staring into space. Almost catatonic. This isn't the end of this conversation. Even if she's not going to say anything back to me, she's going to listen to me. I need a chance to defend myself.

"How dare you! Accusing me of never caring about you? After all I've done for you? Those are the actions of someone that doesn't care about you? Damn it Linka! I'd trade places with you in a heart beat if I could! But that's not even what hurts the most…what hurts the most is knowing that I confided in you about James…and you use that against me? I thought I could learn from the mistakes that my family made with James to HELP YOU. And you're right, this time is worse because I wasn't there every step of the way with James, but I was here for you…and I still failed. And _YOU_ became the center of my world…you always have been. And when something's wrong with you, something is wrong with me too! And the trust has to go both ways. I never turned on you! You were the one that betrayed the trust by going through my drawers."

Yelling and being angry isn't going to get either of us anywhere. I try a slightly different approach…making her see that if she'd just been honest with me, this could have all been avoided.

"My God Linka! If you were hurting that badly, if you just would've asked…I probably would've given you an aspirin…and a massage…and anything else you would've asked of me…which is why I can't be the one that gets you through this. I don't want to send you away, but I have to…for your own good. You can get through this. You'll survive…and you'll be back here, good as new. And we'll forget all about this. We'll be friends again."

She's not convinced.

"You think you can win me over with your charm? Pretending that this is what is best for me? I am leaving, but not going to that clinic. I just need to get as far away from you as I can. I meant it. I never want to see you again."

I take a step towards her, intending to put my hands on her shoulders to get her to look at me.

"Linka…"

"DO NOT TOUCH ME! LEAVE! NOW!"

"FINE! IF THIS IS HOW YOU WANT IT TO END, FINE! I'M DONE FIGHTING WITH YOU! STAY HERE AND SUFFER THROUGH THIS YOURSELF WITHOUT ANY HELP, GO BACK TO RUSSIA AND DEAL WITH YOUR CRAZY UNCLE **_AND _**YOUR ADDICTION. YOU'RE SO FREAKIN' STUBBORN, IT'S A LOSING BATTLE!" I sigh in defeat. "It's always a losing battle with you."

I walk over to the pills that I had thrown on the ground and pick them up. There's no way I'm leaving them with her.

"You won't be needing these!" I say as I shake the bottle at her.

I leave the room, slamming the door hard behind me…that's my way of getting the final word.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 21 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	22. Chapter 22: Day 10, Night

**Chapter 22: Day 10, Night**

Once I get back to my room, I flop down on my bed and replay what just happened. She wasn't serious. She wasn't really going to leave. She was just mad. She was trying to make a point. Like I said, she's being stubborn. Maybe she really does hate me, resents me for trying to help…for thinking that I was using her to help get past the pain of losing James…but I wasn't. It was the opposite. I was using the pain of losing James to help her. I look at the bottle of anti depressants in my hand.

"I wonder if these things work?" I don't wanna know. I flick my wrists and watch the bottle arch through the air and right into the garbage can across the room. "Nothin' but net. Look out Michael Jordan."

Maybe I'll have Gi talk to her. I look over at the clock…it's not too late. I wonder if Gi is still up. I sit up and look out the window to see if there are any lights or activity coming from Gi's cabin. It's totally dark out there except for the soft light cast by the moon.

I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and turn to look at the main building. Linka is coming out of it and hurrying back to her cabin. I wonder what she was doing? Surely she wasn't getting anything to eat. I'm a little hungry now that I think about it. Weird timing, but I hadn't really eaten anything all day. Maybe I'll get a bowl of cereal before bed.

* * *

After I finish downing two bowls of cereal, something inside me tells me to go to Linka, to make things right…or at least try. If she still wants to leave, fine, but if she leaves, I need to know that I did everything in my power to try and save our friendship. If she still hates me, and if she still never wants to see me again, then I'll leave…and I don't just mean leave her cabin, I mean, leave the Planeteers. There's nothing here for me anymore if I don't have Linka. And maybe if I leave, she'll stay. The team…the Earth needs her more than it needs me.

After washing my dishes, I head towards Linka's cabin, trying to come up with the right words to say to her. Maybe I should just tell her the truth about how I feel. That I care about her more than anything or anyone.

I reach her cabin and am about to knock on the door when I notice that it's not shut…or more specifically, it won't shut. It's out of alignment. Oops. I guess when I slammed it, I damaged it. Oh well, fixing it will give me an excuse to be around her…fixing the door, and ourselves at the same time. I don't just want to enter without her knowing I'm there though, and I don't want to scare her so I softly say her name.

"Linka?"

No reply.

"Linka, can I please come in. We really need to talk. I know you'll agree that neither one of us wants it to be like this. There's too much between us. Too much has changed...for the better...and you can't deny that. And I can't forget it. I'm not giving up on you. You can hate me if you need to, but I only want what's best for you. Can we just talk to each other instead of screaming at each other? I have something I want to tell you…a lot of things actually."

Still nothing. I listen but don't hear any movement. There's no way she would've left already! She couldn't have. Maybe she's in bed. I push the door open to look. Her bed is empty, but I see a light coming from the bathroom. I carefully enter the room, not wanting to risk scaring her.

"Hey Linka?"

I'm still getting the silent treatment. I walk towards the bathroom and don't hear any activity in there. I immediately think back to what I said, telling her to take all the pills…OH NO! WHAT IF…? I push the door open and can't believe what I see.

"NO! LINKA! OH MY GOD! NO!"

Linka is submerged under the water. I see the knife lying beside the tub. She couldn't…she wouldn't! I rush to the tub and grab her by the shirt, pulling her out. There's no blood. She didn't do it, but she still passed out…and I have no idea how long she's been underwater. The water is still warm, so I guess it hasn't been long…which is a good thing. Her lips are blue though, and that's not so good. And what about the pills? Did she take anything? I took the bottle…but what if she had more? I lay her on the floor and check for a pulse. My hands are shaking so badly though, I can't really tell one way or the other. She's not breathing, that much I'm sure of. I cover her mouth with mine and begin CPR on her.

"COME ON LINKA!" I plead as I pump her chest.

I go back to giving her mouth to mouth.

Tears are streaming down my face and my voice cracks as I demand,

"BREATHE!"

I hold her face in my hands.

"Please," I sob.

I'm having a hard time doing the compressions because her bulky sweatshirt is made even bulkier by the water that it's saturated with. I grasp the collar and pull with all my strength, tearing the garment in half and ripping it away from her body. That's better. Now I can see and feel her sternum and make sure I'm doing the compressions right.

"Linka…" I plead before breathing into her. "Come back to me Baby."

I am just about to start a second breath when she starts choking and spitting up water. I quickly turn her onto her side and hold her as she expels the water from within her.

"Oh thank God!" I exclaim as I hug her to me and kiss the side of her head while brushing the wet strands of hair away from her face. "Are you ok?"

When she doesn't answer, I pull back to look at her. She's passed out again.

"Wake up Babe. It's ok. I'm here now. I have you. I'm not gonna leave you…I'm not gonna lose you."

I think she's in shock. She's very cold. I have to get her out of these wet clothes and dry her off. I pick her up and move her to her room, laying her down there on the floor. I don't want to get her bed wet. I dump out her shopping bag to look for the new warm clothes that she had bought. I find a pair of thick jogging pants and a matching hooded sweatshirt. Leave it to Linka to get a coordinating hoodie for her pants!

I grab a towel from the bathroom and quickly return to kneel down next to her.

"Forgive me Babe," I whisper as I remove the soaking wet clothing that she's wearing. The trinket around her wrist catches my attention. The bracelet I got her…she's still wearing it. She was wearing when she was gonna…did seeing it stop her? Did it make her hesitate long enough to cause her to pass out before she had a chance to make the fatal cut? I hope so. But I guess it doesn't matter _WHAT_ prevented her from going through with it, just as long as _something_ did.

I take the towel and run it over her body, rubbing away the moisture on her skin. Even through the fabric of the towel, I can feel how cold she is. It makes me hurry up and dry her off as quickly as I can. And it's not easy. I'm trying my best not to look at her. Of course there's nothing attractive about this whole ordeal…but it's still Linka, the object of my affections…and I'm still a teenage guy. For the last year, only one girl has made regular appearances in my dreams…and, God help me, even like this, she's still beautiful…more beautiful than anything I could have made up in my dreams.

Focus Wheeler. This is so ass backwards! I never in a million years thought I'd ever be putting clothes **_ON_** Linka. I'd always held out hope that there'd be a day when I'd be taking them off. Once I've got her dressed, I wrap the towel around her head and squeeze the excess water out of her hair. I pick her up and carry her towards her bed. She moans softly and her lips move, as if she's trying to say something. Her eyes drift open, just a bit, but I can still see they're partially rolling into the back of her head. She's lost consciousness again.

I lay her down and pull the covers over her, brushing her hair away from her face.

"Wake up Babe," I say as I caress her cheek. "I need you to talk to me. We need to make sure you're alright." She's still completely out of it.

I take off my shirt, which is now also soaked and curl up beside her, wrapping my arms around her and throwing my leg over her so that I've got her completely enveloped in me, half of my body covering hers as I bury my head into the crook of her neck and whisper,

"I'm so sorry Baby. Wake up. I need you to come back to me. I need you."

I didn't want to fall asleep, but I did. I'm emotionally exhausted. I cried myself to sleep, knowing how close I just came to losing everything. Linka is my everything.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 22 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	23. Chapter 23: Day 11, Early Morning

**Chapter 23: Day 11, Early Morning**

_It's a Wheeler family Christmas. We are at my grandparents place, as usual, and it's time for family pictures. I'm standing behind my parents, who are sitting on the couch._

_"Linka dear, go ahead and stand next to Jason!" My grandma says._

_I look over to the side and see Linka standing there._

_"Oh, no. I could not impose. It is a family picture and I am just…"_

_"Nonsense sweetheart!" My mom interrupts. "You've been putting up with us all day and haven't run out the door screaming…that makes you family!"_

_Linka smiles at her and then looks at me, as if she's searching for my approval. I hold my arm out, indicating that I want to put it around her. She does as I wish and leans into my side. I press my lips to the side of her head and say,_

_"Thanks for humoring them…sorry if it's weird for you."_

_"Nyet, do not apologize. I am honored that they want to include me…as long as it is ok with you…I mean, if you just want a photo of you and your parents for your album, I can step aside."_

_"No, I'll always remember this Christmas as the first time you met my family…so you need to be in the picture…or else when I'm an old senile man, I may not remember without the help of the picture!" I joke._

_We smile for the camera as everyone takes their turns snapping pictures. Once everyone is done, I assume that picture time is over._

_"Wait Jason, let's get one of just you and Linka."_

_How embarrassing!_

_"Maaaaaa, Linka's probably sick of pictures and seeing spots from all the flashes!"_

_"Nyet it is ok. I do not mind…in fact, I would even like a copy of the one we just took if it is no trouble."_

_Copies? She actually wants pictures of her time with my family?_

_"Oh, and would you mind taking one of the two of us with my camera as well?" She asks as she reaches into her purse and pulls out her camera._

_"I don't mind at all dear," my mom says as she takes the camera._

_"Thank you."_

_I put my arm around her waist and tilt my head sideways to lean against hers._

_"Oh, that is perfect! Stay like that!" Ma says as she takes the picture. "One more!"_

_I take the time to appreciate the moment. The closeness. It's over all too soon, and everyone goes back to the usual family chatter, munching on Christmas cookies or other snacks that are sitting out, watching TV, and for the first time all night, no one seems to notice me and Linka. Finally, I can have a moment alone with her to talk. I take her hand and lead her down the hallway, away from the crowd. Why isn't there any mistletoe in this house?_

_Once we've found a quiet spot, I lean my back against the wall and take both of her hands in mine as she stands before me._

_"Thanks for coming here with me," I say._

_"Thank you for inviting me. I really did not want to go back to the Soviet Union for the holidays. Now that Grandmuska is gone…" she trails off._

_"I know," I say. She doesn't need to finish. I know exactly how she feels. "The first holiday after losing a loved one is never a good one. Holidays are a tough time to remember loved ones…even if it's been a long time since they've passed."_

_She steps closer and stands between my legs, leaning forward so that her body is pressing against mine as we hug. We stay like that for a while, not saying anything, just holding each other. I brush my nose against her ear and nuzzle into her hair. She pulls away and looks up at me, smiling the most beautiful smile. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears. Are they tears of sadness from our conversation about lost family members? Or is that twinkle in her eye from happiness? My question is answered when she stretches up on her toes and presses her lips to mine. It's nice. When we part, she looks up at me shyly, and then looks down. Knowing Linka, she's embarrassed. She's never been one to initiate anything. Now it's my turn. I gotta let her know that not only was I okay with her forwardness, but I'd also not mind if we did it again. I bend my head to recapture her lips, running my hands up and down her back, whispering "I love you" against her mouth. Her hand moves to caress my cheek as she locks her lips more firmly to mine. The first kiss was nice. This one has my heart ready to beat its way out of my chest._

You know when you're dreaming, that moment that you realize you're dreaming is usually the moment that you wake up? It sucks. I open my eyes and see Linka looking back at me. I've still got her wrapped up in my arms, just as I did when I fell asleep.

"You're awake!"

"So are you," she says, stating the obvious.

"Yeah, but I was only sleeping you were unconscious…how long…"

"A while now."

"You should have woken me up."

"You looked like you were having a nice dream. I did not want to disturb you. You were smiling…I figured you needed something to smile about. You have been crying," she observes as she uses her finger to trace one of the tearstains that has left a track down my cheek.

"I was scared," I admit.

"Me too."

"Of me?"

"Nyet…of me."

"Are you ok? You weren't breathing."

"As well as can be expected I guess…all things considered. It is a little hard to breathe. I am pretty ashamed."

"You don't have to be ashamed around me. No one else will ever know about this. I promise. We'll keep this between you and me."

"Thank you." She sounds relieved.

"Do you remember…what happened?"

"I remember what my intentions were. I guess I passed out before I could…" she trails off.

"Yeah…good thing."

"Da…but I still could have died…if you had not…"

"Let's not even think about 'what if.' All that matters is that I was there when it mattered…I know it won't make up for the time when I wasn't there for you…"

"Sssh. Please stop. I do not want to talk about it now."

"Then listen? I have a lot I want…**_need_** to say to you."

"Wheeler, I cannot do this right now. I cannot have another argument with you," she says as she shuts her eyes, as if shutting them will shut out her surroundings.

I bend my forehead to touch it to hers…sort of like I did when I was fighting with her, but softer, gentler. She opens her eyes and looks at me. I caress her cheek as I brush an errant strand of hair away from her face.

"I can't handle an argument right now either Babe. I don't want to…now, or ever again," I whisper. "Which is why I'm apologizing."

"Apology accepted. You saved my life. There is nothing more to say."

"But I have a lot more to say. I did this to you. I drove you to this! I could have lost you. I don't know what I would've done if you…if I…because of me…you…" I can't say it. I don't want to say it. "But that's not true. I know exactly what I would've done. I would've been so overcome with grief, so full of guilt, I would've gone crazy. I would've…done the same thing you did."

"Do not say that Jason," she whispers before her body is overcome with a coughing fit. There must still be some fluid in there. She really should see a doctor to make sure she's ok. I rub my hand in circles on her back. It's what I always remember my mom doing when I was sick and coughing. Once her spasm stops, she continues. "I was trying to free you of the burden, not hurt you further."

"Burden? I never thought that of you. I'd do it again, and again, and again if you needed me too. I'm so sorry Linka. I never meant to hurt you. I had no idea that my actions would've driven you to this. If I did…well…I would've never pushed so hard…I would've been more careful about what I did and said to you."

She tells me she didn't care and that she isn't afraid of me, which is a huge relief. I never want to make a woman feel the same way my dad made my mom feel. I could never do that to someone I love…I don't know how he could…I'd just assumed it meant he didn't love my mother and me.

She says that she did it because she thought I wanted her gone. She completely misunderstood why I wanted her to go back to the clinic in DC. It wasn't because I was trying to get rid of her, it was because I couldn't help her. These people were trained and way more qualified for dealing with people going through withdrawal.

Once again, she begs not to be sent back to the clinic. Says sending her away won't help her and if that's what I really want, I should never have come back here. So she'd rather be dead than go back there? Why? What is so scary about it? Is it just that she's unable to admit to others that she needs help? That she has a problem? Is she that ashamed that she can't admit that she's an addict? I guess I need to explain myself better to her.

"I never wanted you gone. I wanted you better. I wasn't sending you away to get rid of you, it's because I can't give you the help you need. I don't want you to go away. I want you here with me. I couldn't stand not seeing you everyday. I need you. I lo- -" She stops me by putting her fingers over my lips. I don't care if she doesn't want to hear it. "…love you. I realize that now. I kinda always knew it, but now I know for sure. I don't care if you can't say it back. I didn't say it so you'd say it back. I said it cuz I wanted you to know. No matter what happens. Even if you don't feel the same way, I just needed you to know. To give you a reason to never give up…because I'll always be there…even if it is just as a friend if you don't feel the same way I do. My life would be so empty if you weren't in it…I couldn't go on. I wouldn't want to."

"Then do not send me away." She pleads. She sounds just as scared as I feel. "I need something to hold on to, something to trust and believe in, no doctor can give me that."

Can I give her that? I just told her I love her and she's completely ignored it…I know I told her I didn't expect her to say it back…and I know it was a long shot that she'd say she felt the same.

She closes her eyes again, but this time, it's not to shut out the world. She snuggles into me and I hold her tighter. Can't we just forget about everyone and everything else and stay in bed forever…or at least until she's better. She'll be safe here. I can be that something she needs to hold onto. To believe in.

"What you said before…Do you think…those things that you said you needed…do you think I can give you that?" I ask.

"The better question is, do **_you_** think you can give me that?"

"I want to," I confess. "You're sure you don't want someone more professional? Someone who's trained in this?"

"Hospitals and groups, drug programs… they are very important and help a lot of people I know that, but for me… my situation is different, I am different. I do not think like an addict and I am afraid of being made to in the name of helping me heal. I need to be myself."

"Ok. But at least you wouldn't be alone in your suffering. These kids know what you're going through…maybe you could even be helpful to them. I'll go with you if you want. Maybe they have an outpatient program. We can stay in at a hotel, not in a hospital or clinic, and then you could just go to the meetings or whatever when they were scheduled, but then come back to the hotel. It wouldn't be like you were trapped there if you could just come and go as you pleased."

"The doctor said there would be others I could share my experiences with, but I cannot, I do not do well in a group. I will just retreat inside myself where it is safe."

She's not budging. She's not even considering what I'm saying. I'm not going to force her to do anything she doesn't want to…I just don't get why she's so adamant about not going, even after I offered to go with her. Was it because I just told her I love her? Does she not want to spend time alone with me? She looks a little frustrated and worried that I'm not getting it.

"Skumm made me special. I do not mean that in a good way. Boris and I did not have to do anything for the Bliss while the others had to amuse him. They did things… terrible things… and all the time knowing that I was different, protected… a pet if you like. They will **hate** me now!"

She's looking into my eyes, silently begging me to understand…and I finally get it. She's _NOT_ one of them. Yes, they share an addiction, but she was an outsider. She was not part of their group. She was treated differently by Skumm and they'd resent her for that.

"I need to forget the things I saw Wheeler, I need the nightmares to stop..." She looks away and whispers softly, "… and they only do not come when you are with me."

Why can't she look at me when she says that? Why is she ashamed to admit it?

"Then I guess I've got bad news for ya Babe…"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 23 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	24. Chapter 24:Day 11, Early Morning, Cont'd

**Chapter 24: Day 11, Early Morning, Continued**

"I need to forget the things I saw Wheeler, I need the nightmares to stop..." She looks away and whispers softly, "… and they only do not come when you are with me."

"Then I guess I've got bad news for ya Babe…" She looks up at me with horror filled eyes. "Sounds like the only solution to your problem is for me to always be with you. So I guess you're stuck with me," I say as I hug her more tightly to me.

A relieved look washes over her face.

"And for the record, **_my_** nightmares stay away when I'm with you too," I whisper in her ear.

She looks up at me and smiles. This moment is perfect. This should be it. This should be our first kiss. So many missed opportunities, but they've all lead us to this point. There's just one problem…two minutes ago, I told her that I loved her and got nothing in response. If I try to kiss her, it'll be too much too soon. I don't want to throw myself at her. But if we kissed…would that change her mind? Would it convince her that I mean what I say? Would she convince herself that she feels the same way? Until I know for sure how she feels, as much as I want to act on my feelings, I can't. So I won't.

"Then we will protect each other," she says confidently. I like the sound of that. Her demeanor shifts though when she says shyly, "You would probably be more comfortable in the bed though."

I'm fine where I am, lying on top of the covers, but she's inviting me to get under them with her. Did I just get the answer I was waiting for? It's a start I guess, and in all honesty, I can't wait to hold her in my arms with one less barrier. Once I get under the covers, I resume my previous position, wrapping myself around her. We lay there in silence for a while, but I'm not tired. I wonder if she's fallen asleep but then she softly asks,

"Wheeler… what do you have nightmares about?"

Oh. Wow. This is some pretty heavy subject matter…is she ready for it? Can she handle it? But more importantly, can I handle telling her? It's not something I've ever been comfortable talking about. Will it scare her away? Will she think I'm damaged? Will she pity me? I hate it when people pity me. That's why I never talk about my life back in Brooklyn. But if she's going to trust me, I have to show her that I trust her as well…and I do. I want to tell her about this part of me.

"You know when I was telling you about James, the night I was staying at my grandparent's and my Pap had to go pick him up, and I said that when I overheard the phone conversation that I thought they were talking about my dad?"

"Da. And you said that you spent the summers at your grandparents' because it was 'a polite way' for them to keep you away from your dad. I did not ask then because I did not want to interrupt, but I wondered what you meant by that."

"It was because my dad had a drinking problem."

"Oh."

"It was bad. It's not like he was a happy drunk. And it wouldn't have been that bad if he was just the kinda drunk that was gone all day at the bar, blew all his money on booze, then came home and passed out. He was the kinda drunk who would be at the bar all day, blow all his money on booze, then come home, pissed off that his dinner was cold and my mom would have to re-heat it. And he'd get mad because the mashed potatoes weren't fresh, they were instant…and they weren't even good instant potatoes, they were the store brand. Ma had to buy the cheapest stuff she could because dad blew all our money at the bar or at the track, where he'd make stupid decisions because he was too drunk to know any better. My mom even went out and got a part time job without my dad knowing about it so that we'd have a little extra income. It's what she'd use for grocery money. And sometimes clothes for me when I'd out grow mine. After a while though, I'd gotten used to kids making fun of me for my out of style clothes or short, tight jeans that I'd outgrown when big and baggy was the style. And my shoes were falling apart. EVERYONE had Air Jordan's. My grandparents bought me a pair for my birthday once, but I could never wear them. A nice pair of shoes like that would look ridiculous with the crappy wardrobe I had. Then for Christmas, I got a bunch of clothes from my aunts, uncles, and grandparents. You'd think that a kid would be disappointed and only want fun stuff like toys, but I was happy to finally have stylish clothes to wear. Then when I went looking for my shoes, I couldn't find them. I found out my dad sold them for booze money. I was so angry, I confronted him. He told me no son of his was going to wear 'black kid shoes.'"

How much is too much information? All she wanted to know was what my nightmares were about. She didn't ask to hear my life story. But it sort of required an explanation…otherwise, my nightmares would just seem insane. Reliving this is really getting me down. It's harder to talk about than I thought it would be. I take a deep breath to compose my thoughts, and then go on.

"Anyway, he'd get angry over little things and he'd take out his anger on my mom…and me. When he was yelling at her, I'd do my best to get him mad at me, say stuff to him, get in between him and my Ma…if he was wailing on me, at least he wasn't touching her. He'd beat me pretty good. He'd split my lip, make my nose bleed, slap me upside the head…that explains a lot huh Babe?" I try to joke.

She just shakes her head, shushes me, and says,

"Do not even joke about that. The only thing it explains is why you are so strong, and so willing to stand up for others. It started at a young age."

"I guess. Never really thought of it that way."

"So your nightmares are more like memories? About him hurting you and your mother?" She asks sadly.

"Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes they're memories. Sometimes they're distorted memories…almost like what really happened, but with different outcomes. Sometimes he ends up killing my mom…or me…and sometimes I think they're what I **_wished_** had happened…I kill him."

I stop my story there, wondering what she'll think of me now, knowing that I'm capable of such horrible thoughts. I get my answer when she snuggles in closer to me, wrapping her arm more tightly around my mid-section and rubbing her cheek against my bare chest.

"Does your father still drink?"

"No. At least, he says he doesn't, and my mom says he's quit. I think he got a reality check after James died. I would've never left my mom to come here if my dad was still drinking like he used to."

"And we would have never met," she states blankly.

"No. We wouldn't."

"And I would probably be dead. Strange how things work out," she says.

"No, you'd be fine because I wouldn't have upset you so much that you felt you had to…"

"Nyet. I mean the Bliss would have killed me in DC. You were the one that got through to me."

"If not me, it would've been someone else. Who knows…maybe Gaia would have chosen a sophisticated Englishman or a cool surfer dude Aussie with a cool accent to replace me," I joke.

"I like your accent…and you _ARE_ a 'cool surfer dude!'"

"What? You're not gonna argue the point about my sophistication?"

"Nyet…I will leave that one alone!"

We chuckle lightly as we continue to hold each other. We stay like that for a while, neither of us saying anything as I rub my hands up and down her back, trying to both warm and sooth her. Then, out of nowhere, I feel her body tense up.

"Wheeler…did you…?"

"What Babe?" I ask. I'm afraid of what's going to come next, based on her sudden mood change.

"My clothes…?"

Oh. Crap.

"I umm…was hoping you wouldn't notice. I uhh…you were…in the tub…the water…your clothes uhh…since they were soaking wet, they were in the way and interfering when I was doing CPR…"

"I needed CPR?"

"Yeah Babe…you weren't breathing…your lungs were full of water. I had to do it."

I think back to how soft her lips were as I covered them with mine…not the ideal scenario that I'd imagined for the first time our lips met. I'd always thought they'd be warm and soft, not cold and lifeless.

"And you had to remove my clothes?" She asks as she lifts the sheets. "Even my sweatpants are different."

"Well, yeah, like I said, the shirt was in the way…and I hope it wasn't a favorite because I sort of ripped it open."

"Sort of?"

"Ok, I definitely ripped it open. Time was a factor and I was panicking!"

"And the sweatpants?"

"Were soaking wet. I couldn't put you into bed like that…and you needed to get warmed up. I couldn't risk you going into shock AND being in wet clothes…on top of the chills you've been feeling…I needed to keep you warm. That wouldn't have happened if you'd stayed in those wet clothes. And my shirt was soaked as well, so I had to take it off too. And trust me Babe…the last thing on my mind was…uh, you know…my main focus was getting you breathing again, then dry, then conscious."

"I know…I trust you…I just was surprised…and embarrassed."

"You have nothing to be embarrassed about," I try to reassure her.

She raises an eyebrow at me.

"No, I mean…I wasn't looking. I tried my best to keep my eyes averted. But I'm not gonna lie, that wasn't always possible."

She doesn't say anything, just nods, but the tint of red in her cheeks is very telling.

"If it'll make you feel better, I'll strip down, you can have a look, and we'll call it even?" I joke.

"Nyet, that is ok," she laughs.

"Geez, why you gotta laugh about it?" I pretend to be hurt.

She smiles, but then gets serious.

"Thank you….for taking care of me…for being honest and caring and being a perfect gentleman…thank you for everything."

"You're welcome…and I want you to know that not once did I consider…looking. That…moment…wasn't enjoyable at all for me. I was scared I'd lost you," I say as I tighten my hold on her. "And I guess maybe I learned something from those romance movies I _HAVE_ to watch when you and Gi pick the movies…but I just think that when a guy sees a girl…_REALLY_ sees her for the first time…well, she should be fully conscious and aware of the way he's looking at her, adoring her…she should see the look in his eyes when the full affect of her beauty hits him, and when he realizes that he's the luckiest guy in the world."

"Da. That is how it should be," she nods in agreement, but she seems miles away.

For the first time in a long time, she feels warm to me as I press my lips to the side of her head and bring my hand up to rest on the back of her head, burying my fingers in her damp hair and massaging her scalp. The mood is light. I'm happy, she seems happy…I hesitate to ruin it, buuuuuuut…

"So you said that you needed to forget the things that you saw…is that what your nightmares are about? You wanna tell me about them? You don't have to if you don't want to…I mean, just because I told you, doesn't mean you have to tell me…but if you think it'll help to talk about it…" I stammer.

"Did it help you?"

"I don't know. It doesn't change what happened…but I'm glad I was finally able to talk to someone about it…and I'm glad that someone was you."

I lean my head against hers. I'm not trying to guilt her into telling me anything, I'm just telling her the truth. She pauses for a moment and then she starts telling her story.

"Skumm set himself up as a ruler and he expected his people to put on entertainment, which they did. He had them compete for the Bliss."

"Compete?"

"Da. Fights…to the death. The winner got more Bliss. The others, we would watch the fights, cheering the combatants on, also finding enjoyment in seeing what our peers would do for the Bliss. We were no better than Skumm."

"Did you or Boris ever fight anyone?"

"Nyet. As I said, we were privileged. Boris was a favorite because he brought me to Skumm. Skumm wanted to keep me around to use against the Planeteers. He kept giving me the Bliss so that I would not have to risk dying by fighting for it. I was no use to him dead."

"What else did he make people do?"

She takes a deep breath before continuing. Her eyes fill with unshed tears.

"The girls…they did not fight…not often anyway. They had other ways of pleasing Skumm."

"Other ways…as in…?" I can't even say it because the thought makes me sick.

"Da. At night, girls would come to him. It started with just a few, but then once the word got out that these girls were getting more Bliss, more and more would show up. It got to the point where he would have to turn them away…He would share them with his henchmen…and Boris. I was there."

"There? Did you…?"

"Nyet! He wanted to keep Boris and I close, in case we came to our senses and left. We slept in the same room as Skumm…Boris was on the floor…I was in the bed."

"With him?"

"Da…but I never…"

"Good. I'm glad he kept his filthy paws off you."

Now the tears were falling.

"I never went all the way with him…but there were times…he would get closer than necessary. He would brush the hair away from my face, caress my cheek, hold my hand…whisper in my ear."

I ball my fists up. That rat bastard! How dare he? How dare he touch her? I'll kill him! But I can't let her know how angry I am. I don't want her to think I'm angry at her or blame her for what happened. I need to comfort her and let her know that I'm here now. It's me, not Skumm. He'll never touch her again.

"So, when I do those things, does it bring back bad memories? Does it remind you of him…cuz if so, I'll stop."

"Nyet. I do not want you to stop…I want…I **_need_** you to continue doing those things to comfort me…because it reminds me how those actions should make me feel. Not disgusted, but appreciated. Respected. Valued. Not like property. Not like I need to obey in order to get something in return."

"I'd never expect anything in return," I reassure her. "I'm just trying to be here for you."

"I know. And it is so very different when it is you. Even when I was out of my mind with the Bliss, I still knew that what Skumm was doing was sickening…but I needed to suffer through it… I could not risk not getting more Bliss. And the only thing that worked for me was…was pretending he was someone else. It was someone else's hand on my cheek, someone else's finger twirling around my hair, someone else's breath on my skin. Someone whose voice was sweet, whose hands were warm, whose touch was tender…I pretended it was you."

I don't know what to say. I'm happy, obviously. How couldn't I be? At least now I know that the thought of me touching her doesn't repulse her! So I tilt her chin up to look at me. The tears are now streaming down her face, so I wipe them away.

"It's ok Babe. He's never gonna touch you again. I'll burn his fingers off, and then I'll kill him if he tries."

Wow, twice in one night I've revealed murderous thoughts to Linka, first about my dad, and now Skumm. I think they're justified, but she might think differently. I kiss her forehead. I hesitate because even though she said that she needs me to continue doing those little things…to give them a positive meaning again, I can't help but think they'll also bring painful reminders. I know I can't stop thinking about it…did he hold her like this at night?

"It was horrible Wheeler. At night when the other girls would come to him…I was there. I was in the same bed when they were...I knew that I did not need to do anything special for my supply of Bliss…but what if it ever got to the point that I needed to? I did not object to him getting closer and touching me because I was afraid he would get mad at me and stop giving me the pills. How far would I have let him go? Would I have given in and let him…do whatever."

"NO!" I blurt out, surprising both of us, but then I get calm again. "No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't have let it go that far."

"How can you be so sure, when even I am not so sure?"

Am I sure? Am I trying to convince her or myself?

"Because…because…," I struggle to find an explanation…I don't have one. "Because I just am! I know you. The sensible, logical Linka was still inside you. She would've prevailed. I know this because I've seen how strong you are."

"I was not very strong last night."

"Last night never happened. Last night doesn't count…the bad parts anyways," I say soothingly against her ear. "As for what happened with Skumm, you'd remember…and you don't remember doing anything more…right?"

"Nyet. I do not remember doing anything…but I also do not remember Boris crashing through the window at the Capital Building…Wheeler…if I did not remember that…what else do I not remember?"

I think I need answers just as much as she does. I wrap her body up in mine, my arms around her as tightly as they can go, my legs intertwined with hers, her head tucked under my chin, holding her as closely as possible. Every inch of her body in contact with mine. Any part of her that was touched by Skumm, has now been replaced by my touch. I'm being possessive. She's not "mine." We're nothing more than friends…but in my heart, she'll always be mine…even if it never happens in reality.

"There's ways to find out…to be sure. You could go to the doctor and be examined. Or maybe Ma-Ti could use his ring to scan your memories…"

"NYET! Not Ma-Ti! No one else can know Wheeler!"

I knew it was a stupid thing to suggest, but it was the only thing I could think of.

"Ok, ok…I know…he's the only one I can think of that can get inside people's heads though…other than a hypnotherapist. And we can do that if you want. There are places that I know of in New York…we can go there for a few days. Tell the others that we're going on a mini vacation…"

"What about Gaia? She could get into my head just as Ma-Ti could," Linka says quietly.

I guess the idea of coming to New York with me is too much for her. It's moving too fast. It's not like I was taking her there to meet my family, it was just to get her some help…or maybe the unease that she has about going back to DC is transferring to all sorts of medical facilities. But she's right, Gaia could tell. And we…I mean Linka, can trust Gaia.

"That's a good idea. Maybe you can talk to her tomorrow…if you're feeling up to it. And I'll come with you…if you want…you know, for support."

"Da, of course I want you there. And we will see how I feel tomorrow…if I am ready. I want answers…I just do not know if I am ready to hear them."

Me neither.

"Is there anything else you want to talk about?" I ask.

"Nyet. That is everything that happened. Those are the things that I dream about. Those memories…and then possible scenarios…if he did try…and I let him."

"That's one nightmare you WILL NOT be having tonight. It's me tonight. I'm the one holding you. Even in your sleep, I'll protect you. Just think about that every night before you go to sleep…if you start to have a nightmare about Skumm, maybe that seed will be planted in your subconscious and I'll show up in your dream. I'll protect you…and he'll stop coming around. Those nightmares will end for good."

"I hope so."

"You should get some rest. It was a long night," I whisper.

I adjust my hold on her. She's so thin, when I put my arm around her, it practically goes all the way around, so that my hand is resting on her stomach. I automatically begin to rub my hand there, causing her shirt to ride up slightly. When I encounter bare skin, she tenses slightly, so I pull the shirt back down. I give her a comforting squeeze, placing several kisses on her head. I wipe away the rest of her tears. She curls up against me and I continue to hold her as closely to me as I can. She's fallen asleep. It didn't take long. I know how exhausting emotional moments can be. Last night, the circumstances, and the revelations have left me feeling pretty drained as well. It's not long until I follow Linka into a state of sleep.

* * *

I wake up when I hear her groaning and feel her struggling against me, as if she's trying to get out of my embrace.

"Linka, it's ok Babe. It's me," I whisper as I kiss her temple and stroke her cheek.

She whimpers "nyet" and continues to try to push me away. I don't want her to feel like I'm restraining her, so I unwrap my legs from around hers and pull away. I hold her hand and press my lips to her knuckles.

"Linka, it's Wheeler. It's not Skumm. He can't hurt you Baby, I won't let him. I'm here."

"Yankee? You came," she mutters, still in a state of sleep.

"Yeah. I told you I would. It's me Babe," I say as I tentatively move closer to hold her once again and kiss her cheek.

"It is you," she confirms softly as she nestles her head into my naked chest.

I place my hand on the back of her head and stroke her hair, holding her to me.

"It's me. I've got you, and I'm not going anywhere. No one's gonna hurt you. No one. Especially not Skumm. They've gotta get past me first…and I'll never let you go," I promise her.

She calms down and settles in against me, back to a peaceful sleep, I hope.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 24 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	25. Chapter 25: Day 11

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for all the reviews. I never really look at the counts until somone points them out. You're all so consistent too! Thanks for the loyalty. Sorry for being a bit absent (but I'm not the only one...you guys know who you are! Get back to work!). Busy at work, exhausted, family in from out of town, and I'm just not that into writing anymore. The muse is on a summer vacation I guess. Plus I'm not feeling very inspired. Big thanks to Liberty for the lovely review (but can't reply because it's anonymous, come on...join up! It's painless. Thanks for taking the time to review. I wasn't having a good day, was literally sick to my stomach over something stupid and someone who's worthless. Your review was perfectly timed!). Oh, and this one's for Ellibrial. Welcome back! We missed you and can't wait to read more from you!**

**Chapter 25: Day 11**

I wake up feeling well rested and refreshed. It's been a while since I woke up feeling this good. I stretch out my limbs, but immediately place them back to their former position; around Linka.

She nuzzles into me and gives me a squeeze.

"Good morning," she murmurs against my chest.

"Mmm hmm," I agree, returning her embrace.

"It is late. We should probably get up before the others come looking for us…and if they find us…like this…"

"…they might get the wrong idea. I know," I say as I release her. She knows that Gi knows, but she doesn't know that because of me, Ma-Ti and Kwame also know…and don't approve.

I stand up and stretch once more, raising my hands above my head, and tilting my head back as my vertebras crack and pop…I'm gettin' old. When I bring my head back down, I catch Linka looking at me. I hope she likes what she sees. I need motivation to keep working out…with the junk that I eat, I gotta work for this look. Everyone probably thinks that this look comes naturally, but I've got my pre-bedtime work out routine of crunches, push-ups, and weights.

I pretend not to notice her looking at me…I know it'll only cause her to be embarrassed.

"WHEELER! THE DOOR WAS LEFT OPEN ALL NIGHT!"

"Oh, yeah. It wasn't shut when I got here last night. It's why I was able to just walk right in. I guess yesterday when I slammed it, it knocked it out of alignment. It doesn't shut right now."

"So you broke my door…AGAIN?"

Speaking of working out…

"Guess I don't realize my own strength," I say innocently, while jokingly flexing my muscles to prove my point. "Wanna feel?" I tease.

"I have felt," she smiles shyly.

I take it that means she likes what she felt!

"But what if someone came by…and saw…?" She asks.

"I don't think anyone did. We would've heard Gi squeal with delight, Ma-Ti would've squealed in embarrassment, and Kwame would've gasped so loudly in disgust that he would've sucked all the air out of the room….and then he would've let us know how inappropriate we're being."

She still has a worried look on her face.

"Don't worry Babe. People have been keeping their distance from you anyway...I'd bet big money that no one came anywhere near this cabin last night."

"Da, you are probably right."

"I'm gonna go back to my room and get dressed. Wanna meet me in the kitchen for breakfast?" I ask.

"I guess."

"You don't have to…I mean, if you're sick of me…" I know she's not. I know she's grateful for my help. I'm just joking…maybe I should stop though. I don't want her to think that I think she hasn't expressed how happy she is to have me help her through this.

"I am not sick of you…I just do not want to eat. I know I have to…but nothing sounds appetizing to me," she says as she crawls out from under the covers, crosses her arms over her chest, and rubs her arms to keep warm.

"Well maybe you'll feel differently once you get there. Maybe you'll find something that you can tolerate."

"I will try."

"That's all I'm asking," I say, opening my arms for her to step into.

She does and I wrap my arms around her, kissing the top of her head, and rubbing my hands up and down her back. We fit perfectly together. She's like a puzzle piece that fits flawlessly; the piece that's been missing from my life.

After a while, I pull away slightly, kiss her forehead and lean mine against hers as I slide my hands down her arms to take her hands in mine and say,

"See you in a bit."

She looks up at me and nods.

I reluctantly let go of her and back out the door, not breaking eye contact until the very last possible moment. That girl has no idea what she makes me feel. I'm falling fast and hard.

On my walk back to my cabin, all I can think about is how different today could have been. Instead of leaving Linka's cabin after sleeping there, I could be walking to her cabin for the first time since our fight, not knowing what horrible tragedy awaited me. The thought makes me cringe and a wave of nausea rushes over me. I'm not hungry at all anymore. Yeah, today could have potentially been the worst day of my life. But I'm not going to dwell on that…instead; I'm going to believe that today could potentially be one of the best days of my life. Linka's here. She's alive and she's with me…but not like that…not yet, but after last night, I know that my life would be incomplete if she wasn't in it. Thinking about it gives me the chills. A warm, relaxing shower is just what I need.

I'm a creature of habit. I always do everything the same way when it comes to my shower routine; turn on the shower and let the water warm up while I brush my teeth, by the time I'm done, the water is perfect. I get in the shower and then I shave before my little shower mirror gets too fogged up to see. Then I wash my hair, and lastly, I grab the soap and do a good scrub…well, second to last. The last thing I do is take a moment to myself to let the water beat down on me, relaxing my muscles, and to think about things…and by things, 99.9 percent of the time, I mean Linka. I close my eyes and imagine the beads of water trailing down my skin aren't water at all, but her finger tips...her lips. I get that familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of her like that. I feel guilty now though...after all she's been through, I'm still using her as the object of my teenage fantasies. I take a deep breath and sigh. Her name escaping my lips in a whisper as I let my imagination run wild.

Then I hear her calling my name. That's never happened before. My eyes fly open. _SHE'S HERE_?

"Lin?" I ask before confirming her presence by poking my head out around the shower curtain, pulling it around myself. "What's wrong?"

She blushes feverishly and looks away. "I am sorry. I…I am sorry."

"Hey, it's okay."

I shut off the water, reach out the side and feel around until I find my towel. I come out a few seconds later with the towel wrapped low on my waist.

She still won't look at me as I stand in front of her. I don't want to freak her out, so I approach her slowly, first rubbing her arms and then pulling her against me and holding her close.

"Tell me what's wrong," I say confidently. She came to me. That gives me a huge boost in our level of trust. Something freaked her out; she came to me…not caring about anything except getting to me. Yeah, reality has set in now that I'm standing before her in nothing but a towel…but she felt comfortable enough with me to just walk right into my room, into the bathroom when she knew I was showering...as long as she doesn't know what I was thinking during that time.

"The knife… it is still in my bathroom."

Oh no!

"I'm sorry Babe, I should have cleared all that!"

I'm such an idiot! I was so caught up in the moment this morning, so ready to put last night behind me, I completely forgot about her bathroom. Her clothes on the floor, her ripped shirt, the tub full of water…but worst of all, the knife.

She tightens her grip on me and rubs her cheek against my shoulder. Another time, another life, I would've given anything to be holding her like this and have her touch me like that. But now? I wish it didn't have to be this way. Why did it have to be like this? I can't enjoy this when I know she's hurting.

"It is okay, but I could not pick it up… I am so sorry Wheeler."

**_She's_** apologizing to **_me_**? I'm the idiot that lost track of the real purpose for me being with her this morning. I was way too happy. I guess in my haste to put the night before in the past, I forgot about all the reminders that were left behind…I could have handled seeing them…Linka however…she should have never had to see that. I'm the one that let her down…and she's apologizing to me.

"Hush now," I whisper, stroking her hair with one hand and holding her firmly with the other until her shaking gradually comes to an end and she sighs softly.

I pull away and kiss her forehead.

"I'll go tidy up, stay in here 'til I come back okay?"

She does, but as I move away, I hear her say,

"Erm Wheeler."

"Yeah Babe?" I turn to look at her and smile.

She points down at the towel I'm wearing.

"Do you want to get dressed first?"

Oops! Smooooooth move Wheeler. She must think I'm such a freakin' idiot! I was completely fine with her seeing me like this…now I'm completely embarrassed. Her giggling doesn't help either. But it does make me happy to see her smile…and I want to hear that giggle from her more often, which gives me an idea.

"Oh you think it's funny huh?"

"Wheeler…" she says with a tone of warning in her voice as she backs away. The look in my eyes must give away what I'm thinking.

I reach for her and she tries to get away, but she slips on the wet floor. She's on the way down, until I catch her, gathering her into my arms…right where I want her!

"Wheeler!" She squeals as my fingers begin their assault on her sides, tickling her until she's begging me to stop. She's laughing so hard, her eyes are watering…in a good way for the first time in a long time. Her laughter is contagious and when we finally stop, both of us wiping our eyes as we catch our breath, I kiss her forehead and lead her into my room, guiding her down to sit on my bed before grabbing my clothes and going into the bathroom to get dressed.

I rub the excess water out of my hair with the towel, and then brush my fingers though it to style it…somewhat. All those GQ models I see seem to have 'unruly' hair. This is what the chicks dig. While I'm going for the GQ look, might as well leave my shirt off. And should I even bother with a belt? It seems that pants that don't stay up are in style. I think I look pretty damn good. Maybe a dash of cologne…oh yeah! And I better remember my deodorant. Don't want to be offensive should the need to hold her arise again!

I come back out of the bathroom, to find her still sitting on my bed…she looks so relaxed and comfortable…like she's done it a million times.

"Won't be long Babe," I say.

I'm trying to sound upbeat and relax her, but inside, I'm not looking forward to this clean up at all.

* * *

When I get to her room, I pick up the shopping bag from yesterday and take out all the other clothes that she'd purchased. I fold them neatly and put them away. Then I take the shopping bag into the bathroom, and begin the task of cleaning up. The first thing I do is let the water out of the tub. Then I spot the knife. I can't just take it back to the kitchen. This knife can never be used again. It can never be seen again. I pick up the ripped shirt, wrap the knife up in it, and toss it into the bag. As for the pants, the bra, and the panties…there's nothing wrong with them…just a little water. Nothing a good wash through the spin cycle and tumble in the dryer can't fix…but does she want to keep them? Does she even remember what pair of jeans she was wearing? The underwear? Does she know? Should I ask her what she wants me to do with them? Or do I just wash them, put them away, and never mention them again? There's nothing wrong with them…it'd be wasteful to throw them out. She might not even care or remember what she was wearing…but I can't take the chance that she does…that it will trigger bad memories.

With my mind made up, I throw the clothes away. I'll take her shopping for a new pair of jeans…and I wouldn't object to going with her to pick out some new, undergarments! I'd love to give her my opinion! I laugh to myself, knowing she'd never be caught dead anywhere near a lingerie department with me! Not if she knows what's good for her! She might not like any of my suggestions…or maybe she'll surprise me and like them a little too much! Hey, a guy can dream can't he?

I go back to my cabin, where I find her laying on my bed, once again, just staring at the ceiling. She doesn't seem to notice me standing there until I say,

"Trying to envision what that skylight will look like?"

She jumps, coming back to reality, blushing and laughing uncomfortably as she sits up.

"Da, I guess…sorry. I was lost in thought."

I can only hope she was thinking of me.

"Good thoughts I hope," I say as I sit down next to her.

All she can do is nod and smile at me shyly. Obviously she doesn't want to talk about it; I hope that's not because she doesn't feel like she can…I would hope by now she knows she can tell me anything. But I'll let it go for now.

"Your room and bathroom are all ready for you…but if you want…if you're still feeling weird about it…you can use mine. Or not…you can use yours and I'll come with you…uh, not _IN _there with you, but I mean…to your room. I'd wait in your room…so I'd be close if you needed anything…not that you would. Unless you want me to wash your back, hehe…uhh…bad joke…sorry."

I don't know where that offer came from…I just felt like I needed to say something…and that's what came out.

Thankfully, she's chuckling and not mortified by what I just said.

"It is really okay Wheeler, you do not need to apologize but I think it would be better if I used my own room, on my own, I need to get over my anxiety."

She puts her hand in mine and links our fingers together.

"You can come and sit on my bed and wait for me if you want to though."

I squeeze her hand to let her know that I'll be there for her…I'm relieved that she's given me permission to stay in her room…I probably would've snuck in there anyway…just in case…and then snuck out before she could notice that I was there. But now I don't have to do that. At least I know she wants me there. It makes me smile.

She goes to stand up, but cries out as if in pain, almost falling over as she takes all her weight off one leg.

"What's wrong?" I ask as I help her regain her balance and then ease her down onto the bed.

I try to subtly check the floor to make sure she didn't step on or twist her ankle on anything I may have left lying on the floor. When I see her rubbing her leg muscles, I'm relieved to know that none of my possessions caused her injury.

"Cramps. I have been aching since I got up but it was not too bad and I thought a warm shower would fix it, I guess I waited too long."

"That's my fault. I should have taken care of that mess sooner. Let me make it up to you."

"It is not your fault Wheeler…but how do you plan on making it up to me?" She asks curiously, her voice carrying a hint of…a dare?

"Scoot back a little and lay back."

She does as I say and I kneel down on the floor in front of her.

She sits up on her elbows suddenly and asks,

"Wheeler what are you…"

"Sssh, lay back and relax," I say as I pull up her pant leg to her knee and begin massaging her calf, squeezing and kneading the tense muscles. What did she think I was going to do? Did she think...? Nah.

After a while of massaging the leg that cramped up, I move to the other leg. I can still feel the tension in her muscles, but it's not nearly as bad as the knot that was in her other leg.

I stand up, still holding her leg in my hands, and place her ankle on my shoulder. I take a step closer to her.

"Is that too much stretching? I'm not hurting you, am I?" I ask as I look down upon her.

She's got her arms folded behind her head and she's smiling up at me.

"Nyet, that feels…good."

"It's a good way to stretch the hamstring muscles," I try to justify my actions while continuing to run my hands up and down her calf muscles.

"Mmm hmm," she nods in agreement.

I put my hands on the top of her thigh and begin rubbing the muscles there, then move to the sides. This stretch is good for stretching out the back of the thigh, but the top and the sides…not as much, so the rubbing will have to do.

I look down at her again and she's got her eyes closed. I move my hands up a little higher and I think I see a slight smile. After a while, I gently lower her leg to the ground and repeat my actions on her other leg.

When I finish, she sighs. Don't worry Babe, I'm not done with you yet!

"Switch positions, with your head up by my pillow, and lay on your stomach," I instruct. "Oh, and take your shirt off."

"What?"

"Umm, just the sweatshirt…you have a t-shirt on underneath…I uh…it's too thick…if you _really_ want a good massage, I gotta be able to get to your muscles…can't do that through all the layers."

"Oh. Ok."

Once she's settled, I climb onto the bed and straddle her hips, pressing my palms between her shoulder blades and moving them in a circular pattern, up and down her spine and across her shoulders. I apply more pressure as I move my palms up and down her back, causing her shirt to ride up. That little showing of skin has me mesmerized. It's like it's calling me to touch it. To knead the muscles beneath it and slide my hands further up, under her shirt.

_Careful Wheeler, the way you're straddling her doesn't leave much to the imagination should 'Little Wheeler' get any ideas._

I shake the thoughts from my head, but I can't shake the need to touch her. So I move my hands to the small of her back, holding my breath as my skin makes contact with hers. I hear her take a deep breath and I pause. When she doesn't yell at me or pull away, I continue pressing my thumbs in deep, smoothing circles at the base of her spine. When she hums with pleasure, I nearly lose it and go back to thinking about what it would be like to run my hands the rest of the way up, under her shirt.

It's too much for me to handle. I remove my hands and pull her shirt down to cover her. I can feel the affect this massage is having on me, and the last thing I need is for Linka to feel it! I'm trying to relax her, not make her more tense, and if she knew what was goin' on…down there…she'd totally freak and think I was some kinda sicko. I'm supposed to be soothing her, not seducing her!

I re-adjust my sitting position to be further up her back. Then I smooth my hands down her arms, squeezing and releasing as I go. I make sure to pay attention to all sides, front and back of her arms.

After several minutes of that, I move to her neck. There's some serious tension there. I devote the rest of my massage to her upper back, shoulders, and neck. I go further up her neck to rake my fingers through her hair and massage her scalp. When I was a kid and needed a haircut, I'd either go with my dad to his barber or with my mom to her salon. Don't tell anyone, but I liked going to the salon better! When they would wash your hair, it felt soooooo good having someone else's fingers rub your scalp like that. It never feels that good when I wash my own hair. It was so relaxing; it could have put me to sleep. So I'm hoping that Linka is experiencing that same feeling.

This massage started nearly an hour ago, and as much as I love being able to touch her like this, my hands are getting tired, and my own legs are starting to feel crampy from sitting like this. I brace my hands on either side of her head, lean down, and whisper in her ear,

"Feel better?"

Her eyes are closed and for a moment, I think she's asleep…which is probably a good thing because when I leaned forward, a certain part of my anatomy that I was trying to avoid contact with her was now in direct contact with her. I move off the bed to stand next to her.

She takes a deep breath, then exhales, and rolls onto her back.

"Da, I feel so good, I do not want to move for fear of tightening up again…but I really do need to get back to my room and shower."

So she doesn't want to move? I think I can help her with that.

I scoop my arms behind her back and under her legs as I pick her up.

"Wheeler! What are you doing?" She squeals as she puts her arms around my neck.

"What's it look like? You don't wanna move, so I'm carrying you!"

"I was joking! I can walk!" She laughs.

"I know you can…but isn't this better?" I ask as I maneuver us through the doorway and over to her cabin.

I take her to her bed and playfully drop her there, except she doesn't let go of me. I wasn't expecting that. It causes me to lose my balance and she ends up pulling me down with her, on top of her.

We are laughing uncontrollably and once she releases me, I lift myself off her, bracing myself above her as I look down into her smiling eyes.

"Sorry, I did not mean to make you lose your balance and fall. Are you ok?"

I smile and nod.

"I'm more than ok," I reply as I brush a strand of her hair away from her face. "But what about you? I just kinda crushed you!"

"I am ok…more than ok, as you said."

She touches my arm, and then just as I did, she reaches up and runs her fingers through my hair. For a few moments neither one of us moves a muscle. We just look at each other and smile shyly. I'm willing my elbows to bend, to lower myself to her, to kiss her…I'm waiting to feel a tug from her, a signal to come closer…Instead, I smile at her and laugh nervously.

"Guess I better let you up so you can get your shower," I say as I move off her.

"I guess," she says.

Do I detect a hint of anger…or disappointment? She goes to her dresser, grabs some clothes, and heads towards the bathroom, closing the door a little harder than necessary.

"Great," I mumble as I flop down on the bed. "Now look what you did."

I grab a pillow and cover my head. Part of me wants to leave, to not be here when she gets out of the shower and face her…but part of me can't leave her. I'll just have to hope that her shower gives her time to think and forgive me for my indecision…the confusion and mixed signals are something that I always hated dealing with…and now I'm doing the same thing to her.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 25 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	26. Chapter 26: Day 11, Continued

**Chapter 26: Day 11, Continued**

The more time that passes, the more nervous I get. She's been in there for a while now and the water stopped running ten minutes ago. When she finally comes out, I remove the pillow from my face and sit up, wondering what she's going to say or do next.

"It is a little late for breakfast but at least the others will not be around."

She seems…happy? Or maybe this is the calm before the storm? I need to watch myself. One wrong move, one wrong word, and Linka could explode like the biggest volcanic eruption ever…like serious Pompeii proportions. What? Didn't think I was smart enough to know about that? Hey, I paid attention in history class! Especially when it involved explosions. I wasn't chosen to be the Fire Planeteer just because I have red hair!

I sit fully upright on the bed…don't want to get yelled at for slouching! And she surprises me again by simply sitting down in her desk chair. Hmm…should I say something? Should I make sure everything is ok? That we're ok?

I cautiously get up and kneel in front of her. I know that touching her and not being able to control myself was what got me into this mess in the first place, but like a moth to a flame, here I go again. I rub her arms and let my hands trail down to hold hers.

She just looks at where our hands are joined…she's not pulling away…that's a good sign. I don't know what to do or what to say next….I guess she doesn't either. Think, Wheeler, think! I'm usually so quick witted when it comes to making smartass remarks, but when it comes to saying something profound and meaningful…especially when Linka is involved, I always manage to either say the wrong things, or not know what to say at all. I wish I didn't get this way. I wish I could say exactly the right words to get her to know exactly how I feel, but I can't. I open my mouth with every intention of saying something that'll make her fall in love with me, but then my brain fails me and out comes…word vomit. And I end up babbling like an idiot or putting my foot in my mouth.

If I can't speak to her with words, my next option, my BEST option is my eyes. I release one of her hands to tilt her head away from our hands until our gazes meet. I give her a half smile, apologetic in a way. She uses her free hand to brush my hair away from my face. I open my mouth to apologize, but barely get a word out before she speaks.

"Ba- -"

"I am sorry Yankee, I seem to be over-reacting a lot lately."

"No, I'm sorry. I seem to keep giving you reasons to over-react…and you're not over reacting…you're reacting at a perfectly normal level. I just…I keep forgetting…"

Shut up Wheeler. Just SHUT THE HELL UP, before it's too late.

"Keep forgetting what?"

Too late. There's no turning back. No way to talk your way out of this one…

"I keep forgetting _why_ we've been spending so much time together. It's not because you want…err, umm…if it weren't for the uh…whole Bliss thing…things would just be business as usual around here…right?"

"Da…probably…"

I raise an eyebrow at her, knowing that 'probably' wasn't the best answer.

"Definitely," she amends her answer. "But that still does not excuse my behavior. You are just being nice. I am reading too much into things."

Reading too much into things? Does she not think that I mean everything I do or say? Or maybe she knows that I do and she doesn't know how to react? How to let me down easily as opposed to how she used to just flat out turn me down. Does she feel obligated to let me get away with things because I've been helping her? Great…now I'm the one reading into things.

"And that upsets you? When I…"

Hmm, how do I put this?

"…care too much?"

"Da…"

I knew it. I'm pushing too hard. I'm pressuring her.

"I don't know how to stop. I can't turn it off."

"I am not asking you too. I just need to learn how to accept it…but I do not want you to stop. I need to know someone cares…even if it is just as a friend. I need you as a friend."

The F word. _Friend_. But how can I deny her anything right now?

"Then I'll keep caring. I'll never stop. Promise," I say as I stand up and hold out my hand to her. "Join me for brunch…Friend?"

She takes my hand but doesn't say anything, just nods.

* * *

Later, in the kitchen. She is looking through the fridge for something to eat. She settles on some blueberry yogurt and an orange. Not bad.

"You want some toast?" I ask.

"Do _you_ want me to want some toast?"

"Noooooooo, I was just offering to make you some because I was going to make some for myself. I can't have eggs without toast and I figured if I was going to make some for me, I'd offer to make some for you…"

"Wheeler, I would love some toast. Thank you for offering," she says with a devious smile.

She's purposely being difficult. That's familiar…and encouraging. Things are getting back to normal.

"Very funny Babe."

"It is fun watching you squirm."

"Well, as long as you're happy! That's all that matters," I say as I lean across the table to kiss her nose. I linger for a little while and contemplate my next move. The "ding" of the toast makes me jump back, the moment ruined…once again. "Uhh, I guess my toast is done."

I remove the bread from the toaster and put in two more pieces.

"Here, you can have these. My eggs aren't done so I'm not ready for my toast yet."

"Thank you."

"Want some orange juice? I'm not asking because I think you need it, I'm asking because I'm getting myself a glass!" I clarify.

"No thank you, but I will take a glass of water as long as you are pouring drinks."

Better than nothin'.

* * *

We make casual small talk as we eat. I have a feeling I'm rambling. I was looking through the paper and making random comments on the stories, and we'd engage in conversation until we moved onto the next topic. Plus it gives me a chance to show her that I'm not a complete caveman and I do actually pay attention to what goes on in the world. Like who Madonna is dating these days, what movies are doing well at the box office, and that Guns and Roses' latest album has been banned in Singapore. I'm just delaying the inevitable though. I bump her shoulder with mine to get her attention.

"So are we going to go and have that talk with Gaia?" I ask quietly, hoping that the concern in my voice is evident.

She takes a while to answer, and I almost wonder if I spoke so softly, she didn't hear me.

"Would you mind if we did not? I… I need time to find my balance again. I am not sure I can cope with finding out yet, even with you there," she finally says, looking up at me with a pleading look.

Of course I understand.

"No problem," I reply, lifting my hand to soothingly stroke her cheek. Then I try to get things back to normal and ask with enthusiasm, "So what would you like to do today?"

She shrugs.

"Something normal. I am not sure I can face the others though, I dread to think what Gi must think of me after my behavior yesterday."

"Well they're off somewhere so we probably won't have to deal with them," I say before pausing to take a moment to think about what we can do. "We could watch some movies, we were gonna do that the other night remember?"

She nods in agreement.

"I would like that, but the others…"

"Won't be back until at least dinner time. When they turn up we can take our dinner to our rooms or down to the beach or something," I say confidently. Doesn't she know by now that I've got everything under control! She doesn't have to worry about anything as long as I'm around.

"Okay." She smiles at me and says lightheartedly, "I get to pick the video though."

I drop my head in my hands dramatically and say, "Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?"

Then I wink at her to let her know I'm only joking and then I start clearing away our breakfast plates. I don't care what movie she picks, as long as I'm spending time with her.

She helps me clean up and then we head over to the commons area. I take a seat on the couch while she goes to the video cabinet to make her selection. After a few minutes, she gets up and heads towards the door. I give her a questioning look and she says,

"I have a couple of tapes in my room that I brought back from home with me."

Oh great. Not only is it gonna be a cheesy romance…not that I'm not in the mood for romance…but it's also gonna be in Russian? She pauses at the door and says,

"Do not worry they are in English."

It's as if she can read my mind! While she's gone, I go back to the kitchen to make some popcorn.

She's not gone long and is setting up the video.

"Yankee, we just had breakfast!"

"We can't watch a movie without popcorn Babe." I say with a mischievous grin, holding my arm out for her.

She rolls her eyes at me, but snuggles up against me anyway. "I think you will like this, it is a romance but it is funny."

"Whatever," I reply, not really believing that I'll like it, but not really caring, as long as we can sit like this for a few hours.

She chuckles and says, "Trust me Yankee."

I trust her…or at least, I'm trying to fix that trust. I give her a squeeze as we get comfortable and watch the movie. And I hate to admit it, but she was right. I laugh the whole time…but she eats most of the popcorn, so I guess we were both right about each other! It's weird how well we know each other.

We are sitting there comfortably watching TV when we're interrupted by the sound of a landing Geo Cruiser. She looks up at me with a panicked look on her face. I lean down to kiss her forehead to reassure her.

"Don't worry Babe. Go back to your room. I'll take care of dinner…and the others."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," I say as I stand up, help her up from the couch, and pull her into my arms. "Now hurry up and get outta here before they get here!"

She smiles at me and says thanks before hurrying out the door and retreating back to her cabin. I'm glad she's finally letting me take care of her and not fighting me.

I put a pizza in the oven, it's Linka's favorite. Gi enters the kitchen with an armful of grocery bags.

"Here Gi, let me help you," I say as I take a few of the bags from her and put the contents in the cupboards and fridge where they belong.

"Thanks Wheeler…what'cha making?"

"Pizza. For Linka and me to eat for dinner."

"Are you sure she'll be able to handle that?" She asks with concern.

"Nope, but it's better than nothing. When she does eat, it's always healthy! I know she wants stuff that's going to be easy on her stomach…but I think she needs to start eating things that are gonna put some meat back on her bones."

"How is she doing? I mean…after last night…how did she handle the news of having to go back to the clinic…obviously she's ok with it if she's still willing to have dinner with you."

"Actually, she's not going," I say.

"She's not? You let her talk you out of it? Wheeler, I know you can't say no to her, but this is what's best…and believe me, I know how easily she can manipulate us to get her way. I was a victim of that, but…"

"She didn't manipulate me!" I interrupt. I'm not going to stand here and listen to Gi bad mouth Linka. I know she's mad at her, but still. I guess I'm sort of being hypocritical. Last night, I was just as angry with Linka and screaming at her and saying things I didn't mean. "Look Gi, there's a lot more going on with her than even I realized last night. She explained things to me that I didn't know."

"Like what?"

I don't want to give too much away because Linka trusted me with this information and no one else.

"When she was with Skumm, he didn't treat her like he treated the others…he treated her and Boris better. They pretty much had access to Bliss anytime they wanted it…the others had to work for it. They did bad things, like fight until one of the combatants was dead. The winner got Bliss. These kids were so out of their minds with addiction; they didn't even care that they could die, just as long as they had a shot at getting some Bliss. The others knew that Linka and Boris were getting special treatment. If Linka goes to that clinic with them…she won't have any allies, only enemies that hate and resent her. How is that going to be good for her? Not having any support from peers?"

"I guess it's not. But…"

"No buts. There's nothing you or anyone else can do or say to convince me to send her to that place. If we forced her to go…she…" I think back to last night. "She wouldn't survive."

"That's a little dramatic don't you think?" Gi asks.

"No…I think it's frighteningly accurate," I say under my breath as I turn to get my pizza out of the oven.

"What was that?" Gi asks.

"Nothing…Look, you didn't tell Kwame and Ma-Ti that I was going to make Linka go back to the clinic did you?"

"Yeah, I told them today."

Great.

"Well, I guess you'll have to tell them that plans have changed."

I slice the pizza, take it off the pan, and put it on a platter to take to Linka's room. I grab two Cokes out of the fridge and leave the kitchen without another word.

* * *

When I get to Linka's room, I take one look at her choice of activities and make a face.

"Checkers? Babe I suck at checkers! Don't you have a chess set?"

She looks at me in surprise. I guess she didn't think a dumb city boy like me was cultured enough to understand chess, let alone actually enjoy playing it.

"Da, I do," she says quickly, trying to hide her face.

Busted Babe-ushka…let's see you get out of this one!

"You didn't think a guy like me could play chess did you?" I tease.

She smiles at me, a hint of mischief in her eyes, and says,

"I just thought you preferred more 'physical' games."

I laugh. Careful Babe, you might give a guy the perfect opportunity to show you just what sort of physical activities I'd prefer to be doing with you! Oh man, there I go again. Focus Wheeler…I let her comment go and simply say,

"I'm good at chess."

"So am I."

Sounds like another classic USA vs. USSR chess challenge. And another classic Wheeler vs. Linka competition. It's a friendly little rivalry that we've had since we met…probably in part due to our countries' not so friendly competitions…but mostly because we are just competitive people. Game on Babe!

"That sounds like a challenge," I say with a sly smile.

She finally notices what I'm holding.

"Wheeler I cannot eat that! Putting aside for just a moment how unhealthy it is, my stomach will never keep that down!" She exclaims.

I shrug. I knew before I made it that it wasn't very "tummy friendly." Mine will probably get a little messed up by the grease and spicy sausage, pepperoni, garlic, and oregano. It's a good thing I know there'll be no kissing tonight.

"Babe your stomach is not keeping much of anything down, the way I see it you might as well enjoy it."

I put the plate down between us on the bed, and hand her a Coke.

"And it's your favorite kind."

I can see how badly she wants it as I take a bite and pull it away, letting the extra cheese stretch dramatically between my mouth and the slice, making an "mmmm" sound as I twirl the cheese around my finger to break the string, then pop my finger in my mouth and suck off the extra cheese.

I hold out my piece of pizza to her, offering her a bite, tempting her.

"Come on Babe…you know you want it." I am talking about the pizza…aren't I?

It works. She takes a bite…and then she takes a slice of pizza for herself.

* * *

A couple of hours later, I'm standing next to her, rubbing her back and keeping her hair out of the way as she bends over the sink, emptying her stomach. I feel really guilty. I wish there was more I could do for her, but all I can do is be here and apologize. We both knew it would end like this, but now I feel responsible. I hate seeing her like this.

When she's finished rinsing out her mouth, I suggest she go lie down while I take care of cleaning up.

When I'm done, I go back out to her bedroom, join her on the bed, and ask,

"You okay?"

She nods and snuggles into my arms as I wrap myself around her.

"Sorry," I say as I kiss her forehead. "I shouldn't have pushed you to eat that."

"You did not," she replies, closing her eyes. "You were right it does not make a difference what I eat, what matters is that I am not alone."

She's not alone. I'll never leave her side unless she tells me to. I hold her closely. I can tell she's really tired and on the verge of falling asleep. Actually, I think she's already out.

"Do you wanna get ready for bed? Linka?"

I nuzzle her face to get her attention.

"Mmmm?"

I chuckle softly at her, and repeat,

"Babe, it's getting late. We should get ready for bed."

She opens her eyes sleepily and asks,

"Can we not just stay like this?"

I kiss her temple and pull her up into a sitting position.

"Come on Babe."

She groans and leans against me, still half asleep and no doubt all her energy has been drained from throwing up.

"Too tired."

"You okay to sleep in what you have on?" I ask. When she nods, I easily pick her up in my arms. She's so tiny and light; it's like carrying a child. I'm able to cradle her against me with one arm while pulling the covers on her bed back. I lay her down and pull the blankets up around her.

I lean down to kiss her head.

"Stay," she murmurs.

She thinks that was a kiss goodbye. Never.

"I'm not going anywhere Babe, I just need to use the bathroom, I won't be long," I say, waiting for her to acknowledge that she understands and then leave for the bathroom.

I'm torn. I can't sleep in my jeans. It's just not comfortable…but all I've had on all day was my jeans. After cleaning up her room, I never got around to putting a shirt on…so if I lose the jeans, I'm sleeping in nothing but my boxers…which is how I usually sleep, but is that really a good idea? It wouldn't be the first time…a few nights ago when she came to my room, it was all I was wearing. What's it matter anyway? By the time I get out there, she's gonna be asleep. Besides, it's not like anything is gonna happen. While I'm wearing nothing but my boxers, she's wearing practically everything in her wardrobe!

When I get out there, her eyes are closed. Good, she's asleep. I slip in beside her and she cuddles into my embrace, without opening her eyes. She can probably still tell what I'm wearing though…or not wearing, as she presses her body to mine and runs her ice cold feet along my bare legs for warmth. I guess she's not asleep.

"Good night Babe, sweet dreams," I say, placing one last kiss on her cheek and resting my head against the top of hers.

She shocks me by pressing her lips to my shoulder in response and saying,

"You too."

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 26 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	27. Chapter 27: Day 12

**I really appreciate all the reviews, private messages, and favorites. Nice to see some new names and equally nice to see the familiar ones. Sorry I haven't been able to reply to them all yet. But I'm glad you're liking it!**

* * *

She's still sleeping when I wake up, which is a good thing. She needs her rest. I can't believe I'm up this early. I think it's because part of me still can't believe that I'm here, in Linka's bed…with Linka curled up against me, in my arms. I had to wake up and see it for myself to believe it. And now that I've seen it, I can't stop looking at her. As if she senses that she's being watched, she wakes up and looks at me.

"Hey there sleeping beauty," I say as I smile at her.

"Good morning," she sighs, and then closes her eyes again, as if she's not quite ready to wake up. "What time is it?"

"A little after nine," I reply.

She suddenly sits up in surprise.

"Whoa, calm down," I say, trying to settle her.

She looks down at me and says,

"We have to get up, why did you not wake me?"

"Because you need the rest and we don't need to do anything," I respond calmly, gently pulling her down again.

She frowns at me, but isn't protesting too much.

"The others…"

"Are not going to bother us. Babe, you really need to learn how to sleep in." I close my eyes and snuggle against her.

"I am awake. What is the point of staying in bed once you are awake?" She argues.

This is the point, I squeeze her closer to me to prove it and say,

"Cuz it's comfy."

"Wheeler I…"

"Shhh Babe." I rub her back with my thumb and tenderly nuzzle her, kissing her forehead.

I think I'm winning the argument. She's pressing herself closer to me and I respond by clutching her more tightly to hold her in place against me. I'm going to make her feel so comfortable and relaxed that she's not gonna want to get up…EVER. I continue to rub her back, soothing her…not that she feels like she's tense. She feels pretty relaxed to me. This is encouraging. I can hold her, I can cuddle with her, and she responds by doing the same. She's not getting angry; she's not pushing me away.

But there's a little voice in my head, the one that never allows me to be happy…the one that doesn't think I deserve to be happy. That voice is telling me that this is only temporary. Soon, she won't need me and this will all come to an end. I guess I should just shut up and enjoy it while I can.

* * *

Once again, I wake up before Linka, my previous thoughts leaving me restless and wanting to soak up every moment like this that I have with her. I close my eyes and enjoy the moment, and then I feel her stretching, and I reflexively tighten my hold on her. I can feel her gently stroke my hair from my face as she says,

"Time to get up Yankee, and I mean it this time." Then she teases me by adding, "Your stomach is keeping me awake."

I can't help but laugh.

"Whatever you say Babe. But how about I go and get our breakfast and you wait for me here?"

"Trying to keep me in bed Wheeler? You will have to do better than that!"

Don't tempt me Babe, but she's blushing, obviously not meaning for it to sound that way. I smile at her and wink.

"I'll keep that in mind. For now though, maybe we should just get up."

I get out of bed and reach for my jeans. Bending down and stepping into them. When I straighten up to pull up my jeans and fasten the button and zipper, I notice her watching me closely. Even when she knows that I'm looking at her, she still doesn't turn away like she normally does. Instead, she just looks at me and smiles. Good. If I'm not embarrassed about dressing in front of her, she shouldn't be either. After all, I still have her beat. I've seen a little bit more of her than she has me.

"Meet you in the kitchen," I call over my shoulder as I exit her room.

I head to my room to change into a clean pair of jeans and put on a shirt. I don't want her to think that I'm intentionally walking around all day without a shirt on. Although holding her in my arms last night, feeling her against me…that felt right. I can't wait to do it again tonight.

* * *

We were just finishing up the dishes when we hear Gaia say,

"Planeteers, to the Crystal Chamber."

Figures, I had just asked Linka if she wanted to speak to Gaia about her nightmares today and she had agreed that she shouldn't put it off any longer. Although, I gotta admit, I'm scared to know the answer.

"Well, I guess it'll have to wait until we get back from the mission," I say.

"You mean until _YOU_ get back from the mission. No doubt I will be kept at home again."

"We'll see about that," I say.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'll suggest you come along."

"Wheeler…after the other night…even **_I_** do not know if I am ready."

"The other night is EXACTLY why you need to get back out there. You're a part of this team. We need you. How are you going to convince the others of that if you don't believe it yourself?"

"I do not know," she says as she turns away.

I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her.

"I believe in you," I whisper against her ear.

"Thank you," she says as she covers my hands with hers.

"We better get going. They'll wonder where we are."

"They will wonder where **_you_** are. They will not care if I am there or not. They will not be as willing to let me come along as you are, I am sure."

I put my arm around her and lead her out of the kitchen. I'm not leaving her alone, so if she doesn't go…I don't go.

* * *

When we get there, Gaia has already started briefing the others on the mission. She stops when we arrive.

"Hello Linka, how are you feeling?" Gaia asks.

"Fine, thank you."

"Nice of you to finally join us Wheeler," Kwame says, making sure to let the rest of the team know that he doesn't like tardiness.

"Sorry. We were eating breakfast and didn't want to leave a mess in the kitchen," I sort of lie.

"Breakfast? It is nearly 12:30 in the afternoon," he says as he checks his watch.

"Thanks for the update Big Ben. I slept in."

"Did you not get enough sleep?" He asks. It's a loaded question.

So he'll get a loaded answer…

"Rough night. I was up pretty late. I had an…eventful night…had my hands full," I say with a challenging look in my eyes. I know it's wrong, and it puts Linka in a bad spot, but I hope he _DOES_ get the wrong impression.

"Is everything ok back home?" Ma-Ti asks.

Ah Ma-Ti, sweet, naïve Ma-Ti. Thanks for the subject changer buddy!

"Yeah buddy, everything is fine now. Thanks for asking."

"You are welcome."

And then in my head, I hear,

"_Whenever you are ready to talk about what is **really** bothering you, I am here for you my friend_."

Or maybe he's not as naïve as I thought. I look at him and nod with a smile of thanks. Gi gets things back on track.

"Gaia was just telling us about a typhoon that has hit the Philippines. It's caused much damage and our help is needed to help find survivors and rebuild."

"No Eco-Villains?" I ask.

"No," Gaia confirms.

"Great! Then Linka can come!"

"What? No!" Kwame is quick to respond.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because, she is too weak. We need stamina, people who can work all day, carry victims, lift and clear debris,"

"AND WHOSE POWER DO YOU THINK WILL HELP THE MOST IN DOING THAT?" I yell.

"Can she even fully use her ring yet?" Kwame asks.

"YEAH, SHE CAN!"

"STOP IT! BOTH OF YOU!" she yells. "STOP ACTING LIKE I AM NOT EVEN HERE! Yes, my ring works, and yes, I think I can be a valuable asset in helping to clear and clean up, and even if you do not think I have the stamina, I can help the victims, I can help treat their wounds, or comfort the scared ones…"

"Uh, Linka…this is where I must interject," Ma-Ti says carefully. "Even something seemingly as simple as taking care of the wounded could be very emotionally trying and tiring. It could be too much for you to deal with."

"Since I myself am a victim?" She challenges. "This is different!"

"No, that is not what I mean. I just do not think that someone who has been through as much as you have recently can handle seeing any more tragedy," Ma-Ti explains.

"Ma-Ti is right Linka," Gaia says.

This is ridiculous! This mission is perfect for Linka's first one back. It'll be like easing her back into things. I gotta fight for her.

"She'll be fine. I'll…we'll be with her to comfort her, or if she needs to talk about anything. And if we need Captain Planet…"

"We will do what we planned on doing last time…Ma-Ti will contact Linka and"

"MA-TI COULDN'T CONTACT LINKA A FEW DAYS AGO, WHAT IF HE CAN'T CONTACT HER WHEN WE'RE GONE?" I argue.

"He couldn't? Why not?" Kwame asks Ma-Ti.

"Uh, I do not know. I just assumed that since she is still dealing with the withdrawal, her mind and body are still polluted," he explains.

"My point exactly," Kwame gloats. "She is still recovering."

Fine. I didn't want to resort to this, but I will. I can't leave Linka here by herself. I trust that she'll be ok, she won't do anything like she did the other night…but who knows how long we'll be gone? She needs me…the nightmares…if I'm not here…

"No, Linka staying behind is NOT an option!"

"Wheeler…" she tries to say something.

"No Babe, I mean it," I say to her sincerely before going back to addressing the others. "Even if you don't let her do anything on the mission, we can't leave her here by herself for God only knows how long! She needs to get off this damn island!"

"Perhaps she can go home while we are gone?" Ma-Ti suggests.

"NO!" She and I both say at the same time, causing the other's to look at us strangely, probably wondering what the big deal is.

"She's coming with us, and that's final!" I demand.

"You are outnumbered Wheeler. Ma-Ti, Gi, Gaia, and I…none of us think she is ready, and we all know that it will be impossible to keep her from wanting to help if she is there."

"He is right Wheeler. I would want to help, but apparently I am not capable."

"Then I'm not going either," I say defiantly.

"WHAT?" The others all exclaim.

"D-d-d-did I stutter? _I'm_. **_NOT_**. _Going_."

"Wheeler, are you abandoning your teammates?" Gaia asks.

"I guess I am. But how is it any different than what they're doing to Linka? So no, I'm not abandoning my teammates. I'm staying behind so I _DON'T_ abandon a teammate…especially at a time when she needs me most. I'd rather help her than a bunch of strangers!"

Linka takes my hand and pulls me aside.

"Wheeler, do not say that. You have a job to do. You are a Planeteer, not my babysitter. Those people need you more than I do right now. People are trapped. They are dying. They need to be saved. You have already saved me. Now go save them," she says as she squeezes my hand.

"Are you sure?"

"Da. I will have Suchi to keep me company," she says as she steps forward to hug me.

I'm surprised. While we are out of earshot from the others, they can still see us…and I can still see them. They are all gathered around, whispering…probably coming up with arguments against us. Why bother? It looks like Linka is going to be staying behind, and for the most part, she seems ok with that…and if she's not, she's hiding it really well.

"What about that discussion we were gonna have with Gaia? Are you gonna do that while you're here?"

"Nyet, I want you there…incase I get bad news."

"Ok. Good thinkin'. I was kinda hopin' you'd say that, because I need to know the answer to that question almost as badly as you do…and I wanna be here with you, to **celebrate** the good news!" I say as I give her a squeeze.

I release her and turn back to the group.

"Fine. I'll go, but only because Linka says she'll be ok…but I don't feel right leaving her behind…AGAIN."

"Good, now that that's settled, you must get going. The sooner you get there, the sooner you can come home," Gaia says.

Kwame leans in and whispers so that only I can hear…or at least I hope only I can hear,

"And the sooner you can crawl back into bed with Linka. I know the real reason you are upset about leaving her behind, but stop being so selfish and try to control your teenage hormones. You have gone this long without sleeping with her every night; you can go a few more days. And Gi told us that the other night, you were convinced that you were sending Linka back to the facility in DC…why the sudden change of heart? What did she do to convince you? Never mind…do not answer that."

I want to punch him. I want to defend her honor, but I guess I only have myself to blame for him thinking what he does after my comment earlier about my "eventful" night. So I decide to be the mature one…it's what Linka would want.

"Nothin' is going on between us Kwame. She's been through a lot and she's still dealing with it. You haven't been there, so you have no idea what's going on…what she's going through. She just needs things to get back to normal for her, and that's not gonna happen if we keep treating her differently. Maybe the next mission I'll agree with you, it'll be too hard, too dangerous…but this one…the danger is over. It's a relief effort. She would've been fine."

"Gaia did not think so. And we have to do what is best for the team, and the Planet…not what is best for Wheeler and Linka," Kwame says before walking away.

Linka is well ahead of me, talking to Gi. I head to my room to start packing…and get the bag of my hoodies that Linka gave back to me. I have a feeling she's going to want them back…and I want her to have them as well.

* * *

As I'm packing, I hear a knock. I turn around to see her standing in the doorway.

"Hey Babe."

"Hey."

"I'm sorry we're leaving you again…are you sure you're going to be ok?"

"Nyet, I am not sure…but I will try. And thank you for sticking up for me. It really means a lot."

"Well, I mean it. You should be with us…think you can fit into my suitcase?" I joke.

"Looks uncomfortable…but I wish I could."

"Here," I say as I hand her the bag of hoodies. "Hopefully this will make a good enough substitute."

"Maybe I can stuff them with pillows to make them lifelike!"

"Pillows? You'll need rocks if you're trying to replicate this rock hard bod!"

"I am trying to replicate your body…not your head!" She says as she grabs my head in her hands and runs her fingers through my hair.

I rest my hands on her hips, look down at her, and get serious.

"I'll call you whenever I can. As soon as I figure out the time difference, I'll call every night before your bed time," I promise as I press my forehead to hers.

"And what about you? How will you sleep? What about your nightmares? It is not just about me."

"To me, everything is about you," I say as I slowly, carefully unzip the sweatshirt she is wearing, and slide it off her arms. "And since I gave you my hoodies, it's only fair that you give me one of yours." I toss the garment in the direction of the bag I'm packing.

"I do not think it will fit you," she teases.

"I'm not gonna wear it, just sleep with it…hug it, use it as a pillow…whatever. As long as it smells like you, maybe my brain will think you're there."

"Call me before you go to bed too? I would guess that there is a 12 hour time difference."

"I will," I promise.

"So two calls a day, once before I go to bed, and once before you go to bed."

"Sounds good Babe."

"Ok…until then, Suchi will keep your side of the bed warm," she teases, but then retracts, "I uh…did not mean…not that you have an _official_ side…but when you have stayed with me…you have always been on the same side…"

Hmm, let her squirm or bail her out?

"Babe…slow down…I know what you mean…and make sure that monkey knows that when I'm back, he's out!"

"Ok…and you do not honestly believe that I would let a dirty animal in my bed do you?"

"Hey! I bathe on a regular basis!"

She smacks my arm and chuckles.

"I meant Suchi!"

"Oh good…and if you'd feel better…you can stay in my room…since it looks like I won't get around to fixing your door so that it shuts.

"Thank you."

I look out the window and see that Gi and Kwame are standing at the Geo Cruiser. I better not be the last one out there or Kwame will make this trip even more miserable for me than it's already going to be.

"I guess I should be going."

"Wheeler wait…I want you to have something."

She takes off her ring and hands it to me.

"What is this? You're gonna be here when I get back right?"

"Da! I will still be here. Sorry, I did not mean to alarm you. I am not turning it in. I want you to have it…incase you can use it during the mission…or incase you need to call Captain Planet. We cannot chance that Ma-Ti will not be able to reach me."

"Ok," I say as I slide the ring onto my little finger. "As long as you know this is only temporary…and I'll be putting this ring back on your finger when I come back."

The symbolic implications of the gesture aren't lost on me…sure, it's just a Planeteer ring that I'll be sliding on her finger…but someday…maybe…hopefully.

"Da, it is only temporary. Take care of it."

"I will," I say as I hug her to me. "So I guess this is goodbye?"

"For now. Be careful Yankee…and hurry home. I will miss you."

"I'll miss you too Babe," I say as I turn my head to kiss her cheek._ More than you'll ever know_.

"Walk you to the Geo Cruiser?"

"After you," I say as I hold the door open for her.

* * *

I take her hand as we walk towards the beach, but as soon as we see the others, I let go. I'm surprised when she reaches out and takes it again. Pleasantly surprised.

We arrive at the Geo Cruiser shortly before Ma-Ti and Suchi.

"Suchi, you stay here with Linka," Ma-Ti says.

The little monkey hops from Ma-Ti's shoulder to Linka's.

"You take care of her, Fur Ball," I tell Suchi as I scratch his head.

He nods and makes a monkey noise…I'll assume that's primate for "yes." Now for the tough part…saying goodbye.

"Bye Babe," I lean forward to kiss her on the cheek, but am shocked when she turns her head and places a quick peck on my lips. I'm smiling so big, it hurts.

"Be safe Yankee."

"I will."

I wink at her as I climb into the Geo Cruiser, never breaking eye contact as I take my seat. When we take off, she waves sadly, and I press my hand to the glass window. I keep her in sight as long as I can until we've flown away. The further away we get from Hope Island, the tighter my chest gets. I can feel my heart breaking.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 27 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	28. Chapter 28:Day 12, continued

**Chapter 28: Day 12, continued **

As soon as we arrive in the Philippines, we get right to work. Fine by me, the sooner we finish, the sooner we can go home. I can't wait to tell Linka about the look on Kwame's face when I said "Wind!" and lifted an entire pile of rubble and moved it to the trash pile. Oh yeah, and I found a few survivors while I was at it! Or how I was able to unload a whole pallet of lumber from the Red Cross in seconds and have it stacked exactly where I needed it in order to start rebuilding one of the shacks.

I was really shocked that I was able to use her ring. I didn't think that it would work for me. Our rings were given to us for specific reasons…maybe wind works for me because I'm full of hot air? But I'd like to think that it works for me because of the close connection I feel with Linka. I decide to test that theory.

"Hey Kwame, I'm gonna take my lunch break…you wanna use Linka's ring while I'm gone?"

He hesitates for a second, as if saying yes would prove himself wrong about needing her here…or maybe he's on to my ulterior motives. But he says yes anyway.

"Thank you. It will make clearing this area much easier," he says.

"Take good care of it. She'll kill me if something happens to it."

"Of course."

I walk away and stand behind a pile of lumber and watch Kwame as he tries, but fails to use her ring. I guess I have my answer. I check my watch and realize that it's almost midnight on Hope Island, which explains why I'm starting to feel tired. Usually I'm able to stay up way later than this, and the fact that I slept in today will help me stay up later, but all this hard work is wearing me down.

Before I go to the headquarters to use the satellite phone, I want to get Linka's ring back from Kwame…if it's not working, he doesn't need it…and I don't like not having it. I casually walk up to him with a bottle of water.

"Here, thought you could use this…" I pretend that I've just noticed that he's removing the debris by hand. "What's up? Won't her ring work?"

"Not for me. Thank you," he says as he opens the water and takes a drink.

"Weird," I say, feigning shock. "Lemme try."

He gives the ring back, and sure enough, I'm able to move the piles of rubble that he's been working on.

"Thanks."

"No problem," I say, walking away and putting her ring back on my finger.

Now, off to find a phone…

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hello Beautiful!" I beam with excitement at the sound of her voice.

"I am sorry, I think you have the wrong number," she says sadly.

"I don't think so…as a matter of fact, I'm _sure_ I have the right number," I reassure her.

"Is it hot there? Are you keeping hydrated? Clearly you're delusional."

"Knock it off. Hearing you talk badly about yourself scares me…like, what kinda mindset are you in?"

"I am fine Wheeler, really. I just do not know how to take a compliment."

"Oooh, well that explains a lot…all those times I've flirted with you and been shot down…maybe I should insult you and be mean, then you'll like me better!"

"I like you just fine as you are…so how are things going over there?"

"Ok, I guess."

"Has my ring been useful to you?"

"SO MUCH! And the first time I used it…it was great Babe! You should've seen the look on Kwame's face!"

"I am glad you have been able to use it…it makes me feel useful."

"I wish you were here, being the one to use it," I say dejectedly.

"Da, me too."

"Using your ring though…kinda makes me feel closer to you…uhhh, I mean, like you're here. I wasn't sure if it was gonna work for me."

"I was not sure either…I just thought…it would be worth a try. Why did you think it would not work?"

"I just assumed that our rings would only work for who they were assigned to. What about you?"

"Same thing. Why do you suppose it worked?"

"I don't know. I have a few theories though," I say.

"Share them?" She asks, stifling a yawn.

"Am I boring you?" I tease.

"Nyet! You know how I get fatigued. I did not take a nap during the day like I usually do. Now tell me your theories before I really do fall asleep!"

"Well, either your ring worked for me because it 'knew' that you wanted it to work for me…or…we have a connection…a bond…and that's why it worked….or I'm full of hot air and since that element is already a part of me…"

I'm cut off by her laughter.

"That is very likely!"

"So I guess that means that if you tried to use my ring, you could because you're hot."

"Wheeleeeeeeeer," she moans at yet another of my corny lines.

"Uh uh uh, the correct answer is, 'Spasiba Yankee…you are also hot!'" I say, mimicking her accent.

She's laughing again…should I be offended? Nah, I'm just happy to hear her laughing. It's been a while. She breaks me away from my thoughts when she says,

"But I like the second idea…about the connection."

"Yeah?"

"Da," she yawns again, causing me to yawn in return.

"Well then, we'll stick with that theory until proven otherwise." I could tell her that it's true because it didn't work for Kwame, but not now. I don't want her knowing I let someone else use her ring. "I have a feeling that when I'm ready for bed, you'll still be sleeping until I get on somewhat of a normal sleep schedule here."

"I hope you are not there long enough to need to get on their sleep schedule! What time do you think you will be going to sleep?"

"Six more hours maybe?"

"I will set my alarm and wake up to talk to you," she says.

"You don't have to do that Babe, get your rest."

"I will go back to sleep after we speak…unless you do not want to talk to me."

"Of course I wanna talk to you! I just don't want you to feel like you have to go out of your way…you need your sleep."

"I also need to hear your voice as often as possible. So I will wake up at 6am, and you will call me. We will talk again, and I will say good night to you, and you good morning to me…and then goodnight because I probably will go back to sleep. Or maybe I will get up and go for a run," she lays out the plans exactly how she intends for them to go…very much like the old Linka!

"Wait, are you sure that a run is a good idea? I mean, that's great that you feel up to it, but don't over do it…especially with no one there to help if you pass out or something," I'm trying not to sound discouraging, but I am worried that she'll push herself too much.

"Suchi will take care of me."

"Oh right…I forgot, King Kong Suchi can carry you back to your room if you pass out on the beach!"

"Fine Wheeler, I will just sit around in my room all day and wait for you to come home before I do anything," she says with just a hint of frustration.

"I'm sorry Linka. You know that's not what I want. Just promise me that you won't push yourself too far if you don't feel well enough. I'd feel better."

"I promise."

"Thank you. I should probably get back to work and let you get some sleep."

"Da, the sooner you finish, the sooner you can come home."

"That's what I keep telling myself." I take a chance at confessing something to her. "I miss you, and it's only been half a day." I guess that's not too big of a shocker since she knows how I feel about her.

"I know…I miss you too. Goodnight Yankee," she yawns once more.

I can't help the huge smile that's spread across my face. She misses me!

"Goodnight Babe. Sweet dreams…and remember, if you're having a bad dream, I'll be there, in your subconscious, to protect you. Just think of me, and I'll be there."

"I will. Thank you for calling."

"My pleasure Babe. Talk to you soon."

I hope she falls right to sleep…and I hope with all my heart that hearing my voice right before bed is enough to keep the demons away.

* * *

I go back to work, save a few more lives, help get the frames of a few more houses up, and before I know it, it's been six hours. The second wave of relief has arrived and is taking over for the next shift. Which means I get to go to bed, but first…I have a date with a beautiful Ruskie.

The phone rings and rings, but there's no answer. She must've forgotten to set the alarm when we got off the phone earlier. Judging from the sound of her voice, she probably fell right to sleep. I guess I'll just have to call her when I wake up. I'm so tired, I don't even change out of my clothes, just fall down on the bed, and I'm out like Boy George.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 28 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	29. Chapter 29: Day 13

**This next part has some acts of domestic violence (in a dream, but some may find it disturbing). Skip the part in italics if you think you may be offended or find such sensitive topics to be disturbing.**

**Chapter 29: Day 13**

_There's a little red headed boy huddled in the corner, crying, afraid…afraid for himself, afraid for his mother. There's yelling, he's drunk…again. He's throwing stuff…plates, glasses, his wife._

_"Get up!" he yells._

_She crawls on all fours, sobbing, keeping her head bowed down, hidden from view. She doesn't want him to see her cry._

_"I SAID GET UP!" He grabs her by the shoulders and slams her back against the wall._

_"DADDY NO!" The little boy yells as he runs to stand between his father and mother._

_"Get outta my way, you little shit! I'm your father, show some respect!" He says as he pushes the boy to the floor. He hits his head on the edge of the table and holds it as he beings to cry._

_"JASON!" The woman cries, but when she tries to go to her injured son, the stronger, more powerful man grabs her by the arm and yanks her back. "Let me go!" She pleads. "That is your son that you just hurt!"_

_"It's your fault! You made me do it!" He says as he slams her against the wall again. "God, you're beautiful," he says as he begins pawing at her._

_"Jason, baby…are you ok?"_

_"Yes," he manages to say through his sobs._

_"Go to your room," the man demands._

_"Don't hurt her!" The little boy cries._

_"Don't worry Junior…Mommy **wants** Daddy to do what he's about to do."_

_The little boy looks at his mother for reassurance._

_"It is ok baby, Mommy will be fine. Go to your room. I will be in later to read you a story and tuck you in."_

_The little boy leaves the room._

_"No wonder he's such a pansy! You baby him! Our next son will be a man!"_

_"I told you, I will not have any more children with you until you stop drinking! I will not bring another child into this lifestyle!" She says._

_"Since when do you make the decisions around here? I'm the man of the house! What I say goes," he says as he roughly presses his lips to hers._

_"Stop it! I do not want to."_

_"It's not about what you want bitch."_

_He rips her blouse open, then violently pulls her pants down, pressing his body against hers when she tries to get away._

_"Yeah, that's it…act like you don't want it," he says as he undoes his belt and pulls it off. "Take them off," he says, pulling at her underwear._

_When she doesn't immediately do as he says, he uses the belt to hit the back of her legs, leaving welts until she listens._

_He runs his hands roughly over her body, aggressively handling her as she objects to his actions. He's now removed his own pants and is about to force himself on her. She's crying and praying that this won't last long…that he'll get tired of fighting her, but the more she struggles and the more she cries, the angrier he gets. _

_"Look at me!" He demands. "Look at me damn it! You're my wife! You should be begging me to make love to you! You should feel lucky that I still want you! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU." _

_He raises his hand to strike her and just as his hand hits, she looks up._

_Linka?_

* * *

"**LINKA**!" I find myself screaming her name as I bolt upright in bed. I reach for her, but she's not next to me. Where did she go? What have I done? I look around, unsure of my surroundings. The Philippines. She's not here. It wasn't real. But when I close my eyes, I can see her face…not her face as I know it, the face from my dreams…the one that he…that **_I_** hit. The dream wasn't about my dad and mom. The little boy in the corner wasn't me as a kid. It was **_MY_** kid. She called him Jason, I called him Junior…my son…Jason Joseph Jr. I hit him. I hurt him. And Linka…I hurt her too. I wasn't just mean to her…I was violent with her. I forced myself on her…I had her pressed to the wall…like I did the other night when I caught her with the anti-depressants. Oh my God…I'm just like him. I can't. I can't be with Linka, ever. If there's a chance that I could ever be like him…that I could ever hurt her. I can't be with her.

But I want to talk to her so badly. I need to hear her voice. To know she's ok. To tell me it was just a dream…but how do I tell her what happened in it. Maybe I don't have to. Maybe I can just tell her it was a bad dream. It should be 10am there. She should be up.

"Hello?"

"Linka!"

"Wheeler! I am so glad you called! I am sorry, I fell asleep before I set my alarm and missed your call earlier!"

"It's ok. I'm just glad you're awake now."

"Is something wrong? Did something happen? Are you ok?"

"No Babe…I'm not. I just had a really bad dream. **Really** bad."

"About your father?"

"No…well, yeah, sort of…but he wasn't in it…it was me. I was just like him. I had a wife and a kid, and I hurt them. I thought it was me…I thought the kid in the corner was me, not my son! And then, when I hit you…"

"You hit **_me_**?"

"Yeah."

"And **_our_** son?"

"Yeah…I'm sorry."

"For hitting me…or dreaming that we were married?"

"Yeah. For that…for both…for calling you…for telling you…it's too much information…I didn't mean to freak you out or embarrass you…I just want you to know that I'd never hurt you. I will _NEVER_ hurt you."

Not ever. If keeping her safe means giving her up, I'll do what I need to do…no matter how badly it hurts.

"I know that" she says. "Jason listen to me, are you listening?"

"Yeah," I reply softly. I can't help it, but I feel like the kid in my dream…my son. I need to hear her tell me it's ok…but more than that, I wish she were here to tell me in person. I may never forgive Kwame.

"First of all, do not ever worry about telling me anything. I am not freaked out or embarrassed, I am just grateful that you can confide in me with the same honesty and trust that I have given you." I hear her take a breath before continuing. "Yankee, our nightmares are about our worst fears, not about who we are. You told me that there was no way I could have let anything happen; well I am telling you the same. It is not who you are, you are nothing like your father and you will never let that happen. You are stronger than he is Yankee, you prove that with everything you do."

I want to respond…I really do, even just to say 'thanks,' but I can't. I don't trust my voice to be able to form a complete sentence without giving away that fact that her words have brought me to tears…and for the first time since I got here, I'm glad she's not here to see me like this. I'm relieved that I don't have to respond when she continues,

"Look at the way you have looked after me, you have been angry with me so many times but you are always gentle, you have never hurt me and I know you will not."

How can she be so sure? Doesn't she remember the other night? I hesitate to remind her, but it proves my point. I wait until I'm composed enough to speak, however, my voice is barely above a whisper as I struggle to keep my emotions in check.

"That's not true. The other night… when I found you with those pills I…"

She's quick to reassure me.

"I was not afraid of you. I never once considered that you might hit me, it just is not something you would do. In fact there have been a few times when I have been surprised at just how incredibly gentle you are."

Tell her Wheeler. Tell her what you're thinking.

"It's you. You make it so easy to care about you." Why do we have to be so far apart? I should be saying this to her face. "I've never felt like the nurturing type…I never _learned_ how to take care of someone because no one ever took care of me…but when I'm with you, something just kicks in and takes over…and I do and say things that I wouldn't normally do…I…go soft. And the tough guy that I've always had to be melts away. I'm not sure how I feel about that…kinda vulnerable. No one's ever seen this side of me."

"Surely your girlfriends have seen this side of you."

Whoa…do I really want to have this conversation with her? It could get me into trouble. But it sounds like she's fishing for answers. If she really wants to know…

"Girlfriend. I've only really had one serious relationship before. And I wasn't really…I mean, there were parts that were…uh…physical, but…not affectionate…if that makes sense."

How am I supposed to explain to Linka if I can't even figure it out for myself?

"Like, I guess I was still trying to put up that tough guy front. I never hugged her, or held her hand…we were mostly always spending time with our friends, and we'd all grown up together…I guess I was embarrassed for my buddies to see me being anything but the hard ass that they'd come to expect me to be."

This next part might be hard for Linka to hear because it reveals something about me that she might not have wanted to know.

"I'd never give her innocent, 'just because' kisses. Every time I kissed her…it was with the intention…that…it was going to lead to something more."

I wait for her to say something, but she doesn't.

"My point is, who I was before…isn't who I am now and I think that's because of you. I act different with you than I did with her…besides the obvious that she was my girlfriend and you're just my friend." It kills me to stay that. "I mean, even when she and I were just friends, and we were running around on the streets, I never felt the need to protect her…like I do with you…I'm sorry. You probably don't even care to know all this stuff…but I just thought you should know that I wasn't always the gentle person that you've come to know…and if it weren't for you…I'd still be the jerk that I was in Brooklyn."

Ok, now that I've gotten that out in the open, and probably dug myself a huge hole and taken about eight million steps backwards in our "relationship," I wait for her to say something.

"Linka? Are you still there?" Wouldn't that be somethin'? Going on and on about my past only to find out that our call has been disconnected! "Linka?"

"I am here," she says, and then pauses. "I wish I could take credit for all that but I know better. Lyubov moy, this is who you really are. The kind, gentle, loving young man that I know and... And who has become my best friend, that is the **real** you."

I make a mental note to ask her what "Lyubov moy" means. I've never heard her use that one before. Before I have a chance to ask, Linka keeps going. It's probably for the best. I don't really trust my voice to talk right now. It'll give away that fact that her words have once again brought me to tears. And it makes me happier than I've ever been to know that that's how she thinks of me.

"You hide behind the tough guy and the humor because of the upbringing you had, so that you would not be hurt anymore. If I am what you needed to get past that then I am honored, but the truth is you have done the same for me."

"What da'ya mean?" I force myself to ask.

"I was never an affectionate child. I did not suffer abuse the way you did, but I was shy and awkward. I tried to fit in but something always set me apart; I did not have a mother, my marks in my tests were higher than the others, I lost my father…and then the way I look."

She stops. The way she looks? Why would that make her awkward, unless she was an ugly duckling that turned into a beautiful swan, I can't see anyone ever calling her beauty into question.

"I know a lot of girls use their beauty and enjoy the attention it brings them, but I never did. I went further and further in on myself, pushed everyone away and pretended that I did not care. Grandmuska would hug me sometimes but I was never comfortable with friends, especially boys, hugging me or kissing me even just on the cheek. You made it okay for me, **more** than okay, not just to accept that kind of contact but to give it. But you have not changed me Yankee, you have brought out the person I was inside, and made it okay for me to be that person."

Oooh. Even back then, she was in denial about how beautiful she is. I'm glad and honored to know that I've been able to help her let that person out.

"Good…because you shouldn't hide that person. She's really great to be around. As for not being comfortable with giving and receiving affection, I think you're a natural at it. I wish you were here right now to give it…or that I was there for you to accept it," I say.

"I wish so too. Are you ok?"

"No, but I will be."

"Why not? What can I do for you?"

"Nothing. I won't be ok until I'm home. I don't want to be here. I want to be home."

"I want that too…but you have a job to do. As Planeteers, sometimes we have to do things that we do not want to. To make sacrifices…and this is not the first time we have sacrificed something for the Planeteers."

Is she talking about…us? Why we've never let anything happen between us? It's because of the Planeteers, I know that.

"No, it's not," I yawn. Now that I've calmed down and my heart has stopped pounding, the adrenaline rush has subsided and the fatigue from lack of sleep and doing strenuous work is setting in.

"You should get some rest," she says.

"I should change out of my clothes! I was so beat, I just collapsed on the bed without changing." I cradle the phone between my ear and shoulder as I being to undress. I open my duffle bag, looking for a clean pair of boxers to change into. "No wonder I had a bad dream…I didn't have your shirt that I stole."

"Do you think it will help?" She asks.

"I know it will," I reply as I clutch it to me. "Where are you now?"

"In my room. I was reading a book."

"Can you go to the Crystal Chamber?"

"I'd rather not…what if Gaia…"

"I need to _see_ you. I'm going to the Geo Cruiser to hook up the com link…I just…I need to see you, to see for myself that you're ok because right now, the only image I have of you in my brain is the one from my dream."

"I am fine Wheeler, I promise…but if it will help you sleep better, I will do it."

"Thanks," I say as I pull on a pair of pajama pants. I can get away with wandering around Hope Island in my boxers, but there are a lot of people here that I don't know. "I'll talk to you in a few minutes."

"Ok."

I click off the phone and run to the Geo Cruiser.

Soon I'm sitting in the Geo Cruiser and setting up the communication link. The screen flashes to life and I see her…looking as beautiful as ever in one of my New York Rangers hoodies.

"Hey Babe. You look good in Red, White, and Blue!"

"HA! Never in a million years Yankee! But you look good in red!" She says, noting my red pajama pants. "And you see, I am fine."

She holds out her arms and turns around in a full circle so I can get a 360 degree view.

"I see," I leer.

"But it is nice to see you and not just hear you…it is more real. I worry about you too while you are over there…what if there is another typhoon?"

"Don't worry. We've been keeping an eye on the weather channel," I yawn.

"You look tired. I should let you get some sleep."

"Trying to get rid of me? Must be a really good book you're reading…is it one of those steamy romance novels?"

"Nyet!"

"No? No love stories about a tough guy from a rough city whose life is changed when he falls for a beautiful, classy, mysterious, foreign girl?" I tease as I lean back in the seat and snuggle into her borrowed shirt, burying my nose in it and taking a deep breath.

"Nyet…that story has not been written yet Yankee…Wheeler?"

I hear her. I'm still a little bit awake…but what else will she say if she thinks I'm asleep?

"Goodnight, Lyubov moy."

There's that word again. But I'm too tired. I can barely stay awake long enough to respond,

"Goodnight, Babe."

* * *

I wake up when I hear her voice again.

"Rise and Shine Yankee…you have work to do!"

I stretch and I hear my back crackle and pop like a bowl of Rice Krispies.

I open my eyes to see her smiling back at me on the computer screen.

"Good morning Wheeler. Did you sleep well?"

"I guess…as well as can be expected in an airplane chair! Have you been here the whole time?"

"Da…what else was I going to do here?"

"Surely you could have found something more exciting than watching me sleep?"

"Nyet. I would read my book and check on you…and I had lunch and dinner."

"Good. And you were able to keep it down?" I ask.

"Da…but I have been avoiding the leftover pizza! I do not want to get sick when there is no one here to take care of me."

"What about Gaia?"

"Like I said, I do not want to get sick when there is no one here to take care of me."

I can hear the bitterness in her voice. I wish I was there to take care of her.

"I'm sorry you feel that way Babe," I say. She just nods sadly, so I change the subject. "What time is it?"

"Here? Almost 7pm. Which means it is almost 7am there."

"I guess I should get up and get to work," I complain.

"Da, remember, the sooner you finish…"

"The sooner I can come home…I know…I'll call you again at midnight your time. That's when I'll be taking my lunch break."

"Ok. I will talk to you in five hours then?"

"You bet. Talk to you later Babe."

"Da, be careful Yankee."

"I will. Bye," I say with a wink. I hesitate for a second…I want to blow her a kiss…but that's a little over the top…and cheesy. Besides, I'd rather be there to give her a kiss in person.

"Goodbye."

* * *

Today's efforts have focused on rebuilding. It's a mess. The ground is still saturated with water, so it's difficult to get support beams to stay in place. We really have to dig deep. Kwame, Gi, and I have been working together. Gi uses her ring to get rid of the excess water, Kwame uses his ring to make holes and loosen up the dirt, and I use my ring to dry it out. It's working, but it's time consuming.

"Why don't we just call Cap?" I ask.

Kwame answers,

"Because we cannot rely on Captain Planet to fix a problem that we are capable of handling ourselves. So what if it takes us a little longer. We do not have anywhere else that we need to be."

"Speak for yourself," I say under my breath.

"We are on a mission, and unless another, more dire mission comes up, we must devote our time to this one."

"We're bustin' our asses here Kwame! We're no good to anyone if we're too hurt to do anything. And what's the point of having the ability to use Captain Planet if we don't use it! He could have this excess water gone in no time, and then superheat the ground to dry it out."

I look at Gi and Ma-Ti for support. I think Ma-Ti can feel my need to get home.

"Perhaps Wheeler is right Kwame," Ma-Ti says.

"Yeah, it's not about whether or not we can do it, it's about doing it as quickly as we can so these people can get shelter over their heads and get their homes back," Gi adds. "If we had Captain Planet's help, these people will be able to get back to their normal lives."

Thankfully my teammates FINALY back me up on something.

"Hopefully Linka's ring works for Wheeler when it is time to call Captain Planet," Ma-Ti says.

"I guess we will see. Let our powers combine…EARTH!"

"FIRE!…WIND!" I hold my breath and wait for the beam of light to come out of Linka's ring…and smile like an idiot when it does!

"WATER!"

"HEART!"

Captain Planet arrives and does his thing. Just as I predicted, he was able to clear the water, dry the soil, and build many of the homes. He probably would have been able to rebuild them all, except we ran out of supplies.

Great. Now we have to wait around for the next round of supplies to arrive. Oh well, this probably knocked two days off our stay here. It's still too early to call Linka, but I can't wait to tell her about how we were able to call Cap using her ring.

The Red Cross has set up an area for us to get cleaned up at. I didn't get a shower last night when I came back to my room, so I decide to get one now. I'm not a big fan of public showering…there's just something about only being separated from the guy next to you by a thin tarp that doesn't sit well with me. Fortunately, there aren't many people in here now.

I've just finished getting dressed when one of the local women approaches me, scaring me because I don't know where she came from. Has she been in here the whole time? Was she watching me? Weird. She doesn't look like a very reputable character. I've heard stories about some of the residents here showing their "appreciation" to the relief workers. And I can't believe that these so called "humanitarians" are actually taking them up on these offers. I don't know…I guess maybe they think it's the only opportunity they'll ever have. That's mean, but many of these volunteers aren't exactly very…well…I guess the nicest way to describe them would be "socially awkward." But in Brooklyn, we'd just call them "dorks, nerds, geeks...virgins for life," you get the picture.

Anyway, one of the local girls has come up to me, and while I can't understand what she's saying, I can understand what she means. I thought the word "No" was pretty much the same in all languages, but this girl ain't getting' it. And she's persistent.

"No!" I say and push her hands off me, as she follows me out of the tent.

I turn when I hear someone yelling angrily. Some big man grabs the girl by the arm and pulls her away. His girlfriend? His daughter? I'm about to thank him for getting her away from me; I extend my hand to shake his when the next thing I know, he's pulling me towards him and sticking a knife into my side!

I look down in shock as he pulls it out and tries to stab me again. My past as a street kid kicks in and I begin defending myself, knocking the knife out of his hand and dislocating his shoulder as I twist his arm behind his back and knock him to the ground. As we struggle, rolling in the dirt, throwing punches…I can feel the blood trickling down my side. How far did it go in? Did he hit anything vital? A crowd has gathered and they are watching us battle. Finally, people step in and pull us off each other. The girl is screaming and crying, telling her side of the story, undoubtedly lying. I'm trying to tell them what really happened. I don't remember finishing my story.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 29 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	30. Chapter 30: Days 13 and 14

**Chapter 30: Days 13 and 14**

The next thing I remember is waking up in a cot, my side is throbbing.

"Wheeler, are you ok?" Ma-Ti asks.

"What happened?" I ask.

"You were in a fight. Over a girl?"

"No!" I shout as it all comes back to me. "That girl…she was trying to…proposition me. I kept telling her no, but she didn't understand English I guess. Next thing I know, this guy is yelling something, pulls her away, and I go to thank him for getting her away from me…then he stabs me. How bad is it?"

"You were very lucky. He hit a rib, so it did not go in very deep at all, but when you were fighting you lost enough blood to cause you to pass out."

Then it hits me.

"What time is it?"

"A little after three."

"Oh no! I was supposed to call Linka!"

"I am sure she will understand."

"No, you don't get it, I told her I'd call her at 12…she's probably worried…or thinks I forgot about her!"

"Wheeler, I am positive Linka knows you would never intentionally forget about her."

"But she also knows I'd never miss a call unless something happened…she's probably worried that something bad happened!"

"Well you cannot call her now. It is too late. She is probably asleep."

"She won't mind if I call her! She'll be relieved!" I argue.

"She needs her rest, and so do you! Kwame and Gi are making arrangements to go home. You will be seeing Linka soon enough."

"We're going home?"

"Yes."

"Good," I say as I get up, but Ma-Ti stops me.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to pack."

"You have plenty of time for that. The doctors still need to look you over one last time before they release you."

"Fine, then go get a doctor! Tell them I'm fine."

Ma-Ti does as I ask…well, more like demand…and after much convincing, and a bottle of antibiotics to help fight off possible infection, I'm released.

I hurry to my room, as quickly as my injury will allow me, to grab my things. It's a good thing I didn't take the time to unpack. All I need to do is put on a clean shirt and put away my pajama pants and Linka's shirt.

Once I'm all packed, I wait in the Geo Cruiser for the others. What's taking them so long? I need to get home! Finally, they get here.

"It's about time! Let's go!" I say.

"Geez Wheeler, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you paid that guy to stab you just so you'd have an excuse to go home!" Gi teases.

"Nah, if that were the case, I would've done it yesterday."

"How are you feeling?" Kwame asks.

"Like I just got stabbed," I joke dryly. "I'm fine. Really. It hurts, but I'll live…besides, it could've been a lot worse. So I'm thankful for that."

"We all are," Ma-Ti says.

"Let us go home then. I think that we have done all that we can for these people," Kwame says.

"Yeah," I agree. "…blood, sweat…and tears," I add quietly, thinking about Linka.

* * *

I wake up from a little nap and check my watch, it's after 7. Linka should be up…or at least, she should have gotten a decent amount of sleep. I use the satellite phone in the Geo Cruiser to call her.

"Hello?"

"Linka!"

"Wheeler!"

"Babe! I'm so sorry!"

"What happened? I was so worried!"

"I know, I figured! I wanted to call you sooner, but by the time I realized what time it was, it was the middle of the night on Hope Island, I knew you'd be asleep…"

"Da, but I was not asleep…I was waiting for you to call."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to call…I really did…Ma-Ti, tell her," I hold out the phone.

"Yes Linka. As soon as he found out what time it was, he insisted on calling you…but I told him it was too late, that you both needed your rest…"

I pull the phone away before he has a chance to go any further.

"Uhh, so you see Babe, I tried."

"Where are you now?" she asks.

"In the Geo Cruiser."

"Are you setting up the com link?"

"I can if you want."

"Of course I want…you need to make up for missing your call earlier!"

She doesn't seem too mad…and when she finds out we're coming home, she's gonna be ecstatic.

"Good morning Beautiful!"

"HI!" She beams, and then the happy look on her face is wiped away. "Bozhe moy Wheeler! You look horrible! Why are you so pale? Are you sick?"

"Yeah…I uh…got the flu bug," a little lie never hurt anyone. There's no need to worry her for no reason.

"Flu bug? Are you sure it is not a parasite? When you go to places like that…and there is stagnant water, and raw sewage I am sure…"

"Calm down Babe, it's not a parasite."

"Well, it is good to see you, even if you do look awful."

"Gee thanks."

"I did not mean it like that…I am just happy to see you."

"I know. I'm happy to see you too. And I've got something to tell you."

"Oh yeah? What is that?"

_I miss you, I love you, I can't live without you_…

"In about five hours, you'll be able to tell me how crappy I look…IN PERSON!"

"What? Do you mean…?"

"Yep! I'm comin' home Babe!"

"Oh Wheeler! That is wonderful news! I cannot believe you are done there already!"

"Well, my…illness was a big part of our getting sent home…"

"Wait…they are sending you home just for the flu? Why not just keep you in bed and let the others finish?" She asks.

Uh oh.

"Umm, I guess they don't want me getting everyone else sick. Besides, we called Cap and he did most of the hard work."

"You did? You were able to?" She asks.

"Yep. So our theory is still in tact."

"Good. I am glad to hear it. I cannot wait to see you!"

I can't even begin to describe the feeling that hearing those words gives me. Like being on a roller coaster and you have that tickling feeling and you wanna scream and laugh all at the same time. My eyes are stinging with tears too. Happy ones of course.

I lower my voice to try and give us some privacy, but it's hard when everyone is sitting within 10 feet of me in the confined space of the Geo Cruiser.

"I can't wait to see you either Babe. I better let you go. Try to get some more sleep…it'll make the time go by faster, and I want you well rested." I catch Gi giving me a look out of the corner of my eye. "Uh…because we have a lot of catching up to do…talking…and uh, how are you feeling? How's the muscle soreness?"

"It is still a problem."

"Oh, ok. Good…I mean, NOT good, but good that I'm coming home."

"Da, it is good that you are coming home."

"Well, like I said before, I better let you go. We'll be home for lunch…so pick out your favorite yogurt and fruit, and I'll make the toast!"

"Sounds…delicious."

"Really?"

"Nyet!"

I chuckle at her attempt at humor.

"Sorry, I'm not used to you being the sarcastic one! See you soon Babe."

"Not soon enough Yankee!"

I close the connection and brace myself for the onslaught of questions from my teammates, who could, unfortunately, hear everything.

"So Wheeler, what's the deal with you two?" Gi asks.

"What do you mean Gi? I thought you knew the 'deal.'"

"Well, so did I, but you admitted that when she was sleeping, you…may have been enjoying yourself a little too much…"

"GI!" I exclaim as Ma-Ti and Kwame turn to look at me, knowing what she's getting at, but completely misunderstanding. "That's not what I meant! I was just…I…kissed her."

"YOU DID?" They all cry out.

"Yeah…well, sort of. Just a few times on the back of the neck while I was holding her…to keep her warm!" I quickly clarify.

"Wheeler!" Kwame says, but he's smiling.

"I know! I know! I just…I was just comforting her. I wasn't trying to go anywhere with it."

"So you're like her very own heating pad?" Gi teases.

"Yeah, I guess. But…it's not just that."

"Of course not! But it is a nice excuse eh my friend?" Ma-Ti joins in the teasing.

Great, now they are accusing me of having an agenda…just like Kwame was except they're hiding behind a teasing tone instead of a condescending one.

"NO!" I say, maybe a little bit more defensively than I need to.

"Calm down Wheeler, we're only joking!" Gi says. "Geez, all the time you've been spending with Linka, you're starting to sound like her…so serious all the time!"

"Yeah, well…there's a lot more to it than any of you know…or could ever understand."

"Wheeler, how are we supposed to understand? Neither one of you will let us in," Kwame says. "It is as if we need Ma-Ti to use his ring to get inside your head."

I guess that's fair. Maybe if they knew WHY I think I'm the only one that can help Linka, they'd agree.

"Ok. I see your point. There's something I need to tell you guys that'll hopefully help you understand why Linka was more willing to let me help her. If you remember, it wasn't easy at first…she was shutting me out too."

"So how did you get her to open up?" Gi asks.

"Have any of you ever had to deal with addiction before?"

Once I have their full attention, I go on to tell them about James and even a little bit about my dad. I tell them about how I have nightmares almost every night, which leads me to tell them a little bit about Linka's trouble with nightmares and how we've sort of become dependent on each other for comfort. I tell them how having me nearby helps her relax and sleep better, and how I haven't had a nightmare since we've been staying together. I even opened up about the dream that I had while in the Philippines. I didn't go into detail about it, but just told them that it was the worst dream I ever had and I knew that it was because I was so worried about her, but she wasn't there.

"So does this mean that you two will be…co-habitating?" Kwame asks.

"Umm, I don't know…for the time being, yes…I guess. Until she's 100 percent better and doesn't need me anymore."

"And you think her nightmares will go away once she is done going through withdrawal?" Ma-Ti asks.

"I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. There's a lot she still needs to deal with. Questions that she needs answered…I think once she has those answers, her nightmares will be less frequent and eventually go away completely."

"And what about yours?" Gi asks. "What happens to you when Linka no longer needs comfort at night? How do you plan on making your nightmares go away?"

"I don't. I've been dealing with them for practically my whole life. As nice as it is getting a good night's sleep, I think part of me NEEDS to have those nightmares. I need to be reminded of my past…so that it doesn't become my future."

"So you do not want them to go away?" Kwame asks.

"Of course I want them to go away. I wish I'd never have one again…but there's only one way that'll ever happen…and I know that it's not a realistic solution, so I'm not getting my hopes up."

I shut my eyes, indicating that I'm done with the conversation. I said what I felt needed to be said and now maybe everyone will be more understanding of what Linka is going through, be more accepting of the amount of 'alone time' that we've been spending together, and not jump to conclusions about the reasons behind it, or suspect that anything 'inappropriate' it going on. Not that it's any of their business what Linka and I do. We're both adults…well, technically, she's not...but the way I see it, if we're old enough to put our lives on the line for the planet, we're old enough to not have to explain ourselves to our teammates.

Everyone is quiet for a while. I guess they don't know what to say, which is fine by me because I don't really want to talk about it anymore.

"Why not?" Kwame asks.

I thought maybe I dozed off and missed part of a conversation. When no one answers him, I look over to see that he's looking at me.

"Huh? 'Why not' what?"

"Why would you not get your hopes up? Why is it not realistic that you and Linka would not end up together?"

"Because you said it yourself…I'm not going to take advantage of all the time we've been spending together. I want to get her through this, but I don't want her to think that she owes me anything."

"So what will it do to her when she is better and all of a sudden, you are not around? What will she think then?"

"Damn Kwame! Can't I do anything right? First you accuse me of using her situation as an excuse to spend time with her and get closer to her, and then when I tell you that I'm not, you give me shit for that!"

"I am not giving you…" he sighs in frustration. "I just do not want to see either of you get hurt, or end up in a situation that could be detrimental to the team."

_Detrimental to the team_? Why do things have to be so complicated? I think I'm in love with her. I feel like there's something there on her side too. I can't possibly be imagining the vibe I get from her…can I?

Gi speaks up before I have a chance to respond.

"Wheeler, I think what Kwame is trying to say, is that we all care about both you and Linka. We want what's best for you both. We all know how you feel about her, and even though she's not as…forthcoming with her feelings as you are, we can all see how much she cares about you."

"We are all worried about Linka," Kwame says. "She is very fragile right now and if she leans on you too much…if she expects more than you're ready to give…"

"I'm not gonna hurt her. I care about her."

"I know you do my friend…and she cares about you," Kwame says softly. "I am sorry about the other day. Her ring was very helpful…for those who were able to use it."

Is he…jealous? Gi admitted that she was jealous that Linka turned to me. What's he jealous of? That he doesn't have control of the situation like he usually does? That I took control this time and am handling things…or is it more? Is he jealous of the time that I'm spending with her…of our closeness? I self consciously touch her ring which is still securely placed on my little finger. Doesn't matter…her ring worked for me. It _only_ worked for me.

"Yeah…it would have been better if she were here to use it."

"So she could have watched you get attacked, or worried herself sick when you were taken to the medic? They would not let us see you or give us any information for almost two hours…who would have been able to comfort her? Not any of us…she trusts you. She needs you. She has already lost her cousin…if she had thought that she was about to lose you…"

"It would have been bad," I finish for him. "Which is why I'd appreciate it if no one said anything to her about my injury. It would worry her too much and stress her out."

"Yes, of course," Ma-Ti says as the others nod.

"That is why we did not think she should come on this mission. While we had no way of knowing that this was going to happen to you…we knew that Linka was not ready…and this mission required our full attention. You could not have taken care of her on this mission like you can on Hope Island…She was safer there…we really did think this was the best decision for her…for her recovery."

"You need to tell her that. Part of withdrawal is paranoia. It's really hard for her to trust. She thinks everyone is out to get her…it took me a really long time to convince her that she can trust me. You can't expect her to be the same Linka. She's emotional and moody. One minute she's fine, the next, she's crying. She's in pain. Her muscles cramp. She wants to get better…but she wants Bliss."

"She told you that?" Gi asks in surprise.

"No, of course not…but she was addicted to the stuff and it's only been…" I do a quick count in my head. "…13 days."

Has it really only been 13 days? It feels so much longer.

"Like I said, my cousin was an addict. I saw how it consumed him. The difference is, Linka wants to get better. She's trying. James ACTED like he wanted to get better, but never did anything about it. But just because she wants to get better doesn't mean the craving isn't still there. Bliss made its users happy…it made them forget their problems. Sounds tempting right? Don't you think she'd give anything to be happy again? To get back to the way she used to feel? I just want her to be happy again. I wanna do my best to make her happy…to forget the Bliss. To replace it. I wanna be the thing that makes her happy."

I'm mad at myself for feeling like I need to explain myself to them, but at the same time, it feels good to let them know how I feel.

Gi is the first one to speak.

"Wheeler, you know I'm a hopeless romantic. I'd love it if you two could live happily ever after…but we're young. Linka has never come out and said it, but I know she's worried about how it will affect the team as well. And if I were in her position, I'd be worried about you."

"Me?"

"You're a big flirt! Are you really ready to settle down? What if we weren't on Hope Island and you could have your pick of any number of girls?"

"Then I'd _STILL_ pick Linka," I say confidently. "I've had crushes before. I've had a girlfriend before…but I've never felt what I feel for Linka before. If we were in a relationship, it wouldn't be detrimental to the team because I'd do whatever it takes to make things between us work."

Gi smiles and shares a look with Kwame, and Ma-Ti.

"Then tell **_her_** that!" Kwame says.

"I wish it were that simple," I say. "I don't want to scare her, or push her away and ruin our friendship. I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing at all."

"Wheeler, I do not need my ring to tell me that Linka is not scared of you. If anything, she is scared of what she would do if she ever lost you," Ma-Ti says.

Everyone else nods in agreement.

"Thanks guys."

Those were the words of encouragement from my teammates that I've been longing to hear.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 30 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	31. Chapter 31: Day 14, continued

**Chapter 31: Day 14, continued**

When we land, I jump out of the Geo Cruiser, sights set on the beautiful blonde running towards me. She throws her arms around my neck and jumps into my arms, wrapping her legs around my waist. I give her the biggest hug ever. I set her down and when I pull away, I take her face in my hands.

"I've wanted to do this for a long time," I say as I bring my lips to hers. I speak against them, "I've missed you so much. I don't ever want to be apart from you. I love you."

"Wheeler?"

"I love you," I mumble.

"Aww, thanks Wheeler, but what would Linka think?"

Huh? Gi?

"Wake up Romeo, we're almost home!" I hear Gi saying as she shakes my arm.

I open my eyes to see that Hope Island is fast approaching and I start to get that roller coaster feeling in my stomach again.

Kwame puts the Geo Cruiser down and I can see Linka coming to greet me…umm, I mean us. We exit the Cruiser and she's there waiting. There's an awkward moment when we make eye contact. I wanted it to be just like in my dream…ok, so maybe the kissing part was a little much and too good to be true, but I want to go to her, to hold her, just to feel her and be close to her. She smiles at me, but then turns to the others and says,

"When you all get settled, come to the kitchen, I have prepared a 'Welcome Home' lunch for you."

"For all of us?" Gi asks.

"Da, of course for all of you! It would be rude to welcome just one of you home when all of you have been gone doing such hard work!"

Wow. She's chipper. And for a second, I wonder if Dr. Blight came to the island, stole the real Linka and left a pod person in her place.

"That sounds wonderful. I am starving," Kwame says.

"Me too," "Uh huh," Ma-Ti and Gi agree.

The others head towards their cabins and I fall in line behind them. Linka takes my hand and squeezes it, pulling on my arm so that I lean down. I thought she was going to whisper something in my ear, but much to my surprise, she kisses me on the cheek.

"Welcome back," she says.

"I think you mean 'Welcome home,'" I correct as I put my arm around her.

"Da, welcome home," she agrees. "Are you sure you are feeling ok? You still look sickly."

"I'm fine. Much better now that I'm back here."

"If you say so. But if you would rather just go and lay down, I will bring your lunch to you," she says.

"No, really. I wanna eat with everyone. That was really nice of you to do that."

"I wanted to show them that I am not useless…that I _AM_ capable of doing things."

"Good idea." I'll tell her later about our conversation on the way home…well, not all of it, I'll just let her know that they're genuinely concerned for her.

She nods and says,

"I will see you at lunch."

She slips out from under my arm and heads towards the kitchen. I watch her go, a little disappointed that our reunion didn't turn out like it had in my dream.

* * *

After quickly tossing my bag in my room and taking a few minutes to wash up and brush my teeth, I hurry back to the dining area. When I get there, I'm the first one to arrive…that's the way it goes, last one to get to the Crystal Chamber for a mission brief, but the first one to get to the dinner table! I go to the kitchen in search of Linka. She's got her back to the doorway and doesn't see me approaching. I walk up behind her, put my arms around her, lean over her shoulder, and kiss her on the cheek.

She turns in my embrace and puts her arms around my waist as she looks up at me and smiles.

"Hi," I say softly.

"Hi," she replies back. "Are you hungry?"

This is it. Now or never.

"Yes," and with that, I lean down and press my lips to hers. It's nothing spectacular, short and sweet; lasting a little longer than the kiss she gave me before I left for the Philippines.

It wasn't the mind blowing, Earth shattering kiss that I'd always daydreamed about. It won't result in either one of us confessing our undying love for each other. But it was nice…a testing of the waters, if you will…something to build on…as long as she doesn't slap me and tell me to go to hell.

When I pull back, I'm not sure what to expect. I loosen my grip on her just incase she wants to run. I'm relieved when she smiles at me, and then hugs me tighter as she tucks her head underneath my chin, and says,

"I am glad you are back."

Her words are enough to make me forget the pain I am in from her tightened grip, her arm resting right overtop of my knife wound.

"Me too Babe," I choke out. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes from the pain I am in.

She pulls back and looks up with me with yet another beautiful smile. Her expression quickly changes when she looks at me though. She puts her hand on my cheek and asks,

"What is wrong?"

"Nothing," I lie, as I blink away the moisture in my eyes. "I'm just happy to be home."

I lift her up and set her on the counter so that she's at eye level with me, moving to stand between her legs. I take her Planeteer ring off my finger, take her hand, and place it back with its rightful owner. Wrong hand, wrong finger, wrong kind of ring, but the symbolism of the act isn't lost on me. As corny as it sounds, I press my lips to her knuckles before releasing her hand. She rests her arm on my shoulder and runs her fingers through my hair. It's another perfect opportunity to kiss her…one that I can't pass up. I tilt my head to the side and lean forward. I can feel her pulling me towards her. I see her close her eyes as I get closer, getting ready to accept my kiss.

"It smells great in here!" Gi calls as she enters the dining area.

Linka and I jump back, startled by the unexpected interruption. I sigh heavily and lean my head on her shoulder. She pushes me back and jumps off the counter, hurrying out of the kitchen to greet Gi.

"Gi! Hi! I hope you think it tastes as good as it smells!"

Was she happy for the interruption? Relieved? It sure seems that way. I guess I was imagining that she actually wanted me kiss her.

* * *

We all enjoy a nice lunch together. Linka asks questions about our trip, and does a really good job of pretending to care. I'm being uncharacteristically quiet. Ma-Ti uses his ring to ask me what's wrong. I tell him I'm in a lot of pain. He thinks it's from my stab wound. I'll let him keep thinking that.

It's my turn to clean up the kitchen. Linka starts to help, but I insist that she go and rest. She's done enough, clean up is the least I can do.

"Wheeler, leave that. Kwame, Ma-Ti, and I will clean up," Gi says. "You and Linka should…go talk."

"That's ok Gi. I got it."

"No, really. You should be relaxing and taking it easy," she whispers, knowing that I don't want Linka worrying about my injury.

"Fine. If you insist."

I really didn't want to be there anymore anyway. I finish washing the plate I was holding, and then let Gi take over. I leave the kitchen without saying a word to anyone.

* * *

I get back to my cabin and shut my door. I go into the bathroom and pull up my shirt to check out my wound. There is a little bit of blood seeping through the bandage. I set my duffle bag up on my bed and look for the pain pills that I was given. I make a mental note to put them somewhere that Linka can't find them…just in case. I've noticed that she seems to have taken up residence in my room. Several of her toiletries were in the bathroom, and her clothes are carefully folded at the end of my neatly made bed…I never make my bed.

I pop a few of the pills into my mouth and swallow them down with a glass of water. I have to put my bandaging task on hold though when I hear someone open then close my door as they enter my room. I already know that it's Linka.

"Wheeler?"

"In here," I say as I step out of the bathroom.

"I thought you would come to my room when you finished cleaning up…but then, I saw you come here and thought maybe you were expecting me to be waiting for you here…so I came here," she says, sounding nervous and unsure.

Probably unsure of whether or not she should be alone with me. Who knows what moves I'll try to put on her?

"Uh, yeah, I didn't really want to disturb you…if you were resting."

"I am not tired…but perhaps you are? Should I leave you alone?"

"No, I'm not tired. You don't have to leave…unless you want to…I don't want you to think you've gotta stay here."

"Why would I think that?" She asks.

"I don't know…I don't know what I'm talking about…"

"You were quiet at lunch," she points out.

"I guess I had a lot on my mind…and everyone else was talking…getting along. It's been a while since things were like that. I was just taking that in…seems like things are starting to get back to normal around here."

Normal. Back to the way things were. Back when Linka didn't need me.

"Wheeler, are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just…don't know what to do next."

She gives me a strange look, and I know I'm not making any sense, but I honestly don't know what to do or what to say next.

"Then maybe we should just pick up where we left off in the kitchen?" She says as she wraps her arms around my neck.

Really?

I pull her into my arms, lifting her off her feet as I bury my face in her neck, taking a deep breath. I'm wincing in pain the whole time, but it's soooo worth it just to hold her close like this.

She's got her arms around my neck and leaves them resting there when I set her down, leaving my hands to rest on her hips. She's playing with the hair at the nape of my neck and I lower my forehead to touch hers.

"Have I mentioned lately that I missed you?" I ask.

"It has been a few hours."

"Oh. Well then I guess I'm overdue…I missed you," I whisper.

"I missed you too," she whispers back. "It was too quiet around here without you."

"Hey!"

"I did not mean it like that…I meant that it was boring without you. You keep me excited."

I have a feeling she means 'entertained' but I like the thought of keeping her 'excited' as well, so I let it slide.

"You only want me for my massages," I joke.

"Nyet," she says, shaking her head.

Then what do you want Linka? Tell me! I'll do it.

"Well, I know it's not my cooking skills," I joke again, because it's the only thing I know how to do.

"Wheeler…" she says flatly, indicating that she needs me to be serious.

"Yeah?" I ask quietly.

_Kiss_ _me_. _Kiss_ _me_. _Kiss_ _me_. As if thinking it will make it happen, just because our heads are touching.

She opens her mouth to speak, but looks down, just like she always does. Then she gasps.

"Bozhe moy! Wheeler! You are bleeding!"

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 31 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	32. Chapter 32: Day 14, Evening

**Chapter 32: Day 14, Evening**

"Bozhe moy! Wheeler! You are bleeding!" She reaches for the bottom of my shirt and tries to pull it up, but I grab her hands to stop her.

"It's nothing. No big deal," I say.

"You are bleeding through your shirt!"

"It's just a scratch."

"Scratches do not bleed that much. Just let me see it," she persists, trying to free her hands and lift my shirt again.

"I'm fine Babe, really."

"Jason Wheeler, I am not going to ask you again. Let me see it."

I hold my hands up in surrender as she lifts my shirt up.

"Chyort voz mi Wheeler! 'Scratches' do not require such large bandages! And yours are saturated with blood! I need to change them for you."

She's right. What was once a little bit of seeping is now soaking wet. I must've done something when I lifted her up just now.

"I can do it Linka, you don't need to…"

"What did I tell you before? If I am supposed to let you take care of me, why can you not trust me to take care of you?"

"I trust you. I just…I don't want to worry you."

"You are bleeding and obviously have been injured…if you do not want me to be worried, tell me what happened and let me take care of it for you," she says sincerely.

"Ok…the doctors gave me extra dressings for my wound. They're in my bag."

She goes to my bag and begins searching for the bandages. The first thing she pulls out is her "borrowed" sweatshirt, which she sets on my bed. She then pulls out the roll of tape and gauze.

"Sit," she instructs as she pats my bed. I do as I'm told. She stands in front of me and says,

"Arms up."

I lift my arms as best I can with my injury, wincing in pain.

"If you had told me you were injured, I would have been gentler when I hugged you."

"I didn't mind," I say with a wink.

"And you should not have lifted me! So what happened?" She asks as she sets out the materials to bandage my wounds.

I proceed to tell her about the shower and the girl, how she wouldn't leave me alone, and I made sure that I made it clear to Linka that I WAS NOT interested and was pushing the girl away. Then I told her about the guy and how I thought he was mad at the girl, and when I went to thank him, it turns out, he was mad at me. Thought I was the instigator in the whole incident, so he stabbed me.

"YOU WERE STABBED?"

"It wasn't serious."

"Wheeler! You were stabbed, of course it is serious!" She takes off the old dressings and gets a closer look. "You popped your stitches. I will clean this up as best I can, but we will need to get you to the doctor to stitch you up again."

"No, no doctors. I don't wanna leave Hope Island…I've already been away too long."

"But you need to get that closed up," she insists.

"You do it."

"I am not a doctor, Yankee! Besides, look at my hands. I cannot hold them steady; there is no way I could do it. And even if I did agree to do it, you need anesthetic to numb it before it is stitched…"

"Just use butterfly stitches."

She shakes her head and says,

"You are so stubborn!"

"I learned from the best!"

"Lay down!" She instructs.

"Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting for you to say those words to me Babe?" I tease as I waggle my eyebrows at her.

"Too bad you are hurt!" She comes back with.

Should I tell her I'd suffer through it? That it would be worth it?

She gets a washcloth from the bathroom and cleans up my wound, pulling the broken stitches out and apologizing each time I flinch. Then she puts pressure on it until the bleeding slows and stops. Once it is cleaned up, she takes a closer look at it.

"This looks horrible!"

"It's not that bad. My rib stopped it from even going in that far…fortunately."

"Nyet, that is not what I mean…it is all red and puffy. It is infected. Did they not give you anything for it?"

"Yeah, I got some antibiotics."

"But how did they treat you? Did they flush and cleanse the wound properly?"

"I don't know Babe. I was unconscious. I remember fighting with the guy, we were struggling on the ground, some people pulled us apart, and the next thing I knew, I woke up in a cot in the clinic that the Red Cross had set up."

"So your treatment was subpar?"

"Well, compared to your standards…yeah, I guess."

"How are you feeling?" she asks.

"A little dizzy actually."

"You have already lost a lot of blood from the initial wound, I am sure…and now you have lost more, AND it is infected. I am going to go get you some orange juice. You need sugar and iron to make up for the blood you have lost. I will ask Ma-Ti if he can come up with something to help with the pain and speed up the healing. The bleeding has stopped for now. Do NOT move."

"Yes ma'am."

* * *

I lay on my bed waiting for her to return. I'm getting very tired and I don't know why. I slept most of the flight home. I guess the blood loss will do that. I must've dozed off because the next thing I know, Linka is sitting next to me, stroking my cheek and asking me to wake up. Once I finally become fully aware of my surroundings, I see her looking at me with concern in her eyes.

"You should be in a hospital," she says as she holds the glass of orange juice to my lips.

"You can take care of me just as good as any nurse…besides, I'd rather have **_you_** taking care of me."

"But this is my fault."

I must be losing it. Did she just blame herself?

"That's weird, I don't recall you being the one to stick a knife in my side," I say.

"When I hugged you…"

"You did not pop my stitches when you hugged me Babe!"

She is over estimating her own strength…especially in her weakened state.

"But you should not have lifted me!"

"Yeah, so it's my fault, not yours."

"If I had known you were injured…"

"I know Babe…but you didn't know. It's not your fault. I'm glad you didn't know…or else I would've never gotten that big of a hug. I'm fine…really," I say as I sit up. "But how are you?"

"Fine."

"Yeah, but how are you **_really_**?" I ask as I place my hands on her shoulders. I can feel the tension in her muscles.

I begin rubbing and she hums her pleasure.

"That bad huh?"

"I guess I did not realize how bad it really was."

I run my hands up and down her arms, her back, across her shoulders…I pull her hair away from her neck to continue my massage there. She leans her head forward, exposing more of her neck. I bring my lips down to her soft skin, testing the limits. When she turns to face me, I wonder if I've gone too far.

"I am supposed to be the one taking care of you now," she says as she gently touches the skin around my wound.

"We can take turns," I say.

She nods as she continues to smooth her hand around my injury, as if she's mesmerized by it.

I like what she's doing. I like how it feels…I'm starting to like it too much in fact. I need to concentrate on something else.

"Thank God for that rock hard body we've been talking about huh? Coulda been pretty bad if that knife had actually gone in."

She smiles weakly, acknowledging my joke, but at the same time letting me know that she doesn't find it very funny. She moves her hand a little higher up my torso.

"Two more inches," she whispers.

"Huh?"

"Two more inches higher and it would have been your heart," she says blankly as she lays her hand flatly over my heart.

Oh.

I shake my head and cover her hand with mine.

"Wouldn't have mattered," I say. "My heart wasn't with me. It was back on Hope Island."

She gives me the sweetest yet saddest smile I have ever seen.

"That is sweet of you to say, but unfortunately, still not possible. If that knife had been just a little higher…"

"Shush…no 'ifs'," I say as a press my fingers to her lips, and then brush my hand across her cheek to wipe away the tears. "All that matters is that it wasn't. I'm fine. I had to be. I had to come back to you…and I did."

We look into each other's eyes for what feels like forever, but in reality it is probably only a few seconds. I lick my lips, as does she and we both lean forward.

"Linka I have the medicine you asked for!" Ma-Ti says as he enters my room.

"Jesus, doesn't anyone around here knock?" I seethe quietly through clenched teeth.

Linka gets up to greet Ma-Ti.

"Thank you Ma-Ti," she says as she takes the bowl from him. "What should I do with it?"

"Apply it twice a day, rubbing it around the wound first, and then, over the wound as you press the skin together until the medicine dries. Once it does, it will hold the wound closed better than stitches. It also has natural antiseptic to help fight the infection and a natural anesthetic to help numb the pain. Just put it on and bandage the wound to keep it covered."

"Thanks Ma-Ti," I reply.

"You are welcome."

He just stands there awkwardly. I think he knows he interrupted something and doesn't know how to exit gracefully. Allow me to help…

"You can leave now," I say, dismissing him.

"Oh, right…sorry!" He says as he blushes and then leaves.

"Wheeler! That was rude!" Linka chastises.

"Sorry…must be the pain talking," I lie.

She knows it because all she skeptically says is "Mmm hmm."

I think I've made her angry because there is a tension between us now…or maybe it's from the near miss kiss. Either way, she's all business as she orders me to lie down and sits beside me on the bed. I watch her intently, trying to read her. Why couldn't Ma-Ti have waited three more seconds? If I could've kissed her again, it would've proved that what happened in the kitchen wasn't a fluke. If I could've gotten confirmation that she wanted this to happen as badly as I do…

"I will try to be gentle, he did say it should help numb it too," she says as she scoops a dollop of Ma-Ti's concoction into her finger.

"Whatever."

I sigh in frustration and stare up at that imaginary sky light in my ceiling. What a dumb idea. It would let in too much light, and right now, all I wanna do is curl up in my bed, pull the covers over my head, and never come out of my room.

She's either ignoring my foul mood, doesn't notice it, or doesn't care. She's massaging in the medicine around my wound. Having her hands on me…it feels so good. Having her fuss and take care of me…makes me wish I'd get hurt more often. She's got my skin pressed together as she wipes more of Ma-Ti's medicine over it and waits for it to dry. She leans down and blows on it to speed up the drying process. I close my eyes and take it all in…ok, so I'm pretending that I'm not hurt and she's touching me because she wants to, not because she has to. She's got her lips close to my skin because she's going to trail kisses all over my torso, or is trying to tease me with her breath, not because she's trying to expedite the drying process so that she doesn't have to touch me any longer than necessary.

She tests the balm to see if it's drying. It's still tacky. Blowing on it isn't helping so she gives up. I guess she's forced to hold it together a little longer.

It's been a while and maybe she thinks I've fallen asleep because she's set her free hand on my stomach. I wonder how her hand that's been holding my wound closed is feeling…I know that she's been suffering from muscle cramps because of the withdrawal. Then I remember something I've been wanting to ask her. I put my hand on top of hers and wait for her to meet my gaze. When she doesn't look at me, I quietly ask,

"What does Lyubov mean?"

That got her attention. She looks at me in surprise.

"Love, why? Where did you hear it?"

Huh? Love? She was calling me Love? When I call her 'Babe', it's not just a nickname for a friend. It's how I feel. She's a Babe…it's a term of endearment. She's **_my_** Babe. I always just thought that "Yankee" was her nickname for me…I took it as a term of endearment…even though I knew she didn't mean it that way…as a matter of fact, I think when she first said it, it was supposed to be an insult…kinda like when she called me an "imperialist dog"…only "Yankee" flows off the tongue easier. And if her initial use of it was supposed to be an insult, it's no longer meant to be that way. I know it's her nickname for me because she's the only one that calls me that. She's the only one _allowed_ to call me that. But "Lyubov" means Love. She calls me "Love!" I can't contain the smile on my face as I squeeze her hand to let her know that I know…I know how she feels! FINALLY!

"You called me that…twice," I say, my heart pounding in my chest. I just want to pull her down to me and kiss her. To hell with the stab wound! I'm not feeling any pain right now.

She looks down at where her hand is holding my gash together. Her cheeks are turning red, which is understandable…it's a big admission, one that we've both been waiting a really long time for.

"It is a term of affection, where I come from it is something a friend or relative would say."

Oh. Shit…Shit SHIT **SHIT**! I'M SUCH A FREAKIN' IDIOT!

"Yeah," I pause to compose myself; to try and mask the disappointment, but more than anything, to hide the hurt. "That's what I thought."

She's finished pressing the wound together. The medicine has completely dried and she can't get away from me fast enough.

"You will have to be very careful, it seems to be working but it might be easier to pull apart."

She puts a clean pad over it.

"Sit up…carefully," she says as she reaches behind me and helps pull me up by supporting my shoulder. She wraps the bandages around me to hold the gauze into place. I'm still in a dazed disbelief. It's like having everything I ever wanted right there in front of me. I could almost touch it. I almost had it…but then just as quickly as I got it, it was ripped away. I had my fingertips on it…but once again, it's just out of reach. I wish that whatever this medicine is wouldn't work. I wish it didn't take away the pain. I want to feel the pain. I want it to hurt. I want to focus on something other than the biggest pain of all. I want Linka to go away so I can dig my fingers into my wound…to give myself a reason to have these tears prickling my eyes.

"How does that feel?" She asks once she finishes and looks into my eyes.

I close my eyes and turn my head away from her.

"It hurts like hell. Worse than any pain I've ever felt before."

Does she know that I'm not talking about my stab wound? And if she does, does she care?

"The medicine is not helping?"

I guess she doesn't get it.

"They don't make a medicine strong enough," I say.

"Perhaps you should see a doctor," she suggests.

"I'M NOT GOIN' TO A DOCTOR!" I snap. "Just…I just want to be alone."

"I do not think that is a good idea…if you start bleeding again…"

"Well, I'm going to sleep. So you can just go do…whatever…no need to babysit me."

"You do not want me to stay?"

"And do what? Watch me sleep?"

"What else am I going to do? No one will let me do anything around here. Maybe I will also take a nap," she says as she stands up and takes a step towards my bed.

"Alright. I'm pretty tired, so I'll probably sleep through the night. See you tomorrow."

She hesitates. Was she going to get in the bed with me? Of course she was. We're just friends. That's all we've been this whole time we've been sharing a bed. I don't know why I'm acting like such a baby. Sure, my heart is broken, but it's my own fault. I can't be mad at Linka for not having feelings for me. I can't force her to love me. I can only accept that all we'll ever be is friends, and be thankful for that. She turns to leave.

"Linka wait…"

She stops, her back still to me and I see her move her hand to her face. Was she wiping away tears? Did I make her cry?

"Da?" She asks, still not facing me.

"Will you stay with me? We don't want our nightmares coming back do we?"

She turns around and smiles weakly. I move over gingerly to make room for her in the bed and she walks towards it, climbing in next to me. I didn't offer to help her through her addiction and withdrawal because I was expecting anything to come of it. I'm helping her because she's my friend and I want her to get better, not make it harder on her. I need to stop being selfish and do what I promised…take care of her.

"Hey Linka?" I whisper as I stare straight ahead of me at the ceiling.

"Hmm?"

I can see out of the corner of my eye that she's turned to face me, and as much as I want to hold her in my arms like I had been doing before when we'd sleep, unfortunately my injury makes it impossible. Instead, I reach down and take her hand, lacing our fingers together.

"Thanks for taking care of me Babe."

"We take care of each other, that is how it should be," she replies as she squeezes my hand.

Yeah, that's how it should be…but it's not. It never will be…not how I want it to be anyway. Yeah, we're taking care of each other, but it's only temporary. I'll heal, and so will she…and we won't need each other. There will be no more massages, no more cuddling as we sleep, and no more time alone. I'll miss that, but I need to forget that time is running out, and just cherish the time that I have left.

As if she's reading my thoughts, she snuggles closer to me so that she can rest her head on my shoulder. Then she puts her other hand on my arm. I guess that's the best we can do with my injury. I just wish I didn't have to lie on my back. I wish I could wrap myself around her like I have been. I'm barely able to keep my eyes open any longer, but I still hear her say,

"Sweet dreams Yankee."

"You too Babe," I reply as I turn my head and kiss her forehead before drifting off to sleep.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 32 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	33. Chapter 33: Day 15, Morning

**Chapter 33: Day 15, Morning**

I wake up before Linka, which never happens. Part of my problem is that I'm so uncomfortable sleeping on my back and part of my problem being the pain that I'm feeling when I breathe. My ribs are sore, like they're bruised. It's not just the gash that's hurting…which is throbbing, by the way.

I extract myself from Linka's cautious embrace. Her head was still resting on my shoulder and I was still holding one of her hands, but her other hand was lying across my stomach instead of my arm.

What I really want is a shower. I haven't had one since the one I had yesterday…right before I got stabbed. And I feel like I have a fever. Must be the infection. Great. Maybe I **_will_** have to go to the hospital. I go to my bathroom and remove the bandages to check out my battle wound. It's getting even redder and puffier. I'll give Ma-Ti's medicine another day to work, after that though, I may have to suck it up and go to the doctor. Great…I hate giving Linka the opportunity to say "I told you so!"

I leave the bathroom door open slightly so that Linka can hear the shower running if she wakes up. I don't want her thinking that I just got up and left her, considering I was pretty moody last night and let my hurt feelings get the best of me. I turn on the shower and give the water some time to warm up before jumping in. I carefully wash off the balm and clean around the edges of the wound. It's tender and it hurts.

I get out of the shower and gently dry off, being extra careful not to pull the skin around my cut. Even though I had washed Ma-Ti's medicine off, the wound was still closed up…So maybe the stuff was working after all?

I wrap the towel around my waist and peek my head out the door to check on Linka. She's still sleeping. She must really be wiped out. I hope she's ok. It's probably just a matter of her not getting a very good night's sleep while I was away. I want to let her sleep so I don't want to risk disturbing her by fetching Ma-Ti's serum. I'll just bandage myself up for now. We can put the medicine on later. Besides, why do it myself when I'd much rather let her do it! You know, so she feels useful and like she's helping me. Honestly…I'm thinking of her feelings…mostly.

This is harder than I thought! I need a third hand. Just when I think I've got it figured out, I feel my towel start to loosen. No no no! Oh well, it's just gonna have to fall. I've almost got this bandage wrapped around the gauze pad and…

"OW! DAMN IT!"

The bandage slipped out from under my palm and my sudden movement to try and catch it caused me to pull the healing skin apart. The door is pushed open the rest of the way as Linka flies through it.

"Wheeler are you…OH!"

She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me standing there in nothing but my…well, nothing. She stares at me in shock before coming to her senses, covering her eyes and turning her back.

"SORRY!" We both exclaim at the same time.

I hastily and stupidly stoop down to pick up the towel.

"OW! MOTHER…" I bite my lip to muffle the rest of my curse.

"Are you alright?" She asks.

"No…I bent down too quickly to try and snatch up my towel and reopened my wound…worse than what I did to it when I first opened it trying to keep the bandages from slipping."

"Are you decent?"

"I am now," I say as I tuck the towel back around my waist.

Her face is red and from a quick glance in the mirror, I can tell that I'm also blushing and that the blood is seeping from my wound and running down my side.

"You should have woken me. I would have taken care of this for you."

"You looked so peaceful. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Come on, grab your bandages and lay down. We need to get the bleeding to stop again."

"Hold on…lemme grab some boxers…there's a better chance of them staying on than this towel!" I joke as I retrieve my favorite pair of boxers from my drawer.

I re-emerge from the bathroom and Linka laughs out loud. My goal was to lighten the mood of our embarrassment from a few moments ago…it worked.

"Are those monkeys?"

"Gorillas actually."

"Yes, you really are 'going bananas'," she comments, referring to the words around the waistband.

"What? You don't like 'em?"

"Nyet it is not that…they are…cute…and you can wear whatever you want…I just…cannot believe you wear those!"

"Well, usually, no one sees them…they're reserved for special people."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, so consider yourself lucky!"

"Oh, I do!" She says sarcastically. "I can use information like this against you for YEEEEEEARS to come!"

"I can't believe you're not taking this seriously," I say, trying to keep a straight face. "You're the only person that I've ever let see these!"

"Tell me Wheeler, how am I supposed to take anything seriously when a grown man is standing before me in boxer shorts with bananas and monkeys on them!"

"GORILLAS! And just because I'm legally an adult, does not make me a grown man…I'm 18…still a teenager!"

"Obviously," she smiles. "Now come lay down here before you get blood all over those nice boxers."

I do as she says and reply,

"I'm sensing a hint of sarcasm."

"Just a hint? I guess I am not trying hard enough!" She teases.

"I don't know what hurts more…my wound or the fact that you don't like my favorite boxers!"

"When did I say that I did not like them?" She says.

"You didn't have to say it…it's the lack of respect you're showing for them!"

"I have nothing but the utmost respect for you AND your preferred sleepwear Yankee."

"Oh these aren't just for sleeping. These boxers have been with me on some of my favorite missions…that's why they're my favorite boxers!"

"Which missions have been your favorite?"

She'd make a good doctor some day. The whole time we've been talking, she's been taking care of my wound. She's gotten the bleeding to stop and is now rubbing the ointment into my skin and over the wound.

"Ok, well, my first favorite mission is our first one…because it was a day that changed my life forever…and it was the day I met you."

She smiles and her cheeks redden. She's concentrating a little harder than necessary on keeping my wound closed.

"Then there's the mission in Thailand…with the dragon."

"You liked being captured by a mechanical dragon?" She says in surprise.

"I liked what was about to happen BEFORE I got captured by the mechanical dragon."

She pauses to think about what I'm talking about. Once it hits her, she smiles at the memory…or at my foolishness for thinking anything of it. After all, at the end of the mission when I mentioned how much I was going to miss that place, she commented about how I didn't even want to come there, and I said that that was before she hugged me. Then, as she always does, she killed my hopes by saying she had no choice, it was either me or the dragon beast.

"But I had my lucky boxers on, so I knew I was going to be ok. And then there was that time with Sneezer! I wanted to get you a birthday present, but was an idiot and thought that an ivory necklace would be nice. Then I learned the cost of ivory…not just money, but the life of all those elephants…and that mission didn't leave me any time to get you a present…but you said seeing Sneezer reunited with her mom was good enough…and you were so happy, you almost kissed me."

"That is not what happened! You said that in America, when you got a present, you thanked the person with a kiss. I said that in the Soviet Union, when boys make fast move, they get a fast nyet! Your lucky boxers were not so lucky for you then!"

"Sure they were…Sneezer and her mom were reunited. I didn't say they were always lucky for **_me_**!"

She rolls her eyes at me.

"Anymore favorites?"

"That time we went to DC…and I found out you were a hacker!"

"What was so great about that?"

"Nothing…just learning something new and surprising about you…and it was kinda nice gettin' to work with you on a mission…just the two of us…and we didn't kill each other!"

"Da…we were a good team."

"We still are!" I say.

"Nyet…I am no longer a member of the team…it is only a matter of time before I am asked to leave."

"No way! That'll never happen."

"You sound so sure."

"Because I am. Remember when I was trapped behind that wall of ice with Blight? It was only a matter of time before we ran out of air…but you didn't give up on me…just like I'll never give up on you…Which brings me to my last favorite mission."

"Being trapped behind a wall of ice with a mad scientist?"

"Yep…it was worth it for the hug I got when you saved me…and then when we watched the sunrise…the start of the New Year…and I heard your beautiful singing for the first time. The lucky boxers were there for it! It was a great way to start off the New Year."

"It may have been a great start…but it has not been a very good year so far," she says sadly.

"No, it hasn't been…but the good news is it can't get any worse, right? Things have to start getting better…and they will…I thought they kinda were."

"Da, they are…thanks to you…"

She smiles at me and I smile back at her, once again, sharing a moment in my lucky boxers. She stands up, motioning for me to sit up.

"There, you are all patched up…again. I will wrap you in gauze and you will be all set."

She wraps the bandages around me and tapes them in place.

"All better…how do you feel?"

"Thanks Babe…didn't feel a thing," I say as I put my hand on her waist.

"You are welcome," she says as she puts her hand in my hair and ruffles it.

She sits down next to me on the bed, hip to hip. We stay like that for a while, silent. The subject of going to see Gaia hasn't been brought up since I got back from the last mission. It's time to break the silence.

"So, should we plan on seeing Gaia today?" I ask.

"NO!" She replies, a little bit more strongly than I'd expected.

"Babe, you've been putting it off for days…what if something else comes up to put it off even longer?"

"That is fine by me."

"I thought you wanted to know."

"I DO, but why is it so important to you? What difference does it make?"

I gotta admit, I'm a little wounded by that. Why wouldn't it be important to me? She's important to me. I just want to know that she's ok and that that scum bag, Skumm didn't do anything to hurt her even more than he already had. If so, he's a dead man…err, rat.

"It makes a huge difference."

"You want to know what Skumm did to me? You want to know if I am still worthy of your flirtations? Or whether or not I am damaged goods?"

Here comes the mood swings.

"NO! This isn't about me. It's about making sure you're ok," I say as I lay my hand on her cheek. "Nothing will change how I feel about you. I'll always be around to annoy you with my flirting and bad lines, no matter what. I just…I have so much anger towards him. I wanna kill him for what he did to you…If I know that he didn't…you know…I'll still hate him, but maybe I can eventually get over that feeling of wanting him dead."

"And if he did…?"

"Then I'll make him pay for what he did to you…for all of it."

"You are not saying that you will kill him…are you?"

I'm ashamed to admit it, but that's exactly what I'm saying. I don't have to tell Linka that. She knows what I'm thinking. She takes my hand and moves so that she can look me in the eyes.

"You are better than him Jason. Do not let him cause you to do anything that is against your nature. I appreciate your wanting to get vengeance for me…but it is mine to get. I must be the one that deals with Skumm, and when that opportunity comes, I will take it…but it must be me who does it."

"What will you do?" I ask.

"I do not know."

"But if we go to Gaia, she can help…"

"GAIA DOES NOT WANT TO HELP ME!" Linka shouts.

"Why would you think that?" I ask.

"She has had her chances. She avoids me. I think she is ashamed of me for becoming addicted to Bliss."

"It wasn't your fault…she knows that."

"Does she? She sure is not acting like it! She probably regrets choosing me for the Planeteers. I have been nothing but a disappointment."

"That's not true. You're the best Planeteer there is!"

"You are just saying that!" She says.

"No, I'm not. It's true. I've learned more from you than from anyone else. Maybe Gaia just doesn't know HOW to approach you? I mean, maybe she's having the same problem that the others are having? They didn't know how to approach you…they're still struggling with it."

"But she is not like them! She is more! She is the Spirit of the Earth! She should know! She should have all the answers! She should not be afraid to approach me!"

"How can you say she's avoiding you? You hardly venture out of your room or my room…and when you do, I'm with you."

"When you were away and I went to the Crystal Chamber to talk to you on Planet Vision, she could not leave the room fast enough."

"Maybe she wanted to give us some privacy?" I say, waggling my eyebrows at her to try and make her laugh…it doesn't work. "Seriously though Babe, I think maybe you're reading too much into it. I'm sure she just left because she didn't want to intrude."

"Do not defend her to me! I do not want to hear it! I need you on my side!"

"I don't wanna take sides Babe. I wanna be neutral. But at the same time, I wanna be supportive of you."

"Thank you."

We sit there in silence once again…but I can't let it go.

"So you're just gonna forget about it? Forget about finding the truth?" I ask.

"Maybe not knowing is best."

"If you can live with that…I guess that's fine."

"You do not agree? You think I am wrong?"

"It's not my place to say…if this is what you want…I'm with you."

"For now…this is what I want."

"Ok…" But it's not ok. I'll let her think I've dropped it for now, but this is far from over. I stand up to leave. "I'm gonna see if Ma-Ti and Kwame feel like playing some video games since that's about the only fun activity I can do…wanna come?"

"Nyet…I think I will go for a short walk…I promise, I will not over do it!"

"Good," I say as I lean down to kiss her forehead.

And I'm glad she declined my invitation to play video games. I was never planning on doing that. I was planning on going to find Gaia. She has some explaining to do.

* * *

"GAIA? YO GAIA? WHERE ARE YOU?" I call out as I enter the Crystal Chamber. She appears before me.

"You bellowed, Wheeler?" She says with a tone that is similar to a mother's when she's irritated at the kids for yelling indoors.

"I need to talk to you about something."

"_Talking_ being the operative word, I presume?"

"Yeah, yeah…I'm done yelling…I was just trying to find you." Geesh who knew the Spirit of the Earth could be as moody as a real woman?

"So what brings you here?" She asks.

"Linka."

"Oh? Is everything ok with her?"

"Yeah…no…well…sorta…She's getting better. Much better. But there's one thing that's bothering her…well, two things…but she can't resolve the one issue until she resolves the other," I try to explain.

"Why do you need to talk to me about it? Shouldn't you be talking to her about it?"

"I've tried. She doesn't want to," I say.

"Well if she doesn't want to, perhaps you should accept her wishes?" She suggests.

"Even if I know that that's not what's best for her?"

"Won't Linka be mad if she knew you were going against her wishes?"

"Very…but it's for her own good. She has questions that need answered…but she won't come to you for them," I say.

"Me? What sort of questions can I answer for her?"

"She thinks you're avoiding her."

I was expecting Gaia to deny it. To say she hadn't been, not intentionally, and that Linka was just seeing something that wasn't there.

"So she's noticed?"

"Wait? So you _have_ been avoiding her?" I ask in surprise.

Gaia doesn't say anything. Just bows her head.

"Why? Are you mad at her? Ashamed of her? She couldn't help it. She would've never done Bliss if she weren't tricked into it! You can't blame her for that! She…"

"I know Wheeler. I'm not mad at her. I don't blame her. I blame myself."

"Yourself?"

"I put her in this position. I brought her to the Planeteers. I made her a target of Skumm…I've made all of you targets," Gaia says sadly.

"But it's part of the job. We knew it was dangerous when we agreed to it."

"And I knew what would happen to Linka…and her cousin."

Wait, she KNEW? No way! How could she? If it weren't for the fact that she's a spirit and not a solid being, I'd have my hands wrapped around her throat as I demand an explanation.

"AND YOU DIDN'T STOP IT?"

"I couldn't."

"Well if you couldn't have been there to stop it, you could've warned us! I could've gone with her! I could've protected her!"

"No, you couldn't have. It would have changed history," she says as she shakes her head.

"YEAH! I KNOW! LINKA WOULDN'T HAVE GOT HOOKED ON BLISS, AND BORIS WOULD STILL BE ALIVE!"

"But what happened to Linka HAD to happen."

"WHY?"

Gaia pauses and looks like she's thinking about how she can explain this to me in a way that I'll understand.

"How would you describe your relationship with Linka?"

"Relationship? We're not _in_ a relationship," I say.

"Not in the typical human definition of that term, no, I suppose you're not…but how are things between the two of you? You seem to be spending more time together."

"Yeah, we are…it's been good I guess. We don't fight as much…not over stupid things anyway, like we used to. We uh…she uh…she's more affectionate…or I guess I should say, she's more accepting of my affections…even though I'm not trying anything!" I quickly clarify. "I'm just trying to be a good friend…comforting her…being there when she needs me…and she's done the same for me in return."

"So you've been there for each other? You've been healing each other?"

"Yeah."

"So what do you need me for? That's the other reason I've been keeping my distance…because you seem to have everything under control," Gaia says.

"But I don't! I'm flying blind! I could really use some help…some guidance…and so could Linka! I didn't have the best childhood and while I love my mother…I feel like I missed out on what most kids' mothers were like…and then there's Linka…she never really had the chance to know her mother…YOU'VE been the closest thing either one of us has to a caring, authoritative, motherly figure, other than Linka having her Grandmother…and when you haven't been there for Linka…it's like…she feels abandoned. Like you don't want to be around her because you're mad or disappointed in her."

"That's not true at all! It's like I said…I feel guilty…I knew what was going to happen, but I had to let it," Gaia says.

"Yeah, you said that…because you couldn't change history…"

"I can see possibilities, futures that could be or, in some cases, should be. What has happened is hard for you both now but it will lead to a better future for all of us, Linka most of all… but I don't think it would be easy for her to understand or accept that, at this point in time. Do you understand?"

"No," I reply, still fuming over the fact that she knew what was going to happen to Linka and did nothing to stop it.

"If Linka hadn't gotten addicted to Bliss, you would have never had the opportunity to help her through it…you would have never had the chance heal your own wounds from your past…the two of you would have never seen this side of each other…and your perceptions of each other would have never changed. Your relationship would've never progressed and moved forward."

"But we're NOT in a relationship!"

Once again, Gaia pauses, contemplating…like she's struggling with herself as to whether or not she wants to say what she's about to say.

"No, you're not…not yet…but…" She pauses, still unsure if she wants to reveal more to me. "My goodness Wheeler…how is it you always manage to get me to reveal things to you that you shouldn't know?"

I shrug my shoulders.

"I don't know…my irresistible charm? If you need tips on how to resist it though, just ask Linka…she's a pro…but you were saying?"

"Some day, you'll mean more to each other than just friends."

This is what I've always wanted to hear…so why aren't I happier? Is it because she said "someday?" Or am I in denial that it'll ever happen; not wanting to get my hopes up? I need more information from Gaia.

"What if that day has already come? What if I already do feel that way? I think I always have."

"What you _THINK_ you feel now, is nothing compared to what you are capable of feeling…not now though. You're not ready…and neither is she."

"But…"

"Wheeler, I've already told you more than I should have."

"I know…I guess I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around it…and being greedy. I want it to happen sooner…I've wanted it for so long…can you at least tell me WHEN to expect it? Or if there's anything I need to do to get there faster?"

"NO! You can't…you'll know when the time is right…but you have to be patient. You've still got a few years yet before either one of you are ready."

"No, I think we're ready now! We've been so close to making it happen…it's just…so many interruptions! As if something is keeping us apart…"

Gaia raises her eyebrow at me and waits for my own words to sink in.

"Oh…you?"

"Not me…not completely…not always. It's fate. Like I said, it's not time."

"But if it's inevitable, why not make it happen? If we're meant to be together…"

"If you force it, it'll change everything…and then you WON'T get what you want. Like I said, you're not ready. Linka is going through a very difficult time. She needs you…as a friend. She needs to know that you'll always be there," Gaia says.

"But she does know that! I've told her."

"And it's what's getting her through this…knowing that she'll always be able to count on your friendship…and her biggest fear is…and always has been the prospect of losing it. A relationship other than friendship has potential to end…and if she loses that, she'll feel like she has nothing left…she fears she could relapse. There's a lot you both still need to go through before you can fully realize the importance of your places in each other's lives."

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to give me any details on that?"

Gaia smiles and shakes her head.

"Didn't think so," I say. "I'll do whatever it takes to make it work though! I won't let it end. She doesn't need to worry about that. But I really do think Linka should talk to you…and you need to know that she doesn't blame you for what happened to her…she's just upset that you haven't been around since. I'll talk to her…try to get her to reconsider coming to see you. She's a little unclear about the details of what happened while she was with Skumm. Is there anything you can do? Maybe see into her subconscious and tell if there's anything we…I mean she should know about."

"If Linka's agreeable to it, I can do that to help ease her mind…and yours."

"Thanks Gaia. I'll talk to her."

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 33 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	34. Chapter 34: Day 15, Continued

**Thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing. Sorry I haven't been very good at replying. Still have a few more crazy weeks left at work, but once things calm down, hopefully I'll have more time to respond properly. This chapter contains some implied adult themes...drug use, violence, and sexual situations. Hide the kiddies.**

**

* * *

****Chapter 34: Day 15, Continued**

Linka is returning from her walk as I'm leaving the Crystal Chamber.

"Done playing video games already?" She asks. "What is wrong? Kwame and Ma-Ti keep beating you?"

"No way! You know better than that! And actually, I ended up playing alone. Couldn't get anyone that was willing to take me on!"

"I would take that challenge…if I were not so tired. I cannot believe it. It has not been long since I woke up, and that short little walk has exhausted me…and I can already feel my muscles tightening up."

"You haven't eaten yet and neither have I. How about we grab some grub and then I'll see what I can do about loosening up those muscles," I say.

"Nyet…I am not feeling like eating…but I will take you up on your offer about loosening up my muscles."

"Sorry Babe…you gotta eat. No eating, no massage! Besides, keeping hydrated and eating right will help with the muscle tension and cramping. Now come on, there's a glass of water and a banana loaded with potassium in the kitchen with your name all over them!"

She sighs and relents…with just a bit of sarcasm,

"Daaaaa, Dr. Wheeler. If you insist."

"I do," I say as I put my arm around her shoulder and pull her to my side while we walk towards the kitchen.

* * *

After lunch, we head to Linka's room so I can keep my promise to give her a massage. She kicks off her shoes and takes off her vest before plopping face down onto her bed. I start at her feet, rubbing my thumbs over the arches. I can't resist tickling her.

She shrieks and giggles into her pillow and yanks her feet out of my hands before hurling the pillow in my direction. I bat it down and chuckle.

"Wheeler! You are supposed to be relaxing me!"

"Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm done now. Promise."

She turns her head to look at me before cautiously slipping her legs back down towards me.

"I mean it Yankee…I WILL kick you!"

"Ok, ok! No more funny business," I say as I take her calves in my hands and resume my massage.

Over the next half hour, I make my way all over her body, from her legs, to her lower back, shoulders, and neck.

"How ya feelin' now Babe?"

When she doesn't answer, I look down to see that she's fallen asleep. Sounds like a good idea. I take off my shoes and lay down next to her on the bed, pulling a blanket from the bottom of her bed to cover us. I wish I could curl up behind her and hold her, but my injured side restricts me. I'll have to settle for lying on my back.

* * *

When I wake up, Linka is snuggled up against my side, her arm around my waist, careful to avoid my injury. I try to move my arm to put it around her without disturbing her, but unfortunately, she wakes up.

"Sorry Babe. I didn't mean to wake you."

"It is ok…I have slept long enough. I am sorry I fell asleep, but your massage was so relaxing…"

"That's the point. Glad it worked."

I think about the conversation that I had with Gaia. And I'm probably over thinking things, but I can't stop second guessing…she said that Linka and I were not ready for a relationship…YET. I guess all I can do is take Gaia's advice and let things progress on their own…don't force the issue…but I have to know…

"Are you happy Linka?"

"With what?"

"With…this…"

"'This?' As in needing a massage to ease the pains caused by something as minor as taking a walk? To not have an appetite for any of the foods that I used to love? To be so cold, I feel like I am stuck outside in a Siberian winter, when in reality, I am on a tropical island? To know that I am incapable of helping my team on missions because I am not well enough to be useful? That my teammates do not have confidence in me? Nyet…I am not happy."

That's not what I meant.

"No, I guess you haven't had much to be happy about recently. But that's not what I meant. I meant right now…when you woke up. Were you happy?"

"Da…it is one of the few times that I am happy. When I am with you…"

"Ok…good," I say as I pull her closer against my side.

"That is all you needed to know?"

"Yeah. I guess I just needed to make sure."

"I am sorry…I should say it more often…to let you know. The only times I have been happy throughout this whole ordeal has been when I am with you," she says as she rises up on her elbow to look me in the eyes.

"I'm just glad I can be here for you. And I'll always be here, even when you're all better and you don't need me anymore. I'll still always be around," I say as I brush my hand across her cheek.

She places her hand over mine and holds it to her cheek.

"I will never be 'all better' Wheeler. There will always be that temptation…that feeling that Bliss gave me…I know it was a false happiness, but it was unlike anything I have ever felt before. If there was a safe, legal way of getting that feeling…I would do it in an instant…and that worries me. Because what if there was an unsafe, illegal way of getting that same feeling…would I do anything for that also?"

I can think of a few safe, legal ways of replacing the feeling Bliss gave her.

"So you don't think anything else will ever make you happy? That no other happiness will ever top the feeling that Bliss gave you?" I ask.

"I do not know…I just know that I need to avoid anything that will make me sad."

"Like missions? Or going back to the Soviet Union for that dinner you were talking about?"

"Nyet…I think I will be fine for those things. You will be there on missions…and you were going to come back to the Soviet Union with me, da?"

"Sure…if you still want me to."

"Da…I still want you to…I _need_ you to."

"Then I'll be there…always, like I promised."

"Spasiba," she says as she lies her head back down on my shoulder.

Time to fess up…

"I uh…I ran into Gaia earlier."

"Oh?"

"Yeah…I asked her why she's been avoiding you."

"You should not have done that Wheeler."

"But I found out why…you'd be surprised," I say.

I go on to explain to Linka that Gaia felt guilty about what happened to her and that she was ashamed to be around her. Linka doesn't seem too happy with me at first…she's doing a good job of controlling her temper, but I can tell that she feels a little betrayed. I let her get her feelings out and I explain to her my reasons behind why I did what I did. In the end, I think we come to an understanding.

"So you see, if you wanted to talk to Gaia, she'd really like to help you. I think it'd be good for both of you to help the healing process."

"Perhaps you are right."

"Whoa? Say that again? I think I misunderstood you!" I tease.

"You are right Wheeler!" She says with mock surrender.

"Mark this date on the calendar!"

"Very funny wise guy…keep it up and I may change my mind!"

"Ok, ok," I say as I get up out of bed and hold my hand out to her. "Let's start the healing process, shall we?"

She takes my hand and we put on our shoes before heading to the Crystal Chamber to see Gaia.

* * *

"Gaia? Are you still here?" I ask.

"Yes Wheeler, come on in," she says as she appears before us. "Hello again. And hello Linka…how are you feeling?"

"Ok I guess…getting a little better every day."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it…Linka, I owe you an apology. I understand that I have been giving the impression that I'm avoiding you and that I was upset with you. I'm sorry you felt that way…that was not my intention. I was upset with myself. I felt guilty for making you a target of Skumm. I thought you would be mad at me for putting you in that position too, that's why I was avoiding you."

Linka is finally letting out all the emotions she's been bottling up. She clings to me as she sobs, telling Gaia how she's been made to feel. Gaia in turn, explains to Linka why she reacted the way she did…and she reiterates to Linka her importance on this team. It's exactly what Linka needed to hear. She leaves my side and goes to Gaia. I stand there, watching with a satisfied smile…I did this. I fixed things. Everything is gonna be ok. When Linka returns to me, she gives me a smile. She knows I'm feeling pretty proud of myself.

Gaia tells Linka that I had suggested there might be something she needed to talk to her about and Linka nods and admits that she would like her help in remembering anything that she may have buried in her subconscious. Gaia happily agrees to help, just as I knew she would.

"Let's go back to your room for some privacy," Gaia suggests.

We arrive back at Linka's room and wait for Gaia to appear. Linka seems nervous. I run my hand soothingly up and down her back to try and relax her. Gaia shows up and Linka steps away from me, her cheeks reddening as if we were two teenagers who just got caught making out by a parent.

"Are you sure you're ready for this Linka?" Gaia asks.

"Da. It is time I put all of this behind me and move forward."

"Lay down Beautiful. We'll get this thing underway," I say, directing her to the bed.

"You will stay, right?"

"Absolutely. I'm not leavin' your side," I say as I pull a chair next to her bed.

She smiles at me, places her hand on my knee, and squeezes to let me know she's appreciative.

I contemplate taking her hand and holding it throughout the process. I don't know if she'd want that, especially considering how quickly she moved away from me when Gaia entered the room. Linka removes her hand from my knee and folds her hands over her stomach.

"Ok Linka, just relax and close your eyes. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly," Gaia instructs.

Other than closing my eyes because I don't want to stop looking at Linka, I'm doing the breathing exercises along with her until I'm also feeling pretty relaxed.

"I want you to concentrate now…think back to when Skumm had you. What can you see?"

"I see Boris…he is sleeping on the floor. I am…in a bed…Skumm's bed. There are girls coming to the door…pounding, begging for entrance. One of Skumm's henchmen opens the door. They all come in…there are so many…too many for Skumm. He makes them beg…some of them fight. It is horrible…Bozhe moy! They are killing each other! He selects a few and then instructs his henchmen to take their pick of the remaining girls…Boris is awake now too…he also gets to pick. Nyet Boris! These girls are filthy! There is no telling what diseases they have picked up from these rats!"

"It's ok Linka…it's all over…this is all in the past…it's not really happening now. Just keep relaxing…remember to breathe," Gaia says. "Are you ready to continue?"

"Da. Skumm has invited one of the girls into bed. They are…kissing. She will do anything for a dose of Bliss. And she is doing anything…they are…nyet! Not in the same bed as me! I get up to leave. Now there are boys entering the room. They are saying it is unfair. They need Bliss too. They are coming after me, asking me for some of my supply…they are offering to do for me what the girls are doing for Skumm. Nyet! I do not want them. I am not giving up my Bliss for them. They have nothing to offer me in return that I want. I will not give up Bliss for anyone. It is more important to me than anything or anyone…there is only one person that I will share my Bliss with…and he is not here."

Who could that be? Me? She did offer me some…tried to get me to take it. There is a pained expression on Linka's face as she continues.

"Skumm is done with his girl…for all her efforts all she gets is one pill. He has noticed the boys. He is angry with them. Picks them up and throws them against the wall. Yells at them to get out, to leave me alone. 'That one is mine' he says. They will not leave though. They know that there is Bliss nearby. They begin searching the room for it. Skumm is angry. He is beating them. They start beating each other because they assume it is what our master wants. Only one boy is left…he believes he is the winner and will be getting rewarded with Bliss. But nyet…Skumm approaches him, holding a bag of pills out to the boy. The boy is focused on the bag; he is not even paying attention to Skumm as he slashes his gnarled claws across the boy's throat! Blood is everywhere. Skumm tells Boris to get rid of the bodies. Boris stops what he is doing with his girl and does as Skumm wishes. Skumm turns to me and says 'You didn't want any of those boys did you Blondie?' I shake my head. He runs a finger down my cheek, down my neck. He steps closer to me, his face inches from mine and he continues, 'You want a real man, not a boy.' I lick my lips…what will I do for more Bliss? I have more than I need right now…I am well supplied…for now. 'I want…I want…Wheeler…'"

HUH?

"'And Kwame…'"

HEY!

"'And Gi and Ma-Ti to have some Bliss."

Oh.

"I am sorry! I did not know what I was saying Gaia! I would never want my friends to be addicted to drugs! I just…I thought I was happy. I thought it was a good feeling. I wanted to share it with my friends," Linka is now crying.

"It's ok Linka. You thought you were being nice…you thought you were sharing with your friends."

"Da."

"What else can you remember?" Gaia asks.

"Another girl came up to Skumm. She got his attention and he left me to be with her. This is how it went every night. Always these hordes of girls. Sometimes the same ones…sometimes different ones because the 'regulars' were now dead."

"Linka…I need you to concentrate. You need to open up your subconscious…we need to find out if there's anything you've buried deep within it. Ok?"

"Ok," she whispers.

"Was this just one night?"

"It his how things went almost every night."

"And while Skumm was in bed with these other girls, you said you'd leave. Where would you go?" Gaia asks.

"I…I grabbed a pillow and a blanket and took them into a closet…I slept in a closet."

"Every night?" Gaia asks.

"Da…every night."

"And was anyone else there with you?"

Linka shakes her head and then reaches out her hand, searching for me. I take her hand in both of mine, getting off my chair to kneel down next to her bedside as I press my lips to her knuckles.

"Nyet. I was alone…every night, I slept alone."

I release the breath that I'd been holding. She's ok. He didn't do anything to her…nothing that can't be undone anyway. I still hate him for getting her hooked on Bliss, but she'll get through that.

"I was running out though…I only had a few more left…I was preparing myself. The night Wheeler saved me…that was going to be the night that I would have done what I needed to in order to get more Bliss."

She's giving me credit for saving her? We were all there. We all had a part in it…but she says I was the one who saved her? Whatever. All that matters is that she was saved…if she wants to give me credit for it, I'll take it.

"Good Linka. That's all we need to know. Get your rest."

Gaia looks at me and says,

"Just let her wake up naturally. She may or may not remember any of what she's said."

"Like how sometimes people can't remember their dreams?" I ask.

"Yes, exactly like that. It could still remain in her subconscious because that's where she NEEDS it to stay. If that's the case, you can just tell her the good news. That'll help ease her mind and hopefully she can move forward with the rest of her recovery."

"Thank you Gaia," I say.

"I'm glad I could help…and thank you for helping ease the tension between Linka and me," she replies.

"Sure thing…I just want things to get back to normal around here."

"They will."

Gaia disappears and I return my attention back to Linka, who is still sleeping soundly…probably for the first time in a long time. She's still gripping my hand, but I take my other hand and brush it through her hair. I know Gaia said to let her wake up naturally, but I can't help wanting to tell her the good news. It's not very comfortable kneeling here on the floor. It hurts my knees and it hurts my stab wound so I climb into bed next to her, trying my best not to disturb her, and watch her as she sleeps. She seems so peaceful…as if she already knows she's ok.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**PS Sorry that the "sexual situations" were not between Wheeler and Linka! Hope no one had their hopes up!**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 34 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	35. Chapter 35: Days 15 to 24

**Chapter 35: Days 15 to 24**

About ten minutes after I crawled into bed to cuddle with Linka after her hypnosis session with Gaia, she begins to stir and her eyes flutter open.

"Hey there Sleeping Beauty," I say.

"I fell asleep again?"

"Yeah. Do you remember anything?"

"Nyet."

I sit up and she does the same. I put my arm around her and pull her against my side.

"It is not good news, is it?"

"Actually, it's the best news we could've hoped for. You're ok…nothing happened…nothing that we can't get you through anyway."

"You mean Skumm and I did not…"

"Nope. You slept alone in a closet every night," I tell her.

"Oh Wheeler," she says as she wraps her arms around me, buries her head in my shoulder, and begins to cry. "I am so relieved."

"I know Babe. I'm relieved too," I reply as a rest my head on top of hers and finally allow my own tears to fall.

After we've taken a few moments to compose ourselves, I lay us both back down to get comfortable. I kiss her forehead and she smiles at me. There's no need for words. I just look at her and silently communicate what we both already know. Everything is going to be ok. These last few weeks have really taken a toll on us. I don't think I've felt truly relaxed until this very moment. I close my eyes and fall asleep, with Linka safely in my arms. I have a feeling her nightmares will never return, but I still feel the need to protect her and until she tells me she doesn't need me anymore, I'll stay here with her.

* * *

**Day 16**

I've been awake for a while now, but have yet to let Linka know. I'm perfectly happy with just staying here for a little while longer. All day would work out just fine too. I could really get used to this; lying in bed with Linka after being wrapped in each others' arms all night as we slept. It's as though this is the way it's always been…the way it should always be. For the first time in a long time, I was able to sleep worry free…and I'm sure Linka did too. I can feel it. She's much more relaxed, less tense. At least that's one less thing she needs to worry about…one less thing WE need to worry about. Today is going to be a good day.

Her head is on my shoulder so I nuzzle my nose right above her ear, breathing in her sweet scent. I'm reluctant to let her know I'm awake because it'll mean we have to get up, but I know there's still a long road to recovery left ahead of us, but as nice as it sounds, staying in bed all day isn't going to help.

"So, what do you want to do today Babe?"

Maybe if I act tired, she'll take pity on me and want to stay here a little longer. I know what I want to do today, other than staying like this…a massage for her is also at the top of my list of things to do. Just to feel her soft skin. To see the goose bumps and to hear the sounds of approval that she makes…and know that I made that happen. I'm getting her body to react to my touch. She's still contemplating what she wants to do…maybe she's having a hard time coming out and asking me for a massage? I can only hope.

"It is probably about time we set up a proper diet and exercise routine, maybe some of those pamphlets you had might help?"

It's not the answer I wanted to hear…not at this moment anyways, but it's something I've been waiting for her to say. I didn't want to push too hard, but since she's taking the first step, this is actually huge progress. I'm just as happy to do this for her as I am to give her a massage. I'll gladly do this with her…but we've got all day…what's the rush? This is too nice.

"Sure thing… can we stay here a bit longer though? I had such a great nights sleep last night, I slept too heavy." I hug her to me to try and convince her. I think it's working, judging from that smile she gives me.

"Da, me too. It must have been the relief… of the good news."

Relief is putting it mildly. It's like the weight of the world has been lifted. It doesn't seem real. These last few weeks have been hell, but knowing that that burden is no longer overshadowing us…I think we can get through anything now. All that seems so long ago. When I woke up this morning, I wondered if maybe I was dreaming it. But now that Linka has just confirmed it, the relief, the good news…I want to say it out loud to confirm it to myself. To make it seem more real…for both of our sakes.

"The best news!" I agree as I kiss her forehead and then bury my face in her hair. I stay like that for a while, enjoying our closeness, before adding, "Thanks for trusting me Babe, even when you weren't sure."

"What do you mean?" She asks.

I rub her arm and snuggle closer, wanting to show her how tender I am capable of being and giving her an example of what I meant.

"You didn't know nothing bad had happened but you weren't afraid of me touching you… to comfort you I mean."

"I like you touching me."

I see her cheeks turning pink, and her words send a strange sensation through my body…but not to the part you're probably thinking. I'm talking about my heart. I know she only means it in an "as a friend" way, but even that means more to me than I can express. She's quick to clarify and make sure I know what she meant.

"Comforting me, I mean. I can still remember Skumm doing things… like leaning over me in his bed, and squeezing my arm or brushing a finger down my cheek or neck... Or rubbing my thigh when I was sitting next to him. He knew I did not like it but I did not complain openly and I felt dirty afterwards, even though it was not really anything more than flirting."

I wish she'd stop talking about it. It's making me sick with anger and jealousy. How dare he touch her? By making her uncomfortable, in a way, he still violated her. I hold her tighter and quickly try to get her to stop talking about it by whispering,

"It's okay."

However, she keeps going.

"I do trust you. But it is also not the same, I do not mind. There is nothing creepy or dirty about the way you touch me, even when you are flirting."

She's looking me right in the eyes as she says this, letting me know it's ok, and that she means it. I know I'm doing a horrible job of hiding how happy I am to hear that, so I'm not even gonna try. My reaction must be encouraging to her because she keeps going.

"I felt tainted when I returned to my senses, I was surprised that you even wanted to come near me, even though I know that is unfair to you, you are too good a friend to turn your back on me. But I still felt… unclean. No amount of showers could make that feeling go away, but you did. So thank you."

She buries her face in my shoulder, her courage gone and her shyness returning. For once, I'm speechless. I took that feeling away. I made her feel the feelings she's supposed to feel when someone touches her. It occurs to me that I may have just paved the way for some other guy. After all, I'm just "a good friend." But I can't think about that now. Right now, she's mine. I'm in her bed because she wants me to be. She's in my arms because that's where she wants to be…I think…for now anyway. I kiss her head, letting her know it's ok. She doesn't need to be embarrassed about her confession. I know that it wasn't easy for her. The fact that she's being so open with me puts me in a great mood. We both relax, once again in no hurry to leave the comfortable confines of our bed.

As we were lying there, I started thinking about how things have been between us. We were friends before. We're even better friends now…closer…if things have progressed this far, why should I think that it stops here? Why can't it be more? I don't have to settle for just being good friends…best friends. Wouldn't it make sense to be best friends with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Shouldn't that be the way all couples feel about each other? Why not us? Who cares what the others think…if Kwame thinks I'm taking advantage of the situation to get close to Linka, he doesn't know me at all. Tragedy brings people together, it happens all the time. A good thing coming from a bad thing helps the healing process. I know the truth. My feelings for Linka are genuine and they're not going away…no matter how hard I've tried to make them go away, they won't…they just get stronger and I love the way that makes me feel. I don't want these feelings to stop. I feel like I've grown up so much in just two weeks.

When we finally get up, I do my best to let her know that what she said earlier really meant a lot to me by allowing myself to be more open with my affection for her. We're alone, the others are off looking for new species of plant life deep in the jungle of the island…or something like that. I was only half listening when Ma-Ti told me that he saw an unfamiliar looking sapling when he was off meditating and that he, Kwame, and Gi were going to check it out. Whatever. I was distracted by Linka when she entered the room, holding back when she saw that I was having a conversation with Ma-Ti, but when she saw my attention had been diverted and fully devoted to her, she came further into the room. Once Ma-Ti had left, I immediately went to her side and pulled her to me. I'd only just left her room five minutes earlier, but it seemed longer.

With the others gone, we had the whole island to ourselves. We spent the whole day together out in the open instead of in the confines of either one of our rooms. It was nice feeling like we were no longer avoiding people. I held her when we were watching TV, put my arm around her when we were sitting on the beach, held her hand when we were walking, pulled her against me and hug her for no reason…I was even taking more opportunities to kiss her…mostly just the usual comforting kiss on the head or temple, but every once in a while, I'd get bold enough to give her a quick, innocent kiss on the lips. Nothing more than a peck. No big deal…really…it was nothing…and yet, as simple as it was…it was everything. This is what it would be like every day if we were a couple…this and more…so much more. And I don't mean just the physical aspect. Sure, I can show her how I feel…but what I really want is the freedom to tell her. I don't just want to be able to say "I love you" whenever I feel like it. I want to be able to tell her, "I need you," "you're everything to me" "I'm nothing without you" "You make my life complete." I could go on forever.

* * *

**Day: 23**

A week has passed since we learned the good news and established a diet and work out plan for her. She's being stubborn when it comes to the fitness program we came up with. I won't let her cut any corners. Slacking off is only going to hurt her in the end. She needs to stick to it as closely as possible. Earlier on in her recovery, I told her I wouldn't push her…if she didn't want to eat, I didn't force her, but she'd at least try in order to prove to me that she wanted to get better. Not now though…now I've got to be more strict with her. Push her a little harder. Get her to do 10 push ups instead of five…get those muscles working again.

Gi even approached me the other day and suggested that maybe I was taking it too hard on Linka and should ease up a bit. That's EXACTLY why no one else can get her through this like I can. I'm used to fighting with Linka. Everyone else shies away from confrontation with her. We're not really fighting of course, we're just pushing each others buttons like we used to. Challenging her and she's battling me…but in the end, she'll do anything to prove me wrong, to show me that she CAN do it. Do I feel guilty for having to be the bad guy? Sure. I wish we could just relax all day and just sit around talking, getting closer, flirting…but when we clash, that's when I feel closest to her. When I realize that we are so much alike, it's scary. It's when she doesn't put up a fight that I know that something isn't right…that it's not a good day. And she still has bad days sometimes…but that's normal.

Right now though, we're snuggling on the couch, warm and cozy under the same blanket. I'm not really able to concentrate on the movie because I sense something is bothering her. She's really restless…like she can't get comfortable. I wonder if maybe I'm the one making her uncomfortable, so I let my arms drop to my sides instead of being wrapped around her as she leaned into my side, but as soon as I release her, she turns to look up at me, and then reaches down to take my hand in hers and drapes it back around her. I hold her tightly and rub my cheek against the side of her head before turning to brush my lips against her ear as I ask her if she's ok. She just sighs and shrugs her shoulders. I guess it's the withdrawal. I do my best to silently let her know that I'm there for her. Giving her a little squeeze, holding her hand, tracing random patterns on her palm, playing with her fingers, marveling at how big my hand is compared to hers…and yet how perfectly they fit together. I hope she still allows me to do this when she's better.

The video has ended and as much as I hate to end this, I ask,

"Time for bed Ruskie Tootskie?"

"I do not want to get up," she protests.

"Meaning you don't want to go to bed yet, or you just don't want to move?" I ask as I playfully poke my finger into her side.

She whines, it's the cutest noise ever, and turns so that her back is against me.

This position suits me just fine. I put both my arms around her waist and search for that certain spot on her neck that I discovered by accident once. She's putty in my hands when I find it. When I hear her breath catch in her throat, I smile against her skin.

"I'm gonna turn everything off and tidy up. That's not gonna take me long, and then I'm gonna carry you to our room and massage away all of your tension," I murmur into her neck.

Yeah, I know I said "our room," because that's what I think of it as. One of these days, I'll carry her to our room, lay her down on our bed, and that massage I promised will lead to something else…not tonight though. She still needs me to be there for her. To get her through this, unselfishly. Her needs must come before my own. They always will. But someday, her needs will change. She'll need me the same way that I need her. I see the slight smile she is trying to hide…is it because I called it "our" room or is she just excited about the prospect of a massage? Both I hope. I know she looks forward to those massages…I wonder if she knows how much I look forward to them too?

* * *

**Day 24 **

As much as I hate the idea of getting out of bed, of letting her go, it's what's best for her; our morning walks have turned into light jogs mixed with walking.

"Time to get up Beautiful." I say, trying to sound enthusiastic.

"Nyet."

I can't say that I blame her. She knows I'd rather just stay here with her and is using that to her advantage. I nuzzle her and say,

"Babe come on, we have a routine to maintain."

"I do not care."

"I know what you want," I tease, rubbing her arm. "But it'll have to wait until after our run."

"You sound like Skumm, now leave me alone."

She turns her back to me and my heart stops. Skumm? I made her think of Skumm? She just compared me to the rat man that made her feel dirty? What do I say to that? I wasn't implying…I didn't mean sex.

After a few moments, I set the record straight.

"I meant a massage Linka, I wasn't coming on to you," I say flatly.

"I do not care, I just want to sleep."

"Okay." There are some days when it's ok to argue with her, to push her. Today is not one of those days. I don't need to add to her problems. I get up out of our bed and rearrange the covers around her, making sure she's completely covered and remains warm. "I really wasn't suggesting anything…"

"I know."

It sounds like she's crying. Do I go to her? Do I leave her alone? Is she crying because of what I said? I don't want to push the issue and apologize again…she gets mad at me when I apologize too much after she's "absolved" me of any wrong doing. I don't want to leave her, but things are pretty awkward right now. Maybe we need some time apart. Although when she's like this, I hate to be away from her. I can't get the image of finding her nearly drowned in the bathtub out of my head. What if she hadn't passed out before she made the fatal cuts? What if I hadn't been there to pull her out from under the water?

I can't think about this anymore. I'll get a quick shower, give her some time, and maybe when I'm done, her mood will have changed.

* * *

When I come back into her room, she has the covers up over her head. I don't know if she's fallen back to sleep, or is she just hiding from me…shutting me out?

"I'm gonna get some clean clothes on and make breakfast…You want me to bring you back some?"

If she doesn't answer me, it means she's asleep…or ignoring me.

"Nyet."

Well, she's not asleep…but she's pretty much ignoring me.

I leave her there to go get some breakfast. There's no sense in suffering through her silent treatment AND being hungry…although my appetite has diminished significantly since our little battle started, there's no point in staying here and aggravating her.

* * *

When I got to the kitchen the others were just finishing up. Gi made a crack about how I was up early…then she asked where Linka was. I didn't want to tell them that she was having a bad day. I didn't want them over analyzing anything and thinking her recovery wasn't progressing. So I just told them she was getting showered and dressed. They seemed to accept that. Then they told me of their plans for the day and asked if Linka and I would be interested in joining them. If she wasn't having a bad day, I'm sure she would've loved this opportunity to get out and feel like a part of the group again...but not today. I told them that we didn't have time to get ready, she still needed to have breakfast and didn't want to hold them up. They seemed to accept that also. Just like I've accepted that Linka is having a bad day and although she's acting like she wants nothing to do with me, she actually needs me more today than most days. And she doesn't need me to treat her any differently. So that's what I do. Go back to her room and act as if nothing is wrong.

"Breakfast was boring, you didn't miss much." I say as I kick off my shoes. "The others are off to lecture at some youth club, much good it'll do, you know what teenagers are like. I think you've got the right idea today."

I take off my shirt, slip back into bed, and wrap my arms around her, spooning behind her.

She rolls onto her back and then turns to look at me.

"Why?" She asks softly.

"Huh?"

"After what I said to you, why did you come back?"

She's been crying. Has she been crying the whole time I was gone? Was she crying because I was gone? Did she think I left and wasn't coming back? I feel guilty. I tenderly wipe away her tears with my thumb. Wait…maybe she didn't want me to come back…maybe she was trying to get rid of me. I have to know, so I ask,

"Didn't you want me to?"

She nods and I feel the relief wash over me. I rearrange us until I find a position that we both find comfortable.

"I know it's hard to believe right now, but the way you're feeling isn't going to last, it's part of he withdrawal," I try to reassure her.

"Nyet, I was getting better, I am past that," she insists.

I love it when I get to prove her wrong.

"If you'd read the pamphlets, you'd know that you have to expect days like this. Days when it all catches up with you."

"So how do I make it go away?" She asks.

She sounds so vulnerable. I know she hates seeming weak. I know she hates feeling that way even more. I have to let her know that it's ok. That the best thing we can do, is do what her instincts told her to do…what I wanted to do anyway…stay in bed.

"Exactly what we're doing, cuddle up and wait for it to go away." I say as I kiss her nose. "Let me know if you get hungry, I'll go fix you something."

She doesn't answer me. Instead, she turns onto her side. She's not being rude. She's getting into our favorite sleeping position. I love being like this. My arm pillowing her head, my other arm draped over her waist, her hand holding mine in place over her stomach. This is by no means a solution to how she's feeling, but I hope it helps, even if it's just a little. I know I feel better just knowing that she's allowing me to stay…that she wants me to stay.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 35 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	36. Chapter 36: Days 27 to 28

**Chapter 36: Days 27-28**

Linka is going to be so excited when we tell her the news. It's been so hard to keep it from her. I feel kinda bad too. She's almost caught us a few times. You know how when a conversation suddenly stops when you enter a room and you obviously come to the conclusion that the conversation was just about you…that's happened a few times, but I think I've been able to cover for us by showering her with my usual charm!

I rented City Slickers because I thought it would be a light hearted movie. A comedy about some guys from the city that go on a trip and experience what it's like to be real cowboys…it doesn't go so well for the city boys…it kinda reminds me of myself. I think Linka will enjoy it.

I guess I must've fallen asleep.

"Wake up Yankee!" She huffs as she pokes me in the side.

"It's too early, go back to sleep Babe," I grumble as I burrow closer into her and tighten my arms around her waist to pull her back against me.

"Jason Wheeler, it is lunchtime not early morning," she scolds. When I open my eyes, her tone softens and she adds, "I am going to make us something to eat, try to be awake when I get back."

As I become more aware of my surroundings, her words finally sink in.

"Hmmm? Oh, no Babe. It's okay, I'll get it," I say as I disentangle myself from her and stand up.

"What? Why?"

I playfully trip her up so that she falls back onto the couch.

"Cuz I'm looking after you today. Consider it your day off, to relax and build up your strength."

"Wheeler, **every** day is my day off right now and I do not need to use up that much energy to walk to the kitchen."

She's irritated, I can tell. She likes that she's been able to do more things for herself lately, but I need to make sure she saves her energy.

"Yeah, you've been having some good days and we want that to continue."

"I AM FINE!" She yells. "I am not going to have bad days that often Wheeler, just what is this about?"

I hate it when she gets angry with me, but I don't want to argue with her. Maybe my puppy dog face will work.

"Sorry… I was just trying to help."

She sighs and then flops back on the couch.

"Fine, go and make lunch and I will sit here like a good little girl."

Great. She's genuinely pissed at me. I don't want her to feel like I'm treating her like she's incapable of doing anything…if she only knew why…

I sit down on the table in front of the couch and run my finger down her arm until I reach her hand and take it in mine.

"Not while you're mad at me."

"I am hungry," she says. I can see in her eyes that her anger is gone. "I will be in a better mood when I have been fed."

I smile and lean forward to give her a quick kiss, but she stops me by putting her finger over my lips.

"After lunch."

I kiss her finger and then get up to go to the kitchen.

I make her a lightly boiled egg and toast. As a joke, I drew a winking smiley face on her eggshell.

As expected, she rolls her eyes and says, "Child!" But her smile lets me know that she thought it was funny.

Now let's see if she keeps her promise. I take my sandwich and sit beside her and with a goofy grin, demand,

"Kiss!"

She's good on her word and leans over to give me a kiss, without hesitation, as if we've been doing this for years and it's completely normal.

After we finish, she insists on taking the dishes to the kitchen. I try to get her to let me take them, but she has the final word.

"Anyway Wheeler, I need to visit the bathroom and that is not something you can do for me no matter how much you may want to, so I may as well take these to the kitchen at the same time, DA?"

I guess she's got me on that one. I watch her leave the room and then reach under the couch cushion, retrieving the secret I'd been keeping.

* * *

Linka catches me in a day dream, lost in thought, and I guess the serious look on my face got her worried. Before I know it, she's got her arms around my neck and is asking,

"What has happened Lyubov moy?"

"What? Oh hey, nothing," I say as I quickly try to reassure her by wrapping my arms around her. "Everything's fine. Promise."

She pulls away and looks at me, as if she's assessing whether or not I'm telling the truth. I kiss her nose and hand her the envelope.

"This is yours."

She gives me a confused look before releasing me to open the letter. I have to make one thing clear to her though before she continues so I cover her hands in mine.

"We weren't keeping it from you or anything, I just wanted you to be well enough to enjoy it. It's a special day for you."

I let her open the letter and watch her expression change from confusion to excitement when she realizes what it is.

"Bozhe moy! It is tomorrow? I thought it was months away!"

I don't think I've ever seen her this excited over anything. She actually squeals…yeah, cool, calm, and collected Linka has just squealed in excitement! She throws her arms around me and I can't help but laugh as I return her embrace and share her excitement.

"Now do you see why you have to rest? Can't have you all tired for the grand opening of the Eden Project now can we?"

I don't think anything will wipe that smile off her face. She's a ball of energy, more energy than she's shown in a long time. I think she could probably do laps around the island if I let her…which I won't.

"I cannot sit still and do nothing!"

"And now you know why we didn't tell you," I sigh.

"Fine," she says, still smiling. "But I am bored with watching films, you can let me beat you at chess instead."

I laugh, shake my head, and stand up, holding out my hands to help pull her up.

"You'd be bored in five minutes, if you want to beat me you'll have to work for it."

"Not very hard," she says mischievously.

She knows me too well. I'll take her challenge and put up a fight. I think of ways to distract her while we're playing; get flirty? Go shirtless? Play footsy with her under the table and run my foot up her leg…the possibilities are endless! It's going to be a very interesting afternoon.

* * *

**Day 28**

Sleeping is so much better when it's with Linka. I can sleep more soundly when she's in my arms…well, except when she's touching me like she is now, skimming her fingers over my chest. It tickles and I can't help but chuckle a little and hold her tighter. I'm not ready to wake up yet…I'm not ready to give this moment up now, or ever. Why can't it always be this way?

She's tracing the edge of my wound. I know it still worries her when she thinks about how bad it could have been and the scar will always be there to remind us both of it. She mentioned the fact that it will scar once before. I just shrugged it off…add it to the collection right? The physical scars are nothing compared to the emotional ones I carry with me.

"Kiss it better?" I ask, making her jump.

"I wish you would not do that," she says, but doesn't seem all that annoyed.

I have my arm curled around her and am running my hand up and down her side.

"Can't help it Babe, you were miles away. Too busy admiring my wound," I say with a wink.

"How does it feel?" She asks, completely ignoring my teasing.

"Like it needs to be kissed better," I pout, relentless.

She laughs and the next thing I know, she's leaning over and softly pressing her lips on the top of my cut, then below it, and finally on each side of it. Her actions are so tender, so loving, like that of a mother, but I never felt this way when my Ma would kiss my scraped knees or elbows. No, this was way better. Before, no matter how many "healing kisses" Ma placed on the typical injuries of a rambunctious kid, they still stung. Now... "What injury?" I'm feeling no pain. Only good feelings right now.

The best feeling is the way her hair feels as it skims along my chest. I reach out to entangle my fingers in it. I play with her hair a lot lately. At first, it started out as something I did without thinking…now I think about it all the time and my thoughts are not innocent at all. I think about entwining my fingers in her hair as we kiss, tugging gently on her hair to get her to tilt her head back, and when she gasps, I'd take the opportunity to deepen our kiss. I need to change my train of thought because certain parts of me are starting to react to the images in my brain.

"Why do you not go and shower and then I will change your dressing for you?" She suggests.

Uh, getting out from under the covers isn't the best idea at the moment. I gotta stall her, so I pull her back to cuddle in my arms and say,

"Cuz I'm cozy. It can wait."

"Then I will get up," she says, pulling out of my arms and climbing over me. Thankfully, she avoided the lower half of my body. "We are going to the opening today and I do not want to be late."

While her back is to me as she heads towards her bathroom, I get out of bed and make a dash for the door.

"Yankee?"

Busted.

"I'll use my bathroom, you're right we need to get moving."

I make it to the door and leave before she can keep me there any longer.

I really need to watch myself. The more I'm with her, the closer we get, the more often stuff like this is going to happen…not to mention the usual physiological functions of the male anatomy in the morning…if she hasn't noticed already, she's bound to, and then things are going to get weird between us. I just need a shower…a nice cold shower to clear my head…uh, bad choice of words, however accurate they may be.

I take a little longer than usual to get ready due to the length of my shower. Plus it took me a while to find a nice pair of jeans. They were buried in my drawer. Then I find a nice shirt to wear, but I don't put it on yet. Linka's going to put my ointment and bandages on. It's healed enough that I can probably do it myself without breaking it open like I have previously, but I like it when she takes care of me. Besides, I think it makes her feel better…as if she's helping me, just like I've been helping her.

When I get back to Linka's room, she's putting on her makeup, not that she needs it, but I guess she wants to look her best. She says she won't be long, so I sit down on our bed and wait for her. I'm watching her when I look up and see her reflection looking back at me. Oops, she caught me, but she lets me get away with it by quickly looking away.

I lie back on the bed and wait for her. I left my jeans unbuttoned and my belt undone because I knew that I'd be tucking my shirt into them after she got done putting the medicine on.

She sits down next to me and begins rubbing the ointment over my gash. She's still wearing the bracelet I bought her for her birthday. I guess she really does like it; she's kept it on a lot longer than she needed to…the polite thing would be to wear it for a few days, maybe a week after she first got it, and then put it away, forgotten…but she's had it on this whole time. I reach out and spin the bracelet around her wrist, looking at the few charms that I already put on it when I gave it to her. Then I started thinking about when I was going to give her the gift that I bought her for her accomplishment with the Eden Project…should I give it to her now? Once we get there? Afterwards? As I'm playing with her bracelet, my fingers brush against her skin occasionally. The slightest touch is so powerful and stirs up so many feelings in me…it's hard to describe.

She's done putting the new bandages on. That was fast. This whole thing is over sooner than I'd like. I know she's in a hurry though. I sit up and quickly put my shirt on, tucking it into my jeans, fastening the button, and buckling my belt.

"Thanks Babe."

She smiles back at me. "You are welcome Yankee."

* * *

When we are taking off to leave for England, Ma-Ti asks Linka what the Eden Project is about. I know he already knows, I just think he's trying to make conversation. I look over at her and see a brief look of annoyance on her face, but she still explains it, sort of…she gives him the condensed version. It doesn't seem like she really wants to say much more about it. Maybe she is sick of talking about it since she's gone into depth with it on several occasions when discussing it with me. Sometimes I wondered if she'd ever STOP talking about it…not that I minded. It was nice to see that sparkle in her eyes and the way her face would light up when she'd talk about it.

The flight to Cornwall in England doesn't take long at all…of course, I slept through most of it. I become fully awake when Gi yells,

"There it is!"

"That is it?" Ma-Ti asks. "It looks like bug's eggs."

Linka chuckles. It's a great sound.

"They are bio-domes Ma-Ti, self contained environments. One of them is a rainforest, so you should feel at home."

"That's it little buddy," I add as I stretch. "You can tell them if they got it right."

We land the Geo Cruiser in the parking lot and head to the main doors. Some guy is there waiting for us…actually, he's waiting for Linka…I don't think he even noticed the rest of us. This must be Stuart. She's told me a little about him. He's one of the organizers. I size him up…I think I can take him.

"Linka!" He exclaims with a big dopey grin. Then he goes straight for her and gives her a hug. I can feel the back of my neck turning red as I ball my fists up. "Can you believe it's finally happening? We could not have done it without you."

She blushes. Oh come on Linka! Are you seriously falling for this guy's act?

"Nonsense, you would have found the backing without me," she says.

He shakes his head. He's still holding her hand. It's probably the most contact he's ever had with a girl!

"Come on, I have a seat for you on the stage and-"

"Nyet!" She says quickly. I know she doesn't want any attention drawn to her…not now. "I do not want to take part; I just wanted to be here."

"But Linka…" He persists.

Geez, learn to take no for an answer Stu! I take a step forward and say in a very threatening voice,

"She said no."

And while we're at it, back the hell off my girl! I put my arm protectively around her and glare at him. I know it's very territorial of me…I stop short of growling at him and peeing on her leg to mark my territory. But I'm a Rottweiler and he's a Chihuahua. I'll eat him up and shit him out. He realizes this and he releases Linka's hand and smartly backs away.

Stu leads us to our seats off to the side. He offers to give us a tour, but Linka declines and he leaves to go about his business.

Even after he leaves, I keep my arm around her. She leans into me and whispers,

"Stuart is a nice person Yankee. He is a dedicated Planeteer and has been a good friend… but that is all."

_A good friend_. Aren't those the same words she'd use to describe me? So I'm on the same level as Stuart. Great.

She gives me a peck on the cheek and I can't help the big smile on my face. I knew it was stupid to be jealous…especially of a tool like Stuart. I mean look at me compared to him…I think Linka weighs more than him!

The smile is quickly wiped from my face at Linka's next words though.

"Besides he would not want me if he knew what a wreck I am now."

Does she want him to want her? What about me? I know what a "wreck" she is and that hasn't changed my feelings for her…doesn't that mean anything to her?

"Don't say things like that Babe!" I say quickly, sadly. I hate it when she talks badly about herself. "Don't put yourself down, he'd be lucky to have someone like you care for him."

It's really hard saying these next words. "If you wanted to take that tour he offered, I won't embarrass you."

She moves closer to me. To anyone else, it probably looks like we're a couple who can't get enough of each other, who can't stand to be apart and not in constant contact…actually, that's exactly how it is…for me anyway. She is as close to me as she can possibly get and says softly so that only I can hear, "I was joking Jason, I feel fine today. And no, I do not want him as a guide; I want to spend the day with you."

"Sure thing Babe." I smile at her, but I can't help but feel a little guilty for ever being jealous in the first place. She wants to spend the day with me. She used my first name, so I know she's sincere. She probably thinks I'm a childish, selfish jerk for making her have to tell me that.

Thankfully, Gi puts an end to the conversation by asking a question and then people start filing it. It will start soon. I hope Linka isn't too disappointed in me and I haven't ruined this experience for her.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 36 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	37. Chapter 37: Day 28, Continued

**Sorry we skipped last week. I was busy that weekend, then got sick at the beginning of the week, and then it was Thanksgiving...so it just made sense to wait.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 37: Day 28, continued**

"Blah blah blah blah blah…"

That's all I'm hearing. I know I should be paying closer attention because, 1. I'm a Planeteer and this is kinda a big deal and 2. This is important to Linka and I'm sure she'll be asking me questions about it. I'm more interested in getting out there and seeing for myself. All these people talking and basically patting themselves on the back is boring. Let me see it for myself and I'll decide whether or not you're as awesome as you think you are!

I realize I'm fidgeting when Linka puts her hand on my knee and squeezes. I look at her and she smiles at me. I smile back, trying to hide the guilty look on my face at my previous thoughts. Good thing she's not a mind reader!

Uh oh…the speaker just thanked Linka for her involvement. I quickly remove my arm from its resting place behind her and join the rest of the crowd in applauding. I can tell just by looking at her that she's gone stiff as all eyes are on her. She politely acknowledges the praise with a nod and a wave, but I know she'd like nothing more than to disappear. Once the speaker continues, I put my arm back around her, resting my hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze and rubbing my thumb over her shoulder blades, letting her know what she's got in store for her tonight. She's definitely gonna need it judging by what I feel.

"Thank you all for coming. Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Eden."

We clap once more…my applause is mostly for the fact that it's over! We are all herded like cattle through the gates. I'm gripping Linka's hand tightly, afraid of being separated and unable to find her in the crowd. If I'm gonna be forced to learn things and be educated, I'd rather at least get to enjoy myself by knowing that I'll be spending the whole day with Linka…which isn't unusual as of late, but this time, we're in public. I'll get to test the waters a bit…what can I get away with in public? So far, putting my arm around her is acceptable. So is hand holding. Maybe later, I'll try a hug…a kiss on the temple? A kiss on the cheek?

Linka has stopped to purchase a copy of the guide book. Gi and Ma-Ti brought their cameras and are busy taking pictures of the valley from the balcony. Oh great. We are in full fledge tourist mode! This isn't going to be a quick walk through after all. I hope Linka is up for it.

Time to see how far I can go…I stand behind her, wrap my arms around her as I look over her shoulder and say,

"They've done a terrific job Babe. The clay pit they built it in must have been a complete eyesore."

She just nods, the movement causing her hair to brush against my cheek. It's so soft.

Kwame, Gi, and Ma-Ti are already on their way down to the valley, so we follow them. I keep my arm around her shoulder as we walk. Everyone wants to see the rainforest environment, especially Ma-Ti so we head there, even though Linka points out that that it is not the route recommended in the guide book. I lean in to press my lips to the side of her head as I smile and say "Lighten up Babe."

I was tempted to take the guide book out of her hands and toss it, but since she paid for it, and I don't want to litter, I resist that temptation.

* * *

It's hot as hell in the fake rainforest! I have to unbutton a few buttons on my shirt and take off my jacket. The humidity takes some getting used to as well. It's hard to breathe. But it is pretty realistic…and beautiful. It's also pretty informative. I didn't know that we got chocolate from the countries that have rainforests and that it was part of our economic trade. I never really thought about where chocolate came from. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, I guess! Nope, not quite. So I did learn something interesting, despite my best efforts not to!

Linka is taking longer to examine everything. She's looking at all the plants, reading all the informative plaques…the others are drifting off ahead of us, taking different paths. I stay with Linka of course. She's so excited and going on and on. I may not be as interested about this stuff as the rest of them, but I'm content just to be with her and see her this happy. Seeing her like this is worth every second of boredom. I'm happy that she's happy.

As we make our way up to a portion of the display that's overlooking the rest, I can tell Linka is struggling. She leans into my side as she labors to force her muscles to listen to her commands. There's a lot of press here and I know she was worried about her appearance, not wanting them to notice something was wrong with her. I try to make it look like we're just a cute couple, sticking close to each other, but I wonder what Linka would find more mortifying? The press picking up on the fact that she's not well, or spreading rumors about her "love life" with a fellow Planeteer? Of course, I wouldn't mind it, but I know Linka would. I think that's part of her reluctance to be in a relationship. She's a very private person and we're kinda famous. On a slow news day, the goings on of the Planeteers might be interesting to some…and embarrassing for her. I don't care what anyone else thinks when they see us together like this. She's really pushing herself though, and I'm worried about her.

"Are you okay Babe?"

All she does is nod.

"There's a bench. Let's sit for a bit and enjoy the scenery," I suggest, hoping that she'll not be stubborn and agree to it.

We sit on the bench and I put my arm around her as she leans against my side.

After a while, she says, "Thank you for doing this with me. I know you must find all this quite boring."

Busted.

"I'm not too interested in the educational stuff," I admit, even though she probably already knows that. I give her a squeeze to let her know that I'm not disappointed. "But I'm not bored of being with you and it's great seeing you so happy. I'm proud of you."

I punctuate my last statement by kissing her cheek.

She smiles and puts her head on my shoulder as we talk about the things we've seen.

It's so hot in here, as much as I like having her close, it's not making things any cooler. Once she feels she's ok to walk, she suggests we go to the restaurants for a light lunch. Light lunch? I'm starving! As always. We have no idea where the others have gone off to, but neither one of us are really too bothered by it. We've spent the last few weeks together without them…it's no big deal that we're alone once again.

Poor Linka can't seem to find something that appeals to her. She's hurting, and she's hungry…which is making her a little irritable. I get it though…I get kinda cranky when I'm hungry too!

I decide to go with pizza and fries. They come together. It seems like an odd combination to me…I like them both, but they don't really go together. Linka decides to go with a local dish with beef, potato, onion, and…swede? I'm trying my hardest not to picture a chopped up Scandinavian. I'm pretty sure it's NOT a person and just the name of something that we don't have in the States or call it something else.

I suggest that Linka goes and finds a table while I wait for our food. I know she's really looking forward to sitting down so she doesn't argue.

"There you go Babe," I say as I put her plate down in front of her and sit down across from her. "Are you sure you wanna try it? I don't even know what a swede is, but the menu said they put that in there too!"

She laughs at my statement.

"It is a vegetable Yankee…like a…rutabaga I think."

"If you say so."

I can't say that I've ever eaten a rutabaga…not knowingly and definitely not willingly. She smiles as she takes a bite. She must like it because she's going back for a second forkful. However, this time, she's holding it up to my mouth.

"Try it."

I was hoping she wouldn't say that! I make a face, but I can't say no to her, ever…even when she's trying to poison me with vegetables. But the idea of her sharing her food with me, offering me her fork, it oddly makes me happy…the intimacy of it. I reluctantly take her fork into my mouth.

"Hmm, not bad," I lie. "Think I'll stick with the pizza though."

I quickly take a bite of the pizza to hurry up and mix it with her concoction…hoping that the familiar taste of the pizza will make it easier to swallow. I throw in a handful of fries and a gulp of Coke just for good measure.

We both finish all of our food. We still have not seen the others. I guess we'll just move on to the next exhibit without them.

"Where to next Babe?"

"Would you like to go to the Mediterranean area?" She asks.

"Wherever you wanna go…I'll follow."

Like a love sick puppy. You think she'd know that by now!

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

**Don't forget, in order to get the full affect of the story, you _HAVE TO _read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 37 of LouiseX's Codependence.**


	38. Chapter 38: Day 28, Continued

**Sorry for the long absence. It was my fault. A friend that I've known since we were 5 has had some health issues since June and just when we think it's over, something else pops up. He's my inspiration for Wheeler, the reason I chose "Jason" as the name for our beloved "J. Wheeler" (although I know on the forum we came up with funny and embarrassing possibilities). So I just couldn't focus on writing and I didn't want anything to do with Wheeler or happy endings until I knew for sure that MY Wheeler was going to be OK. Got good news a few weeks ago so hopefully this is the end of all the setbacks and I can finally allow myself to indulge in fiction instead of harsh realities.**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 38: Day 28, continued**

The Mediterranean biome is a lot cooler than the rainforest one…it's still warm, but not nearly as suffocating as the rainforest. Linka must still be cold. I've been holding her hand, but she takes it and pulls my arm over her shoulder so that she can lean into my side…for warmth? For support? Or just because? I'd like to think it's the last one.

I actually like this biome better than the last one…not just because it's more comfortable; I've been to a real rainforest before, but I've never been to the Mediterranean…it's pretty cool. Linka is still equally as fascinated with the facts here as she was in the rainforest.

"Look, it says here that this landscape is mainly man-made. It has been cleared for crops over thousands of years."

"Mmm hmm," I nod. I'm still thinking about how I'd like to go to the Mediterranean for real. Maybe a mission will take us there some time…although I'd much rather go there to relax. It'd be especially nice if Linka joined me. White sand beaches, bluer than blue waters, the old architecture, the Greek mythology…maybe Linka and I could get some help from Aphrodite?

"It is important Yankee. They are studying what has happened to our planet to try to balance what we really need with what can be sustained."

She's getting frustrated with me because my daydreaming is coming across as lack of interest.

"I know Babe."

"Oh look Jason, a Robin!" She exclaims.

I look around but don't see any Robins. We don't see them often in the city, but when I would go to my grandparent's place, it was more rural and they were all over the place.

"Where?"

"The little brown bird with the red breast," she says as she points to a bird that is definitely NOT a Robin.

"That's not a Robin, I do know something about birds. Robins are bigger with black heads and their bellies are more orange."

She shakes her head and smiles at me.

"I am impressed Yankee, but you are describing the kind of birds you have in America. These are English Robins."

It's cute. Smaller, rounder…and less mean looking. Ours have a mean look to them compared to this one. I shrug. "It's singing to you."

She laughs.

"It is just singing Yankee, it is not singing to me."

I guess she doesn't want to believe that even the birds think she's beautiful.

We've moved on to a different part of the exhibit and see the little bird again.

"I think he's following us, Babe."

See, it's not just me. Even birds are attracted to her! The little guy flies down closer to us and tilts his little head to the side, looking at her curiously.

"Well hello little one. It is nice to meet you."

He tweets in response and continues to watch us as we look at the flowers. I wish I could pick one and give it to Linka…but I don't think the people here would appreciate it…and I **know** Linka would yell at me for it!

When we leave the biome and get back to the outside gardens, the change in temperature can be felt immediately. I still have my arm around Linka, so hopefully it's helping to keep her warm.

"That thing's creepy," I say as we walk past a statue.

"The giant statue is made from 3.3 tons of electrical waste," she explains. "The amount an average person in this country throws away in their lifetime."

People can be so wasteful. I roll my eyes in disgust.

"It's still creepy."

As we continue to walk around, the once sunny skies are becoming overcast and cooler. Linka shivers, despite my arm being around her for warmth.

"You want to go back indoors?" I ask.

"It is too far in the other direction and it is already starting to rain. Perhaps we can take shelter over there," she says as she points to a small building.

I grab her hand and we run to the building's porch, just as the rain starts to get harder.

"It is a mechanical theatre!" She says excitedly as she reads the information from the wall outside. "The next show is in five minutes…?"

I know she wants to see it and of course I'll suffer through it for her sake. I smile at her and pull her into my arms. "Too bad we can't wait inside…I'll just have to keep you warm."

She snuggles in closer to me and I wrap my coat around her and hold it closed. She laughs and lays her head on my shoulder. This is nice and private. I hope no one else comes to see the show and we have the whole place to ourselves. It'll be much easier to distract myself with Linka. If no one else is around to see, she won't push me away.

"Your friend's back," I say when I see the little Robin perched on the wall watching us. Linka turns her head to see what I'm talking about.

"It cannot be the same one…" She says, but she waves at the little bird anyway.

A few people exit the theater when the doors open, but we are still the only ones waiting to go in. It's sort of got stadium seating, only instead of chairs, it has large steps for seats.

I take my seat and Linka sits between my legs on the same seat. Despite being inside, it's still pretty cold in here. She's only doing it for warmth, I know, but the gesture means more to me than she'll ever know. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close as I rest my chin on her shoulder. I'm glad no one else is here.

The lights go down as the show begins. I turn my head and hide my eyes in her neck. I hate marionettes! They're so creepy! I'm listening though, so Linka can't accuse me of not paying attention.

* * *

Linka is still as excited as a kid in a candy store…or a nerd at a comic book convention would probably be more fitting. I doubt Linka would get this excited over candy. She's babbling on and on about those awful puppets and all the information they were spewing. I wanna say "I know! I was there!" but I don't want her to think I'm irritated with her. I just wanna get as far away from those damn puppets as possible. Damn you James for making me watch The Puppet Master when I was just a kid! Ok, so he warned me that it wasn't "a kid's movie" and that right there was enough for me to yell "I ain't no kid!" and insisted on watching whatever he was watching…add that movie to the list of things that have scarred me for life! I guess she picks up on my discomfort because she asks,

"Is everything okay Yankee?"

"Yeah, 'course," I say, trying to sound convincing.

She steps in front of me and blocks my path. Great…those puppets are still back there! I put my hands on her waist, trying to give myself something else to concentrate on. Touching her, having that contact somehow makes me feel a little better.

"You did not like the show?"

"It's not that… not exactly." I wonder how I can explain it to her in a way that won't make me sound like a total wuss. "I'm just not big on talking puppets okay?"

"They were not really talking Yankee…"

I roll my eyes, _Please, just drop it Babe! _

She leans forward, so close that our lips are almost touching…well, this is one way to make me forget about the puppets.

"You watch too many horror movies," she says.

Puppets? What puppets? I smile down at her and play along.

"Who needs horror movies after that! I'm gonna have nightmares tonight!"

She puts her arms around my neck. To anyone else, this probably looks like no big deal…like we've been doing this for years. But to me, this is the best moment of the day.

"Then it is a good thing I will be there to protect you and make all the nightmares go away."

She wants to sleep with me? Here?

"Really? I thought… I mean we're staying in some hotel, I just..."

"What?"

I don't know what to say…I don't really have a reason why I assumed we'd be staying in separate rooms…I just…I thought…Hope Island is familiar territory…everything comes natural to me there. This is different. The others…what will they think? Great, now I sound like her. They know I stay with her at night…but this isn't home. I know how to act at home. I can see in her eyes that her mood has changed drastically.

"Were you hoping for some other company tonight? I do not want to get in the way…"

WHAT? How could she think that? I haven't even looked at another girl the whole time we've been here. I haven't looked at another girl in a long time! Not seriously anyway…just to make Linka jealous…and I'm soooo beyond that now. Especially now. I've been nothing but loyal to her…stuck by her throughout this. How could she think so little of me? That I'd leave her now…that I'd want to be with anyone else. This hurts worse than when Kwame suggested I was using Linka's addiction to try and get close to her. How could Linka think that I was "hoping for some other company"? If I'm not spending the night with her, I'm spending it alone. And that doesn't just apply to my nights. It applies to my life. It's her or no one. Why can't she see that? I'm too shocked to even speak. I'm afraid that I'll say something I'll regret.

Her eyes get big and she covers her mouth as she starts apologizing,

"I did not mean that Jason, I promise you I did not… I know that you were not thinking that… I mean you would not… I am just so... I am sorry."

Her eyes start to well up, and I can't be upset with her anymore. I know she's not thinking clearly, and I know she has a bit of a jealous streak…even though we're not together, she has always bristled at the attention I give to other girls. All I can do is hold my arms out and wait for her to step into them.

"Forget it," I whisper as I rest my head against hers.

She looks up at me and uneasily says,

"You do not have to stay with me if you do not want to, whatever the reason."

Is she giving me an out, or trying to tell me that she doesn't think it's a good idea that we keep doing this? No more games. I'm just going to come right out and ask it.

"You don't want me to?"

I look into her eyes, searching for the truth.

"Of course I do! I just do not want you to feel that you have to."

I see the truth. It goes deeper than that. She doesn't just want me to…she needs me to…still. And I don't feel like I _HAVE_ to be there. It's the only place I _want_ to be.

"I don't want to be anywhere else," I say as sincerely as I can.

Her cheeks turn pink as she pulls away and says,

"Then why are we discussing it, come on Yankee, we have lots more to see."

That's it. End of discussion. She takes my hand and drags me along behind her towards the gardens. I follow her and laugh at her renewed enthusiasm. At least things are ok between us, as long as I keep remembering that these changes in her mood are completely normal and to be expected. I can't take anything she says too personal. I just need to be there for her when she's upset, be patient with her, and get her through it.

* * *

She points at a large stage and says,

"There is a concert scheduled for this evening."

"You wanna go Babe?" I ask, but I hope she says no. This day has been long enough as it is. I'm worried she's over doing it and it could be a big set back to her recovery.

She shakes her head no.

"Nyet, it is not anything to do with conservation, it is just to create attention for the launch."

Good. I'm exhausted too and I'm not the one going through withdrawal.

"So what's left to see?"

"The Core. The education centre of the Eden Project."

Education? Ugh! My groan earns me an elbow to the ribs.

"Bad Planeteer! It is a functional work of art, a testimony to sustainable construction!"

"Spare me, please Babe?" I give her my best puppy dog look. I know she can't resist it. "I'll go with you, just don't try to teach me anything."

She laughs and shrugs, not seeming to care about my lack of interest.

"So long as you are with me."

My sentiments exactly. I don't care what I see, or how much I'm learning…because I am actually learning…I'm just trying to maintain my "I don't care" image…as long as I'm with her, I'll suffer through the rest.

It's obvious that a lot of effort was put into this place, and it is very impressive. Especially the machinery…it's pretty damn cool.

The art and the films are less cool. To me anyway. I'm sure this is all very fascinating to Linka and the others…wherever they are. Linka wants to take it all in. It only takes one film before I'm getting antsy and ready to move on. Thankfully, Linka suggests that we stop at the coffee lounge. Good. I could use some sugar. I'm so relieved and judging from the smile that she's trying to suppress, she can tell.

She's rambling on about the things she's learned. I don't mind though because I'm eating the best cream cake ever. I offered Linka a bite, but she declined…I'm kinda glad she did. If she knew how good this was, I'd end up having to share more than just a bite. I'm hoarding this whole piece for myself. The milkshake I got was also delicious.

To prove to her that I have been paying attention, I ask her some questions about things we've seen. I'm running out of things to say though. I'm relieved when the others join us. Linka is in her glory as she talks with the others about what they've experienced.

I don't have much to offer to the conversation. I feel like I've had plenty of time with Linka and now it's time for the others to get reacquainted with her. I'm happy to see everyone getting along…it's like the way things were before the Bliss. Linka must be worried about my quietness. I'll be the first to admit, it's not like me to be quiet for long. I give her a big smile and a wink to let her know I'm ok and perfectly content to sit this conversation out. I've got my milkshake to keep me occupied.

According to Gi and Ma-Ti, they've taken a ton of pictures. Everyone agrees that it's been a long day and time to go to our hotel…just as soon as Gi and Ma-Ti get one more picture.

We're standing on the bridge over the valley, where a kind stranger agrees to take a picture of the five of us. I know Linka is still self conscious about her appearance and I can tell she's not thrilled with having her picture taken. She looks fine though. I try to take her mind off things as I stand behind her and pull her close.

"Too bad your Robin isn't around Babe."

She laughs quietly and leans back against me. She kisses my cheek and whispers,

"Thank you for doing this with me Jason, it has been a wonderful day."

"You're welcome Linka. I'm really glad you've enjoyed yourself. You deserved it. Thank you for letting me share this special occasion with you," I say as I kiss her cheek in return.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 38 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	39. Chapter 39: Day 28, Continued

**Chapter 39 Day 28, continued**

I guess being a hero for Earth has its advantages. The financial backers of the Eden project were so happy to have the "celebrity endorsement" of the Planeteers, they arranged for some pretty nice accommodations. And by "pretty nice" I mean, five star hotel! This place has it all. Huge water beds, an indoor pool, a hot tub in the suites…which by the way, we were each given our own suite…I kinda feel bad that one of those suites will be going to waste since Linka and I will be sharing a room…but that's not something we could make known. Sure, the other Planeteers knew, but it's not something we wanted the public to know about…not only would it be considered inappropriate, but it would also lead to having to explain why it was necessary…and Linka's private life was not something that the world needed to know about.

I knock on the door to Linka's hotel room and wait nervously for her to open it. Why am I nervous? I have no idea. It's just Linka. HA! Who am I kidding, there's no such thing as "just" Linka. Even after the closeness that we've developed, she still makes me nervous…like one wrong move, one misinterpreted friendly gesture could be taken the wrong way and she'll push me away…forever.

I jump when she pulls the door open.

"What took you so long Yankee?"

"Huh?" I ask, confused…I didn't tell her I'd be here at any specific time…or at all. After all, this is her day. I don't want to take away from it, as much as I want to share it with her.

"I just thought you would be here sooner…I think this is the longest we have been apart."

"It's only been…" I check my watch. "A half hour."

"Well that is 30 minutes too long," she says with a coy smile as she takes my hand and pulls me inside.

I pull the bouquet of lilies out from behind my back.

"For you."

"Oh Wheeler! They are beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you," I say as I kiss her cheek.

She blushes at the compliment.

"What did I do to deserve these?"

"I didn't know I needed a special reason to give a beautiful girl flowers…but if I must have a reason, these are to say 'Congratulations' and 'I'm proud of you,' and 'Thank you.'"

"Thank you? For what?" She asks.

"This whole thing is pretty impressive Babe. I'm just in awe of you. We're so young and look what you've accomplished. I could never pull off something like this. A loser like me isn't worthy of being in the same room as greatness such as yours…and yet, you allow me to be here with you…I…"

She stops me by putting her fingers over my lips.

"Do not _EVER_ talk badly about my best friend like that. I am the one who is undeserving of him. I would not be here right now if it were not for him. I owe him my life…I am lucky that he has stuck with me after all I have put him through…and I am honored that he is here with me to share this very special moment."

I smile against her fingers and kiss them.

"So then you think maybe you'd like to have dinner with me?"

"I would love to have dinner with you. I am starving."

"Really? Good! I mean, not good that you're starving…but that you're getting your appetite back."

"Da."

"Great. So do you want to go out somewhere or order room service?"

"Would it be ok if we stayed here? The restaurants will be crowded and noisy. I'd like to just stay here where it's quiet and private, and I can wear something more comfortable."

"Sure…that's fine by me."

More than fine. I love having her all to myself.

"This room has a hot tub," she says.

"Oh yeah?" Of course I already knew that, but my interest is peeked…I liked where this was going.

"Da, I thought it would be good for my muscles."

"Better than my massages?" I ask with a quirked eyebrow.

"I may need both…I was pretty nervous about this…and tense."

I move to stand behind her and reach out and cup the back of her neck, squeezing gently to ease a little of her tension.

"One problem Babe, I didn't pack anything to swim in."

"Neither did I."

What exactly is she suggesting then?

"Umm, sooooo are we gonna go skinny dipping?" I ask, hopefully, but trying to keep my voice neutral…but failing miserably. My voice comes out as a whisper and probably a few octaves higher than normal.

"Nyet," she says as she turns around and smiles at me. "I was thinking after we ordered dinner, while we waited for it to be delivered, we could go to the gift shop and buy swimming suits."

"Oh…yeah. Good idea."

We order our food and head down to the gift shop…which closed at 9…it was now 9:05.

"Damn it," I say.

"I guess we have no choice…skinny dipping it is then."

"REALLY?"

"NYET!" She says as she smacks my arm. "I am kidding!"

"Oh. Yeah…I knew that," I lie.

"Oh well. I guess I will just have to settle for a massage. You should probably not be submerging your wound in water anyway…it is still healing around the edges."

"It'd be fine. I don't think it would've been under…especially if you let me sit on your lap," I tease. "But I guess it doesn't matter now."

"There is a way…other than skinny dipping."

"What's that?" I'm intrigued.

"Do you have an extra pair of boxers?"

"Yeah, I always pack extra in case we end up gone longer than we expected."

"You could wear those. And I could…go in…with my…well, it would be no different than what I wear to the beach, right?"

"Uh, yeah…right."

"Unless you are not comfortable with that."

That's not the problem at all…the problem is, I might be a little _TOO_ comfortable with it and forget myself and do something I might regret…and give Kwame the perfect opportunity to say "I told you so." Linka is waiting for my answer so I hurry up and give it to her before she takes back her offer.

"No, no…it's fine. As long as you're comfortable with it."

She looks at me with more sincerity than I've ever seen in her eyes and says,

"I trust you."

Great. That's great. I'm glad…Now if only **_I_** trusted me!

"Good…I trust you too," I say with a wink, letting her know I'm joking. Although I would hope that she knows that if she ever did want to try something on me, I'd be more than willing to let her.

* * *

We go back to her room and wait for our dinner to arrive, but first we make a quick stop at my room to get an extra pair of boxers. Linka changes into more casual clothes and I take off my dress shirt so that all I'm wearing is my sleeveless undershirt.

Dinner was good…at least I think it was. I ate it so quickly, eager to get to the awaiting hot tub, I hardly tasted my food. Linka seemed to enjoy her meal. It was good to see her not totally turned off by food.

After dinner, we call the front desk to have them come to pick up our dishes. Once they've taken our dirty plates away, I lead Linka over to the couch and motion for her to lie down on her stomach and then sit astride her, ready to start her massage.

She wasn't exaggerating; she really was full of tension. Not for long though. It only takes a few minutes of my "magic fingers" to have her relaxed. I love feeling the warmth of her skin under my fingers. I slip my hands under her shirt in order to be able to give her a deeper tissue massage, considering the huge amount of tension in her muscles, I needed to rub her skin, to manipulate **_her_** with my hands, not with her clothing getting in the way.

All the walking we did today took its toll on her as well. There were a few times when I had to support her or we had to sit down to give her time to rest. I move down to work on her thighs, doing the best I can through the thick material of her sweatpants. Once I'm satisfied that I've done the best I can there, I pull the pant legs up to her knees so that I can work on her calves, squeezing as I run my hands up and down her muscles. Her legs are very muscular and well defined…and smooth. My hands very easily glide over them.

I move back up to straddle her hips and finish up by brushing her hair away from her neck and using my thumbs to rub small circles on her shoulders and up her neck. She sighs every time. I often wonder if it's because it feels so good or if it's because she realizes it's almost over.

I lean down and do something I've never done before…not during a massage anyway…I press my lips to the back of her neck and kiss her several times, making my way up to her ear before whispering,

"All better?"

"Da."

I slide off her and help her up.

"Ready for more relaxing?"

She nods her head. I wait for her to make the first move towards the hot tub. She hesitates.

"Are you sure you're ok with this?" I ask.

Once again, all she does is nod. I make the first move by undoing the belt and button of my jeans and letting them drop to the floor.

She immediately starts laughing.

"LINKA!"

But she doesn't stop.

"You don't laugh at a guy when he drops his pants Babe…you just…you don't. It ain't right."

"I am sorry Wheeler, but I will never get used to those boxers!" She manages to compose herself long enough to say.

I wore my lucky gorilla boxers because I knew this was going to be a big day for her and I wanted it to go off without a hitch! I'm glad the mood has been lightened and hopefully she's more relaxed.

I climb into the steamy water and sink down into it.

"You better be confident in your choice of undergarments Babe, because it's only fair if I laugh at you now!" I warn.

"I think you will be disappointed Wheeler," she says as she pulls down her sweatpants. "Just plain black."

I watch admiringly as she bends down and pulls the pant legs from around her ankles. She's wrong. I'm not disappointed at all. As a matter of fact, black is my new favorite color.

Next is her shirt. I avert my eyes so that I don't make her uncomfortable, but my deed is not as noble as she may think. It just so happens that the direction I'm looking in gives me a perfect view of her in the mirror. I wait until she's in the hot tub before meeting her gaze.

"Feels nice huh?"

"Da, it is perfect."

I'm a little disappointed that she's chosen to sit on the opposite side of the tub as me. I know I shouldn't have expected anything, but I guess I'd envisioned her sitting next to me, leaning into my side as I put my arm around her and rested my head on top of hers.

"Earth to Wheeler," she says as she splashes me from across the hot tub.

"Hmm? Sorry, did you say something Babe?"

"You were a million miles away. What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing, really. Just relaxing."

She sinks down into the water so that her shoulders are fully submerged. She must be feeling modest, but then she stretches her legs out and rests her feet on my knees.

"My feet are not used to being in dress shoes for so long. They have gotten used to being in athletic shoes…and all that walking…"

The one thing I missed during her massage…her feet. I take the hint and take her foot in my hands, rubbing my thumbs over the arches, sides, and balls of her foot, applying light pressure to her toes. She closes her eyes and tilts her head back to rest on the edge of the tub. Her smile and the content hum she makes let me know that what I'm doing feels good. I mix up the order of my ministrations, and then switch to her other foot.

For a second, I wonder if she's asleep until she pulls her foot out of my grasp when I tickle her arch. She opens one eye and glares at me.

"You could not behave yourself could you?"

"Couldn't resist!" I admit.

"Why are you sitting so far away? I will not bite," she says.

_Too bad_.

"I got in and sat over here. You're the one that sat so far away."

"The view from here is beautiful," she says, referencing the window behind me.

"So is the view from here."

"I was talking about London."

"I was talking about you," I say as I move to sit next to her, putting my arm behind her, along the back of hot tub.

She leans into my side and I put my arm around her shoulders and rest my head on top of hers, just as I'd pictured us earlier.

After a while, she reaches up and touches my knife wound.

"You are making sure this does not stay submerged too long, right?"

"Honestly, that stupid thing is the last thing on my mind right now."

"What is the first?" She asks.

I move my hand from around her shoulder to brush it through her hair.

"Same thing as always," I reply as I turn my head to kiss her temple.

"Food? But we just ate?" She jokes as she lifts her head from my shoulder to look at me.

"Yeah. Food," I smile back at her and then lean down to kiss her forehead, then nose, then lips and linger there. It's still innocent. I don't press any further, but it lasts a little longer than my usual "friendly" kisses.

I can feel her smile against my lips and I smile as well before pulling away.

"We should probably get out before we turn to raisins," I suggest. "And I have a present for you."

"A present?" She says excitedly. "Where?"

"In my pants."

She quirks an eyebrow at me.

"In the pocket," I clarify. It seems like my sense of humor is starting to rub off on her. A few months ago, she would have never gotten that joke.

"We should get out. The scab on your wound is starting to get soft. You need to let it dry and then I will reapply your medicine and put the dressing over it."

"You just want to get out and get your present," I tease.

I stand up and reach for a towel, drying off as much as I can before stepping out of the hot tub and wrapping the towel around my waist.

Linka also stands up. I'm mesmerized as I watch the water trickle off her body. I'm brought back to reality when her hand reaches out for me. She braces herself on my shoulder with one hand as I reach out my other hand to take hers and help her climb out and jump down off the edge of the tub. I reluctantly hold the towel out for her to step into, hiding her body from my appreciative gaze. She's starting to put on more weight. Not much, but her ribs aren't as noticeable.

"I'm uh, gonna get ready for bed. I'll let you have the bathroom first," I say as I rub the towel over her shoulders. "Keep warm."

"Ok…thank you," she says before retreating to the bathroom.

I slip off my wet boxers and put on the dry pair. I pick up my discarded jeans and reach into the pocket, checking to make sure the small package was still there…and for the record, that's the only time that I've ever reached into my pocket and felt a "small" package!

Linka emerges from the bathroom wearing a lot more clothes than she went in there wearing…back to the sweatpants and hoodie.

"All yours."

"Thanks," I say as I toss my jeans at the foot of the bed.

"Do not forget to bring out your medicine and bandages," she reminds me.

"Yes Dr. Orlova!" I say with a wink.

When I come out of the bathroom, she's lying in bed reading a book.

I shake things up, literally, when I dive onto the waterbed.

"Surf's up Babe!"

"Very mature of you, Yankee!"

"I've been waiting all night to do that," I confess.

She puts her book down and holds out her hands for my medicine and bandages.

I lie back like a good patient and watch her as she expertly applies the ointment.

"Not done yet," I pout.

"Da, I know…I still have to put the dressing over it."

"Nope, not that."

She rolls her eyes, knowing full well what I mean, but she doesn't seem too put off by the task. She leans down and presses her lips to each side of the wound, just like she did earlier in the day on Hope Island. I twirl her hair around my fingers as she does it. I love playing with her hair. It's so soft.

She pulls the backing off the bandage and presses it onto my skin.

"Now…where is my present!" She asks as she pokes her finger into my good side.

"That was it…the joy of taking care of me," I joke.

She responds by poking me again, repeatedly.

"Ow! Hey!" I protest before finally being able to capture her wrist. "Fine. I lied…that was only part of it."

I crawl down to the bottom of the bed, retrieve my jeans, and pull the small box out of my pocket.

We are sitting across from each other, cross legged in the middle of the bed, our knees touching. She pulls off the wrapping paper and opens the box.

"A new charm! An apple…for Eden. Very creative Yankee."

"I wasn't sure if you'd get it…the whole Garden of Eden and the apple thing."

"The apple that Eve ate even though she was told not to…she was tempted by the devil and gave in."

"You're my apple," I say shyly.

"Wheeler, are you calling me the devil?"

"NO!"

Her smile lets me know that she was only kidding.

"If I thought you were the devil, I would've said you were my snake…but you're my apple…my temptation."

She blushes. I hope I didn't make her uncomfortable.

"This apple reminds me of you as well," she says.

"Really? How's that?"

Please say "temptation!"

"Well, first of all, it is red!" She says as she ruffles my hair. "And they say New York is the 'Big Apple' so that makes me think of you."

"Will you put it on my bracelet for me?" She asks as she holds out her hand to me.

"Of course."

Once I have it attached, I take her hand and kiss it before releasing her hand back to her.

She smiles and then uses her hand to cover a yawn.

"Sorry," she says.

"Don't be. It's been a long day. We should get some sleep."

"Da."

I pull the covers back and then we crawl under them. I tuck my arm under her and curl up behind her. This bed is huge, but we only occupy a small space; two people taking up the space of one because we ARE one.

"Goodnight Babe," I say as I kiss her behind her ear.

"Dobroi nochi, Yankee," she replies as she laces her fingers with mine and brings my hand up to press her lips to my knuckles and nuzzle her cheek against my hand.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 39 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	40. Chapter 40: Day 29

**Hi everyone! Here's the next chapter. 40! Wow! I have jury duty tomorrow (well, the voir dire part...we'll see if I get picked) and don't have any good books to read, but at least I'll have some reviews to look forward to reading. That will give me some excitement in an otherwise boring day!**

* * *

**Chapter 40 Day 29**

I wake up when I hear a noise. I try to block it out and remain asleep, but then I realize my arms are empty. I become more awake and aware. Linka is gone and there's a light on in the bathroom. Soon I hear the noise that initially woke me up, Linka is sick.

I rush to her side. She is holding back her own hair and retching into the toilet. I take over the task of holding her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other. She gives me a sad look, either embarrassed by me finding her like this, or sorry that she woke me up.

"It's ok," I say, absolving her of either of those worries.

Once it appears she is done, I hand her a glass of water to rinse her mouth out with and a tissue to dry her eyes. I have a cold wash cloth ready to cool her skin. I sit on the floor and pull her into my lap so that she is sitting sideways across it. She begins sobbing as she buries her face in my chest.

"I am sorry!" She cries.

"For what?" I ask as I press the wash cloth to her forehead.

"For waking you…for begin sick…for making you watch me like this."

"I still don't get why you're apologizing. It's ok. You don't need to be sorry. I was worried when I woke up and you were gone. You should have woken me when you felt sick. I would have been here with you sooner."

"I did not want you to know at all. I thought I was done. I thought this was over. I was feeling better," she rambles on, trying to explain to me why she's so upset.

I wrap my arms around her as tightly as I can without hurting her.

"I know you were. And you were doing great. Today was a rough day though. There was a lot going on. Even I'm exhausted," I say as I press my lips to her head. "And maybe it's not even the withdrawal…maybe it was that lunch…I blame the ruuuuuuuutabaga! Whatever that thing was you ate…with all those vegetables, of course you're gonna get sick. How many times do I hafta tell ya Babe? Veggies are _EVIL_!"

She chuckles as she wipes her eyes. Mission accomplished. I made her laugh.

"That's my girl…keep laughing," I say as I dab her puffy eyes with the washcloth.

I hold her to me, my arms wrapped around her and resting on her stomach. I lower my head to kiss the back of her neck. I can taste the salty sweat from the exertion of her illness. I'm rubbing lazy circles on her stomach without even realizing it. Once I do realize what I'm doing, I make the circles bigger, hoping that it'll soothe her.

"Thank you."

"Feeling better?" I ask.

"Da."

Good. I'm well aware of the fact that she's cradled in my lap. WELL aware. And also well aware of every movement she makes as she snuggles into me.

"Do you wanna stay here a little longer?" I ask against her neck.

I hope she says yes because I'm not ready to move. I like holding her like this.

"Da," she says as she turns to face me, her legs wrapped around either side of my hips and her face turned into the crook of my neck.

I can feel her lips pursing against my skin as her nose nuzzles just below my ear. I want to pull back and cover her lips with mine. I want to pick her up, carry her to the bed with her legs still wrapped around me, and I want to possess her body, claiming every inch of her with my hands and mouth. I want to rock my hips against her so she can feel what she's doing to me, and then I want to make love to her all night. I want her to not be sick and going through withdrawal. Why, for once in my life, can't I just have what I want? Because. This isn't about me. That's why. It's about Linka and taking care of her. Why am I such a pig? I'm supposed to be comforting her and all I can think about is what my teenage hormones want me to think. I'm exactly the type of guy she thought I was on the day we met. She was right to shoot me down right away. I'm a sleaze. I don't deserve her…and yet, I can't stop myself from wanting her…not just for my own desires. I want to make her happy…I _know_ I can make her happy…I can make her forget all the bad things, if only for a little while…or maybe forever.

My hands are now wrapped around her back, one of them slips under her sweatshirt to rub her back, the other one cupping the back of her neck and holding her head against me. The more I rub her back, the wider the circle gets, and the higher my hand goes. She's not wearing a bra! Of course not, it's night time. We were sleeping. It's always been like this…I just never noticed…until now. I immediately stop what I'm doing and quickly remove my hand. I can't…I want to, but I can't!

She starts to pull back to look at me, but I use the hand that is behind her neck to press her face back into my neck. _Please don't look at me. _I'm afraid that if she looks into my eyes, she'll be able to see what I was thinking about earlier. Speaking of, I stand up, picking her up and carrying her to bed. I lay her down, but that's where the similarities stop. I crawl in behind her, trying my best not to make too many waves.

"Wheeler?"

"Yeah?"

"I am hot."

"Oh…uh…sorry," I say as I unwrap my arms from around her.

She sits up and takes off her sweatshirt, revealing one of MY Planeteer shirts, and drops the sweatshirt at the side of the bed before taking my hand and wrapping it around her again.

"Are you ok Yankee? You seem tense?"

No, just guilty.

"No, uh…I mean yeah…I mean…No…I'm not tense…yeah, I'm ok. I'm just…worried about you, that's all," I say as I begin to relax.

"I am fine. As long as you are with me, I can get through anything."

"I'm here," I say as I slip my arm under her head and drape my other arm and leg over her to pull her closer and let her know I'm not going anywhere.

"I know," she says as she rubs her cheek against my bicep and slides her hand down my arm, tracing my veins with her finger, her light touch tickles my wrist as she passes over it and circles my palm before linking our fingers together. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I say as I squeeze her hand and then kiss the back of her neck. "Sweet dreams, Sweetness."

"They will be, Yankee moy."

I've picked up enough Russian to know that 'moy' means 'my.' She calls me her Yankee…she has no idea how true that is. I'm hers and hers alone.

* * *

When I wake up, I know immediately that I don't want to move. One arm is still tucked under Linka's head; the other is draped over her midsection, as is half my body. My leg is over hers, entangled between them. My face is pressed into the crook of her neck…it's hard to breathe, but breathing is overrated. As long as I have Linka in my arms, oxygen is secondary.

"I know you are awake, Yankee," she says as she rubs my arm.

"No I'm not," I murmur against her neck. "This feels too nice to be real…so it must be a dream."

I sleepily press my lips to her shoulder, several times, and then move to her neck. Wait, what am I doing? This is very real. I'm surprised she hasn't hit me yet!

"Sorry, I must be crushing you," I say as I become more aware of how my body is covering hers. I try to roll off her and onto my back, but she grabs my arm and holds my leg in place with hers to stop me.

"Nyet, it is fine. I like it…umm, you are warm."

"Ok," I say as I smile against her skin and nuzzle my nose into her neck. "But how 'bout if I keep you warm without crushing you?"

I tighten my grip on her as I roll onto my back, and bring her with me, causing her to squeal and giggle. The best sounds in the world. Now her whole body is draped over mine, her head is now also tucked in the crook of my neck, just as mine was and still is with hers. It means that when I playfully tickle her sides, her laughter is muffled against my neck. It feels good.

"Stop!" She chuckles as she grabs at my hands, pulls them from her sides, and places them to rest on her back. "Unless you want me to throw up again, only this time, on you!"

"No, I don't want that…but now that you mention it…I am kinda hungry."

"Me talking about being sick makes you hungry? You are a strange man, Yankee!" She teases as she lifts her head and sticks her tongue out at me.

"No, I don't mean that…I mean…do you think you could handle breakfast? Maybe some tea and crumpets?" I say in a mock English accent.

"Do you even know what a crumpet is Yankee?"

"Nope."

"You would not like them," she says decidedly as she resumes her position of her face being buried in my neck. "I do not."

"Well then in that case, I probably **_will_** like them! We have completely different taste when it comes to food!"

"Nyet, trust me. I know you would not like them. They are not sweet enough for you."

"I'll take your word for it," I say. "I think I'll have blueberry pancakes and bacon, and scrambled eggs."

"I think I will have some of your eggs and possibly a few bites of your pancakes," she says as she looks up at me once again with a gleam in her eye.

"Linka, you know I'd do anything for you…but sharing my food? I gotta draw the line somewhere!"

"So you will let me starve?"

She punctuates her pathetic plea by rubbing her cold nose against my neck. She really knows how to play me like a fiddle.

"Well, no…I can't in good conscience do that. I'll just order extra."

"I knew you would not let me down, Yankee," she smiles at me and presses her cheek to mine as she hugs me. "You need to shave."

She emphasizes her point by rubbing her hand over my cheek and chin.

"Well, I have to get up in order to do that, and you're making that pretty difficult…plus I don't really want to."

She rolls off me and says,

"There you go. You are free now. Get up, shave, and order breakfast…then hurry up and get back here to keep me warm!"

"Yes ma'am!" I reply as I jump out of bed and salute her.

I must look ridiculous saluting her in my boxers and bed head because she's shaking her head and laughing at me.

While I'm in the bathroom shaving, I take the bandage off my knife wound. I like to let it air out, to help it heal. When I'm done placing our order, I unlock the door to the suite so room service can just bring our food right to us without us having to get up. I sneak back into the bedroom. Linka's back is to me which makes this perfect…I jump onto the waterbed behind her and the wave that's created smacks off the frame and when it comes back, pushes Linka back into my arms, much to my amusement. Not hers though.

"WHEELER! You really are trying to make me sick are you not?"

"Yeah, the less you eat, the more for me!"

She takes one of the pillows and covers my head with it. I pull the covers up over our heads and use my superior strength to flip her over and pin her down under me. I am able to pull the pillow free of her hands, and give her a few gentle hits with it before tossing it aside.

"I thought you wanted me to keep you warm? That's not going to work if you kill me. My cold, clammy body will be wrapped around you…and then I'll haunt you!" I tell her as I kiss her nose.

"You will not have a need to keep me warm if you crush me to death!" She replies as she rises up and kisses my nose in return.

"Good point," I agree. I roll off her and pull her against me, pinning her hands against my chest and tucking her head under my chin. I keep her close as I rub my hands up and down her back to generate warmth. While I'm doing that, she is once again examining my healing knife wound with her delicate fingers, tracing lazy circles around it. I know she worries about it. I know she hates it because of what it represents…how I could have died; how she thinks she almost lost me…as a friend of course…as someone who is helping her through this difficult time…that's all. I can't wait for it to heal so she can stop being reminded of it…except she'll always be reminded of it because of the scar. But I suppose the time will come when she no longer needs me and moments of closeness like this will be non-existent.

"Hey, that tickles," I whisper into the top of her head.

"Sorry," she says as her cheeks turn red.

"Don't be. I didn't mean for you to stop. It felt good. It's itchy."

"Good. That means it is healing. Do not scratch it though. Fingernails harbor all kinds of bacteria."

"Thanks Dr. Linka…I won't have to scratch it if you keep doing what you were doing though," I plead with her and give her a squeeze.

"Nyet, I should not have been touching it either."

"You weren't scratching it," I try to reason with her.

She goes back to rubbing circles around the wound with the pad of her finger. It feels good. Really good. Great. I close my eyes and pretend for a second that it's not an injury she's concerned about. I pretend she's touching me because she wants to; because she's admiring me, teasing me…because it will lead to more; because soon, her fingers will be replaced by her lips. I must have a very good imagination because it really does feel like her lips are making their way around my wound. I open my eyes before my imagination runs wild and I end up in an embarrassing predicament, but what I see is not what I expected. It wasn't my imagination. Yesterday morning on Hope Island, before we made the trip to Eden, I jokingly asked Linka to "kiss it and make it better" and she was a good sport and played along. Then last night, as she was applying the ointment and right before she put on the bandage, she kissed it…once again, at my prompting. Right now, she's doing the same thing and I didn't even have to ask.

Then I feel something else on my skin. It's wet. A tear. I see the trail it made from the corner of her eye and down the tip of her nose where it then dripped off and onto my chest.

"Stop it," I say quietly.

"Sorry…yesterday…last night…you wanted me to. I thought you liked it."

"I do…very much. But that's not what I meant. I meant stop going to that dark place your thoughts are taking you to." I wipe away her tears. "I'm ok. I'm alive. I'm here."

With each phrase, I kissed her forehead, then her nose, and ended on her lips where I lingered until I see her eyes slowly close and then felt her slowly pucker her lips in return. After our little peck of affection, I reluctantly pulled away and watch her eyes flutter open.

"Ok?" I ask.

"Ok," she confirms.

"Now, say it like you mean it."

I give her a squeeze for encouragement.

She smiles up at me and looks me right in the eyes.

"Ooookaaaaaay!" She draws it out for emphasis.

"Good," I say as I pull her against me and kiss the top of her head.

It would be so easy to go in for another kiss. Everything in me wants to do it again, only this time make it last longer…but I don't. Maybe the moment has passed. Maybe I should have done it sooner, like right after the first kiss. Or maybe I shouldn't have pulled away at all that first time. Whatever. What's done is done. Can't go back now.

I'm hoping all the bad thoughts are gone and she can relax…and so can I. I run my hands up and down her back and I can feel how calm she is; from her lack of tension to the evenness of her breathing. We still have the covers over our heads, creating a cozy little cocoon. I've almost fallen asleep again when the knock on the door causes both of us to jump and then laugh.

"IT'S UNLOCKED, COME ON IN!" I call out.

When I hear the door open, I continue with the instructions.

"IF YOU CAN BRING IT INTO THE BEDROOM, THAT'D BE GREAT. MY WALLET IS…umm…where'd I put it?" I quietly ask Linka.

"Is it in your jeans? Probably on the floor by the hot tub," she whispers.

"Oh, right… "IN THE BACK POCKET OF MY JEANS, ON THE FLOOR BY THE HOT TUB! TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT, JUST HURRY UP AND LEAVE!"

"Wheeler!" Linka hisses as she smacks my chest.

I just give her my infamous "what?" grin.

"Actually, your jeans are lying at the bottom of the bed."

"GI?" I say as I pop my head out from under the covers.

"Uh, I had a question for Linka…umm, a message from Kwame. I thought this was her room."

"It is," Linka says as she pulls the covers down and pokes her head out.

"Oh…uh, sorry…I…you said to come in so…I…did."

"I thought you were room service," I say.

Just then, right on cue, there's another knock on the door.

"I'll get that," I say, anxious to get out of this awkward situation, but only make it more awkward when Gi takes in what I am wearing…or lack there of.

I grab my jeans and rush out of the room, jumping into them before opening the door to the room service delivery…or at least I presume that's who it is…but we all know what happened last time I did that. The last thing I need is for Kwame to see me in Linka's room wearing nothing but my boxers. But it's not like he won't be hearing all about it from Gi!

This time it's room service. I tip the guy and take the cart back to the bedroom.

"I'll let you two get back to enjoying your breakfast in bed," Gi giggles and winks at Linka. "I hope you didn't put your jeans back on on my account Wheeler!"

I force a smile, but am not in the mood for joking. Everything Linka and I had, all the playfulness and closeness is going to be gone. She sits up and I set the tray over her lap. I take a seat next to her, staying on top of the covers. I figured she'd prefer it that way.

"Do not put this whole thing in front of me! This is your breakfast. I just want a few bites," she says as she lifts the tray up and hands it off to me.

I don't say anything, just take the tray, and set it over my lap.

"Sorry," I finally say.

"NOW what are you sorry for Yankee? You are always sorry for something and I keep telling you to STOP apologizing."

"Gi…I didn't know it was her…"

"I know you did not…which is why you do not need to apologize. I told her it was not what it looked like."

"And she believed you?" I ask in surprise.

"Nyet, of course not! It is Gi! She believes what she wants to believe."

"Sorry."

"Bozhe moy Yankee. If you apologize one more time…I'll…"

"You'll what?" I ask as I scoop up a fork full of eggs and hold it to her mouth.

She takes the bite and says through her mouthful,

"I will give you something to be sorry about!"

She then takes the fork from my hand and cuts off a piece of the pancake and eats it. She takes several more bites.

"Don't over do it, Babe," I warn.

"Da, I know. I am just very hungry," she explains as she takes her next forkful and offers it to me, accidentally dripping the syrup from the pancakes onto my chest.

"Oops, sorry."

And she quickly, without thinking, reaches out, wipes it off with her finger, and then pops her finger in her mouth to suck it off. I know she didn't mean anything by it, but it was hot as hell.

"That's ok." I need a subject change. "So uh, Gi said she was here because Kwame had a question for you?"

"Oh, da…he wanted to know what time I wanted to leave. If I wanted to go back to the exhibit…if there was anything more I wanted to see."

"And?"

I really hoped the answer to that question was no. I don't know how much more educational crap I can take before my head explodes.

"Nyet, there is nothing. I am ready to go back home. I just want to quickly stop by and say goodbye to everyone."

"You mean say goodbye to _Stuuuuuart_?" I ask. I had to, I couldn't resist.

"To _EVERYONE_," she reiterates as she rolls her eyes.

* * *

Once we finish our breakfast, we get ready to go back to Eden so Linka can say her goodbyes. It's just a short trip by Geo Cruiser. When we arrive, we all go with Linka. The others want to thank the people at Eden for their generosity and hospitality. I want to make sure Stuart behaves himself and doesn't get too friendly in his goodbyes.

He takes a step forward, as if he's going to hug Linka, but I stick my hand out, my handshaking gesture was meant to stop him, and it did. Instead of hugging Linka, he takes my hand and shakes it.

"Nice meeting ya, Stu," I say coolly. "Cool place you got here."

"We couldn't have done it without Linka," he says as he offers his hand to her.

She takes it and replies.

"Thank you for saying so, but my role was minor."

"And she's humble too," he says.

"Yeah, she's amazing. Brains and beauty, but we've got to get back to saving the world. Enjoy your little make believe perfect world. Have a nice life Stu!"

As we walk away, I put my arm around Linka's shoulders and press my lips to the side of her head.

"Let's get outta here."

She gives me a nasty look.

"What?"

"Do not play innocent! You know what! That was rude. I told you, Stuart is a nice guy, but I am NOT interested. There was no need to be rude. You make yourself look bad."

"As if I care what he thinks!"

"What about what I think?"

"Of course I care what **_you_** think!"

"Well, I think that right now, Stuart is thinking 'what is a nice girl like her doing with a jerk like him,' and that makes me look bad."

I want to argue with her that she's not "with" me. But I know what point she's trying to make, and I know she's right. I may have over done it in trying to make Stuart think that she was taken. But she's not done with me.

"And it is not just his 'little make believe perfect world.' I had a part in this too…and if you think so little of it…"

Oh shit. I stop walking, move to stand in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders.

"Of course I don't really think that. This is amazing…what you've done here is incredible…I was just trying to get a dig in at Stuart…trying to make myself look better…but I ended up making myself look worse. You're right. I'm sorry. I was a jerk _AND_ an idiot. Do you want me to go back and apologize to Stuart?"

"Nyet. I want to go home," she says as she steps around me and starts walking towards the Geo Cruiser. "You can think about how you are going to make it up to me on the flight home."

I think I already know what she has in mind.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 40 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	41. Chapter 41: Day 34

**Chapter 41 Day 34**

As I straddle Linka's hips, her moans of pleasure encourage me to push harder. The way she hums and gasps beneath me...does she know what that does to me? Is she doing it on purpose? I pull away, teasing her with my absence.

"Wheeeeeelerrrrrr?" She whines in protest.

"Say it," I lean down and whisper in her ear.

"Do not stop."

I lean forward and continue to press into her.

"Planeteers, to the Crystal Chamber," Gaia's voice breaks into our consciousness.

"Nyet!" She moans as I sigh in frustration.

"Finish?" She practically begs.

I climb off of her and out of the bed.

"Sorry Babe…the rest of your massage will have to wait. We gotta go see what Gaia wants," I say as I hold my hand out to her to help her up.

My "punishment" for embarrassing her as we were leaving Eden was a massage every day after our morning exercise. I've been doing it ever since we got back from Eden. Like I said, it's not much of a punishment. I'm enjoying it as much as she is.

"You mean YOU have to go see what she wants. I think I will just stay here in bed."

"Stop pouting…it's unbecoming…if you come to the Crystal Chamber, at least it shows that you're showing an interest…and maybe it'll be a mission that you can come on…now get your ass in gear, Planeteer!" I say as a swoop in and scoop her up in my arms. "I'll carry you if I have to."

"Put me down!" She squeals as she kicks her legs.

I do as she asks, but not before spinning her around, setting her down, and playfully pushing her out the door.

* * *

"What's up Gaia?" I ask when we get to the Crystal Chamber, still shoving Linka playfully and accidentally causing her to trip. I reach out and grab her to steady her and laugh.

"Watch yourself, clumsy!" I say with a chuckle.

She smacks my chest and then laughs as well.

"Linka, you're looking well," Gaia says.

"I am feeling well too. Thank you."

"Good…well enough to go on a mission?" Gaia asks.

"Really? Da!"

I can't help but smile. I put my arm around her shoulder, pull her against my side, and say against the side of her head,

"I told you so."

She pushes me away and takes a step closer to the Planet Vision. Great. She's in mission mode, which means "'Hands off Yankee.' Don't touch her and don't talk to her unless it's about the mission." I knew this day would come. I should be happier about it, but I'm not. I see her slowly slipping away, back to her old self…which is great…I just wish her old self liked me better and had a place for me in her life.

My attention is drawn back to Gaia and her explanation.

"…off the coast of Australia. Rescuers have lost track of him, but I have picked him up. He's 120 miles south of where they last saw him. He's migrating, as his natural instinct is instructing him to, but unless that netting is removed, he will continue to struggle to the point of exhaustion and drown."

"Is it a fishing net?" I ask.

"Were you not listening Yankee? It is shark netting that they use around the beaches to keep the sharks away from the swimmers. The whale got disoriented and swam into the net. We must go quickly and get him free!" She says enthusiastically.

Yep, back to normal.

* * *

Gi is piloting the Eco Sub while Kwame and Ma-Ti strategize how to handle the whale once we get there. Linka is listening in and offering her opinion. I'm pretty quiet, thinking about how easily she falls back into that routine of pushing me away and yelling at me. Yeah, I know I was zoning out and not paying attention during the briefing, but after all we've been through, I thought maybe I'd earned at least a little respect. Guess not.

"Earth to Wheeler!" I hear Linka say as she waves her hand in front of my face.

"What?"

"Kwame and Ma-Ti are going to get some rest…We have some time before we arrive in Australia…I was thinking you could finish my massage," she says as she sits on my knee.

"Funny…I was just thinking that you seemed fine."

"But before, we were not done. You always finish with my neck."

"You were limber enough to get away from me in the Crystal Chamber…you're fine. Besides, I think Kwame and Ma-Ti have the right idea…I'm gonna get some sleep so we can take on the 'Whale vs. fishing net mission.' Why don't you go keep Gi company?"

"Do you not want me on this mission?" She asks. "It is not a hard mission. There are no eco-villains…just saving a life. I can handle this."

"I know. You're ready. All better…back to normal…now if you don't mind…I'd like some sleep," I say as I lift her off my leg and curl up against the side of the Eco Sub to take my pretend nap. I'm not tired. I'm not going to sleep. I can hear every word of her conversation with Gi. I listen closely as Gi not so subtly brings up the topic of our "relationship."

"But you don't want EVERYTHING to go back do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Wheeler. You and he have really gotten close."

"Da, but it is not like that…he has been nothing but a good friend. There is nothing other than friendship there."

I try to listen to the tone of her voice…is there any regret in that statement? Does she wish there was more than friendship? I can't tell. She continues on to explain to Gi.

"Wheeler is determined to not take advantage of the situation…and I would never use a friend's kindness and mistake that for something more. We are just friends. Very good friends. I could not have gotten through this without him."

Well, at least she is able to admit that to the others, even if she can't admit her true feelings. I know what I heard, but I know what I feel…I know the feelings that are between us when we're together…it's more than just "very good friends." If that's how she wants to play it though, that's fine. We can hide our feelings from the others. I'm cool with that. If we can only act one way in private while putting on an act in public, I'll take it.

* * *

I guess I was more tired than I thought. I fell asleep and woke up when I heard the commotion from the others as the distressed whale came into view.

"There he is!"

"The net is wrapped around his tail and his mouth!"

"And one of his pectoral fins."

"Oh the poor thing!"

"Take the sub up to the surface Gi. Ma-Ti will try to calm him and let him know we are here to help," Kwame says.

By now, I have already put on my wetsuit and breathing apparatus.

"Gi, you must tell us when the whale is showing signs of distress or getting agitated and Ma-Ti will try to calm him again. Wheeler and I will go in and begin cutting away the net. It will probably be easiest if we get it in bits and pieces, so Linka, you will have to remove the discarded pieces and bring them into the Eco Sub and out of the water. Wheeler, do you have something to cut the net with?" Kwame asks as he holds up a pair of wire cutters from the toolbox.

"Yeah," I say as I hold up my ring hand and dive in.

"WHEELER!" I hear them all yell at once.

The sooner I get this whale free, the better off he'll be and then the better off I'll be once we get back to Hope Island.

"WHEELER, ARE YOU INSANE?" Gi yells. "THAT ANIMAL IS SCARED AND CONFUSED! HE COULD KNOCK YOU OUT WITH ONE WHACK OF HIS FIN OR KILL YOU WITH A FLICK OF HIS TAIL!"

"WHEELER, GET OUT OF THERE!" Linka yells.

"Ma-Ti, do something!" Kwame orders.

"Heart! It is ok my friend. We are here to help. My friend is not trying to hurt you…he is trying to get you freed. Just stay calm."

The whale stops thrashing, but to the point where he is starting to sink.

"Gi look!" Linka says. "There are more whales."

I dip my head underwater and sure enough, I see three more humpback whales circling us. They're heading straight for me! I swim out of the way and see that the whales weren't coming for me; they were pushing the trapped whale to the surface so he could breathe. Wow. That's amazing. They're really no different than humans. They see their fellow whale in trouble, and they are trying to help. Once I know that I'm in no immediate danger, I return to the whale's mouth, carefully burning away the netting and pulling away pieces of it until the netting is completely removed.

I hear Linka summon her wind power to lift the pieces of netting out of the water.

Now I have to get the net off the pectoral fin. The other whales are still around, blowing streams of bubbles out of their blowholes as they circle me.

"Be careful Wheeler!" Gi says. "What they're doing…that's a threat. It means they know you're there and they're watching you."

"I thought they just ate small fish!"

"Well, no offense Wheeler, but compared to them, you ARE small!"

"I'm going to try for the netting around his fin," I explain.

"Kwame, go help him!" Linka pleads.

"NO!" Ma-Ti says. "It is too dangerous. I cannot keep him calm. Wheeler should not be in there either."

"WHEELER GET OUT OF THERE YOU DAMN YANKEE…COWBOY!"

Cowboy? Must be my bravado. Willingness to dive right into a situation…"guns blazin'" so to say.

I see an opening…a perfect opportunity to remove a large piece of netting, so I swim for it. I no sooner get there though, and the whale starts into a barrel roll, swatting me aside with his fin as if I were nothing more than a little fly. The last thing I hear is Linka calling my name.

* * *

The next thing I know, Linka's arms are around me, keeping me afloat as she pulls me towards the Eco Sub. She dove in after me? Kwame and Ma-Ti pull me up as Gi helps Linka. Then she is at my side, holding me in her arms and brushing the hair away from my face. I think she's yelling at me, but she's doing it affectionately. I smile up at her.

"You care?"

"What?"

"You saved me…you care."

"Of course I care you idiot! If anyone is going to kill you, it will be me! Not some whale!"

"The whale!" I say, suddenly aware of what's happening. "It's around his fin."

"Nyet, not anymore. You were tangled in the netting. I had to get you out so…so I used your ring to cut you free. That got rid of the rest of the net around the whale's fin. Here," she says as she slides my ring back onto my finger. I smile. I can use her ring and she can use mine. Weird…but awesome. It has to mean something…there has to be more to it. Kwame couldn't use hers, but I could and now she can use mine. I wonder how it felt for her? If she got the same feelings I got when I used hers?

"Got it!" I hear Kwame say. I look over and see him waving a long pole with a saw at the end…like what people use to trim branches from trees. "Linka get the remainder of the net out of the water!"

She unwraps one of her arms from around me and uses her ring to pick up the net and bring it to the Eco Sub where Ma-Ti and Gi store it securely inside.

"Oh no!" Gi says. "He's sinking!"

"But he is free! Why is he sinking?" Linka asks.

"Maybe the stress was too much," Gi responds.

"Heart!" Ma-Ti waits. "The other whales are still in the area and are here to help."

Then I see the whale make it to the surface for air, with the help of the others.

"Swim my friend…you are free now. Go be with your friends," Ma-Ti says.

"He is swimming!" Kwame announces. "Great job everyone."

"Let's go home…unless you think Wheeler needs to see a doctor?" Gi asks Linka as Kwame and Ma-Ti help me down into the sub.

"He probably should. He lost consciousness and probably has a concussion. He should have a CT scan to make sure there is no more serious injury…perhaps they can check for a brain in there as well!"

I heard that!

"Hey!"

"Do not argue Yankee. You know what you did was stupid."

"But you saved me."

"I did not have a choice…you still owe me a massage!" She says as she unzips my wetsuit and pulls it down off my shoulders. Not gonna lie…I like being undressed by Linka. "Bozhe moy, your stab wound is bleeding…AGAIN. I really wish you would stop over exerting yourself and let this thing heal!"

She pulls out the first aid kit and applies pressure to the wound. It's not too bad. It's mostly healed except for the top part which keeps popping open. She's finished bandaging me up just as we arrive at the shore. We are met by a group of reporters who had been following the whale's ordeal. The others stay behind and answer questions about the whale rescue while Linka takes me to the ER.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 41 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	42. Chapter 42: Day 34, Continued

**Chapter 42 Day 34, continued**

An hour later, they have determined that I do indeed have a concussion. I get the dirty look from Linka, her way of letting me know that she's pissed at me for my dangerous act. The doctor tells her that it's ok if I fall asleep, contrary to the common belief that you have to stay awake after a concussion, but that she needs to wake me up every few hours to check on me. He's obviously come to the conclusion that we're a couple. At this point though, I'm seriously doubting what our sleeping arrangements will be tonight. She's so mad, I get the silent treatment all the way back to Hope Island.

I am really tired so I doze off in the Eco Sub, only to be awoken by a harsh slap on the arm.

"Wake up," Linka says coolly.

"Wha-?"

"I am checking on you. You seem fine."

"I am," I say.

"Whatever."

* * *

The next time she wakes me with another slap (practically punch) on the arm, we have docked the Eco Sub at the pier on Hope Island.

"Oww," I say as I rub my arm. "Your bedside manner sucks, Babe."

She ignores me and storms out of the Eco Sub, not waiting for any of us and going straight for her cabin.

"What happened?" Kwame asks.

I hold up my hand in dismissal of any further comments. I'm not in the mood.

I go back to my cabin and take two of the pills that the doctor gave me for the killer headache I have. I take off my shirt and look in the mirror to check out the huge bruise on my back from where the humpback whale's pectoral fin slammed into me. Thankfully my back took the brunt of the hit, but I can still feel a tender spot on the back of my head where the fin caught me. I can already feel the stiffness in my neck starting to set in. I get the heating pad out, place it on the back of my neck, and lay facedown on my bed. I'm just starting to fall asleep when I hear my door fly open and then slam shut, causing me to jump.

"Linka?"

"Get up!" She demands.

"I only have to be woken up every few hours, not every few minutes!" I groan.

"GET. UP."

"Geez, ok," I say as I swing my feet around to the floor as I sit up, feeling a dizzy spell come on. "What?"

"'What?' 'WHAT?' That is all you have to say?"

"Babe, any sense that I did have has been knocked out of me…you got something you want to say to me, or you want me to say to you, you gotta tell me."

"Nyet _YOU_ tell _ME_…Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why you would do something so foolish! Risk your life!"

"I was trying to save a life."

"And ruin one at the same time?"

"I'm fine. I had everything under control."

"I am not talking about you! I am talking about me!"

"You?"

"Da…if I lost…if you…if something happened…I do not know what I would have done. I still need you to get me through this."

"I'm still here," I say as I stand up and move to stand in front of her resting my hands on her hips and touching my forehead to hers.

"You have been so strong for me these past few weeks. You have been there for me. But what you did today…was selfish. What were you thinking? Were you trying to impress us? Impress me? Because I AM impressed Yankee…by who you have shown me that you are capable of being…and then in five minutes, you ruin all that by taking matters into your own hands on this mission and endangering yourself…and us."

She's right. She could have been hurt when she dove in to save me.

"You shouldn't have gone in after me. You could have been hurt."

"I was the only one who could save you. No one else would have been able to use your ring…I knew that. I had to be the one. It had to be me."

That's right. I can use her ring, so it would make sense that she'd be able to use mine…but we never tried it…we never knew for sure. She could have gotten seriously hurt, or worse, and it would've been my fault.

"Linka, we didn't know that. We never tested that theory. What if it didn't work?"

"I knew it would," she says confidently.

Me too.

"Thank you…for saving me," I say as I kiss her forehead.

"You are welcome…but you still did not answer my question…why did you do it?"

"So that we could get the mission over with and get back to Hope Island."

"But there was no hurry to get back…I was there with you…"

"Yeah, you were…but I was in a hurry to get back to the Linka I'd come to know…the one who's different with me when no one else is around. The one who lets me hold her like this," I say as I wrap my arms around her waist and pull our bodies together. "The one who doesn't pull away when I touch her. The one who lets me get away with this…"

I make my point by softly pressing my lips to hers and lingering there as I brush my finger tips across her cheek and down her neck.

"The one who lets me take care of her and treats her the way she should be treated."

"That one is 'Linka, the recovering addict.' NOT 'Linka, the Planeteer.'"

Oh. So once she's recovered, and Linka the Planeteer is back for good…where does that leave me? Where does that leave us? That's a question for another day.

"I need you Yankee…as a recovering addict AND as a Planeteer. I need to know that you will always be here for me."

"I will be."

"Not if you go and do something stupid and end up getting yourself killed, you will not be. I need to know that Linka the Planeteer can trust you to make decisions that are right for Linka the addict. Please…do not endanger yourself on missions just to get back here…to this. That has always been my greatest fear…that we, you and I, would not make decisions based on what is best for the team, but what is best for each other…that we would compromise our positions as Planeteers, not give ourselves fully to the mission because we were too concerned about getting back to Hope Island and…this."

"It wouldn't be like that."

"Yes it would…you just proved it."

Shit.

"I didn't know I was being tested," I say.

"Exactly…you acted naturally…if you had known, you would have acted as you thought I'd wanted you to…but honestly, I did not intend to test you…it just…made me see."

"Can you blame me for wanting to get you back here, all to myself?" I ask as I take her hands in mine.

"Wheeler…" She says as she looks down at our joined hands.

Before she has a chance to shoot me down, I do it myself. I can't bear to hear the rejection coming from her lips…her soft, sweet lips.

"I know. It's selfish…I'm being childish…just trying to get things back to normal…if you're gonna go back to being the serious, no non-sense one, I gotta go back to being the shameless flirt."

I drop her hands and sit back down on my bed.

"I'm sorry for upsetting you…for scaring you…for being my usual idiotic self. I know things still need to stay stress free for you, and I'm sorry for jeopardizing that."

She sits down next to me, so close, our legs are touching.

"I forgive you. Just do not let it happen again," she says as she bumps her shoulder against mine.

"I won't. I promise."

"And I am sorry for hitting you to wake you up."

I chuckle.

"S'okay."

"And I am sorry for enjoying it when I hit you," she says as she glances at me out of the corner of her eye.

"Well now, that's just unforgivable."

"I think you will find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Yeah, you're probably right…you know I'm a sucker right?"

"WHAT?"

Oops, obviously that's a word that she doesn't know the meaning to…well, she knows one meaning of it anyway…just not the one I meant.

"Um, someone who's a sucker is…a chump, a sap, a sitting duck," why aren't there any words that would make sense to someone who doesn't speak English as a first language? "An easy target…a push over…like, when it comes to you, you can pretty much say or do anything and I'll give in."

"Oh…that is good information to know."

There's an awkward pause, but then she continues,

"So, if I tell you I want a massage…" she trails off.

"Then I have no choice but to grant you your wish."

"Well then…I want a massage."

"You got it Princess," I say as I stand up to give her room to lie down on the bed.

"AFTER I give you one."

"Me?"

This is a pleasant surprise.

"Da…your back…the bruise is horrible!"

"Yeah…it hurts like hell, and that's without anything touching it, so as nice as it sounds, I don't think I can handle having any pressure put on it…even delicate, soft hands like yours," I say as I take her hand in mine and rub my thumb against her palm.

"I was thinking more like your neck. With a concussion, your neck muscles are going to be sore from the trauma to the head. Are you in pain?"

"I was…but I took some of the pills that the doctor gave me."

"Oh."

"I wish I hadn't though," I confess.

"Why? Because of me? Do not worry about me."

"No, it's not that…not completely. It's just…if I had known that a better offer would come along…for a more…natural pain relief, I would have waited for that. After all, I've been preaching it to you for weeks…I should practice what I preach."

She smiles at me. Did I just score brownie points for being understanding? I hope so!

"Lay down," she instructs.

I happily do as she says and wait for that wonderful moment when her hands begin caressing my neck and shoulders. All the tension immediately melts away and I'm relaxed. My muscles are no longer tense and prepared to protect myself from further injury, they are loosened up and savoring every second of her touch.

Now it's my turn to verbalize my pleasure…maybe that's the wrong word, "verbalize." I'm not really using any words that make sense…just noises. I'm vocalizing, however incoherent it may be, I'm sure she gets the hint that I like it. I don't want her to stop…ever. I can feel her playing with the wild sprigs of hair at the nape of my neck, running her fingers through my hair as she moves her hand up to the base of my skull, stopping just short of where the wound starts again.

"Stabbed by a jealous lover, beaten by a frightened whale…what is next Yankee?"

"Sweet torture by a beautiful Ruskie?" I suggest.

She leans down and puts her lips next to my ear so that I can feel her warm breath on my skin as she whispers,

"Soviet."

"Da…Vhatever," I say, mocking her accent as best I can.

"Get some rest Yankee," she says in a soothing voice. "I will be here to watch you and wake you periodically to check on you…more gently this time, I promise."

Sounds like a great idea.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 42 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	43. Chapter 43: Day 34, Continued

**Chapter 43 Day 34, continued**

I wake up later, lying on my stomach. I reach over, expecting to find Linka, but my arms come up empty. I pick my head up quickly…big mistake. Not only is it sore, but now I'm dizzy. I saw that Linka was sitting at my desk. Knowing that she is still here should be enough, but I need her next to me. When I fake a groan in pain, Linka is at my side immediately, cupping the back of my neck and once again kneading the muscles there.

"How are you feeling?" She asks.

"I hurt…all over," I mumble.

"Do you need to take another pain pill?"

"No. Well, yes…but I don't want to."

"Wheeler, do not be brave and noble on my account…they take away your pain. They will make you feel better in ways I cannot…I am not as good at this whole 'comforting' thing as you are…take the pills," she says as she leaves for my bathroom then returns and hands me a glass of water.

I reach over and grab the bottle of pills off my nightstand. I didn't hide them because I didn't feel the need to. I trust Linka. The affects from the concussion are still with me. I'm drowsy and the pills add to that groggy feeling. I want to stay awake though.

"What were you doing at my desk?" I ask.

"I was writing."

"Love letter?" I tease.

"Nyet. Music. I thought we could make music together."

"Mmm, beautiful music," I mumble. "Come here."

"I am right here."

"No, I mean sit in bed and write."

"Ok," she says as she goes to the desk to gather the notepad and pencil she was using.

She props up the pillows at the head of the bed and sits with her back against them. I drape my arm over her waist and can feel the sleep starting to overtake me. I nuzzle my cheek against her side as I wrap my arm more firmly around her.

"Sorry, I'm not very good company," I mumble.

"Shh Yankee…rest," she says as she runs her fingers through my hair.

* * *

"Chyort voz mi!" I hear her mutter under her breath as she scribbles something out.

"Hmm?"

"Oh good. You are awake…do you have a rubber?"

"Nightstand…top drawer," I murmur.

Wait…did she just ask me for a condom?

I hear her gasp then chuckle.

"Nyet Yankee…like this," she says as she points to the now completely gone pencil eraser.

"In America, that's called an 'eraser' Babe!"

"Well, we are not IN America," she argues.

"No, but you're talking to an American…you ask an American for a rubber and you're gonna get…well, what you got!" I laugh.

I glance up at her and see her cheeks are turning red.

"It's ok…there's 12 in a box and all 12 are still there if that's what you're wondering."

"I was not…it is not any of my…"

"I'm not embarrassed Babe…what's on your mind?"

"How long…I mean…when did you…get them?"

"A while ago…before all this, if that's what you're wondering…I didn't get them because we've been…uh, sleeping together…in bed…and actually sleeping, not 'sleeping together' in the…other way. I wasn't thinking that anything would happen. I just…it's good to uh, be prepared…in case…I'm not sayin' you and me…I'm just sayin'…better to be safe than sorry."

Ok, so much for not being embarrassed…but the truth is I did get them with the intention that one day, she and I would have a reason to use them. I got them after our mission in Thailand. I thought after that, it wouldn't be long…I should probably check the expiration date.

"Da. I guess that is the…um…responsible thing…to be prepared if you should ever bring a girlfriend to Hope Island…or just any girl."

Huh? A girlfriend? When would I have time for that? And a random girl? Again, I don't have time to even meet girls, but for her to think that I would…that hurts.

"You know what…" I say as I get out of bed, walk over to the opposite side where the nightstand is, and take them out. "These are just taking up space…it's not like I need them."

I toss them in the trash, rip off my bandages, and head for the bathroom.

"Wheeler, wait. It is not that big of a deal…I am sorry. It is none of my business."

"Yeah, it is your business actually," and add silently, _Since you're the only one I want_.

"Jason…"

That's the last thing I hear as I turn on the shower.

* * *

I'm surprised to still see her there when I exit the bathroom, still on my bed and still writing.

"I found an ERASER in the drawer of your desk."

"Uh…ok. Good," I say as I finish towel drying my hair.

"You are bleeding," she says as she starts to get up. "You should have had them look at it in the hospital. They would have been able to stitch it up so it can heal properly.

I look down to where my wound had re-opened after our last mission and then grab a handful of tissues to press to it.

"Don't worry about it. I got it," I say as I hold my hand up to stop her, but she doesn't listen.

"You need to keep pressure on it and put the salve on it to stop it and bandage it…you cannot do all three at once. You need my help."

She grabs my arm and leads me to the bed, pushing me to lie down, rushing to the bathroom to get more gauze, swatting my hand out of the way and replacing the bloody tissues with a wad of gauze.

"Now hold this here," she instructs as she scoops a dollop of the ointment onto her fingers. "Lift."

Once I lift my hand up, she hurries up and slathers the medicine over my wound, pressing the edges closed while rubbing the ointment in. After giving it a few minutes to dry, she removes her hands and is satisfied when the small gash stays closed. She then takes a clean piece of gauze and puts it over the wound.

"Hold that."

She then proceeds to tape it into place.

"Done."

"Thanks."

"You are welcome."

I continue to lie there, still too mortified to look at her. I just wanna be any where but here right now…and I'm hoping Linka is ready to let the subject of what happened earlier drop. She's not.

"Soooooo," she begins.

"Linka…"

"Extra large eh Yankee?"

"Huh?"

"That is a bit…generous, nyet?" She says with a chuckle.

I can't help but laugh at her forwardness, and have a quick retort.

"Hey, you've seen for yourself," referring to that time she walked in on me shortly after I got stabbed and was trying to bandage myself after showering. "Besides, it's my understanding that you don't have much to base your opinion on anyway!"

"True. I guess I will have to take your word for it then."

I cover my face with my hands and groan inwardly. We both start laughing. Thankfully, this little incident is behind us.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 43 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	44. Chapter 44: Day 39

**This one's for Roar! And thanks to everyone who's been checking in!**

* * *

**Chapter 44 Day 39**

"If you do not want to come with me, do not bother, I will go on my own," she says angrily.

She's challenging me. She's better now, I know that. She probably could do this without me…if it weren't for Dmitri. I'm worried about what he'll say to her. I think she wants me come with her, but is testing me. Part of me is tempted to play along. To say "Okay, fine. I'll stay home," and see her reaction…will she change her mind and tell me she wants me to come? No. It's still too soon to fall back into our old habits of intentionally pissing each other off. But I can still play her game. I narrow my eyes at her in my own challenge.

"You know I'm not gonna let you go on your own."

A relieved look flashes across her features, very briefly, quickly replaced by that defiance that has always been her trademark.

"I do not need your permission. I am not sick anymore and I am not going to put up with you in a bad mood. Besides, I think I can spend ONE NIGHT with my FAMILY without you babysitting me!"

"Really? Cuz that's what we thought last time and look how that turned out!"

Oh shit. You idiot!

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew it was the worst possible thing I could have said. And why did I say it? Is winning an argument that important to me that I could say something so cruel to the one person that means more to me than anyone ever has before? I hope she slaps me. She should slap me. I WANT her to slap me. Multiple times. Instead, her eyes begin to water. Idiot.

All my fight is completely gone. All I can do is sigh and apologize.

"Sorry."

I know there's so much more I should say…but I'm not trusting myself right now. I seem to keep saying all the wrong things.

She just shrugs…apology not accepted.

I get up from my chair, abandoning my food. I'm not hungry anymore anyway. I walk over to her and tentatively reach out to her, rubbing the top of her arms. When she doesn't pull away, I pull her into my arms and reiterate my sincerest regrets.

"I **_am_** sorry."

Her only response is to snuggle against me and nod her head. I guess I'm getting the silent treatment. I deserve much worse though. I still wish she would have hit me…or at least yelled at me and called me all the things I was calling myself…and then some. If she's not going to talk, I will. I need to explain myself.

"It's too soon Babe. I know you're practically over the withdrawal and I'm amazed by the strength you've shown, but as much as we'd both like the bad stuff to be over, we've still got a long way to go."

She's still silent. I continue,

"I know you want to go to this memorial dinner or whatever it is, I just don't

think you should put yourself through it... And all the added stress." I tighten my embrace on her. She returns my hug and says,

"By added stress, I assume you mean my Uncle."

Bingo!

"He's part of it, sure... a big part of it. But there was a whole bunch of things you had to deal with at the funeral and I don't want to see you go through that again."

It's not because I don't think she's capable of handling things…I just don't want her to have to go through it alone. I just want to hold her like this and keep her safe. I nuzzle her head and take a deep breath…taking in as much of her as I can incase she decides that she doesn't need me anymore…that she's better and she's no longer willing to tolerate my continual stupidity.

"Then you should stay here," she says softly. "I have already put you through more than any friend has a right to ask. I will be okay on my own."

I tighten my arms around her and insist,

"No way in hell! If you go, I go!"

"But..."

I don't let her continue, pressing my lips to her hair and shushing her soothingly.

"Believe me Babe, what I'd go through here, worrying about what you're going

through..." I laugh humorlessly at the thought of how miserable we'd both be. "We'll both be better off if we stick together, no matter what we have to deal with."

"Da," she replies, looking up at me, her eyes are still full of tears, but there's a brightness to them now. A realization that I'm right. We still need each other. I wonder if she can see the relief in my eyes as well? I'm not ready to give her up and let her go.

* * *

Things still seem a bit tense between us, even though our argument from earlier ended in an agreement and a hug…I'm almost positive it has to do with what I said about what happened to her the last time we let her go off on her own. I wish there was a way to erase that moment. I wish I thought before I spoke, but as usual, my emotions get the best of me and I speak before thinking. If she's mad, she's hiding it well. Actually, I think she's over compensating for it.

She won't leave my side. When I offer to go get us something to eat, she comes with me. When I get up to use the rest room, she asks where I'm going. It's like she thinks that I'm trying to get away from her…or that she thinks I won't come back. For someone who was so ready to go off on her own a few hours ago, she sure isn't acting like it now. Is this part of the withdrawal? I thought we were over the worst of it, but her behavior today is pretty odd. It makes me question even more if she's ready for the added pressure of going back to be with her family.

I'm still not ready to go back to the Soviet Union. I think this time around might be harder than the first time. True, Linka is much better than she was then, but I'm worried about her Uncle. Has he calmed down any since the last time? Not that I expect him to ever get over the loss of his son, but is he thinking more rationally and no longer blaming us? I'm sure that thought has crossed her mind and as much as I think we need to talk about this, I don't want to bring it up.

I wonder if something else is bothering her? It seems like her mind is pre-occupied.

"We should have an early night. We will have to leave very early in the morning," she says.

So soon? It's still light out and we're in the middle of a game of chess…a game that she INSISTED on playing. It's not that I don't like playing chess with her, but I have to be in the mood for a thinking game like chess, and after our argument earlier, I didn't feel like concentrating on much. I sigh in frustration. Not at her…just…ABOUT her and this strange mood that she's in.

"Do you want to go to bed now, or can we finish the game?" I ask.

"I meant after the game."

Clearly she's lost interest in it. She's not even trying anymore. She's made a few stupid moves that have given me the advantage. It's obvious that she doesn't want to play anymore. I sigh again,

"Let's call it a night Babe, I don't think either of us are in the mood for this."

"Okay," she says quietly.

I put the pieces away and follow her into bed. I don't know how much good going to bed early is going to do. I'm not even tired so I'll probably just lie here, tossing and turning all night. The only thing that will keep me still is her. She has nestled herself tightly against me…not that I mind. I'm just worried about her and her strange behavior. She's holding onto me like I'm going go to somewhere…or she is. Is that what this is all about? She's feeling better…well enough to think that she could have gone back home by herself? She doesn't need me anymore. Maybe after we get back from the Soviet Union…or maybe while we're there, she'll tell me she doesn't need me. Maybe this trip is a test. Tonight may be our last night together.

Knowing this does very little to make me want to sleep. Now I want to stay up and savor this moment as much as I can for as long as I can. This could be the last time. That explains her behavior…she's not sure how to tell me. How to let me down easily. How do you tell someone you don't need them anymore? Will it matter if I tell her that I need her more than I ever thought I would? No, I can't do that. This isn't about me and my feelings. It never was. If she's better that's all that matters. My job is done. It's been nice. I sure am going to miss this…miss her.

I tighten my grip on her and nuzzle my nose into her hair, trying to commit her to memory. In a few days, memories will be all I'll have.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 44 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	45. Chapter 45: Day 40

**Chapter 45: Day 40**

* * *

Linka's grandma is waiting for us when we land. Judging from the smile on her face, she's very happy to see Linka…me too I guess based on the big hug she gives me.

She gives Linka a look over.

"I am so glad you both made it," then she turns to me and says, "You have taken good care of my granddaughter, just as you promised."

I smile and nod at her, happy that I've gotten her approval. She then turns to Linka and asks, "Are you all better now Little Bird?"

"Da, I am fine now."

It's not completely true, but what Gram doesn't know won't hurt her.

"Good, good," she says as we follow her into the house. "Wheeler, you know where to put your things?"

"Yes Ma'am," I say as I carry our bags down the hallway. Linka gave me a look that said "I'm sorry," but I didn't mind at all. I kinda liked that Gram was ordering me around like she would any other member of the family. It makes me feel like I'm a part of things, and not just a guest, nothing more than Linka's care taker, along for the ride. As I take our things back to the bedrooms, Linka goes with Gram back towards the kitchen, happily chatting away.

I'm still really disappointed about the sleeping arrangements. I know it's only right across the hall from her and if she really needed me, I could get there quickly…and knowing that she's still close should be somewhat comforting…I'm just being selfish and worrying about what this trip is going to mean for us. When she makes it through the night just fine, she's gonna realize she doesn't need me. This sucks.

I return to the kitchen and lean against the door frame, waiting to be noticed. Her back is to me as she chops vegetables. I want to walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her, rest my chin on her shoulder, and turn my head to kiss her cheek. If we were on Hope Island, I would have…but we're not. We're in the Soviet Union and the eyes of her friends and family are all on us. I have a feeling if I did what I wanted to do, that knife she's using could be pointed at places I'm not very comfortable with sharp objects being pointed at. I smile at the thought of her feisty reaction and part of me wants to do it, just to get a reaction out of her, but part of me knows better than to be silly at such a serious time…but just because it's a funeral dinner doesn't make me want to be close to her any less. If anything, I want to be closer to her to show her my support.

"Wheeler," Gram says, bringing me back to reality. "Would you mind helping Alexei set up the table in the other room? It is best if we have everything set up before we go to church."

"Uh sure…" I say. I look at Linka and get rewarded with one of her beautiful smiles before Gram leads me into the dining room and introduces me to Alexei. She's speaking Russian and the only word I recognize is my name. He gives me a curious look and then smiles.

"His English is only slightly better than your Russian," Gram says. "I think you two will manage to work it out though."

"Hi," I say to Alexei as I extend my hand to him. "Nice to meet you."

"Da, you too."

I'm glad I was able to help. Alexei is an old man so this would have been difficult for him to do alone. He leads me over to his house next door and shows me the table that he's letting Linka's family borrow. We make it to the door and he unexpectedly sets his side down.

"We break," he says.

I give him a confused look…we didn't break anything…at least I don't think we did. I give the table another look, checking the legs and making sure they're secure. I don't see anything wrong. When I look up, Alexei is gone. Great. Now what?

He returns with a bottle in each hand. He wipes his brow and hands me a bottle.

Ooooh, we're taking a break. Well, I guess we've earned it.

"Uh, Spasiba," I say as I raise my bottle to him. I'm not so sure it's a good idea to be drinking right before we head to the church for the service, but I am thirsty and we did work up quite a sweat. Never had foreign beer before. "Oh wow."

"Is good, da?"

"Da," I agree. Much better than that cheap, watered down crap I used to steal from my dad.

"So you are Linka's Yankee?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess." I didn't know how to explain to Alexei that we aren't a couple. We are just friends.

"You take good care of her?"

"I try."

"I know her since she was baby. You better make her happy," he warns, but in a friendly, non-threatening manner.

"I want to."

He smiles and nods.

"Her grandmother likes you. You make good impression. That is very important."

"Yeah…I'm glad. Her grandmother is a very good lady. I like her too."

"You know Mishka?"

I shake my head. "No."

"He love Linka very much. He give you trouble."

Who the hell is that? Ex-boyfriend? Current boyfriend? She's never mentioned him, but then again, neither one of us have ever talked about our home lives until recently. I want to go to her and ask who this Mishka guy is, but at the same time, I don't think I want to know the answer.

"Is he here?" I ask.

"Nyet. University."

Great…an older, educated man. Perfect for her. Exactly what she deserves. He can give her everything that I can't. I guess that kinda explains why, despite all my efforts, she hasn't completely given in to my flirtations. I may be able to get her attention occasionally, but someone else has her heart.

I drain the rest of my drink, as does Alexei, and he offers to take my bottle and throw it away.

"Uh, don't you have a recycling program here?" I ask.

"What?"

"Recycling?"

Alexei continues to stare blankly at me.

"Never mind," I say, too defeated and disappointed to care.

"Ready?" He asks as he takes hold of one end of the table.

"Da," I reply sadly.

* * *

Once Alexei and I have the table in place, Gram informs me that I should probably go get ready. I've worked up quite a sweat and need a shower. I finish getting dressed, but have one small problem…the tie. I could probably do it myself…or at least attempt…but I don't want to. I want Linka to do it. I want her to take care of me. I need her to.

I knock on her door and wait for her answer.

"Come in."

I smile at her, slightly ashamed of myself for the lame excuse I've made up to be close to her.

"Hey."

Before I have a chance to ask, she's walking towards me and starts working on my tie. I like how close she gets to me…a little closer than necessary; close enough that I don't have to reach far to rest my hands on her hips.

"Thanks Babe."

"You are welcome Yankee."

She finishes but doesn't back away. We just stand there gazing at each other, but it's not awkward. She gets even closer than she was before and wraps her arms around me.

"Thank you for coming with me," she says softly.

I put my arms around her and rest my head against hers, savoring the moment.

"You're welcome."

I want to ask her about Mishka. Who is he? If she's so important to him, why isn't he here taking care of her? Where has he been this whole time? Doesn't he care about what happens to her? The pain she's feeling now? The hell she's been going through over the last 40 days. Can I ask all these questions without breaking down? Can I speak around the lump that's closing up my throat? Where is he? Huh? What's he got that I don't? I'm here! Can't she see that? Why won't she pick me?

My internal battle is halted when Gram suddenly enters the room. Linka quickly pulls out of my embrace.

"Oh I am sorry! I did not mean to interrupt!" She says, with a slight smile.

"You are not," Linka insists.

Gram smiles, and gives us both a look that says she doesn't believe us…I wish she was right, but she's not.

"It is time to leave. Dimitri will be waiting for us at the church."

"Can't keep Dimitri waiting!" I mumble under my breath.

Oops, judging by the look that Linka is giving me, she didn't appreciate my comment. Once again, my mouth gets me in trouble. She follows her grandmother and doesn't even glance back to see if I follow. I bet Mishka never upsets her like I do. I bet he's way more mature than me.

* * *

While we're walking to the church, I'm walking between Linka and Gram. I offer both of them an arm to hold. Gram accepts it with a warm smile. Linka ignores it, sending the message loud and clear that she's pissed at me. Ok, so she won't touch me…maybe she'll talk to me. Gram probably thinks that Linka is avoiding contact with me because of how she "caught" us earlier…but she'll notice if Linka doesn't talk to me when I ask a simple question.

"So, tell me again what the forty days is about?"

I silently hope that Gram lets Linka answer.

Linka gives the explanation, coolly, calmly, and without looking at me. Why won't she look at me? If she'd just look at me, I could let her know that I'm sorry…that I agree with her that I'm a huge idiot. She finally looks up at me. Have I ruined everything with one stupid utterance? She rolls her eyes and gives in, linking her arm with mine. I smile happily. Crisis averted…again…for now. On the other side of me, I can hear Gram chuckling, probably at the foolishness of a lovesick Yankee.

The priest and Linka's uncle are standing at the church entrance. It's only been a little over a month since the last time I saw him, but he looks really bad. While Linka has put on weight and gotten a healthier, more colorful look to her, Dmitri has dark, sunken in eyes. He looks lifeless. It makes sense though. When a loved one dies, a part of you dies with them. Despite what a jerk he was to Linka and me last time we were here, I kinda feel bad for the guy. We'll see if I still feel that way when we get closer to the church. He better not say anything to her…I swear, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from doing or saying something that'll just make Linka and Gram mad at me.

Surprisingly Dmitri is nice to us…although he doesn't bother to look up, so maybe he didn't even know it was us. When we take our places, Linka surprises me by placing her hand in mine and resting her head on my shoulder. It's a rare public display of affection. I guess it's her way of letting me know that she's glad I'm here. So am I. I let her know that by squeezing her hand.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 45 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	46. Chapter 46: Day 40, Continued

**Hey everyone! Sorry for the delay. Kinda forgot about this one! Started getting this chapter ready at the end of December and then it got pushed to the back burner. Hope it was worth the wait!**

* * *

**Chapter 46: Day 40, Continued**

This service seems like the funeral. I guess. I can't really tell since it's all in Russian. This really is a nice building. The structure, the statues, the altar…but somehow it seems like the perfect place for a funeral…I wonder if it gives off a happier energy during happier occasions? Like, if there were a wedding? Sure, the people in the church would be happier; smiling instead of crying…hopefully. Right now, the inside is dark. The candles flicker slowly, the flames dull and low. This is Linka's family's church…were her grandparents married here? Were her parents? Did she grow up imagining that this is where her own wedding would be? I can picture her standing at the altar; Elegant yet simple dress. She doesn't need anything fancy to be a beautiful bride. She's already got the beautiful part covered. She'd be smiling. She hasn't had much to smile about lately…not when she's here anyway. If I'm lucky, I'd be the one standing next to her up there and she'd be smiling at me.

Stupid. Pay attention to what's going on now and not imagining a future that'll never exist. If I'd been paying attention, I'd have noticed that Linka is crying. I remove my hand from hers, only so that I can put it around her. She turns her head into my side, my jacket muffling her sobs and absorbing her tears.

* * *

When we're leaving the church, I ask her if she wants to visit her parents. I figured she might want to since it's not often we get home to see our loved ones and even though they're not here anymore, visiting them might make her feel a little better.

She shakes her head, but informs me that she'd like to…that she needs to visit Boris' grave.

Oh. Well…I guess. If that's what she wants…if that'll make her feel better…

"Sure Babe."

I begin walking with her but she stops me.

"Alone. Please?"

"No, I don't think that's a good idea."

She lets me know with the spunk of the "old Linka" that she doesn't give a shit _what_ I think. After she verbally castrates me in front of her grandmother and a few of the nearby funeral goers, I have no choice but to back down and hope that no one else there understands English.

"Uh, OK…I'll just uh…wander around."

Is that even normal? No. How weird is that going to look? Some guy just walking around a cemetery for no reason.

"Come Wheeler. I would like some company while I say hello to my husband, if you do not mind," Grandma says to me.

"Uh, yeah. Sure. If you don't mind me tagging along. I mean, I don't want to intrude."

"It is no intrusion. I'd like to tell you about him if you care to listen to an old woman reminiscing."

"I'd love to hear all about him," I say as I offer her my arm and walk with her to her husband's headstone.

"This is my Sergei. Linka's grandfather. He loved her so much. He loved all of his grandchildren of course, but Linka always had a special place in his heart."

"Her dad was your son, right?"

"Da. It is not easy to have to bury a child. I know what Dmitri is feeling right now," she says as she wipes away a tear.

"Are you ok Gram?" I ask as I put my arm around her for comfort.

She smiles at me and nods. Then she leans down to brush her fingers over the smooth stone of the grave marker. I kneel down and wipe away some grass clippings left by the grounds crew.

"It's gotta be just as hard losing a grandchild," I offer.

"Da. Those who are born after us are not supposed to die before us. It is not fair," she replies as she stands up straight again.

"I'm sorry…you've had a lot of tragedy in your life."

"I thought the worst thing I would ever see is watching my son lose his wife at such a young age and leaving him to raise a family on his own…that is why Sergei and I offered our home to them. With Linka's father working all the time, it just made sense for us to all live together."

"That was generous of you," I say.

"It is an easy thing to do when you love someone…make sacrifices for them…to do whatever is necessary for their happiness."

"Yeah."

"Having Linka around brought a brightness into our home. She was just a baby when her mother got ill."

"She doesn't remember her," I say sadly.

"Nyet. She is very much like her though. In her actions as well as her looks. I will show you pictures."

"That'd be nice…if it's no trouble…I don't want to bring up any sad memories or make things weird."

"Nyet. I enjoy looking at old photos."

"Me too," I say, thinking of the old photo album I have full of memories of my childhood. Happy times. "There's this saying that someone said to me when my cousin died a few years ago. 'When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.'"

"That is beautiful…and very true. When Linka's father died, it was very unexpected. At least with her mother, we had time to prepare. Mikhail's death left a huge void in all of our lives. She had been very close to her father. She was his world and he was hers. She took it very hard. As did Sergei. He blamed himself."

"Why?" Opps, maybe that's a little too personal. "I'm sorry. That's none of my business."

"Nonsense. I am telling you a personal story…it is ok to ask questions," she says as she takes my hand and squeezes it before continuing. "He was a foreman in the mines…Mikhail followed in his father's footsteps…it was just the way things were. Dmitri worked in the mines too until he met his wife. Her father was the one who got Dmitri into politics and eventually a job as Soviet ambassador to the US."

"So it was a mining accident that killed her dad?"

"Da…she has never talked to you about it?"

"No…and I've never asked."

"She clung to my husband after that. He became the father figure in her life…as did Dmitri. She took it very hard when he moved to America and took Boris. Once again, she felt she lost loved ones…but she still had Sergei. When she came home from school, the room brightened. She did her homework, did her chores, helped with dinner, and after dinner, she would play chess with her grandfather. He taught her, but soon she was beating him. She insisted that he must have let her win, but I know better…he would never let anyone beat him, not even his own granddaughter. He was proud of her when she would beat him though."

"So I have him to blame for all the time she kicks my butt at chess?"

"Da," she chuckles.

"How long ago did he pass?"

"Three years."

"It must have been hard on her…and you."

"I had many wonderful years with Sergei. We raised a family together and watched them start families of their own. Sadly we have watched too many of those family members leave before their time. Poor Linka has suffered so much loss. Her parents, her grandfather, and her cousin."

"And to a certain extent, her uncle," I say.

"Da…hopefully he will come around though."

"Yeah…otherwise, you're all she has."

"Nyet…she has you."

"Right."

"You know, you remind me of Sergei."

"Oh yeah? He was extremely handsome too?" I joke.

She laughs at my joke. Even though she's many years older, she still has the same light in her eye that Linka has when she laughs.

"Da…he was extremely handsome and charming…and funny. He could always find a way to make me laugh, even when I was trying not to. It was impossible to stay mad at him."

Hmm, that sounds vaguely familiar.

"He also cared about Linka and her happiness more than anything," she adds.

"We have that in common too."

"I know," she says as she places her hand on my arm. "I am glad she has you to take care of her."

"Yeah…not for much longer though."

"Oh? Are you going somewhere?"

"No…but she's getting better. She won't need me," I say sadly. "Which is a good thing…I'm glad she's getting better. I'm gonna miss her though."

"Is _SHE_ going somewhere?"

"Well, no but…things will be back to normal."

"And what was 'normal' like?" She asks.

"Linka being independent…not being in pain…not needing me to…be around so much. She can go back to being herself."

"And what about you? What is 'normal' like for you?"

I chuckle.

"Well, I'll just go back to flirting shamelessly with her and pretending I'm ok when she shoots me down."

"Really? You two are _**really**_ just friends? Not pretending for my sake or so that Dmitri does not use it against you?"

"Nope. We're _**really**_ just friends."

"She is a foolish girl."

"I'm sure she has her reasons," I say sadly. After hearing about all the losses she's suffered, I can see why she'd be afraid to get attached to someone else; the fear of losing them.

"But this was all…before? Right?"

"Yeah."

"Surely things are different now. How could she possibly go back?"

"I don't know…I wasn't really expecting anything. I didn't help her through this because I thought it would lead to more. I did it because she's my friend and I want her to get better. And she is."

"And now, you are just going to walk away?" She asks.

"I guess. If that's what she's expecting."

"And what if she wants you to stay?"

"Then all she has to do is ask."

"She has had so much loss in her life Wheeler. I do not think she can take anymore."

"I know. I'll always be here for her. You too Gram. If you or your family ever needs anything, don't be afraid to ask. I'm just a phone call away," I say as I put my arm around her and hug her to my side.

"Thank you Wheeler. That is very kind of you. I am glad Linka has you. It is comforting to know that she is being looked after when she is so far away from home."

"You're welcome."

Grandma turns to look at her husband's grave and says something in Russian. Then we hear someone clearing their throat behind us and turn to see Linka.

"Hey Babe…you ok?" I ask as I go to her. It's obvious she's been crying. I open my arms to her and she steps into them, fitting perfectly.

She nods and says "Da," her response muffled in my chest.

She pulls away and kneels at her grandfather's grave, saying something in Russian. Gram looks at her and then looks to me and smiles. Linka stands up and returns to my side, casually placing her hand in mine as if we do it all the time. And we have been doing stuff like that a lot more frequently, but in the past, it's been for comfort, or support. Today it's like…it's like it was "just because." Not because she needed to, but because she wanted to.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 46 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	47. Chapter 47: Day 40, Continued

**Not much more to go. Thanks to all those who've stuck with it, especially those of you who have reviewed every chapter! You are amazing! "Thank you" doesn't seem like enough to express my gratitude for your support! And welcome to Harathor...hope this update makes you happy!**

* * *

**Chapter 47: Day 40, continued**

I saw her shiver when she took her coat off and I can't resist walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her.

"You cold, Babe?"

She leans back against me, turns her head, and smiles at me as she says,

"No more than I should be, Yankee."

I give her the once over, looking for a sign of distress or weakness. I see none. She doesn't look away. Before, when she was trying to hide something, she wouldn't look at me. I kiss her temple and let her go, turning my attention go her grandmother.

"What do you need me to do Gram?"

She gives me the task of taking the guests' coats and then going around and offering to get them drinks. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Many of the older people don't speak English. Or if they do, they're too stubborn to budge and help me out. Instead, they're probably enjoying watching me struggle to communicate. This one old woman must not trust me with her coat…what would I want with an old lady's coat? I'm about to give up and just let her keep her coat on and sweat…and I won't get her a drink to refresh herself either! Much to my surprise, Dmitri comes over and says something to her. Great. I wonder what load of crap he's telling her about me. Then she smiles at me, takes off her coat, hands it to me, and says "Spasiba, Linka's Yankee."

"Uh, yeah…you're welcome," I reply, blushing a bit. Then I turn to Dmitri and thank him for his assistance. "Umm, spasiba."

He nods in return. Weird…but in a good way I guess. Maybe he's seen a therapist since the last time we visited and has learned to manage his grief better. Good. We don't need anymore drama.

When I return from putting away the coats, I see Linka talking to her grandmother, both smiling, Gram laughing, and Linka blushes. I wonder what they're talking about. I wonder if it's me. With the way she's smiling, I hope it is.

Everyone is getting settled in around the table. In an attempt to be polite, I wait until the others are seated before I sit down. There's an empty seat next to Linka which I presume is for me. Looking around the table, I realize that there is still an empty chair with a beverage and piece of bread. Am I missing someone? Are we waiting for someone else to arrive? I lean over and whisper to her,

"Did you set too many places, Babe?"

"Nyet, that is for Boris," she whispers back.

Of course it is. Duh. Idiot. Thankfully Father Koslov saves me from embarrassing myself further when he stands and says a prayer. I raise my head when the prayer ends and expect Linka to release my hand, but she doesn't…not that I mind. I look over at her and notice she's looking towards Gram with a concerned look on her face.

"Are you okay Babe?

She gives me a weak smile.

"Da, do not worry about me Jason. Some things are harder than others, but I will not fall apart."

But I do worry. I can't help it. She picks up her drink, but then stops before taking a sip.

"Do you mind if I drink this? It is vodka?"

I smile at her thoughtfulness and repeat her words to her.

"Don't worry about me Linka. Some things are harder than others, but I won't fall apart." I wink at her and continue. "I don't mind. I don't have anything against alcohol or people who drink it…as long as it's responsibly. But are you sure this is ok for you? I mean, in an actual drug rehab program, alcohol is discouraged…it can still give you that 'high' feeling and make you crave something more intense."

"Da, I know. But this is tradition. I have to do it. I will not lose control. I am responsible. I will not get drunk off one drink though…I am Soviet…vodka is in my blood!"

"Hmm, I thought it was ice in your veins," I say, nudging her with my elbow.

She narrows her eyes at me and then laughs quietly. I continue,

"As a matter of fact, I'm kinda impressed that you're gonna drink that straight…I'm not gonna have to stop you from dancing on the table later am I?"

She chuckles and shakes her head.

"As if you would stop me! You would probably be encouraging me!" She says as she nudges me in return. She's right. For a moment, I consider pulling out my wallet and checking to see if I have any one dollar bills to offer her to further encourage her dance…but think better of it considering this is a memorial dinner, not a little fun, family gathering.

She gets serious again and says,

"You do not have to drink it if you do not want to."

"It's fine. I don't want to be rude if this is part of the tradition. Besides, I can't wuss out and let you be more of a man than me!"

I take my glass and raise it to my lips and take a gulp. Big mistake. I have to force myself to swallow. Then I have to force myself to keep the sick look off my face as I feel my throat and stomach burn. Is that the vodka going down or the vomit coming up? And can she tell that my eyes are watering? How many more times will I have to do that until I finish the glass? Did it get hotter in here or is it just me?

I need to focus on something else…how 'bout food?

Everything smells good…I just wish it looked as good. I'm not sure what a lot of it is so I'm trusting Linka and only taking what she takes. Once she points out what certain things are, they get more appetizing, and it all tastes really good.

Things seem to be going well until one second, Linka's Uncle says something to her and the next second, she's making a mad dash for the bathroom. I give Dmitri a harsh look before running after her.

Gram is not far behind me.

"He did not say anything upset her…not intentionally. They were just talking about the blini. Linka and Boris used to love them as children," she explains.

"Ok," I say, wanting to drop the conversation and get to Linka.

"I know he did not try to make her cry," she continues.

"It's ok Gram…she's not crying, she's sick…sometimes her stomach just can't handle things the way it used to. Excuse me… please…I gotta…"

"Da, go! Go to her!"

Before the words were even out of her mouth, I was gone.

Seconds later, I'm at her side.

"It's ok Babe, nothing to worry about."

I rub her back and wait for her to finish being sick. I regret that her hair is in its usual ponytail. Now I have no reason to hold her hair back, no excuse to run my fingers through it.

Once she's finished rinsing out her mouth, she turns to me and collapses into my arms. I sit on the toilet lid and pull her onto my lap.

I wrap my arms around her and rub her stomach.

"Too much of a mix, huh?"

"Nyet, it was not that. I think it was a psychological reaction to the…the blintz."

"Oh Babe," I say as I hold her tight and start to rock her in an attempt to soothe her. "I'm sorry."

I knew we shouldn't have come here, but now is not the time for "I told you so."

We stay like that for a while, her head resting on my shoulder.

"Thank you," she says. "I am okay now."

Is she? Of course she is. She needs to prove something to them…to me.

"You wanna go back to the dinner?" I ask.

She nods.

"I have to face them sometime, it is better if I do not think about it too much."

I don't want to argue with her and upset her even more. My sole purpose in life is to make her happy…or at least to make her smile. Her makeup has run from all the crying. I hold her face in my hands and rub her cheek with my thumb.

"You better fix your face then, Beautiful. You're streaky," I tease.

She laughs and then gets up, leaving my lap cold.

"Go on back Yankee. I will not be long."

Maybe I should stay? And what? Re-apply her make up? No. There are some things that I am NOT qualified for.

"See you in a bit," I say.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 47 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	48. Chapter 48: Day 40, Continued

**A/N: **Hi, remember me? I used to come here often. :p Sorry for the lack of updates. I got a new job recently and had to move far away. I know that still doesn't excuse the months before that! I have a lot started, but nothing seems to get finished. However this fic is finished so it's long over due that I get back to posting! I do appreciate all the "favorites," reviews, and PMs that have been coming through during my absence. This one goes out to "Random-ju-user" for the recent "poking."

Happy New Year!

* * *

**Chapter 48 Day 40, continued**

I get back out to her family and friends. All eyes are on me.

"Uhh, she's fine. Just…she's been battling a stomach virus and sometimes eating too much makes her ill…but with all this great food, it's hard to pass it all up. I think she just…over indulged…I know I did," I say as I pat my stomach. "Everything was excellent Gram."

"Spasiba Jason." She then says something in Russian. I'm assuming she's explaining to them what I just said. My suspicions are confirmed when she pats my stomach, just like I did and the non-English speaking members of the crowd laugh at her translation.

"Jason, will you help me put the blini away so that it is gone when Linka comes back?"

"Yeah, of course."

She hands me a stack of smaller plates to put the blini on. Once I have a plate filled, she takes it and puts the plastic wrap over it.

"Thank you for taking care of Linka," she says quietly so the others don't hear.

"No need to thank me. It's my pleasure." I put my arm around her shoulder and kiss her temple. "And I meant what I said. Everything was excellent. I might have to take you back to Hope Island with us so you can cook for me all the time!"

"Just you? Do you not have other team mates?"

"Yeah, but who cares about them. I ain't sharin' you!"

She playfully swats my chest.

"You are such a charmer…just like my Sergei…unfortunately I do not think an old woman like me would fit in on a tropical island. Besides, Linka would not be nearly as affectionate if I were around."

"You're right…and she'd probably be jealous," I say.

"Jealous?"

"Yeah, she doesn't like it when I give other women attention…and if you're the one keeping me fed…well, you'd have my undivided attention!"

She laughs loudly.

"Oh Jason Wheeler!" She exclaims as she wipes the corners of her eyes. "Thank you."

"You're welcome…for what?"

"For making me laugh. I did not think I could on a day like today when my heart is so heavy."

Oh, right…dead grandson.

"I'm sorry. I'm behaving inappropriately. I shouldn't be joking on such a serious occasion," I apologize.

"Nyet, do not be. Boris was always laughing…always happy. There should be laughter at the dinner honoring him."

"Yeah…I'm sure he wouldn't want you to be sad."

"Well, since I cannot come to Hope Island because Linka could not handle the competition, I will let you in on a secret…most of the dishes here, she knows how to make. You put her in charge of dinner some night and make your requests."

I laugh and shake my head.

"Telling Linka what to do has never worked very well for me in the past. I find that subtlety works best on her…or letting her think it was her own idea. Maybe I'll be like 'Do you think you can get that recipe for the Pelmini from Gram for me? Maybe the next time I go home, I can talk my Ma into making it' and then Linka will surprise me and make it."

"You certainly know how to work her!" She chuckles.

Oops, maybe I came across as being too manipulative?

"Uh, nah. I was only kidding. She'd never fall for that. She's too smart…as a matter of fact, she would probably yell at me for expecting my mother to make it for me! She would be like 'Here is the recipe…make it yourself, you lazy Yankee!'"

"Now that sounds more like Linka…always bossy!"

We have all the blini packed away and head back to the table. Linka has re-entered the dining area and looks around. Once her eyes meet mine, I give her a look that asks if she's ok. Her smile lets me know that she will be fine. She apologizes to her grandmother and uncle for the disruption and everything goes back to normal.

The rest of the meal is uneventful. Linka picks at her food, but she's making an effort at least. Father Koslov and the other guests leave, and Dmitri immediately goes to his room. Can't say that I blame him. This has been a long day and probably really hard for him to go through. It would be easier if he would let Linka grieve with him. He feels alone, but he's not. I wish he would stop being so stubborn and quit shutting Linka out. I have to admit though; he doesn't seem AS bad as he was the last time.

I look at Linka and smile, relieved that this day is over.

"Well Babe, what now?"

"Now we clear up."

I groan loudly, for dramatic affect. I'm not really protesting. I knew this would come next. And it receives the desired result…Gram and Linka laugh.

"Come on Yankee Doodle, time to work off some of that food you put away," she teases, patting my belly. I try to grab her, but she dodges me just in time. "Behave! Help me clear the table."

I do as she says, but when I return for a second stack of plates, I see Linka and Gram just standing there…Gram smiling, and Linka's cheeks and neck are a bright red as she stares at the floor. Must've missed something good!

"Hey, am I the only one doing any work here?"

"Nyet, we are coming Wheeler!"

Whoa, that was a little harsh. She knows I was only joking right? Even Gram seems shocked by it, so at least I know I'm not imaging things.

"I did not mean to snap, it has been a long day."

"You wanna go lie down?" I ask.

I want to hug her. I just want to go to her and comfort her and let her know that it's all ok. She's still allowed to have mood swings.

"Nyet. I am not that tired, I will just be glad when all the work is done and we can relax."

"Me too," I am not ashamed to admit.

"Maybe you can start washing the dishes while Grandmuska and I finish clearing the table."

"Yeah. Ok."

Was that her way of getting away from me?

After a few more trips, Linka announces that these are the last of the dishes and then suggests to Gram that she go rest and the two of us will finish up. Having the chance to be alone with her both thrills me and scares me. She sets a stack of dishes down next to me, but I avoid eye contact, focusing on the task she has given me, scrubbing the dishes…it's like I'm waiting for her permission for things to go back to normal between us. Permission is granted when she stands behind me, wraps her arms around me, rests her head between my shoulder blades, and apologizes.

Phew, that's a relief.

I dry my hands and turn in her arms to face her, hugging her to me.

I press my lips to her head and whisper,

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she lies, holding me tighter. "I just needed a cuddle."

I have to laugh at that…Linka saying she needed to "cuddle." She's never struck me as the "cuddle" type. Not before anyway. Not the old Linka. I lean back against the sink and pull her with me. It's very much a "couple's" action."

"You could have said so, I don't think Gram would mind."

As a matter of fact, I know she wouldn't mind. Gram is our biggest fan.

"Our work will be done soon and then we can curl up and watch a movie together."

Whoa! I didn't think Linka was ready for that yet…unless she's had similar conversations with Gram as I've had about our "relationship" and knows that Gram approves. I prod her a little, looking for clues.

"Cuddled up? In front of Gram? Are you sure you're ready for that?" I half tease, but I honestly do wonder if she'll be that close and free with her Grandmother so close.

She shrugs.

"Sitting apart will not convince her that there is nothing going on… and it is something friends can do, DA?"

No. I don't think so…I've never had a female friend that was JUST a friend. Well, that's not true…I've had female friends that I grew up with, girls that were more like sisters. We'd play basketball in the park, or hang out on the steps of the apartment building all day and trade baseball cards, and on rainy days when we'd watch TV or movies, we never cuddled. That would be weird. But it's not like that with Linka…we've been cuddling a lot lately…and we're just friends, so I guess it's true.

"Yeah, sure."

She quickly pulls away "Come on, the sooner we finish…"

"Yeah, yeah," I sigh.

The mood between us remains light. I'm telling her all about my impressions of the guests today, giving it a bit of a comedic touch so that she laughs. She's making me laugh too, explaining things to me about the people I was telling her about.

We finished up all the washing and I take over drying so that she can put everything away since she knows where it all goes.

Once all the work is done, we join Gram in the living room to find that she has fallen asleep in her chair. I sit down with Linka on the sofa and don't feel weird about cuddling since Gram was sleeping. Once she woke up though, Linka didn't even move. I guess she was too comfortable to care.

Linka must feel obligated to keep me entertained. She's translating the program for me. I could care less about what's happening on the television, I'm just more interested in spending time with her. But if she wants to talk to me, even if it's just translating the television show, I'll let her.

When Gram wakes up, she offers to make tea but refuses our offer to help, saying she needs to stretch her legs and that we'd both already done enough work today and should relax.

Linka lays her head on my chest and I ask her if she's tired.

"Da, you?" She asks as she smiles up at me.

I nod and ask,

"Want to call it a night?"

She stops smiling and says, "Nyet."

I know what she's worried about.

"You're gonna be fine. You won't have any more nightmares Babe."

She doesn't look convinced, even though she quietly says, "I know."

I'm not completely convinced that I won't have any nightmares though. And as selfish as it sounds, I know that if she doesn't have any nightmares, it means she no longer needs me. No more cozy sleeping arrangements. I guess I need to cherish this moment. I smile at her and hug her more tightly…or maybe this will only be a one night thing. I hope so.

"We can survive one night," I say, hoping that it really is only for one night.

She smiles up at me, but despite our tiredness, we still don't get up. This is too comfortable. Gram returns with her tea and something else…a photo album! She sets it on my lap and sits next to me. Linka stops leaning against me, but it's not because of her Grandma's presence, it's so she can look over at her grandmother and ask,

"Grandmuska…is that what I think it is?!"

"Da!" She says with a cheeky smile as she opens the album to the first page. "I told Wheeler when we were at your grandfather's grave that I would have to show him pictures of our family. I wanted to show him your mother so he could see the resemblance…you do not mind do you, Little Bird? This will not be too painful for you will it?"

Her tone has taken on a sudden change, as if she's worried that Linka is not emotionally stable enough to handle this. I guess the way that Linka reacted to the Blintz at dinner is still fresh in Gram's memory.

"Nyet, I do not mind…after all, it is only fair. A few weeks ago, Wheeler shared his family photo album with me," Linka reassures her Grandmother as she resumes her position against my side.

"Good…and I am sure that Wheeler will behave like a perfect gentleman when we come across any pictures of you in the bathtub!"

"Bozhe moy!" Linka groans as she buries her face in my shoulder.

I chuckle and turn my head to kiss the top of hers.

"Scout's honor…I'll be on my best behavior. We'll just call it even…tit for tat!"

I give her a squeeze and look down at her, trying my very hardest not to burst out laughing when we make eye contact and acknowledge the joke (I hope Gram isn't familiar with that particular slang term) and the fact that Linka once walked in on me just as the towel around my waist had fallen. And yes, it's true that I have seen her naked as well, under much different circumstances. I think we've both tried to push that night out of our memories. I'd much rather see baby pictures of Linka splashing in the bathtub and having fun than to think about that horrible night that I pulled her out of the tub after her failed suicide attempt. The attempt that was brought on by something I did…I made her feel like she'd be better off dead. I can feel Linka muffling her laughter against my arm. I tighten my arm around her, kiss the top of her head again, and take a deep breath as I nuzzle my nose in her hair. Gram's words bring me back to the present.

"I have been keeping albums for years…it started with my own children, and then I continued doing it with their children. Each one has their own album of pictures of mostly them…of course there are a few with cousins and siblings. Ah, here is one of Linka the day her parents brought her home from the hospital. See what I mean about her mother?"

"Yeah totally. Wow. She's beautiful."

"Da, she is…was." Linka says with a hint of sadness.

"You definitely look just like her Babe."

"Spasiba."

"I'd even go as far as saying she's the _second_ most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

It's not just a line. Linka's mom is beautiful and Linka really does resemble her…there's just…something more about Linka…

"Who is the first?" She asks, knowing full well who I'm talking about.

"Why, Gram of course!" I tease.

Linka looks up at me, her mouth agape as she gasps. Gram laughs too. I think I've made her blush.

"But don't worry Babe, one day you'll be blessed with that family beauty."

"You are a brat!" She says as she wrinkles her nose and pokes me in the side.

I chuckle and link our arms together so she can't poke me again and pull her close so that she's leaning against my side.

"You're the brat…you know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world, but you just _HAD_ to hear me say it."

I was teasing her, but maybe I should have kept my mouth shut…of course she needs to hear you say it, you idiot! Ever since the Bliss…she doubts it. Quick…cover. Do what you're best at and charm her.

"Of course, I don't mind saying it…because it's the truth…and maybe I don't say it enough…or maybe you never thought I was serious when I said it…before…but it's just as true then as it is now…and I mean it just as much."

Too much?

She looks up at me and smiles, then cuddles back against me, nuzzling her cheek against my chest and squeezing my thigh where her hand rests. Nah, wasn't too much. It was just what she needed to hear. I look up and see Gram watching us with an approving smile.

We return our attention to the album and after a few pages, sure enough, there's a picture of baby Linka in the bathtub. I chuckle a little louder than necessary. She unlinks our arms so she can cover my eyes with her hand.

"Stop staring, Yankee!"

I grasp her wrist and pull her hand away.

"I'm not starin' at a naked baby! I'm not some kinda freak!" I laugh.

"Then turn the page!"

"What's your hurry? I'm just givin' Gram some time to reminisce…I'm sure it's been a while since she's looked at these old pictures of her favorite granddaughter!"

"Da, right!"

"Seriously…besides, you were too flat as a baby for me to even care about seeing you naked! OW!"

My joke earns me a smack on the thigh.

"You promised my Grandmother that you would be a gentleman!"

"No I didn't…she assumed that I would be…but I guess she doesn't know me as well as she thought!"

"You said 'Scout's honor'!" She reminds me.

"Yeah, but I was never a scout, so that means nothing!"

"You are such a jerk!" Linka says jokingly and tries to suppress her laughter.

On the other side of me, I can hear Gram laughing quietly at us.

We look through the years, Linka as a baby, then as a toddler. I can't help but notice when we reach a point of her life when her mother starts looking ill…still pretty, but she looks like she's struggling to smile for the camera…same with her dad. You could tell that they knew that these pictures were probably going to be some of the last that Linka would have with both her parents. Linka still has the biggest smile on her face as she poses with her parents and a birthday cake with three candles on it.

Gram points out the bird painted on a plaque on the cake and tells me the story of how Linka's mom made this plaque with a picture of a bird especially for Linka and how much she loved it…a Goldfinch. I'll have to remember that. So Linka's mom is the reason she likes birds so much? That's cool that she has that connection.

The next birthday picture we come across, Linka's mother is absent. It's Linka, whose smile is not as bright, her dad, and a young boy standing next to her, looking at the cake and not the camera. I assume that's Boris, although he looks a bit older than Linka. It's probably because he's a boy so he's naturally bigger? Plus she's always been petite. I keep my mouth shut and don't ask if that's him. I'm fairly certain that it is. Who else could it be? I don't want to bring him up either. It's bad enough these pictures are probably making her sad. A few pages later, her father no longer appears in any of the photos. Linka looks to be about 7 or 8 by now. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

I turn the pages a little quicker now, noticing that Dmitri is in a few. They look happy. She's posing with him and holding up an award. It looks like they're in a school. It was probably some academic achievement that Linka received. Then there is another with her sitting on a pony, being led by Dmitri. I keep flipping through the pages, but stop at the one with Linka and her Grandfather sitting across from each other with a chessboard on the table between them. They both have looks of deep concentration on their faces…the same exact look! His brow is furrowed and one eyebrow is raised. Linka, although she only looks to be about 10 years old, has the same furrowed brow and that raised eyebrow that I've gotten quite used to seeing.

"It's like they're mirror images of each other!" I point out and laugh.

Gram chuckles too.

"Da…I do not even think they noticed that I was taking their picture…it was just too good of an opportunity to miss. I ran to get my camera and hoped they were still thinking."

"Boris really looks…looked a lot like Dedushka," Linka says.

It's the second time tonight she's had to correct the tense of her verbs to reflect the fact that her loved ones were no longer with us.

"Da…in the most recent picture of Boris that Dmitri sent to me from America, I thought how much he resembled your Dedushka when I first met him when we were teenagers…about the same age as the two of you."

"Oh?" Linka asks.

"Da. Even then, I knew that I loved him and would spend my life with him…and look what has become of us. We were blessed with two sons and the most wonderful grandchildren. A perfect family…getting older is not pleasant, but I would not change it. It means watching your family grow…new members joining."

When she says this, she pats my knee. Even if I'm not REALLY a member of her family, even if I never am "officially," it's still nice to know that she considers me a part of it. "I do not have any more pictures of Linka after she left here to join the Planeteers…perhaps I should take one now?"

She stands and starts to leave the room.

"Grandmuska, I am a mess. My make up has worn off, my hair is all messed up from leaning against Wheeler…"

"Nonsense dear, you look fine. Tell her Wheeler."

"You look fine…more than fine. The finest! Gorgeous even." To make sure she understands that while my tone may be jovial, I'm not joking. I look into her eyes and push one of those errant strands of hair behind her ear. "You're perfect."

I see her swallow before opening her mouth to say something, but by now, Gram has returned with her camera. I stand up so that I'm out of the shot, but Gram lowers her camera and says,

"And where do you think you are going Mr. Yankee? You stay right where you were and get comfortable like you two have been all night."

"Grandmuska…" Linka protests, embarrassed by the older lady's obvious match making attempts.

"Humor an old lady, Little Bird. I have nothing better to do with my time. Give me a few pictures to add to the album. I also have newspaper clippings from articles about the Planeteers. I intend to add those too!"

I've sat back down next to Linka and have resumed our previous position with my arm around her. We obligingly smile for the camera as Gram takes several shots of us. I think of my own photo album back on Hope Island…of the family shots. I wonder what are the chances that I can get Gram to send me a copy of one of these pictures? I'd like to add it to mine.

Once we've provided her with several poses and it seems like she's done, I stand up once again.

"Your turn Gram," I say as I hold my hand out for the camera. "Have a seat."

"Oh nyet Wheeler, I am a mess!" She says, trying to use the same excuse as Linka. I look at Linka and smile, knowing EXACTLY what's going to come next.

Linka stands and puts her arm around the elder woman.

"Nonsense Grandmuska…you look fine. Tell her Wheeler!"

"Da Grandmuska…you look fine…more than fine…the FINEST!"

We all laugh, and while Linka and Gram are laughing, I take some photos of them. Linka wraps her arms around her Grandmother and kisses her cheek. It really is a sweet picture, one that I am sure they will both cherish for many years to come.

"There," I say as I hand the camera back to Gram. "You have all these pictures of Linka with other family members…but hardly any of the two of you."

"That is because I was always the one taking the pictures," Gram explains.

"Yeah, I figured…well it's about time that you made an appearance in that album…especially since you've been a big part of her life."

"The best part!" Linka says as she hugs Gram once more. Both women have tears in their eyes and if I'm being completely honest, mine feel a little moister than usual too.

"Thank you…both of you," Gram says. "It is well past my bed time though. I must get some sleep. Goodnight."

Linka replies back in Russian and then I say,

"Goodnight Gram. Sweet dreams. We'll probably be right behind you."

Linka sits back down on the couch and I join her. I guess she's not quite ready to go to bed.

"That was very sweet of you to take pictures of my Grandmuska and I."

"Well, I'm a sweet guy," I say as I put my arm around her and pull her against me.

We end up staying there for a few hours longer. Even though we told Gram we were going to be right behind her, we still didn't get up. Linka picks up the album again and starts looking through it once more. I know it's more difficult for her than she let on initially, but I don't do or say anything to rush her. I just sit there as she tells me some stories behind the pictures. I was right about the picture with the award. She won Student of the Year for having the highest grades. The pony was a birthday gift from Dmitri. Once she got too big to ride it, she gave it to a little girl who lived down the street. She mentions how guilty she feels about not going to see him the last few times she's been home. Maybe tomorrow we should take him some carrots?

"I cannot stay awake," she whispers.

"You want me to carry you?" I ask, pressing a kiss to her hair.

She shakes her head.

"I will be fine Yankee, but you will let me use the bathroom first, da?"

"Yeah, of course."

When she's finished, she comes to tell me that she's done and I walk her to her door. It's a funny and awkward moment…like at the end of a first date where you don't know what to do next. Kiss? Hug? Say, "I had a great time" and then make arrangements to do it all again?

She finally breaks the silence by saying,

"Goodnight Yankee. Sweet dreams."

I don't even get a chance to reply and she's gone. No chance to kiss her. No chance to hug her. Hell, I didn't even get a chance to say goodnight!

I turn back to go to my room and get my things before heading to the bathroom for my shower.

* * *

Saying goodnight to Linka was the hardest thing I've ever had to do…_GOODNIGHT_, not _GOODBYE_…I'm gonna see her again in just a few hours…a few loooong, lonely hours. I try to rationalize it.

"Go to bed…the sooner you fall asleep, the sooner you wake up and see her again."

Easier said than done. This bed seems huge…way too big for one person. No, that's stupid. This bed is a normal sized bed…it would just be a whole lot better if I were sharing it. And it's too quiet. I need to hear the soft sounds of Linka's breathing. Feel the warmth of her breath on my neck. To fall asleep knowing that she's safely tucked under my chin. She smells so good. This room has no smell…how am I supposed to sleep without the comforting, calming scent of Linka's lavender shampoo? Empty…my arms are empty. Hugging the pillow is a very poor substitute for the real thing…maybe I should have taken her sweatshirt like I did when I went to the Philippines. No, no pillow or sweatshirt will ever replace how good it feels to have her in my arms holding her close…so close. I know one thing; I wouldn't be as cold as I am now. I wonder how she is. Is she cold? She has to be. I hope she packed something warm to sleep in. Maybe I should check…take her something extra to keep warm.

I go to my bag to find something suitable for her…but I don't have any extra clothes. I packed light, only bringing the things that I thought I needed, but I didn't think about what she might need. The only warm clothing I have is the sweatshirt that I brought to sleep in. I'll gladly give it up if she needs it. I'll go check.

I don't knock because I don't want to wake up Gram or Dmitri. God, what would he think if he saw me creeping in or out of Linka's room? It wouldn't be good.

"Babe?" I whisper as I poke my head in the door.

"What is wrong?" She asks as she quickly sits up in bed. "Did you have a bad dream?"

I chuckle humorlessly as I step into the room and close the door behind me and move closer to her bed.

"I wish. I wasn't asleep…I couldn't."

"Are you uncomfortable? Do you need another pillow? More blankets?"

_Nope, I just need you._

"No, no…everything is fine…I was just…worried…I was a little cold and wanted to make sure that you were feeling ok. I figured if I was cold, you must be even worse. I just came to see if you needed my sweatshirt."

"Do you have an extra?" She asks excitedly. I knew it. She was cold.

"Uhh, no. I was going to give you this one if you needed it."

"Nyet Wheeler, I cannot take your shirt if you do not have another. You just said you were cold and…"

I stop her.

"I said I was 'a little cold.' I can put on a t-shirt…and you mentioned there were extra blankets somewhere?"

"I can get the blanket if I need it Yankee. But thank you."

"Ok…I just thought…this one that I was wearing was a little warmer from my body heat…I figured it would kinda be like wearing a heated blanket."

A smile spreads slowly across her face. Is the idea appealing to her?

"So is that a yes?" I ask.

"It does sound nice…" she concedes.

I lift the shirt over my head and hand it off to her.

"Nice and toasty," I say.

She hugs it to her before pulling it over her head.

"Good?"

"Da…perfect…almost," she says, giving me a half smile.

"Well, I guess I should get going."

"Ok."

She lies down and looks up at me. I pull the covers up over her shoulders and lean down to kiss her forehead, lingering a little longer than necessary, pulling away slightly to look at her in the dim light. I playfully brush my nose against hers before kissing her cheek.

"Goodnight…again," I whisper, still hovering above her.

"Goodnight sweet Yankee moy."

She reaches out from under the covers to run her hand down my arm, placing her hand over top of mine and squeezing. Does this mean she doesn't want me to leave? It does. I can see it in her eyes. She wants me to stay with her. My God, I'd give anything to stay. But I can't. Not here. If we get caught, she'll be so mortified that she'll regret it and push me away. When we get back to Hope Island though, things are going to be different. I'm going to tell her everything. I'm going to let her know that I don't ever want to be apart from her.

I bring her hand to my lips before releasing it and pulling the covers back up to keep her warm. I brush my fingers across her cheek and lean down closer, intending to kiss her. I hope I can get this pronunciation right…

"Goodnight…umm, Lub…ov…" I say, just as my lips meet hers in a chaste kiss. I can feel her lips smile beneath mine. I pull back and ask,

"Did I get it right?"

She smiles back at me and says,

"Close enough. I knew what you meant…I think. Lyubov."

I shiver slightly, but it has nothing to do with the air temperature. I hope Linka didn't notice, and I especially hope she doesn't see the goose bumps covering my skin. I back away slowly, reluctant to break eye contact with her. I bump into an empty birdcage and nearly knock it over. Luckily I catch it before it crashes to the floor and wakes the whole neighborhood. I think even old Alexei from next door would have come rushing over to see what all the commotion was.

She suppresses her giggle as she laughs at my clumsiness.

Right before I get to the door, she stops me.

"Wheeler?"

"Yeah?"

"There are extra blankets in the hall closet."

"Thanks Babe."

I guess my shiver didn't go unnoticed. I reach the door and slowly turn the knob, praying that there are no squeaky hinges.

"Oh, and Wheeler?"

I turn to face her, just in time to catch the shirt she has thrown at me…the shirt that she was wearing earlier this evening and was previously folded neatly at the foot of her bed.

"Sleep well."

I smile and nod at her.

"I will."

I definitely will.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 48 of LouiseX's Codependence!


	49. Chapter 49: Day 41

**A/N: HAHA, I remember when we were planning on posting a chapter a week, every Sunday. Seems like forever ago! Nearing the end though. **

* * *

**Chapter 49 Day 41**

It wasn't the best sleep I've ever had, but it wasn't the worst either. I am up rather early though…earlier than my normal time. Before, I could lie in bed for hours after I'd woken up. I'd usually end up falling back to sleep and dozing for a few more hours, and lately, I've been curled around the girl of my dreams. That made it so much easier to just stay in bed. I don't have that today though so getting up and showering seems like the best option…the sooner I get up, the sooner I can see Linka. Her door was still closed, as was everyone else's.

* * *

When I finish my shower, Linka, Gram, and Dmitri are in the kitchen eating breakfast and chatting away in Russian. I don't know a word of what they're saying, but from the tone of their voices, it's a pretty civil conversation…happy even. That's a nice change from what I've come to expect from anything that comes out of Dmitri's mouth.

"Good morning," I say as I enter.

"Wheeler! Good morning," Linka says happily as she stands up. I get the impression that she wanted to come to me and…and what? Give me a hug? I don't know…maybe I'm reading too much into it. Either way, she doesn't give me a hug, she looks down like she's embarrassed and starts stammering.

"Umm, we were just…talking…and eating…do you want breakfast?"

"I can get it. Sit down, relax…and don't let me interrupt your conversation."

She doesn't listen and gets a plate out of the cupboard for me and starts scooping spoonfuls of scrambled eggs onto it.

"You were not interrupting. Linka was just telling us about some of the things she has done with the Planeteers, although I think she was holding out and only telling us the glamorous parts!"

"There are glamorous parts?!" I ask.

"Did I use the wrong words?" Grandma asks.

"Nyet, you are correct…I was telling you the nice things, the beautiful places we have seen and leaving out the parts where we come home covered in mud and smelling like garbage!"

"Yeah, that's more like it! But she's right, we have seen some pretty cool stuff and gone to some amazing places…places I would have never been to if it weren't for the Planeteers."

"What part of New York are you from?" Dmitri asks.

"Uh, Brooklyn. The Bensonhurst neighborhood."

"I have only ever been to the city. Is it nice where you are from?"

"No, not at all."

What's with the small talk?

"These eggs Linka made remind me of my time in America. When I was working and we had early meetings, they were always served."

"Yeah, they were always a favorite of mine."

"Da, I know…that is why Linka made them," Dmitri says as he washes his plate.

"Would you like some toast Wheeler?" Grandma asks me.

"I'll make it Gram. You don't need to wait on me. Just relax…I'm not a guest, remember?"

"Da, I remember," she says with a warm smile as she pats my cheek affectionately. "Come Dmitri, will you help me carry the laundry basket to the washing machine?"

"Da, of course."

Dmitri and Gram exit the room and she gives me a wink. I know she was just leaving to give me and Linka some privacy.

Linka is busy at the sink and doesn't notice me approaching her from behind. I wrap my arms around her waist and rest my chin on her shoulder, sneaking a quick kiss onto her cheek.

"Thanks for making me breakfast," I say next to her ear.

She puts her hands over mine and leans back into me.

"I made breakfast for everyone."

"Yeah, but I got the impression that this isn't a normal Russian breakfast."

"Nyet," she admits as she turns around to face me.

I keep my arms slung around her waist and she rests hers on my shoulders and laces her fingers together behind my neck.

"Did you sleep alright?" I ask, fearing the answer.

She shrugs.

"I guess. I was pretty restless…you?"

"Same."

"Nightmares?"

"No…just lonely," I say honestly.

"Da…that took some getting used to."

I gotta admit, I'm relieved to hear that she agrees.

"Do you want some orange juice?" She asks.

"Yeah," I reply, but don't release her.

"You will have to let me go so I can get it for you."

"Then no, I don't want any."

She smiles at me and then looks down shyly.

I release her and go to the fridge and get my own orange juice, like I told her Grandma, I don't need to be waited on. I pour my drink and take my glass and plate to the table. She sits down across from me and asks,

"When do you want to leave?"

_As soon as possible!_

"Whenever you're ready…things seem to be ok with you and Dmitri…he's being less of a dick to me too."

"Wheeler!" She shushes me and looks down the hallway to make sure no one else heard. "And da, he seems to be ready to forgive us."

"Forgive _US_?! For what? What did _WE_ do to him?! He should be asking for _YOUR_ forgiveness, first for getting you involved in Boris' mess, and second for treating you like shit and acting like it was _OUR_ fault and not Skumm's."

"Wheeler, please…calm down. He was grieving and hurt. He was not thinking clearly and looking for someone to blame. Skumm was not here for him to direct his anger at so we were the next closest thing to the situation."

"I can't believe you're defending him."

It makes me sick. I don't even have an appetite anymore.

"He is my family…I do not have much left and I want things to go back to normal. I know with Boris gone, that will never happen, but I at least want to have a relationship with my uncle. He is the closest thing to a father that I have left. Maybe you do not need a father or care about family, but I do!"

Wow. I'm speechless. I have no argument because she's right.

"I am sorry," she says softly. "I did not mean it like that."

"No, don't apologize. You're right. I don't need a father. The only family I need are the ones on Hope Island…and here. I know that Dmitri was important to you before, and I know how badly you want him back…I'm glad he's making an effort. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

She reaches across the table and takes my hand, squeezing my fingers.

"I will not. He is done being hurtful. He is ready to start healing."

"Ok…good…because you get to leave, but Gram is stuck with him and she needs to grieve too. She needs someone to do that with and Dmitri is all she has."

She smiles at me…a smile that isn't just evident through her mouth, but in her eyes as well. Those are my favorite kinds of smiles. I've been getting a lot more of them these last few weeks.

"I am going to strip the bed sheets on our beds and take them to the laundry room so Grandmuska has one less thing to do after we leave. You finish your breakfast while I do that, and then we can leave. Does that sound good?"

"Whatever you want, Beautiful."

"If you keep telling me those lies, eventually you are going to make me believe you!"

"Good! Because I'm not lying. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

There it is again, that smile…but she looks away before I can really soak it in.

"Spasiba," she says quietly before leaving the kitchen…a little quicker than necessary, or maybe it's just my imagination.

I finish my breakfast, clean up the dishes, and then join everyone else in the family room.

"Ready?" Linka asks.

"Whenever you are," I reply. "I'll load our things into the Cruiser while you say goodbye."

* * *

I get my bag out of my room first, but when I come out of Linka's room, Dmitri is there.

Great. This is not what I need right now. He may have Linka fooled, but I'm not so sure he's being sincere. I guess I'm about to find out.

"Do you need any help with the bags?" He asks.

"Umm, no…thanks. It's just these two."

"Wow, it is not like Linka to only have one bag!" He says with a chuckle. "Even for one day, she would always pack more than she needed…a different outfit for every possible weather. Even if we were going somewhere hot, she would always pack warmer clothing… 'just in case.' Boris would always tease her, asking her if she had packed rocks. Usually it was books…she would also bring along every book she owned because she could either not decide what she was in the mood to read, or she would read an entire book in one day and move on to the next."

The tone of his voice is much different than anything I've ever heard from him. There's a fondness to it as he recalls better times.

"Yeah, she still does that. With the clothes and the books…I think the only thing that kept her down to one bag for this trip was knowing that we'd only be here a day. Plus she's always cold lately, so she knows she'll only need one type of clothing. Although, she must not have been thinking too clearly when she packed because she forgot her hooded sweatshirt. Fortunately, I brought mine so I let her have it."

I don't know why I felt the need to share that with him…maybe it was just my way of reminding him what she's been going through…and the sacrifice I was willing to make in order to take care of her, even if giving up my hoodie wasn't that big of a deal.

"Oh…how is she doing? Really. She puts on a good act for her grandmother…but yesterday at dinner…her sudden illness was not from eating too much was it?"

I'm still not entirely sure I can trust this guy. Is he genuinely concerned, or is he just trying to get information out of me so he can use it against Linka?

"No…she's still suffering the effects of the Bliss. It's been a difficult road to recovery…but she's getting there."

"Good. I am glad that she will make it through this. I cannot stand to think about how close I came to losing her too."

"Oh, so you _DO_ care?"

Oops. That slipped out.

He looks down and I can tell that he's feeling ashamed. And I feel guilty.

"I'm sorry," I start to apologize.

"Nyet, you are right to be upset. I took my pain out on the wrong person…the wrong _PEOPLE_. I should have been thanking you for doing what you could to try and help Boris. You and your friends risked your lives for him, and you did not even know him…you did it because you cared so much for Linka and I am grateful that you were able to save her and that she has you to help her heal. I realize I have not been there for her as I should have been…but you were. And despite all she has gone through, I have never seen her so happy. She is lucky to have found such a fine young man to love her like you do."

"Uh…we're not…together…not like that."

"Not yet. She puts up a pretty big wall around her…but I have never seen anyone break it down as much as you have. You have broken through those defenses. She has suffered a lot of pain and loss."

"Yeah, I know. Your mother told me all about it at the cemetery yesterday."

"Then you understand that Linka pushes people away as a defense mechanism…she thinks that everyone that she loves leaves…prove her wrong. And do not ever give up on her."

"I won't. I'll always be there for her…in whatever way she needs me to be. Right now, that's just as a friend. I'm ok with that."

"Good." He extends his hand out to me and says, "Please, accept my apology. I understand if you cannot forgive me for the things that I said and the way that I acted, but I really do regret them…I am ashamed and will never forgive myself for the way I treated my dear niece. She is like a daughter to me and I was terrible to her…and to you. I am sorry that I put you in the position to be the only one to console her and to protect her from me when instead, I should have been comforting her and grieving with her."

I take his hand and accept his apology.

"It's fine. What you did was awful, but as long as you understand that and are ready to make up for it, and Linka is capable of forgiving you, then I can too…for her sake. She needs her family. She needs you to be a part of her life. So don't just say you're sorry and forget about her. Call her, write her letters…let her know that she's still important to you and that you care."

"I will. I promise."

"Cool…well, I better get back to her or she'll think I got lost…or that you and I are brawling!" I joke.

"Da, I am sure she thought the worst when she saw me follow you."

"Yeah," I chuckle.

He returns to Linka and Gram while I take our bags to the Geo Cruiser.

* * *

I am heading back towards the house when the three of them emerge.

"Ready?" I ask her.

"Da," she says. I can see that she's been crying. I'm sure it was a very emotional goodbye.

"Wheeler," Gram says as she opens her arms for a hug. I walk into her embrace and feel like I'm hugging my own Grandma. That's how comfortable I am with this family. "You take care of our girl, da?"

"Absolutely."

"And you will visit again? For happier occasions next time?"

"How 'bout I bring our girl back for your birthday? As long as we're not off saving the world?"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. How did you know?" She asks.

"Let's just say, a 'Little Bird' told me," I say with a wink.

"Ah. We will have a nice family celebration."

"Looking forward to it," I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek.

Linka is giving her uncle a hug while I say goodbye to Gram. I shake his hand and say,

"Take care, Uncle Dmitri."

"You too, Wheeler," he says as he clasps my hand in both of his. "Thank you."

I help Linka into the Cruiser and wave goodbye to her family as we ascend for our trip home.

* * *

Things are pretty quiet at first. I know she's sad to leave her family behind, especially after things just started to get better, so I want to give her some time to process everything. I can tell I don't need to say anything to comfort her because she doesn't have the same, anguished look on her face that she had last time when we left. She looks much more at peace. Things are getting better for her, and I'm glad…even if that means that my role as "shoulder to cry on" is slowly becoming unnecessary. It's getting to the point where it's more for me than it is for her I think…and I can't let it get to that. I swore to myself, and to Kwame and the others, that I was not going to take advantage of the situation for my own gain…and I haven't. I'm just…I guess I'm just getting caught up in a fantasy and allowing myself to be happy for a while before things go back to normal.

She is the first to speak.

"So… you spoke to Uncle Dmitri?"

Ah, she wants to know what I said.

"Yeah, he asked if I needed any help with the bags." I say as I shrug.

"And that is all?" She says with a frown.

Of course she knows that's not all.

"I had thought things seemed better between you."

I guess she deserves to know she was the topic. And it will ease her mind to know that we didn't blow up at each other and actually came to an understanding. I sigh and fill her in.

"We talked about you, about how much you mean to us, and he apologized for the way he's been acting." I shrug, not really sure things will ever be "fine" between me and Dmitri, but for Linka's peace of mind, I'll give in. "So yeah, things are better between us."

"But?"

Damn, she's good. I should have known she can see right through me.

"But… it doesn't really matter does it?" I smile at her and hope it's convincing. I don't want to upset her. As far as I'm concerned, Dmitri is not my problem and if she's happy, that's fine. "I mean, he's not **my **uncle and it's not like we'll be spending a lot of time together. As long as he's being nice to you and you're happy, that's all that matters."

She doesn't say anything. Was I wrong to assume that's all that matters?

"Isn't it?"

Now she's the one shrugging.

"I suppose it is, I just… my family is an important part of my life and so are the Planeteers." She pauses and I get the feeling she's not done. Like she's carefully forming her thoughts to make sure she gets it just right. "You are a part of both now… I do not want there to be a divide, I do not want there to be friction where there does not need to be. We have more than enough to deal with in our daily lives."

So she wasn't just putting on a show for Gram's sake? She really does consider me part of the family now?! I try to contain my happiness as I reassure her.

"I'm not gonna cause any trouble…"

"I know that!" She cuts me off quickly. "I did not mean that, I just cannot help wanting you to like each other."

She really does…but the tone of her voice…there's a sadness to it…or is she ashamed to admit it?

I smile at her as the demons in my own head are starting to laugh at me. _You will never find happiness you fool! There are no such things as "happy endings" so why do you even bother thinking you will find it?! _ I block out the negative thoughts and try to set her mind at ease.

"I accepted his apology and if he's good to you I'll like him for your sake, maybe when I get to know him I'll be able to like him for his own sake, but he'll have to make good on his promises first."

And I mean that. If he can prove to me that he meant what he said and treats Linka like an Uncle should treat his only niece, then we're good. I hope.

"Give me time Babe."

"As much as you need."

I can see in her eyes that she means that. She gets it. She knows more about my past than I've ever let anyone else ever know before. She understands I have trust issues…except when it comes to her. I trust her completely. Sure, she's tested that a few times in recent weeks, but it wasn't her. It was her addiction. She's got her own demons to battle now. Yet another thing we have in common. I know she'll always regret the things she said and did while the Bliss had control of her, but I have forgiven her. I guess I can forgive Dmitri too. Grief is his demon. Now that I look at it that way, I have no right to hold it against him, and in admitting that to myself, I feel a whole lot better. I smile back at her and relax. The rest of our flight is filled with casual conversation, laughter, and enjoying each other's company.

* * *

To Be Continued…

And don't forget, to get the full affect of the story, you **HAVE TO** read Linka's side of the story in Chapter 49 of LouiseX's Codependence!


End file.
